Axel was beginning to feel as if his persistent insomnia only tormented him when he desperately needed sleep the most. Surely his body was waiting until he was so tired that he couldn't keep his eyes open. He'd trudge through the door and kick off his boots. He'd bend over the sink and splash some water on his face. He'd turn out the light and climb into bed, and that's when it would strike. Like it knew how exhausted he was. The hours would pass and he would be denied the rest he figured he deserved after everything he'd been through.

Did he deserve it, though? He started to doubt that notion. His thoughts were fixed on Roxas. That poor kid. Watching him deteriorate was gut wrenching. How many hours had the two of them spent on his bathroom floor together, waiting for his vomiting spells to stop? How many times was it the ice cream Axel had brought him that made him so sick? How many headaches? How many nightmares? How many questions met with only a remorseful silence? How many broken promises? Axel couldn't be bothered to count. It didn't really matter anyway.

All the boy wanted were answers. For all the sacrifices he'd made and all the hell he'd survived, the Organization certainly owed him that much. Yet, they left him in the dark, and Axel was just as guilty as the rest of them. He'd had plenty of opportunities to spill everything, but he kept his mouth shut. Even as Roxas begged and pleaded for some sense of closure, Axel pursed his lips and turned away.

With a heavy sigh, he rose from the bed and headed for the closet to dress himself, not even sure where he would be going at this time of night. He could barely look at himself in the mirror anymore. He hated the man he saw staring back at him, wearing his face like a disguise. There was a time when he thought that man to be an honest and trustworthy friend. But that reflection was like a stranger, concealing an amassment of secrets and lies. Shameful. Despicable. Axel hardly recognized him.

He sank into the chair in front of his desk, leaning on the smattering of papers and junk on its surface. He hadn't finished his last mission report, but couldn't bring himself to write it now. It could wait until later. What could Saïx do to him anyway? He slid the drawer open, finding a few items inside that he had accumulated and tucked away for no real reason other than false sentimentality. Among the collection was an ice cream stick with the word "WINNER" printed on it. Something stung him deeply when he picked it up. Roxas had given him this. After he left the Organization, Axel found the stick inside an envelope in his room. He remembered quite vividly the hours he had spent crying after that, unable to spare a thought for why he could even cry without a heart. If he'd had one, it would have surely broken that day.

He set the stick on the desk for a moment to rummage through the drawer some more. He stumbled upon a photograph of him and Saïx. Well, Lea and Isa. It was their first day as apprentices and Lea had insisted that they pose for a picture in their new uniforms. Isa had never liked being photographed. His face was scowling as it always had been, but it was different back then. In his eyes shone genuine affection for the friend standing beside him. He could never really stay angry at Lea. Not when they were human. Not when they still had hearts.

He let out a soft chuckle when he came across a guitar pick. He had insisted to Demyx that he had forgotten how to play, but he was Axel. He had it memorized. He couldn't have forgotten even if he'd wanted to. A part of him missed those days. Arrogant and boisterous, he was a natural performer. They probably sounded like a middle school garage band being run through a washing machine, but they were having fun anyway. He wondered where their old band mates had gone. Had they died when Radiant Garden fell to darkness? He shuddered at the thought.

There were too many memories in this drawer. A frisbee, a scarf, a drawing, it was all too much for now. Axel pushed it closed and stepped over to the window, taking the ice cream stick with him. The enormous heart-shaped moon hung in the sky, right where it always was. Life had been so simple when their only objective was to figure out how to get their hearts back. Missions back then were tedious, but easy. Study the area, kill the Heartless. Keep your eyes on the prize. Go to sleep and do it all over again the next day. When they discovered that they could not collect the hearts released by the creatures, it seemed hopeless. The days grew monotonous and dull. Living without emotions didn't feel like living at all. The worlds had no color. The sun had no warmth. Those were the days where Axel felt truly empty.

He closely examined the ice cream stick as he sat on the window sill, letting his face rest against the cool glass. In their younger days, it was Saïx who came up to the clock tower with him. They'd go up there every day and enjoy their favorite treat together. It was one of life's small delights that they could still celebrate, whether they had hearts or not. It never got old. Then, Saïx started missing days. He had been given the mission coordinator position and claimed that he would get busy. Axel never lost his patience, always waiting for him with ice cream in hand. More and more days were spent up there alone, until finally Saïx stopped coming altogether. After awhile, Axel found that the ice cream didn't taste the same. The sunset wasn't as captivating a sight as it used to be. Lounging on the clock tower ledge just wasn't as fun or relaxing alone. He stopped going. There was no longer any point.

Then, Roxas showed up. The effect was nearly instantaneous. Everything began to change on that day. Axel took a chance and brought the kid to his old hangout and introduced him to his dessert of choice. It was starting to taste good again. The sky seemed to regain some of its splendor. It was all coming back. Color. Feeling. Humanity. Some days were pure and endless bliss. Others were nightmares of pain and sorrow. But the emotions were there and they were strong and they were real. And in this moment, feeling lower than dirt, Axel was starting to wonder if it was all worth it.

"WINNER." The letters were large and bold, excited to announce the customer's lucky find. The winning sticks are rare — only one for every three hundred, they'd say. Return it to the vendor and you get a free ice cream bar. Because you're a winner. The word was meant to bring a smile to one's face, but Axel could only sigh when he read it. He was no winner. He had managed to lose every friend he'd ever had, and he had no one to blame but himself. All the ice cream in the world, all the sunsets in a decade, none of it could make him feel any better now. As far as Axel was concerned, he had won nothing.

Creature Movement Analysis:

Subject resides mostly below ground, crawls upon its many legs in an insect-like fashion. Does not fly, but can jump several times its own height and lunge with incredible speed. Surrounded by smaller flying creatures which seem to retain a rotating cyclone formation which they only break to attack.

Creature Attack Patterns Analysis:

Subject possesses large pincer-like apparatuses on the forward segment, with which it swipes at its opponents. Sharp enough to tear through flesh. Whether or not they are venomous is unknown.

Subject can completely submerge itself beneath the sand and take its prey by surprise.

Smaller flying creatures seem to act alongside the larger entity as a diversion, swarming the prey to obscure vision.

Recommendations:

Subject is very large and extremely powerful. Weakness to any magic elements unknown. Recommend physical attack specialists, high critical percentage.

Team should be large, minimum of 3-5 members.

Suggestions: Lexaeus, Xaldin, Saïx, Marluxia

Every page was just another mess of words. In each one, Saïx hoped to find a clue, a secret, some small detail that would reveal the perfect solution. Maybe someone had found a weakness that the rest had overlooked. Perhaps the answer was right in front of him and his eyes were just too tired to see it. Investigation after investigation, report after report, and they all reached the same conclusion. This mission would be a death sentence for Roxas. As far as Saïx was concerned, it was hopeless.

He was beginning to wonder how long he'd been sitting at this desk. His back hurt. His neck hurt. Everything hurt. He squinted at the clock, appalled by the time. Not that it mattered to him — it wasn't like he ever slept anyway. Still, there were many hours left before dawn, and he wasn't about to spend them buried in these papers.

Perhaps a walk, then. He stood, stretching his aching muscles and deciding where he would be going. He wasn't hungry. He was never hungry. But some tea would be nice. The empty halls were mercifully quiet as he made his way down to the kitchen. None of the raucous assault on the ears that was Demyx's music. None of the horrendous screeching of Larxene arguing with Marluxia. Not even Axel's grating, oppressive snoring could be heard. At the very least, the silence made it a peaceful trip.

He was alone with his thoughts as he waited for the tea to brew, but he didn't want to think. He was too tired to think. Thinking was work. He stared at the kettle, as if his intimidating glower would boil the water faster. Didn't humans have a saying for this sort of thing? It didn't matter. The piercing squeal of steam shooting out of the kettle broke the hours-long silence well before he expected it.

As he sat at the table, sipping slowly and resting his eyes, he wondered to himself why he even drank tea at all. It wasn't a necessity. It didn't bring him any joy. It served him no benefit whatsoever. Maybe it was just a habit he saw no reason to change. He always drank tea. He simply liked it. There was no sense in asking why a Nobody could like anything because there was no answer to the question. Why did he read? Why did he train? Why did he watch the moon? Why did he make love?

Don't you dare. Not now.

If anything truly perplexed him, it was his mind's persistent compulsion to torture him with thoughts of Axel. Just when Saïx was starting to feel relaxed, there he was, bursting through the doorway into his head as if he owned the place. Only Axel would be so presumptuous. Was it not enough that he was forced to look at that smug grin every day? He had to come and torment him inside his own thoughts, too?

"Saïx."

He jumped, startled by the voice of an unexpected visitor. Standing in the doorway was the only man who could boast a voice so haunting.

"Sir," Saïx greeted him awkwardly. "I was not expecting you at this hour."

To his surprise, the Superior approached and seated himself comfortably in a chair beside him. If Saïx didn't know any better, he'd say the man looked fatigued. "There are times when sleep eludes even me," he glanced at the contents of Saïx's teacup. "Although," he raised an eyebrow. "I don't suppose the tea helps your situation."

Saïx frowned. "Probably not, sir."

It was already difficult to relax while back in his room, slumped over his desk and scanning the same handful of papers over and over. It was increasingly onerous to do so with thoughts of Axel distracting his already tired mind. It was impossible now with Xemnas' eyes on him, watching his every gesture and listening to every inflection in his voice, as if observing a test subject. Saïx winced at a sudden cramp in his stomach, instantly alerting the Superior to his discomfort.

"You appear tense."

The cramp didn't subside, but Saïx hastily regained control of his reaction, knowing how dangerous it was to show any weakness in front of Xemnas. "I have been pouring over reconnaissance reports from Agrabah. I am in the process of planning the mission you requested," he gritted his teeth as the pain intensified. "I came here to relax."

"Hm," Xemnas tilted his head, clearly having taken notice of his comrade's plight, yet saying nothing. "I do not find this kitchen particularly relaxing."

Saïx had finished his tea and was staring intently into the empty cup, gripping it so tightly he feared he'd shatter it to pieces. "Anywhere was better than my desk."

Xemnas hummed his understanding and let the matter drop. Saïx fought to conceal the heaviness of his breaths while he waited for the spasm to end. They weren't uncommon for him, but their unpredictable nature was taxing on his nerves. After a minute, the clench released and the pain dissipated at last. From that moment, Saïx endeavored to remain guarded, should he experience another of the bothersome convulsions.

The two were quiet for a while, too tired to hold a conversation. Just as always, Xemnas had established himself as Master of doing nothing, sitting motionless and with eyes closed. Saïx wondered to himself what the man was thinking, or if he even thought at all during moments like this. As if aware of his subordinate's curiosity, Xemnas beckoned him. "Come, walk with me."

Every instinct in Saïx's being told him to stay put. To run the other way as fast as he could. But instead, he rose from his seat and followed the leader out into the hall where the two meandered at a casual pace for several minutes with no real destination in mind.

"What is happening to my Organization?" Xemnas asked after a long silence, sounding somewhat troubled.

"Sir?"

"Surely you have seen it," he elaborated. "Fights breaking out in the Round Room. Romantic encounters behind closed doors," he turned to look directly at him. "Fear so potent that it turns their stomachs."

A chill spread over Saïx's skin. The man's words were deceptively venomous, almost threatening in their delivery. Xemnas continued his observation, seemingly unaware of Saïx's unease.

"I can only assume that it is in some way related to the experiment with Roxas. Perhaps we got more than we bargained for."

Saïx had suspected as much, considering the timing of Axel's odd behavior. Ten years of keeping his distance and enjoying everyone's company but his supposed best friend's, only to suddenly wake up one day wanting to be loved again. It couldn't possibly have been a coincidence. But how any of it could be connected to Roxas and the experiment remained an unsolved mystery.

"I'm sorry, sir. I suppose I am just unobservant."

Xemnas sighed heavily, looking lost and spent. "If I had any good sense at all, I would end the experiment before they all organize a mutiny. But now, it is not so simple… we cannot lose our only keyblade wielder."

Their long, wandering trek had brought them to a familiar room. One that usually brought Saïx comfort, but now was raising goosebumps on his skin. They entered through the double doors into Addled Impasse, where Saïx instinctively approached the tall window to gaze at the moon. Its blue corona was glowing brightly with the hearts it had absorbed. It called to him. It was reaching for him. He need only open himself and grant its passage into his will. How long had it been since he had last succumbed to the moon's power? How long since he had knelt in her beams and allowed her to shower her graces over him? How long since he had offered himself and yielded to her temptation, drinking in her energy until it drove him mad?

"You, too, have been affected, Number VII."

Xemnas' voice snapped him out of it. He discovered that he'd laid his hands flat on the glass, barely able to stand on his own with knees so weakened. He composed himself, turning away from the window and crossing his arms.

"You are mistaken, sir."

"Why is it that you will not share your concerns with your Superior? Why all this trepidation? I thought," he donned a sorrowful expression. "That we could always talk."

The Superior's voice had changed. Saïx whipped his head around, expecting to see an entirely different man standing there. It was still Xemnas, but something had flashed through him. His facial expressions were usually so practiced and so clean, but now there were glaring flaws. The performance was slipping. There was conflict in him now. It was visible. Palpable. Saïx could scarcely believe his eyes.

"What is it you'd like to talk about, Superior?" He chose his words carefully, aiming to hold the man in this state and interrogate him. He looked like Xemnas. He was in Xemnas' body, but he wasn't Xemnas.

"I am concerned about your health, Saïx."

Saïx knew better than to believe those words. He stood his ground. "There is nothing wrong with me, sir. I suffer from insomnia. That's all."

Xemnas strolled gracefully to his side, peering over his shoulder at their reflections in the window. "You are unwell. You are distracted. You are in pain."

The twinge in his stomach was returning. It spread from the center of his core and through his limbs. His head began to pound, as if he were being repeatedly struck between the eyes.

"Superior, I insist, I am quite healthy."

He could feel the moon's sharp pull from the depths of his bones. The sound of its call was deafening. He covered his ears to shut it out, yet it only screamed louder, demanding to be heard. He looked up at the window and caught a glimpse of his mirror image. His face was beginning to shift. Xemnas was smiling. Saïx squeezed his eyes shut, unwilling to watch his inevitable transformation.

Xemnas stepped behind him, taking him by the shoulders, dragging his thumbs along his musculature like a sensual massage. Saïx flinched at his touch, longing to escape, but too weak to wriggle out of his grip. The leader bowed his head, whispering into his subordinate's ear.

"Tell me what Axel has done."

The man was so close that his breath grazed Saïx's skin. He shuddered at the sickening warmth. "I'm not sure what you are referring to."

"He has harmed you in some fashion. Abandoned you yet again," the Superior cooed. "It would be only natural to feel betrayed… perhaps even heartbroken."

"Sir, I am not capable of—"

"You ache for him. You pine for him. Yet he has already replaced you. Now, you have no one."

The pounding on his forehead was so forceful that Saïx could hear it echoing inside his skull. His thoughts were a blur. His vision tunneled as he raised his head to stare at the glowing moon. It was so bright. Almost blinding. Its voice was piercing. It was whittling him down bit by bit, tearing through his defenses like thin paper. He was pitifully fragile. He was made of glass. It was only a matter of time before he shattered.

He felt Xemnas' grasp tightening. "Ah, but there is no need to feel lonely. For you know that you are never truly alone. Isn't that right, Recusant?"

"Recusant?"

"Saïx," his voice lowered to a most sinister register. "You are my most trusted right hand. There is nowhere that you can go where I will not follow. I have eyes inside the space where your heart used to be."

Saïx was granted a moment of clarity. Xemnas' claim was baffling. He hadn't a clue what the man was talking about and wondered if perhaps he was just trying to disturb him so that he would accept the moon's proposition. He turned to his Superior, questioning him with only a look, and Xemnas continued his cryptic revelation.

"You know this. You have sensed it. There is nothing that you can hide from me."

Saïx backed away from the Superior, who only matched his speed and closed in on him. "S-sir? What do you mean?"

It wasn't long before Saïx made contact with the window, pinned against the glass by Xemnas' imposing form standing directly in front of him, smiling down at him quite menacingly.

"I sense that you require a nudge in the right direction. I have the perfect remedy for your wounds."

"Superior… what are you going to do?"

Xemnas reached out and gently clasped his fingers around Saïx's arm. "I only wish to relieve your pain. Ease those regrets which plague you. Detach you from your vices so that you can be strong again."

Saïx quickly shrugged out of his grasp, averting his eyes from the leader's frightening gaze. "Sir, please…"

"Why do you fear me? I care about you. I care about all of my comrades. I am here to help."

"I don't need any help. Xemnas, please, don't—"

He was taken by the arm again, putting forth no resistance as Xemnas turned him back around to face the window. "You asked me to make you strong. When he broke your heart, you begged me to take away the pain," he gestured to the sky with a dramatic sweep of his arm. "I gave you the moon. I filled that void for you. I rid you of your emptiness. Your loneliness. Why do you resist the moon's advances? Does it not exhilarate you anymore? Does it not feel good?"

Saïx longed to speak, but was silenced by a constricting sensation in his throat. Certain that he was being choked, he began to wheeze frantically. The abdominal cramping intensified and he doubled over, his knees threatening to give out and drop him to the floor. He was surely about to vomit. The throbbing in his head was explosive in its magnitude, crippling in its persistence. The noise was dizzying. His resolve was collapsing. This battle was already lost. He feared he might black out.

"Relax, Number VII. Unmanaged stress can take such a toll on the body. Do you want to fall ill?"

He could barely croak his plea. "Lord Xemnas, I beg you, don't do this. I lose all control in that state. It isn't pleasurable. It won't help."

Xemnas crossed his arms with a disappointed sigh. "In a way, Saïx, I envy you. What I wouldn't give to be afflicted by such strong emotions," he shook his head sadly. "All I feel now is pity."

All of Saïx's energy was devoted to fighting the desire to let himself be smothered in the moon's crushing embrace. Try as he did with all his strength, he couldn't tear his eyes off of its luminescent beams. "It isn't worth it, sir…"

"Axel has severely compromised you. I can take him out of the picture if he is causing you such distress."

To his utter shock and horror, a single tear fell from his eye. He hastily wiped it away before the Superior could see it. "N-no… you mustn't… Please, sir, don't hurt him."

"You must care very much for him, to allow yourself to suffer this much for his sake."

There was such anguish. Such despair. Saïx drowned in it. The vulnerability only invited the moon to penetrate him at last. He could feel its power surging through him, pulsing beneath his skin.

Xemnas moved nearer to him, using his ominous words as lethal weapons, targeting Saïx's weaknesses and landing critical hits with every blow. "If it were not for Roxas and this experiment, you would have Axel all to yourself."

"Superior… Why are you doing this…?"

"Without Roxas, you wouldn't feel such pain."

"Please… Xemnas…"

"At the same time, however, it is thanks to Roxas that you can feel that glimpse of euphoria. It is because of this experiment that you feel such elation when you're with him, and it is because of this experiment that I bother keeping either of them around."

He was a boy again. No older than sixteen. Scared to death. Standing between a young Lea and a powerful keyblade, only to be kicked aside and forced to watch the man take his friend first. He could still taste the blood from when he collided with a nearby desk. He could still hear Lea scream over the deafening crack of the bonds in their hearts being broken, forever tainting their friendship with the metaphysical separation.

"Think of it. What would Axel say if anything happened to Roxas? He'd never forgive you. He'd desert the Organization and leave you in the dust. And do you know what will have to happen then?"

He was a younger man now. Not yet twenty. Bruised and broken to pieces. Kneeling before his Superior and begging for relief. He could feel the searing agony on his forehead as the darkness burned the mark into his flesh. He remembered thinking that as painful as it was, it hurt less than losing Lea, and that if he had it to choose, he would have chosen the same fate a second time.

"Lose Roxas and you lose Axel forever, and Roxas certainly hasn't been in the best condition as of late…"

He no longer had the fortitude to stand. He crumpled to the floor in a heap, his body heaving with his labored breaths. He lost his coherence little by little as a primal, animal instinct took over.

"The moon shines down on you, Luna Diviner."

"The moon…"

"Let it overwhelm you. It calls to you, Saïx. Do you not hear it?"

"I hear it… it's so loud…"

"And it feels better, doesn't it?"

"The moon revitalizes me…"

"You feel stronger."

"The moon shines down…"

"Yes… that's very good. Surrender yourself to it."

There was no longer thought. There were no memories. His mind was blank, except for his rage. His pain. The omnipresent urge to kill.

"I'm glad we had this discussion, Number VII. It is always good to check in with you every once in awhile."

Xemnas kept his distance, wearing a haunting, satisfied smile on his face. He turned to leave, politely bidding his farewells with expert poise.

"Have a pleasant evening. I shall see you in the morning."