21 – YG perspective

I didn't know what the hell Jeon Jungkook was doing in my house. I sure as hell didn't want him there. I let him in because he seemed shaken. He wouldn't come to me unless he had anywhere better to go. Besides, maybe he could relieve the loneliness that I had been feeling recently. He was better than my reflection or Holly.

I let him in and he slid off his shoes and followed me upstairs. I picked up Holly to move him out of the way and he smiled, maybe noticing I was soft for my dog. I had a feeling that smile would disappear pretty quickly once he entered my room. I smirked and pushed open my bedroom door, letting him into the mess of a living space I had created for myself.

My bed was heaped with creased blankets and sheets. My open wardrobe was filled with unsorted, unfolded clothes. The desk chair was on its side and nowhere near the desk since I threw it yesterday. One of my windows was still taped up with cardboard from when it smashed last year and there was paper all over the floor: some of it sheet music or torn pages from exercise books or worksheets from forever ago. I noticed that the wall was forming a dent.

I left Jungkook to stand in the doorway taking in the sights while I put Holly down on my desk and retrieved the chair, returning it to its correct place. I sat on the chair, setting Holly on my lap and motioned for Jungkook to sit on the mattress. He carefully walked across the floor and sat on my bed, twiddling his thumbs.

"Thank you for letting me in. I didn't think you would," he said in a quiet voice.

"Yeah, you and me both. How did you even get my address?" I asked, wondering how that question hadn't crossed my mind earlier. He laughed nervously and replied,

"I asked Lee Seohyun. She knows basically everything." I decided to fume silently at this instead of trying to voice my annoyance. I just exhaled heavily through my nose and asked him,

"Why are you here?" Jungkook was being quieter than usual and he looked genuinely troubled, which I don't think was entirely my fault. To calm him down, I gave him Holly, something I wasn't entirely comfortable with, but it seemed to work and he smiled. He stroked him while he thought of his answer.

"I've got this…obsession, sort of, and it's taking over and I don't know what to do about it. It's on my mind all the time and it just won't go away and I thought you might be able to help." I was fairly sure I wouldn't be able to, but I was unusually willing to give it a shot.

"Okay. This obsession: person or thing?" I was running through my thought process out loud and he answered succinctly.

"Person."

"Okay." I still didn't know why he was here. "Why didn't you go to Taehyung?" I didn't want to bring up Jimin because I didn't want to make this about me. Jungkook focused totally and completely on Holly and said,

"Because it's Taehyung." Ah.

"You're kidding?" He shook his head. I didn't want to laugh at that coincidence. I knew how he felt. We both liked boys from the same friendship group who did not like us back. Brilliant. I had an idea. I wasn't looking forward to this, but I believed it would help both of us in the long run. I stood up and locked the door and then turned around to face him.

"You tell anyone about this, Jeon Jungkook, and you are not going to live to 2nd grade." Jungkook looked confused and afraid but nodded anyway. I opened the cupboard at the back of my room, the one that contained the things I needed to get me through the worse days. In no particular order, I chucked about 4 family-sized bags of chips, 2 giant bars of chocolate, 3 boxes of brownies and 5 packets of popcorn onto the bed and carried a six-pack of sodas over to Jungkook and sat next to him. He looked like he wanted to laugh and I let him.

"We are going to sit here and talk about our feelings until all of this food is gone," I smiled and we sat cross-legged, facing each other on the bed with the snacks between us and Holly on Jungkook's lap. He looked far less anxious than before.

"I mean… I don't know what I was expecting from you, but I don't think it was anything close to this. You've got snacks and puppy therapy," he grinned.

"I'm not soft, Jungkook. As soon as we leave this room, none of this happened, got it?" He nodded, still smiling. "Good. So: Taehyung. First of all, my condolences. When did that start?" I felt like a therapist, but with a lot more food. Jungkook opened one of the packets of chips and I opened the popcorn. He started to explain.

"It didn't start off this bad. We ran into each other on the first day, literally into each other, and he was really nice and gorgeous and I really liked him. He just kept smiling at me around the corridors and I kept blushing for no reason." That sounded very familiar. "Then I hung out with him and Jimin all of sports day and he was so friendly. He picked me up when I was tripped on the track. Then we got locked in the equipment cupboard by accident during detention and I found out he threatened the boy who tripped me and made him apologise. I wanted to be annoyed at him, but I couldn't." Very familiar. "Then recently I've started daydreaming… really not normal things and I can't concentrate because he's always in my head."

I really felt for the kid. He was so young and confused. He had so much to go through and so much left to learn.

"When you say 'not normal things'," I asked, "what sort of things do you mean?" He stuttered and I laughed inwardly. "So 'not normal' as in 'sexual'?" He blushed and nodded again. I laughed audibly this time. "Jungkook, that's the most normal thing in the world! You just need to learn how to keep your fantasies in the background instead of right at the front of your mind. Like, you know when you listen to music when you do homework? The music's there, but you're still concentrating on the work. Let your subconscious do its thing and don't focus on it too much."

Jungkook looked up. "That makes sense. Is that how you deal with Jimin?" I knew I wasn't the blushing type, but I could feel the blood run to my face.

"Hey, I thought this was about you," I retaliated and he giggled. "But, yeah, basically. I don't…I try not to think about him ever, just ignore him but it doesn't fucking work apparently." Jungkook looked genuinely interested and I didn't realise how much I needed to talk to someone about this. "I sort of hate him for it but at the same time, I can't. Like how you said you can't be annoyed at Taehyung. That's what the dent in the wall is from: I punch it when I'm frustrated. I just…" I ran my fingers through my hair and buried my face in my hands. "I love him and I can't help it."

I looked up and Jungkook was biting his lip to stop himself from smiling. "What are you laughing at?" I was kind of pissed at him for it.

"Nothing."