A/N: As much as I am not a fan of the newer Star Wars flicks, I couldn't help but fall in love with the Porgs. So, I caved, and they are mentioned. Also, I got incredibly sick last year and was hospitalized for several days. After I was released, there was a learning curve of how to now cope with my problems. I was doing okay and got a new job and all after being unemployed for so long, but I had a mental breakdown, and am back to being a (somewhat crappy, but mostly happy) homemaker while I heal and look for a new job. I am honestly not doing well and am having a hard time coping with the feelings of extreme guilt and feeling like a burden to everyone. I didn't mean for this to turn into a mini novel, but I wanted you to know that I have not forsaken you. I still have many chapters typed, but I am so far behind on editing and the like, plus the Jun author was in Nebraska for a few months, so hopefully he will be back on the horse again soon as well. Many blessings. -M
While the Jedi decided how to "handle my condition," I refused to see anyone besides Jun and Nanette.
My moods were under control. The morning sickness turned into evening sickness, though, still called morning sickness, and that faded to an almost non-existent problem. Jun would pull my hair back when I did occasionally yak, and then he would try to comfort me.
Nanette took me shopping for some maternity wear when my uniform and pajamas almost overnight were too tight. Shortly after the trial, an emdee droid confirmed my pregnancy to be four months, give or take a couple weeks.
The Jedi decided that I needed to be at home and assigned me to be their chief researcher and historian. This helped Luke fill in the gaps about the old order, and other things he thought of.
Of course, I did research of my own, too, though most of mine was medical: field surgery, first aid, and childbirth.
I never felt like they were hiding me. I had proved I was worthy to be alive. This was my duty, and I was going to do it with a smile on my face.
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A couple of weeks later came an official invitation for the quarterly State Dinner.
The invite arrived via messenger droid and I groaned.
I hated (I still hate) these things, though the rules were simple.
Dress Nicely
Go in Pairs
BE NICE
Greet People Politely
Dance AT LEAST ONCE
The first two requests were (usually) easily met. I had a nice, black, empire waisted gown that should've still fit nicely over the ever-growing bump, (at least in my mind it should have), and I would go with Jun. Always did. (Except once. He pretended to be very ill, so Nanette came with me. She was overwhelmed, and I promised to never put her in that stuffy situation ever again. Get dressed up, sure, but never this kind of formal setting).
The rest of the requirements would be much more difficult this go around.
If people were nice and treated me with general respect, it would be easier to be nice to them in return. I never wanted to greet people, but I made myself, always politely.
The dancing...Jun and I usually just joined in whatever dance was going on upon arrival. After it was over, so was our dancing requirement.
This time, Luke had some other ideas.
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Luke grabbed me by the arm after dinner one night.
"You know you escaped by the skin of your teeth, right?" he asked. He wasn't trying to be mean. He just wanted to make sure I understood.
"Yes, I do," I said, as I rested a protective hand over my abdomen.
"This can't be like dinners past. I know you said that the black dress will still fit, but I'm afraid it isn't going to be enough."
"I'm afraid I don't follow."
Luke gave a heavy sigh and ran a hand through his hair.
"Asenath, I know you are still young, but I was talking with Leia, and I don't think that you can get away with looking so...pardon the term, juvenile. You are more or less- whether you wanted it or not- a young lady. Not a child. You are having a baby of your own."
"You don't say."
"Watch your tone. Leia suggested that I send you to a professional. Mara left behind some very lovely things, but Leia said they weren't enough. She also said that even with her wardrobe, everything she has is recognizable."
I shook my head.
"Asenath, I'm not asking. I'm ordering. Leia and I are taking you to Rhoda. It will be pricey, but it will be worth it. Mon Mothma agreed to help pay if she must. She said for me to spare no expense. She really likes you, Asenath."
I scowled but nodded my consent.
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Rhoda was THE hottest designer and clothing expert. She was also a socialite and incredibly high profile. Holofilm releases, the opera, celebrity weddings, fashion expos, nightclubs...you name it and she was there.
A prodigy, she was accepted into the fashion industry at the tender age of sixteen, when her folio of drawings was found by the headmistress of the academy she was attending. After talking with her, she showed off her samples and completed designs. The rest is history.
An Echani, tall and trim with thick, silvery hair, and flawless, blue skin, but young. No more than twenty-eight or so, she was mature beyond her years and incredibly respected and admired across the galaxy.
I will never forget when we approached the boutique which was her pet location. Leia had secured the appointment, and the moment we walked in, she immediately greeted her "favorite" client.
After their kisses on the cheeks, and a bowing/curtsy exchange with Luke, she turned to me.
Her eyes, silver and glittering like jewels, met my green ones, and I suddenly felt childish, shy, and ugly. I was wearing a very simple day dress (to try and disguise my tummy). It was a floor length grey dress with red cuffs and an over tunic with two-fingers wide straps attached to the tunic at the front by large silver buttons. The top of the over tunic was also trimmed in red. I wore twin large cuff bracelets and boots. My hair was braided and then put into a bun.
On top of the hideous attire, I had the black, empire waisted number slung over my shoulder. (Luke didn't say so, but I think he was hoping that she would say it was fine and he wouldn't be spending a huge amount for this excursion).
She on the other hand, was wearing a white two piece set of a top and long flowy skirt, with just the slightest hint of midriff showing. Attached to the shoulders of the top, was a silvery, chiffon cape that just graced the floor. Black and silver beads ran from the front of the arm pits, around the arms, and back around to the back of the arm pits. She looked poised, sophisticated, and beautiful.
"You must be Asenath," she said somewhat sternly.
I gulped.
"Yes, ma'am," I answered, voice wavering severely as I said it.
She softened after that, seeing that I was incredibly nervous. In my defense, the last time I was naked for someone, I was being attacked.
"Well, I suppose I should see what you brought. Put it on, please," she said as she led me to a dressing stall.
As quickly as I could, I took off the dress I was wearing. I observed myself in the mirror.
I always looked, but for the first time since court, I really looked. The swell of my belly made it real somehow. I put my hand against the skin there, and I felt a fluttering sensation.
I almost started to cry before Rhoda knocked on the door.
"Are you alright, darling?"
"Yes, ma'am," I answered quickly, shaken from the trance.
"Please, call me Rhoda. And leave your shoes off," she said easefully as she walked away.
I pulled the dress over my head.
There wasn't as much room in this as I thought.
The top part was a slight v-necked velvety material with three-quarter sleeves. There was a styled seam just under the breasts, where a stretchy and soft material took over in a flowy pattern to the floor. Well, just above the floor. While I used to have mostly flat tummy, the baby was taking over and it barely fit.
I stepped out of the room and they all knew.
"You can't wear that, darling. Not only is it too tight, a woman in your...well, condition and status needs something more mature. You're not attending a school dance. This is a noteworthy occasion. The cream of the crop. The elite of the elite, including myself, of course."
I blushed a deep crimson.
"Don't take it that way, Asenath. Luke and Leia knew the dress wouldn't fit or meet my standards. You knew, too, even if you don't want to admit it. Let me take over."
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And Rhoda did just that. It seemed to go on for hours. Purples, greens, blues, puce, ivory...so many colors, and some that I didn't even know existed!
Rhoda was nearing the end of her ideas. I could tell I was a tough one. She knew or she must have been told the truth: even though Asenath was not executed, every public appearance matters and must have the same statement: I am innocent and worthy of the ruling.
"Asenath...I have been toying with starting a maternity line. I don't know if I'll for sure attempt a launch, but I do have some samples done. I am supposed to show them to an investor, but I think I'd like to try a specific one out on you. Would that be alright?" Rhoda asked gently.
I willingly gave my approval.
Rhoda disappeared into an office and returned with a black and silver number as well as a handful of accessories.
"Leia, if you would help me," she said as she shooed me back into the dressing room that was beginning to feel like a prison cell.
A soft cotton chemise was put over my head. It was grey. A tunic of silver was placed over that.
"Asenath, this is the tricky part. Are you ready?"
I nodded, almost afraid.
The black tunic was intricately stitched with silver thread patterns all over it. It was gorgeous. They placed it over and adjusted it just so. It was nice and wide across the top, leaving drapage for silver tunic under it to show. There was plenty of room for my tummy as well.
Rhoda fastened a thin sash under my breasts to cinch the top of it and create a better and more discreet Empire waist.
They had me step out to show Luke.
He even thought I looked much better. There was even a glint in his eye that was possibly a step beyond pride.
He shook his head to focus and asked what he owed Rhoda.
"It's free advertising for me, Skywalker. All I ask in return, is that I do her hair and makeup for the event. I always have my models looking svelte and perfect, and I want this to be no different. I will meet her at home."
We were all flabbergasted, but Luke readily agreed.
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The day of the State Dinner, I took great care washing my hair and drying it. It always took a long time to blow dry. I had not cut it since I was six and had the surgery. I had it evened out with trimming from time to time, but never a full cut.
Rhoda knocked on my bedroom door and let herself in.
Lucky for her, I was wearing a robe and had my magnets back on.
"Asenath, are you ready?"
"As I'll ever be."
She clapped her hands and three attendants came in carrying cases and clothes in bags.
"I have to get ready, too, darling."
I inwardly screamed as she pulled down the shoulders of my robe to expose more skin that I had even shown Nanette.
She helped mix the foundation and powder for my skin tone before moving me away from my small vanity and sitting there herself.
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I tried to sit still and be patient while my hair was brushed, pulled, and had product after product put in it. Finally, they started braiding it
During this ordeal, I tried to ask questions and make conversation, but the team wouldn't answer my questions.
I tried to content myself with watching Rhoda. With precision and the speed of an expert, she applied foundation, powders, glitters, and more to her skin. She outlined her lips and then filled them in with black lipstick.
Satisfied with her face, she began teasing her mid-back length silver hair and making it silkier before pulling the majority of it to one side. The bun was fluffy and inviting, nothing like I would do to my hair to perform my chores. The portion she left out, she used two metal hoops and wound the hair around them, securing them in place, making two little arches on the other side of her head. It was an asymmetrical work of art.
She put on a gold pendant with a large, polished, rounded onyx. She put on gold rings and gold bracelets.
My view of her was cut off as face torture began on me.
Foundation, powders, eye goop...lipstick...it all was put on.
When they were finally done torturing me, I was able to see Rhoda again, wearing a black lace dress with grey tulle skirts. There was gold embroidery around the lace.
She opened her mouth to say something, when Jun's voice was heard outside the door.
"Asenath, you ready?"
"Almost!" I shouted, while the attendants started to carefully put the layers of clothing on me.
Jun groaned with exaggerated impatience.
After they had completed the dressing, I turned to the mirror and I was afraid. Not only was I still unaccustomed to seeing a bump and knowing it was a baby, but the dress and makeup...I didn't even recognize me, but it was a good thing. My red hair was in a braided crown. The dress fit just right. The makeup...the smokey eye shadow and the red lips...I looked like an adult for the first time in my life.
"Thank you," I said, while picking up my shoes.
"It was my pleasure. I hope that I will be there for more events for you in the future. You seem like you could use more friends."
"Always."
"I know that you hold your friend Nanette in high regard and she has taught you about being a girl. I hope to show you the finer things in life. Don't look so surprised. Leia talks to me about everything. We have few secrets from each other."
I closed my jaw.
"I will see you soon."
She shooed me out the door to my awaiting date.
Jun's eyes dropped at the figure before him, unsure of what to say.
"You look...not like Asenath...I mean...if I liked you like that...you look…"
I started to blush and he used my embarrassment to recover.
"No shoes?" he queried while pointing to my hand.
Jun was wearing a white suit and black cloth shoes.
"I'll put them on at the are almost too tight, thanks to the swelling."
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Jun drove the speeder while I watched for the new, swanky hotel. The "grand ballroom" was supposed to be the most beautiful on that hemisphere.
Once we arrived, I crammed my feet into the heels.
Jun helped pull me up and out, and we walked arm in arm inside the joint. With him, being so tall, and I, being so short, there was a little bit of Rancor and Porg thing going on. With him, I felt safe.
Inside, all eyes turned to us: the unwed, pregnant jedi and the potentially violent monster.
We made our way down the staircase, where we were greeted by Mon Mothma and Borsk Fey'lya. I curtsied and Jun bowed.
Fey'lya's fur rippled.
Jun and I joined in for the rest of the playing waltz.
Just as we started, Rhoda arrived on the arm of a gentleman I didn't recognize.
Unfortunately, she didn't hold the attention long enough.
Everyone was watching Jun and I again.
I remember hoping that Jun would kiss me to spite them, but he didn't; however, he did growl defensively at those dancing too close for the purpose of gawking.
Thankfully, they backed off.
When the song was over, Jun and I found our table. Even though we were seated, people still strode by to look.
My face was red, and I looked down, ashamed. The heat from my face spread to my ears and down my neck.
"Hang on. Don't let them get to you," Jun whispered, his arm tightly around me, defensive.
He was right.
I set my jaw in a serious expression and bowed my neck at spectators.
At Luke's suggestion, Jun and I left early.
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Since I didn't have my own rooms yet, I invited Jun into my personal room at the Skywalker's for a cup of tea.
He accepted.
Before we started to unwind, I stepped into the bathroom and took off the gown, shoes, and scrubbed off what I could of the makeup. I put on a pair of soft pajamas. My belly wasn't hidden, but Jun knew and he didn't care.
"Who was that man with Rhoda?" I asked.
"Oh. He's a newly appointed general...Tiberius, I think."
"Must be pretty new, indeed."
I brewed the leaves carefully, and remembered to strain them.
I poured him a cup and handed it to him.
I then poured one for myself, but remembered I had already had my cup of stimulant for the day and put it down.
"What's it like?" Jun asked suddenly, moving my shirt to place a huge hand on the bare bump. I could feel the baby moving and she kicked his hand.
He seemed startled, but he was concentrating, trying to connect with the baby or something.
I looked at him, confused.
"What?"
"What's it like to be holding another life inside of you? You're in control of that life. How do you cope with that knowledge?"
I paused for a moment to think of the right words.
I explained slowly, "Knowing that I have a life inside of me is overwhelmingly sobering. It's scary, but exciting."
"How do you cope?"
"By being careful. I'm trying to do right, because even one mistake and it could be over. I cope with the help of friends like you."
Jun seemed satisfied with my answer. He finished his cup, bade me good night, and let himself out.