For the Love of Words

No sleep.

Not one hour of sleep through the entire night.

Iris had shadows under her eyes as she looked down at her phone, sitting in the middle of her bed, wrapped in her duvet, with the large clock display glaring back at her. Taunting her. Red rimmed her eyes from the tears she had shed the night before, only making her appearance all the more haggard and worrying. She had to go to work. She had to open the store on time. Looking away from the clock, the woman's attention instead centered on the email icon on the top of the screen.

She'd never opened it, never even checked who had sent it.

The more obvious answer was that it was sent by Barry, Luke or BT—most likely BT, since they had just parted ways shortly before she'd received it. However, after what she had found on her door the night before and the voicemail left on her phone, Iris no longer believed that it was the obvious, first answer.

Locking the screen on her phone, she tossed the device to the end of her bed as her lips trembled. Could she really keep this up? Could she stay with her soulmates, trying for happiness again, if it meant that her parents would know what she was doing and possibly punish her for it? Taking a breath to try and calm herself, Iris slipped out of her duvet-cocoon and headed into the bathroom. She would need to shower before work, and she was desperately in need of some time to clear her head.

She turned on the hot water before stepping back and beginning to strip off her clothes, which she had left on for too long. Her hair was oily from her hands running through it relentlessly all night, and she was hoping that a nice, steamy shower would help her to get rid of the haggard look she had acquired. Refusing to look in the mirror—already knowing how disgusting she would look—Iris pushed her clothing aside with her foot.

Stepping into the shower, water hot enough that her skin stung momentarily upon contact, Iris let her forehead come to rest on the tiles of the shower.

She needed to check that email; it was a no-brainer, and she knew that it was something she couldn't delay on any further. There was nothing more that she hoped for that to open that email and find that it was from one of her soulmates.

Iris wasn't sure she could take her mother or father stepping into any more parts of her life.

Sighing against the steam, Iris tipped her head back into the water and let it cascade through her hair. Weighing it down immediately, she simply stood beneath the spray for a moment as she let the feeling of the water wash away the stress she had carried through the night. The fatigue wouldn't wash away, she knew that, but the water helped her to feel…clean. Like her troubles, her fears, were washing away with every drop of scalding water; burning them off her skin.

Picking up her bottle of soap, she dutifully began cleaning her hair. The movements were robotic, mechanical and heavily rehearsed as her body ran on auto-pilot.

More than ten years had passed since she'd left her parents behind; she thought that she had rid herself of the greatest fear, greatest pain that would ever come to her. Yet…they were back. And they were the same. They felt the need to control who she was, to take hold of her life and use her like a puppet hanging from strings.

Tipping her head back under the spray of water to let the thick suds of soap rinse out, her slender fingers began combing through the soft, tangle-free strands.

She was not a puppet.

Turning to look through the glass door of the shower, her eyes fell on the mirror that was steadily fogging up around the edges, steam taking over every surface in her bathroom. Water cascaded down off her chin, her hair plastered down to her neck and shoulders, with her makeup making the shadows beneath her eyes that much more prominent.

Along her torso, shoulders, arms, hips—all over her body—the dark writing of twenty-three soulmates, twenty-three identities, proved that she was not alone anymore. She didn't need to face her parents by herself. Barry had explained that he and the other alters had been created for the soul purpose to protect Kevin. Turning her eyes away from her reflection, Iris took a moment to remember his arms around her when they had returned to her apartment.

She'd been honest with him; exposing her deepest secret that she was so ashamed to admit. Living as a homeless teenager, having left before she'd finished high-school, fighting for herself and sharing beds with strangers in women's shelters. He's just held her, and supported her as she fell apart. It had felt…liberating. Telling someone her story and feeling his acceptance, listening to his promises as he calmed her sobs.

Ain't nothing going to get you now. You've got us on your side, and we protect our own.

That was a new concept.

Protection. Parents were meant to protect their children, yet they were the ones that she needed to be protected from now. And the ironic thing was that they were going against the soulmates that they had always told her would never want her. After all, who would want to share one, useless girl among twenty-some odd people? She almost wanted to laugh—if only they knew the truth.

Reaching up to caress Barry's words coiling her bicep, she knew that his words rang true. He was not the kind of person to make a promise and not follow through. Whether she'd known him a lifetime or a day, she could see that trait in an instant.

Turning off the water, Iris stepped from the shower and stood in front of the mirror, still able to see her reflection through the faint layer of moisture. Turing around and twisting her torso just right, neck craning so she could see over her shoulder, her whiskey eyes fell on the black writing in the center of her back. Luke's kind words and sweet nickname stared back at her, bold and confident to match the speaker.

Facing her left side toward the mirror again, Iris smiled faintly as her fingers came to trace BT's words, etched over her ribs as they followed the natural curve of her breast. He'd been so open with his marks, no fear of showing them to her.

To the world.

Thinking about his body, the body of all of her soulmates, covered in her writing like a brand of ownership caused her to flush with something akin to pride. They were hers. She'd never thought the day would come that she was able to say that someone was hers. And BT was one to flaunt it happily, proud to show that he had a soulmate—they all had a soulmate—and they had finally met one another after so many years of 'almost'.

Snatching her towel, Iris steeled herself and marched from her bathroom. She was not going to say that she wasn't afraid—her parents terrified her more than anything else. Yet, she wasn't alone to face them anymore. Drying off and pulling on her clothes for her shift, the whiskey eyed woman snatched her phone from her bed as she stepped up into her kitchen to begin preparing a small, light breakfast.

Sliding down the notification tab before she could stop herself, she let out a shuddering, relieved sigh when BT's email address came up with the title 'Everything Alright?' just above it. Tapping on the icon as she picked a packet of oatmeal from the cabinet, Iris leaned back nervously as his email loaded on her phone's screen. The hot shower had helped her somewhat, but she was still dead-tired and her stomach seemed like it was against her trying to eat at that moment.

Hey Doll,

I just wanted to check to make sure you were alright? I don't really know how to explain it, but I got a bad feeling while I was walking home and I just wanted to check to make sure you were okay? I'm no expert on all this soulmate stuff, but that kind of thing happens, right? Like, a connection that we have?

I'm totally overreacting, right? Get back to me when you can, please? I'll feel better and put it down to heartburn if you tell me you're fine.

Have a good night, Doll, sweet dreams.

-BT

Exhaling a shuddering breath, Iris could feel the deep pit of fear in her stomach alleviate somewhat. It hadn't been her parents. Knowing for sure that it had been BT made her feel like she'd been a fool, not opening the notification all night, and when BT had seemed so worried, too. Guilt and embarrassment fought in her as she opened a new email to him, but paused before actually typing.

Morning, BT

I'm so sorry for not replying sooner, it's been a bit of a bad night. I found something at my apartment when I got home that scared me a bit, but I'm alright now. I've read about connections between soulmates that allow for sensations like that, but I never knew anyone personally who have experienced it. I'm sorry that you were so worried, and I'm sorry if I ruined your night with it.

Iris paused again as she read over what she had said. He'd be worried now, but she didn't want to lie to him. She wasn't that kind of person, and she refused to become that kind of person with her soulmates of all people.

I'm scared, BT. My parents found me; my father left a note on my apartment door and a voicemail on my phone. He wants me to keep my marks covered, like I used to before I first met Barry.

But I don't want to. Not anymore.

I have to go to work soon, but I'll talk to you again.

-Iris

Hitting send, she dropped her phone on the counter as her hands trembled. She'd never thought that she would actually admit to that. But now he knew—which means that they would probably all know. If one of them thought that she was in trouble, she didn't doubt that it was going to be told to the others immediately.

Huffing softly, she turned to replace the packet back into the box. She'd never be able to keep food down at the moment. Instead, she started going through the motions of making herself a soft, herbal tea that would hopefully control her anxiety. She popped the kettle on the stove and placed her diffuser, filled with tea leaves, into her travel mug before she moved to pick her phone back up.

Scrolling down to Barry's contact and selecting a new email, she hopped up onto the counter as she considered what to say.

Good morning, Barry!

BT's let slip that you had a meeting today; I don't know if it's too important or just a regular thing but I wanted to wish you luck either way. Good luck, have a great day at work, and I hope to hear back from you soon.

-Iris

Double-checking the email for errors, she soon sent that one out as well.

Rubbing her eyes tiredly and rotating her sore neck—sitting up so many hours was beginning to come back to haunt her—she sat patiently on her counter as she waited for her water to finish boiling. Pulling her schedule up on her phone, Iris spent the last few minutes going over what shifts she had, and who was going to be working with her for each of them. There were also a few shipments coming in throughout the week, so there would be a lot of work to do to keep her busy.

Letting her mind go over everything she had to do that day, she went through the motions of making her tea to take with her.

Less than an hour later, Iris had her travel-mug in one hand, her scarf wrapped around her neck and her bag slung over her shoulder. Hair brushed and makeup applied, she felt somewhat better about how she looked. She'd barely spared a glance at the tear of tape and paper that remained stuck to her door before she pulled it off, folded it, and tossed it aside for the cleaners to pick up later. She'd deliberately left her gloves sitting on her unmade bed, leaving her hands bare and her mark exposed to the world around her.

Her marks gave her strength.

Her soulmates gave her confidence.

Her parents gave her purpose to defy those who would judge her.

Taking a deep, steadying breath as she stopped at the base of the stairs, Iris tried to prepare herself for what was to come. This was the decision she was making for herself; she would defy her fears, and those who caused such fears, if it meant that she had a chance to chase her happiness. Transferring her travel-mug to her other hand, she looked down at the writing on the back of her palm, so small and perfect.

Sh, sh, shh, quiet now.

Pressing a kiss to the back of her hand, using those words to draw whatever strength and courage she had left in her, Iris pushed open the stairwell door and made her way down the small corridor to the front entrance. Her keys were safely tucked in her pocket, easily accessed in case she ran into her father. Whether or not she would actually be able to use any of the self-defence techniques taught to her by the other girls of the shelters, she didn't know. But he was officially a threat once more, so she needed to be prepared for that outcome.

The cold morning air greeted her as she stepped from her old building, her scarf protecting her delicate neck from the chill as she turned around and let the door shut with an assuring click. She couldn't watch out for every person that entered her building, even though there was a lock at the front door for a reason, but it somehow helped her to feel better by knowing there was even just that small security.

Turning in the direction of her work, eyes lifting from the dew-covered pavement to check if there was anyone else up so early in the morning, she gasped as her eyes landed on the darkly dressed figure standing a few feet from her.

"Barry!" she huffed, her heart racing in her chest as she turned back to the door and leaned against it to try and relieve the shaking that had suddenly taken over her legs. "God, you scared me," she muttered, probably too quiet for him to hear, and rolled her head against the glass to watch as he approached her. His expression was pinched as he walked up to her trembling form, her hand clutching her travel-mug against her chest.

"Iris," he started carefully, gently taking her upper arm to pull her away from the door and face him fully. "BT told me about your email," he continued after a brief moment. His voice was hoarse and he sounded tired, the faint appearance of shadows beneath his eyes causing her to frown. Reaching up with her marked hand, she gently traced a fingertip beneath his soft blue eyes.

"I kept you up again," she realized. BT had said he'd felt something was wrong; of course he'd stay up in worry for her when she never answered him. "I'm sorry."

Bowing her head as shame gripped her, the brunette leaned into Barry as he automatically opened his arms to her. Feeling him around her again, strong and secure, let her relax as she inhaled the scent that was unique to him—different from another other man out there, even Luke and BT, same body be damned.

"Iris, I want you to know that if anything ever happens, no matter how small, we are here. Send a text to the number I gave you, or call, and no matter who has the light we will come for you." Barry's assurances helped to sooth her guilt, but she couldn't entirely shake the feeling that came with knowing she had caused them such worry.

Pulling back from her, Barry's hands came to frame her face as he looked down at her and took in the tired look of her eyes. She'd spent the entire night in fear, and it made him feel sick with regret that they hadn't known better and had come for her. "Next time, I promise I'll call."

Smiling faintly, the expression not quite relieving the sadness in his eyes, Barry nodded. "You better. Or we'll be showing up uninvited."

Iris mirrored his archaic smile. "You better," she offered teasingly. Then her smile disappeared as her eyes grew worried. "Your meeting!"

"No, don't worry," he interrupted, not giving her time to fret. "The zoo doesn't open for a few hours, I've still got lots of time before my shift. I just couldn't not see you. I was too worried—we all were."

Iris winced again, the guilt gripping her heart. "Sorry."

Barry shook his head with a smile. Of course she'd feel guilty about them being worried. "Stop apologizing," he ordered with a faint laugh. The tenseness around them dissipated as he leaned forward to press a lingering kiss against her forehead. "So, want some company on your walk?" Stepping back and offering her his arm, the gentlemanly, cliché action was enough to have her laughing as she looped her arm through his. Her hand cupped his bicep as they began walking, her mark on display to anyone out on the early-morning streets.

"Will you be okay, Iris?" Barry asked in all seriousness as he looked down at her. He didn't want to bring up her parents, especially her father, but he couldn't just let the topic slide away. She'd confessed to BT that she was scared, and they had felt her fear all through the night like a hand was slowly squeezing their life away.

Sighing softly as she leaned into his side, her hand tightened on his bicep and her head fell to rest on his shoulder for a moment.

"I don't know," she answered honestly. "My father is the most terrifying thing in my life; the monster in my closet and under my bed. Knowing that he was…so close, all this time, it terrifies me. And I don't know what he'll do. I'm not his child anymore, he can't just pull me off and lock me in a room like they used to. But…what will he do? The not knowing is what scares me most."

Barry's head came to rest atop hers as he supressed the urge to tense up and punch something. He wasn't a violent person, not usually, but her parents were driving his thoughts to darker places. "I can walk you home, or to work, when I can—I know it's not much but-"

"It's perfect," she assured. "But you just said you have a couple of hours before your shift. I'm not making you and any of the others get up so early because of me. You all have lives as well, and I refuse to ruin that."

"Doesn't count if we're offering," he countered. "And believe me, any one of the others would be more than happy to walk you to work, or home at the end of the day. Everyone wants to meet you so badly, and those that have are vying for a bit of attention."

Iris flushed after his confession. "Thank you, Barry, for coming here this morning…and for just being here, period."

Smiling in assurance, he leaned over to rest his forehead against hers, pinching his neck slightly in the process but by no means regretting it. "Always, Sweetheart. Always."