Someone was pulling at his sleeve. He wondered who would dare wake him in this fashion.
"Bao?" someone said in a low voice. "I have to pee." Bao opened his eyes at these unexpected words. It was the youngest girl, Ilawen.
He saw that her sister and Neya were still asleep on the cot. "What do you need me for?" he asked hesitantly. Surely she was old enough to deal with these things on her own, was she not? He had very little experience with children. He had been Ilyena's eldest daughter's godfather, at her request, but that was a long time ago, and he had rarely visited the child in any case. Mainly to avoid Lews Therin.
"I don't know where to go," Ilawen explained. "And I don't want to go outside alone."
Darkness within! Well, Bao would have to deal with this – and worse – sooner or later. He stood up smoothly. "Very well, I will accompany you."
"Can you carry me?"
"Why? You are lucky enough to have two legs and the ability to use them."
She grumbled unintelligibly. "At least give me your hand. I don't want to get lost." Without waiting for an answer, she grabbed his hand firmly.
They walked for a moment in blessed silence. Everyone gave Bao a wide berth, but it seems that a few people were intoxicated enough to give him nasty glares, though he paid them no heed. Eventually, they found a deserted place and Bao told the girl to just go behind one of the tents while he 'kept watch'. For what, he did not know.
Ilawen looked up at him anxiously. "You wait for me?"
"Of course."
"You won't leave? Promise?" she asked again.
Why was she being so insistent? It was not like she was going away on an expedition. Bao crouched in front of her. "Why would I leave?"
"I don't know. Why does anyone leave?" she countered. "Neya said she would look after us and then she abandoned us. Then Mazrim left us, too. And Daddy, but he's dead, so that's different. At least that's what Karys says," she went on wistfully.
"Neya did not leave of her own accord. I took her away," Bao explained. "She did not abandon you. She will not."
Ilawen scowled. "Why did you take her away from us?"
"I...needed her," he said. It was the simple truth.
"What for?"
Burn my soul, do they always ask so many questions? "She played a crucial role in my plan," he told her patiently. He quickly realised his mistake.
"What plan?"
Was he supposed to lie to her, on account of her young age? He could not say. He never lied, unless he had no choice. He would have trouble coming up with a likely story on the spot, in any case. "The plan that would have allowed me to destroy the champion of the Light, the man you call the Dragon Reborn."
Ilawen looked more confused than ever. "Why did you want to destroy him? He's on our side. He saved us from the Dark One."
Bao refrained from scoffing and disputing that ludicrous statement. The girl was clearly struggling to understand. He should probably tell her to go on with her business and go back to sleep. He doubted that she would comply, however. "Because I was one of the Forsaken," he admitted. He was careful to use the appropriate term, the word she was most likely to understand.
"I don't know any Forsaken named Bao," she said dubiously.
"I was not always called by that name," he said. "I was known as Demandred."
Her eyes went wide and she took a stumbling step backwards. "Are you going to eat me?" she whispered fearfully.
Eat her? "Why in the blazes would I do that?" Bao asked, genuinely puzzled.
"Granny used to say that Demandred would come and eat us if we didn't finish our vegetables, and that Lanfear would wear our skin for a dress if we got mud stains on our clothes."
By the blood falls! What sane person would tell that to a child? "I fear that your grandmother's references are inaccurate," he said soothingly. "I do not eat children. I never have." He did not add that Mierin didn't flay people and wear their skins. For all Bao knew, she did.
"Oh. Maybe Granny was wrong. She mixed up things sometimes. Maybe it was another Forsaken," Ilawen said sagely.
"Yes, perhaps it was."
He started to tell her to go along, but she forestalled him. "So you didn't kill people?"
Bao hesitated. It was one thing to tell her the truth, but she was clearly too young to hear this. He tried to dismiss it. "It was a long time ago," he said. "Don't you have something to do?"
"You're trying to change the subject," she chided him. "Granny always did that, too. Karys says grown-ups always do that when they're embarrassed by a question. Or by an answer," she amended.
Perhaps he had underestimated her. "I killed people," he said softly. "Many people, women and children among them." Neya would likely have his hide for saying this, but what else was he supposed to do?
"Why? What did they do to you?" Ilawen wanted to know. She didn't seem particularly disturbed, but rather…curious.
The question took Bao aback. How strange that a five-year-old child could render him speechless. In truth, he had never paused to consider his actions, back in those days. "It seemed…justified at the time," he muttered eventually. He had no other answer to give her. He had done many things, many terrible things, after he turned to the Shadow. The one that stuck in his mind, however, the one that still intruded on his dreams, millennia later, was the obliteration of his native city, Adanza. The person who had given command of the armies of the Light to Lews Therin had lived there, with his family. Bao had destroyed them all when the occasion presented itself, when Ishamael sent him there on a mission. But he did not leave it at that. All these people, he had reflected at the time, these brainless sheep, they all saw Lews Therin as their saviour, their champion. They worshipped him. What fools they were. He was not certain what had prompted him to annihilate the entire city, but Trollocs needed feeding, and that seemed justification enough. They would not survive the Great Lord's reign, in any case. Only the strong would survive. Truly, he was doing them a favour. That was what he had told himself, at the time, and Elan had praised him for his initiative.
Ilawen was still scowling at him. "But you're good now, aren't you? You're not a Forsaken anymore," she said almost dismissively.
"I am not a Forsaken anymore," he confirmed. "But that does not make me good. It means I am aspiring to be good, I suppose." He would strive to be good. They had given him – Neya had given him – a second chance, an opportunity to start over with a clean slate. He was going to do it justice, to the best of his ability.
"Alright then," Ilawen said with a shrug. "I'm going now. You stay here," she added, pointing a threatening finger toward his chest.
"I will not move," he assured her, standing upright.
She was gone less than a minute, and then she ran back to him in all haste, studying the grass under his feet suspiciously. She appeared satisfied that he had remained in the same spot.
"There you are!" someone called from behind them. It was Karys. Bao noticed with some surprise that she was carrying a sheathed short sword on her belt. "I've been looking everywhere for you! I told you to stay near me, Ila. What if Trollocs show up again?"
"There are no more Trollocs, not here," Bao said. "I am sorry if you were worried about her."
"I was safe anyway," Ilawen told her sister. "He's Demandred. No one is going to attack us if he's here," she went on matter-of-factly. "Not even Trollocs."
Karys was staring at her, clearly mortified. "What are you going on about, silly? Don't say things like that." She looked up at Bao. "I'm sorry, she says whatever fancy comes up to her head without thinking, sometimes," she said, directing a scolding look at Ilawen.
"It is not a fancy. And she is correct. Nobody is going to harm you as long as I am around."
"You're…Demandred?" she repeated dubiously.
"I was, yes. I am only Bao, now. Is Neya awake?" Karys shook her head, scowling faintly.
"Can we dance?" Ilawen asked suddenly, pointing to a group of people in the distance. "I want to dance with Mazrim and Jasin!"
Bao glanced in the direction she was indicating. There was Taim, dancing with Nessosin.
Some things never changed. The Musician had never cared about attracting attention to him; quite the opposite, in fact. Even in the so-called Age of Legends, two men dancing together had been considered an oddity, although nobody had minded. Bao could not imagine what people would make of it in this backward age, even in these circumstances. "Very well," he said with a defeated sigh. "We can stay a little while, I suppose."
Until Neya was awake, that was. Then she would rescue him from this improbable situation, hopefully.