Min was beginning to doze off when she felt an unexpected tug from the bond she shared with Rand al'Thor. He had just materialised somewhere nearby. She blinked, dispelling the sleepiness from her eyes. She wasn't sure who'd Travelled with him – Rand could no longer channel – but it was a strange hour to visit anyone, and Min wasn't sure that she wanted to deal with the sheepherder right this moment.
It had been a long day, though that was hardly unusual. There was so much to do, in the aftermath of Tarmon Gai'don, that sleep had become a luxury Min could rarely afford. This day had been particularly rough, however. Meetings with Cadsuane Melaidhrin had a tendency to leave Min in a state of annoyance and frustration for hours afterwards, especially when Aiel and Sea Folk were involved as well. Not to mention Logain bloody Ablar.
Sometimes Min wondered if Damer Flinn had entirely rid him of the taint. The man had no sense of self-preservation. To his credit, he only wanted what was best for the Black Tower, and for the Asha'man under his care, but Light, if he kept barking at the Amyrlin like that, the old harpy was going to lose patience one day and blast him out of the Pattern, and never mind the strict interdiction to use balefire. They'd already had to adjourn three meetings because of Logain, despite Min's best attempts at defusing the tension in the Amyrlin's study. Logain relentlessly questioned the fact that they met there, instead of at the Black Tower. Min wished they would compromise and at least alternate the meeting venues, but Logain was surrounded by female channelers, and even Min's diplomatic prowess couldn't change that many stubborn women's minds. They claimed that they didn't feel safe at the Black Tower – some of them even had the gall to demand that Logain rename the place, because the current one was an affront to the White Tower.
Had they considered the fact that Logain felt even less safe on their turf? Obviously. Which was why they insisted on keeping it that way, Min knew.
Logain never went alone, but he wasn't allowed more than four men – plus Min, who was considered neutral, or at least used to be, before she decided to take permanent residence at the Black Tower – to match the number of women present during the meetings. Two Aes Sedai – the Amyrlin and her Keeper, Silviana Brehon – Alise Tenjile, leader of the Kin, a Wise One and a Sea Folk representative. It was hardly fair. Men couldn't link without a woman. If a fight broke out…
If a fight broke out, Rand's victory at Shayol Ghul would have been in vain. The world would implode, if the Black Tower and the White couldn't come to a lasting agreement that also met the demands of the Kin, the Aiel and the Sea Folk.
Min had pled several times to include the Seanchan and the Sharans in the negotiations, but her appeals had been ignored. She knew that she could make it work, if only the others weren't so bloody mulish about it… Logain included. He was the most pig-headed of the lot.
Min was increasingly certain that this wouldn't work out; not the negotiations, but Logain leading the Black Tower. She'd thought he would be perfect for the role – he was a born leader, intelligent and fair, and he was as sane as a man could be – but she'd come to realise that he wasn't doing it because he wanted to. He felt compelled to do it, and that made him irascible. It made him utterly uncompromising, and there lay the root of the problem.
No one wanted to compromise, but some people at least seemed to understand that it was necessary. Androl Genhald was their best asset in that regard, but Logain always overruled his ideas, when he felt that they put the Asha'man at a disadvantage.
That was why Min had come up with a radical solution, which, admittedly, she had yet to bounce off Logain. Androl had already agreed, though reluctantly, but it was the right call, and they both knew it.
Androl Genhald had to become the leader of the Black Tower, and Logain had to take a very long vacation.
Whatever he may say on the subject, he wasn't yet over the traumatic experience of Taim's repeated attempts at Turning him to the Shadow. Min knew that he barely slept – not first-hand! They weren't sleeping together or anything – and he had lost weight. He spent most of his free time either practicing his sword forms or brooding in his study. He rarely smiled or laughed.
All in all, he was back at square one, as far as Min was concerned: he behaved exactly as he used to, after they'd escaped from the White Tower, after Elaida's coup. As though saidin had been taken away from him again. Min suspected that there was indeed something missing, as if the Turning had ripped away a part of Logain's soul.
She'd done her best to help him, but the man wasn't exactly cooperative. He insisted that there was nothing wrong with him, that he wasn't going to be Min's project – supposedly, she was attracted to broken people and couldn't resist trying to 'help' them, even if they didn't require help or shoved it in her face.
For people who didn't share a bed, they certainly argued like a long-married couple.
Min blushed when her bedroom door creaked open. She'd forgotten about Rand.
"Min?" Rand whispered. "It's just me. I know you're awake."
She was in the process of rolling her eyes at the ceiling when light exploded in the room. Min groaned as her eyes fluttered, painfully adjusting to the sudden brightness. He hadn't channeled, of course; he'd just lit up one of the new glowbulbs Elayne and Aviendha had been working on.
Min sat up and glared at him, but her caustic words caught in her throat. Over the months, she'd completely forgotten that Rand wasn't Rand any longer.
A tall, dark-haired youth was beaming at her from the other side of the room, his piercing blue eyes glinting with obvious delight. "Min!" He took several steps forward and sat down on the bed. He was leaning in for a kiss when he finally noticed her expression. "Is everything alright?"
Min did her best to smooth her features. She was becoming really good at it, thanks to her time spent around Aes Sedai and Wise Ones – the Kin and Sea Folk rarely bothered to conceal their displeasure. "Hello, stranger," she said. Well, she'd removed the scowl from her face, but her voice could still use some practice in Aes Sedai impassiveness. She sounded decidedly bitter.
The body who had once belonged to the Forsaken Moridin – and to some poor, random dead lad before that – appeared taken aback by the coldness in her tone. "Min, I'm sorry. I know it's been a while…" He trailed off, fidgeting nervously.
"I figured you wouldn't visit often." But months? Even if he couldn't Travel on his own, there were channelers available pretty much everywhere nowadays. He could be with her in an instant, if he so desired. Apparently, he did not.
Min hesitated. There was no good time to bring this up, but who knew when Rand would next deign to make an appearance? She refrained from groaning. She wished she'd had more time to rehearse this conversation.
"Rand… We need to talk." Min almost laughed at the uh-oh look on his borrowed face, but thought it best to keep her countenance. "First off… I suppose congratulations are in order." Rand frowned quizzically. "The twins? Elayne's children? Your children?" This time she couldn't help a small smirk when he blushed.
"Oh. Um, thanks. I…I was just in Caemlyn, in fact. Aviendha brought me here. The babies are…"
Min interrupted his senseless rambling. "I know, you woolhead. I've seen them already. Aviendha came to deliver the good news, and we Travelled to the palace together. They're very…" She huffed in frustration. Gawyn and Tigraine were new-born babes. Whatever anyone said, they didn't look cute. They were tiny, and noisy – and smelly, on occasion – and Min couldn't bring herself to find them adorable. And Elayne claimed that they looked just like Rand – well, ginger Rand, not cleft-chin Rand. The babies looked like prunes, end of the story. The pregnancy must have addled Elayne's brains. "…healthy," she finished lamely. Well, they were, judging by how loudly they could scream. Good lungs on them both.
Rand grinned proudly. "They're perfect."
Min made an effort not to roll her eyes. "Anyway. I assume you'll be helping Elayne…" He shifted uncomfortably. "Rand…" she chided him.
"Aviendha is with her," he muttered.
"Avi is with child, woolhead. She will need rest. She's expecting quadruplets." He had the grace to look abashed.
"I… I'll help however and whenever I can."
"I certainly hope so." She absently brushed her sleeves, where she used to keep her knives concealed. "My point is, you're going to be quite busy for a while," she went on. "And I have no interest in babies, so I thought I'd travel a bit." She did her best to look nonchalant and refrained from biting her lower lip.
"Oh. Right." He was clearly disappointed. What had he expected? She hadn't seen him in months, had not even received one single message from him. Saviour of the world or not, Min wouldn't wait on the whims of Rand bloody al'Thor. She had no idea how long he would live, now that he couldn't channel any longer, but he was still the Dragon Reborn, after all, and she had a feeling that his ta'veren-ness might keep him alive longer than most people. Min, however, had a comparatively very short lifespan, and she fully intended to make the most of it.
"Where will you go?" Rand asked. "Seanchan?"
Min stared at him. Was he still mad? "Why in the Pit of Doom would I visit Seanchan, of all places?"
"I…I don't know," he said. "I just thought…"
"I'm going to Shara," she said bluntly.
Um, was she? She had given the idea little consideration, in truth. Light, she hadn't even brought it up with Logain yet! He would never agree to retire to Shara while he recuperated from his ordeals. That was where Taim was! Blood and ashes, she was tired.
Rand opened his mouth, found nothing to say, closed it again. Min rummaged her rusty brain for a good reason to visit the Forsaken Lands – as everyone had tactfully renamed them. "They…need help negotiating with the West. You must have heard how the last international meeting went." Min had been present, though she hadn't participated. She'd only been accompanying Logain – keeping an eye on him, really.
Actually, this was perfectly reasonable. Demandred and Neya wanted to open Shara for business and trade, and to make Travelling back and forth available to all, but most western rulers were being difficult about it. They wanted nothing to do with the former Forsaken. They should be ostracised and shunned forever. Really, it was to be expected, though regrettable all the same.
The king and queen of Shara also planned on opening a school for channelers – male and female alike – and that was probably the rub. Demandred had lost a good portion of his army during the Last Battle, and that was fine with everyone. The fact that he was actively recruiting for replacements wasn't, even if he claimed that he wanted to make proper Aes Sedai, not warriors.
The fact that he called them 'proper' Aes Sedai wasn't helping.
In any case, they could probably use Min's help. They weren't going to get assistance from anyone else in the Westlands, that was for sure.
As for Logain… Well, come to think of it, maybe it'll do him good to talk it out with Taim. Both men had been Healed; they were both sane and, hopefully, mature enough to discuss without blasting each other to bits. Though in truth, Logain was more worrisome in that regard than Taim. Seeing the Saldaean now, it was difficult to believe that he'd done all the horrible things that Logain accused him of. Taim looked as tame as any of the dogs here at the Black Tower. Light, he was raising children. Min wasn't sure that she would trust grumpy Logain around children.
Rand was nodding slowly. "If you think you should help them, then go ahead." He hesitated. "Will Logain be alright without you?"
"Logain will be coming with me," she asserted. He would come, even if Min had to drag him all the way there on foot.
Rand's face fell. "I…see."
"I'm sorry." She had stalled long enough. "Logain and I… Rand, I've waited months for you to show up." She raised her hands when he tried to speak. "We didn't do anything, I swear." Rand would have known, if they had, but it didn't hurt to say it aloud. "I wanted to talk to you first. With the bond…" Min had suffered through it enough times to know that she didn't want Rand to feel it, even if he figured out how to mask the bond. Even masked, he would still know. "We… I care for him. Very much. And I think he feels the same way about me."
There. She'd said it. And never mind that she'd never said it to Logain before.
They'd never really discussed it. Logain had no idea that Rand was alive, let alone that Min was bonded with him. He'd made an attempt at courting her, after she'd decided to stay at the Black Tower, but she'd had to decline. Her official reason had been that she was still in mourning, and Logain had not insisted. In fact, he had never mentioned it again.
But she wanted to be with him. She'd dismissed the idea at first – Logain was too unstable, Rand trusted her, there was simply too much on her plate besides – but after spending so much time here, at the Black Tower, she'd come to feel protective of Logain. She worried about him, and she yearned to help him, to comfort him, in any way she could, even if he wouldn't allow it.
The man could be bloody stubborn, but Min had out-stubborned more grizzled woolheads than him.
If Rand agreed to release her bond – well, if Elayne agreed – Min would be free to be with Logain. She wouldn't have to hold back.
She'd anticipated that this would be an excruciating conversation, but nothing had prepared her for Rand's look of utter despair. "I…" He had to pause to clear his throat. "I understand." His tone clearly indicated that he didn't, not really.
"I'm sure you won't even have time to think about me," Min said with false cheerfulness. "The twins, Avi's upcoming horde of red-haired warriors… Surely you'll have your hands full."
She could read in his eyes that he'd counted on Min to provide a welcome break amongst the chaos that he'd himself created, but she wouldn't relent. He was reaping the seeds he'd sowed – quite literally. "I'll always be there for you, Rand. I'll be there for Elayne and Aviendha, too. For the children. But I need to be my own person again. Being with you three… I felt like I never really belonged. Elayne and Avi are sisters, and I love them both dearly, but the way they connect, I never had that with either of them, and I never will."
"I thought we connected," Rand said wistfully.
"We did. But I can't…" She sought the words to properly define it for him. "I had you for myself for a long time, and it was nice, but now you're divided again. You'll never be mine. We'll always have to share, and I don't think I can do that. I can't live like that, knowing that Elayne and Aviendha may live as long as you, but that I'll be long forgotten by the time you have great-grandchildren."
"Min, I could never forget you! And…and anyway, Logain is a powerful channeler. The problem remains…"
"Logain will have eyes only for me. I know it must sound selfish, but I just… I want to be someone's entire focus. I want Logain to look at me like he's never looked at anyone else before, and never will. I want him to love me, and no one else."
"I…" Rand shook his head, then placed his hand over Min's. "I love you more than you could possibly imagine."
"As much as you love Elayne and Avi," Min put in.
"Yes. But-"
She removed her hand and patted him on the shoulder. "I'm sure you won't lack for love and happiness, sheepherder. Can't you wish the same for me?"
There was a sharp knock on the door. Logain hadn't even bothered to lie down in bed. He usually spent the night in his chair, sometimes falling into a fitful sleep out of sheer exhaustion, sometimes staring at the fireplace for hours, his mind blank, until the sun rose and Logain felt satisfied that no one would comment on the fact that he was already up and about. The Black Tower woke up early.
He stood and went to open the door, hoping that it would be…
"Min," he greeted her. He was glad to see her, as always. He knew he should have smiled, but smiling did no longer come naturally to him.
"May I?" The words weren't yet out of her mouth that she was already marching inside.
Logain's lips twitched almost reflexively as he moved aside to let her pass. "What brings you here on this…um, dark, rainy night?"
She sat down in his chair as though she owned it, then gave him a very serious look. His ghostly smile vanished instantly. "What's wrong?" he asked worriedly.
Min took a deep breath. "We need to talk."