A/N: I'm sorry guys. You're gonna hate me so much for this chapter (or love me, depends really). Poor Theodore can't get a break. But don't worry, Hermione will show up soon and make everything better (or possibly worse, haven't decided yet). Also, I'm sorry for not updating as quickly – I wanted to get back onto that two week schedule that I promised at the beginning. I have completed a few more chapters, but not enough to warrant uploading at the same pace as the others.
Speaking of which, some chapters might be delayed in future – I'm taking a few summer courses and want to devote time to my studies, in addition to work and other activities.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Title: The Past Does Not Define Us
Rating: T
Pairing: Theodore Nott/Hermione Granger
Summary: "I'm sorry." Those two words shot like an arrow through his soul and Theodore found that there was nothing he could do to stop himself from falling.
Warning(s): Mentions of child abuse and suicidal thoughts
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Chapter 5: Loneliness
Theodore didn't know why he came back.
Perhaps it was nostalgia. Perhaps he just wanted to finish his final year properly. Or perhaps it was the fact that he didn't want to be locked up in that damn old manor up in Wiltshire anymore, where the rooms were starting to collect dust because Theodore had taken the Nott family house elf, Poxy, with him when he moved out (he talked to the goblins and managed to rent an apartment far away from Diagon Alley; the stares, sneering, and spitting in his general direction were not worth the extra effort if he could avoid it).
Not many people had come back.
Theodore understood – there were too many memories held here, too much blood that had been spilled in the halls that many of the others had trouble unseeing. Unfortunately for Theodore, he had nowhere else to go.
At this point, he had gotten used to people sneering, hissing, sometimes tripping him in the halls on his way to class. It wasn't something that he hadn't dealt with before (fifth year comes to mind, though it was on a more condensed, more isolated scale), nothing that he couldn't handle. He never admitted out loud though how it hurt to be ignored when he had a question that needed answering or how sometimes the sneering, hissing, and tripping became jinxes, hexes, and curses.
He never admitted that he missed Draco's smug condescending attitude, because Draco was under house arrest and he couldn't owl him; he never admitted that he missed Blaise's confidence and flirty nature, because Blaise left the country to return to Italy in order to finish his education; he never admitted that he missed Crabbe, because he was fucking dead; he never admitted that he missed Daphne and her cold unfeeling expression (she was being homeschooled after deciding that the distain was too much to handle), Pansy and her haughty smirks (she was planning her wedding and looked on the verge of tears the last time he saw her), Goyle and his silence (he disappeared, the loss of Crabbe hitting him especially hard).
Theodore never admitted that sometimes he went up to the Astronomy Tower late at night and stayed there until the early hours of the morning, debating whether or not to throw himself off and just end his torment.