A/N: DOUBLE UPDATE! Also, I'm going to apologize in advance for this chapter. I am so sorry.
Just in regards to Hermione – she's been going through her own personal problems that are completely separate from Theodore and his. The pressure of being looked upon constantly as a role model and heroine from the war is cracking down on her and she's feeling it. This is why I want to do a Hermione version of TPDNDU, so that I can go into depth with it more and bring insight to other things from Theodore's story, such as how she views him and how he impacts her.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Title: The Past Does Not Define Us
Rating: T
Pairing: Theodore Nott/Hermione Granger
Summary: "I'm sorry." Those two words shot like an arrow through his soul and Theodore found that there was nothing he could do to stop himself from falling.
Warning(s): Mentions of child abuse and suicidal thoughts.
Chapter 15: The Realization
How had he not seen that before?
How could he be so selfish? Only focusing on himself when at the same time idolizing and worshipping her as if she were a goddess, just like so many others? When had he lost sight of her humility? When had he lost sight of her humanity?
Theodore stood from the bench and made his way around to her side of the table. He sat next to her, taking her hands and clasping them in his own. She turned her head to look at him; he saw sadness, confusion, and a blush on her cheeks.
He had been blinded by her brilliance, blinded by her virtue, blinded by her intelligence. Blinded by the magnificence that was Hermione Granger, smartest witch of her generation, best friend of Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived. He had been so blinded by the legend that he had forgotten that she was just as human as he, just as flawed as he. He had forgotten that she had been normal once until the war turned her into a storybook heroine.
Theodore sighed.
"Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty(1)," he murmured to her, rubbing his thumbs along the backs of her hands.
"You know Mother Teresa?" Granger asked. The remnants of her sobs were evident in her voice, her breathlessness, it was evident in her shaking shoulders, in her pale hands.
He felt his lips twitch.
"I know a lot of things, Hermione Granger," Theodore said wryly.
"I can tell," she replied, snorting. He snuck a glance at her to see her staring at their joined hands, her lips forming a slight smile despite her earlier misery. Good, he thought, just another push.
"We have all known the long loneliness, and we have found that the answer is community(2)," he added, slowly. What great advice, Theodore, he thought with concealed amusement, maybe you should take a page out of your own book.
He could feel her looking at him and he mustered up the courage to look back. Her brown eyes were narrowed in thought, twinkling twin lights that held warmth and sincerity. He matched it with his own, hoping, praying that she would see his own empathy. He stared into those pools of chocolate and gently squeezed her hands.
"You are not alone, Granger," Theodore whispered. I am here, you are not alone; you have me. You thought you were using me, but in truth, I was using you. I was blind. I didn't see the truth in front of my own eyes. For that, I am so sorry.
Granger stared at him, picking him apart piece by piece. He wondered what she saw; whatever it was, he hoped it was good. Then, she smiled.
"Call me Hermione," the brown eyed girl said. "We're friends, aren't we?"
He swallowed.
Then, he returned her smile, his heart cracking.
"Yeah. Friends."
1 – Mother Teresa
2 – Dorothy Day