A/N: Many apologies for the super late update! Life got in the way of everything, as it does. But I am back! Updates might be slow coming from now on cause of university and stuff, but I swear that I will finish this story!
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Rating: T
Pairing: Theodore Nott/Hermione Granger
Summary: "I'm sorry." Those two words shot like an arrow through his soul and Theodore found that there was nothing he could do to stop himself from falling.
Warning(s): Mentions of child abuse and suicidal thoughts.
Chapter 18: The Doubt
It's windy atop the Astronomy Tower.
The night air is a crisp and warm, especially with the summer months approaching. Theodore stares up at the sky, where twinkling stars blink in and out of view and wonders what it would be like to be one of them. To be that far away, that disconnected from the world around him, to be untouchable, unattainable, unbreakable (he's cracked, he's cracked, he'scracked).
He wonders why he bothered to get close to her. Of course she would go back to Weasley. It was an inevitability, a predetermined destiny, fate, or whatever you wanted to call it. To be so close yet so far away (like a star, she was bright and burning and beautiful and utterly unattainable) – he wonders whether the past few months had been worth it.
He reaches up to the sky, trying to grasp at least one of the flickering stars.
(He failed)
The wind howls in his ears, burning his eyes, whipping his hair to and fro. His bandaged hand clenches at his side and he winces – the pain brings clarity and truth.
He already sent his letter to Daphne. She was always the more sensible of the two of them (He told her "In another world." She grasped his hands, pleading, "why not this one?" Why not this one indeed? She would have been the sensible choice). He wonders how long he could wait – his angel, his unattainable star was already suspicious.
Theodore chokes out a laugh.
His – he called her "his."
How selfish of him.
He doesn't deserve to be selfish.