Diana looked outside at the rain as she held her 6 month old son Spencer. It was a very dreary day. She knew though however, that she must have some structure, but not too much that it was overwhelming , for fear of stress that may lead to psychosis. Spencer had been baptized,but the new priest who had said some insensitive things about mental illness that had made Diana decide not to attend again. She didn't know if she could ever go there to Mass again. She also felt that things were moving in a direction with Pope John Paul II she disapproved of. Could she still be Catholic and disagree with the hierarchy with some actions and papal documents? Her sister said yes, but all this thinking was stressful.
"I love you baby. Do you think I should stay Catholic?"
"Ma ma ma"
"Trying to talk little one? It seems like a good day for that Carpenters song." Diana put on a single, she had listened to many times, Rainy Days and Mondays. She heard footsteps, made the sign of the cross, wondering if she should be afraid,until she saw it was William.
"Have you eaten honey?"
"Breakfast,is it lunch already?"
"Spencer, can you crawl to Daddy?"
Diana put him down and Spencer crawled to William.
"Oh, William. I think you are good with babies. I'm hungry."
"I'll make you a sandwich before going back to the office. Why don't you feed Spencer?"
"That wasn't really crawling."
"Well, not exactly,more like scooting on his stomach. He'll crawl when he is ready."
" Let me get your formula, baby." Diana felt like a nap,it had been a long morning.
Just then the phone rang. It was Veronica who had planned to come over so Diana could nap. A few minutes later she was over.
"Afternoon Diana."
"Thanks for coming. He cried this morning. It gave me a headache."
"Did everything work out?"
"Yes,but I hate it when it takes so long to figure it out."
"I understand, now you go rest knowing he is in good hands."
After Diana had her nap, Spencer went down for his nap and she and Veronica chated.
"I was wondering if you ever thought of not being Catholic?" Diana asked.
"What brought this up?" Asked Veronica.
"Well I disagree with the Pope on some things and wonder if there are more good priests out there?"
"Good meaning,not like who we have at the parish now, but who talk less of sin, more of mercy?"
"Yes, am I bad Catholic for questioning or disagreeing?"
" I can't judge that Diana, but I don't like how our country and church are so divided. You are strong in your faith in many ways. I admire you for having faith. You are a strong woman."
" I miss Fr. John."
" I know Diana, me too."
" I want Spencer to know what I like about being Catholic. I want him to see some good in Christianity."
"I'm sure he will dear."
"It's hard being me. Jesus does love those with mental illness, right?"
"Yes! He and I will be here for you."
"Oh dear God, help me. I'm doubting."
"Everyone does,Diana. He is here, so is his mother and your amazing support team."
"With God's help,I'll survive, for Spencer."
"I'm pretty sure your sister would agree, but you must have faith in yourself too."
"It sucks being sick, but I can survive and if I relapse you and William will watch over Spener, and God will too."
"Yes, Diana. Want to take Spencer on a walk? The weather is bearable." It was Las Vegas in the fall,in the early afternoon,not exactly cool.
"Yes, I need my exercise, I'm told."
The three went for a walk and Diana felt a little better than she had this morning, knowing that Veronica and William were her rock and helped her and Spencer safe and healthy.