.:. 7 .:.
Subaru Sakamaki sat on the windowsill, shifting every so often due to the uncomfortable stone underneath. The ledge was wide and long and once had a selection of cushions atop it. He had sliced them with his knife, either out of curiosity or rage, he couldn't recall, but they were gone and his father had forbid a replacement. The glass had once been perfect, too. Now it was cracked from a collision with his fist. The entirety of his bedroom was like this; destroyed and imperfect, as though ransacked by raiders.
His mother's tower was opposite. Ever since he was a child he had established this depressive, brooding habit. It was windowless, yet the tower had once been used for defences. Arrow-loops remained; tiny slits in the shape of a cross wrapped around the circumference. Subaru would stare at each in turn, hoping to see the white flash of her gown, an unblinking red eye, or a set of clawing, desperate fingers.
There was a knock at the door, shattering the tranquility; he had almost forgotten the ails of his hangover.
"Young master?" spoke his valet. "May I come in?"
"Get lost," he bit out, "and leave me alone."
"My apologies," he cleared his throat. "But as the guests will be arriving very soon, it is imperative that you get dressed."
Subaru glanced down at himself; his shirt had dark stains and stunk of alcohol and vomit, and he vaguely remembered tossing off Shu's overcoat in the woods. His trousers were torn at the knee and he was barefoot. He hadn't dared to face a mirror; no doubt his hair would match the disgusting state of his clothes.
The servant—a stern, elderly man—would not take no for an answer. The door clicked open and he entered with a set of dress robes hung over his arm. He bid him a small bow in respect; Subaru gaped at his nerve, his fury turning his ears red. He had served his family before he had been born, and he—and many of the old maids—had learned not to fear his temper. For the most part, it wasn't personal, and the only harm inflicted was to an odd vase or wall. However new, young serving girls would flee sloshing their pails as soon as his voice rose. He liked those better; they never bothered him again and he was left alone.
"Oi! Who the hell said you could enter?"
He laid the clothes on the bed and Subaru saw a bright, fitted waistcoat with a line of silver buttons—it made him sick. His valet noticed his sour expression and turned to give him a sheepish smile.
"Young master, you know as well as I that if you do not greet your guests in an appropriate manner, we will both be punished. Please, be compliant."
Subaru sighed, slackened his fists and turned back towards the window. The amber and bronze of the evening sky fused with the autumn forest, and he remembered how his mother—when sane—would liven as the weather began to cool. Christa liked winter the best, when snowflakes fluttered and the world turned white. She told him stories of how she built snowmen as a girl, dressing them up in her bonnets and gloves.
He was rarely allowed to visit when he was small, but one day, he stole the key from the guards. He would sneak up to her quarters in the dead of night with bundles of food smuggled underneath his nightshirt; Karl had deprived her of all finery and treated her as a savage, wild beast. He brought her sweets and pastries and the reddest apples from the tree, hoping it would flush her cheeks in colour. Unbeknown to anyone he had kept the key, tied to a chain around his neck. As an adult, he was granted permission to visit, but he rarely did so. He was nothing but a filthy coward, one who couldn't stand the hurt.
"I hear Lady Christa is doing well," the servant spoke, snapping him out of thought; he had started filling up the wash basin. "They say she hasn't refused a single meal this week."
Subaru tensed, trying to squash the fluttering hope inside of him. It's fleeting, it's fake, he told himself. Soon enough she'll be sticking fingers down her throat and screaming until her voice withers. He knew her recovery was impossible; she was insane, unreachable, forever lost in her mind. He lifted the key, warm against his fingertips. But despite knowing better, a part of him clung to the childish hope of it.
"R...Really?"
He nodded. "But I'm afraid she has been asking for you again, young master. Of course..."
His words faded. Subaru's mind was transported eleven years ago to one of the coldest winters their village had ever seen. Shu had grown very tall, despite the famine and the stunted crops, and he never missed an opportunity to tease. Even Yui, who was always tiny and delicate, had surpassed his height. Though, thinking of her now, he was satisfied that she hadn't grown much since. It was unusual that they saw her at all that winter. She tended to be sick when the temperature dropped due to the draughty church and her thin dresses, too poor to afford thick furs and hot, hearty meals.
Shu was taking a break from his studies and Subaru had roped him into building a snowman. His brother was fifteen and uninterested in children's play; he threw together a lump of snow and carved its face with his thumb. It was drooped and had no decor, no stones for buttons and no spared scarf. After mere minutes, he slumped off to rest under the apple tree where the snow was thin and sheltered. Conversely, Subaru was determined to create a masterpiece; he wanted to tell his mother stories, too.
Yui crept up the hill with a guilty smile, shivering underneath her cloak. No doubt it belonged to her father, for it was too long and trailed behind her like a veil. He was accustomed to seeing her in light dresses made for spring and summer, with her bare feet crushing the grass and daises. She didn't appear to belong amidst the whiteness, even more so when stood beside the frozen river. She waved and dragged her feet through the snow. Her nose was red, both from the weather and her sniffles.
"Wow, that's impressive!" said Yui, straightening his snowman's pebble-nose. It wasn't often that she saw the ground blanketed in virgin snow. The village streets were slushy and the snow was black. "But... he looks a little sad, don't you think?" Subaru shrugged and watched as her stiff hands scuffed and redrew its mouth into a wide grin. "There, much better. People always look lovelier when they smile." She laughed and pinched his cheeks. "Including you!"
Subaru snarled and batted her away. "Ow! Stupid, get off!"
She continued to laugh and Subaru continued to complain, and soon enough their squabble awoke Shu.
"So... it seems our very own frost demon has decided to show up," he drawled, his breath creating steam. "Has sneezing bored you already?"
Her attention drifted to him and Subaru huffed, knowing their conversation would be exclusive. Shu was five years older than him and Yui three, and when together they treated him as an immature child. Frustrated, Subaru continued building his snowman, patting down the snow to make it smooth. Yui settled down beside him, casting a glance at the bare branches above.
"I can't stay long," she told him, drawing her cloak near. "Papa will be worried if he realises I'm gone."
Shu scoffed. "The village golden girl can be disobedient, huh?"
Yui shushed him and hid her coughs into her hands. "H-How are you? You look tired today."
"Your concern is interesting," he said, leaning forward with a lazy smirk. "Considering I'm not the one with blue hands." His features turned passive once more, and he took off his mittens and tossed them into her lap; brown, embellished leather lined in sheep's wool. She gave him a questioning look, which he answered with: "your chattering teeth are loud. Put them on."
She obliged and sighed in relief as warmth flooded her fingers. Looking upwards, it was clear how drained he was; he had been studying since first light. The crown of his head was resting against the trunk, his half-lidded eyes staring blankly towards the forest.
"Please, Shu," she said. "It's important that you look after yourself too."
He rubbed his forehead. "Is that all you came for? To ramble about your concern? It's worthless... Just leave if that's all you have to say to me."
"I-I'm not leaving," she argued, struggling to keep her voice firm with the cold.
Shu glared. "How bold you are... I forgot that this was your home, too," his voice dripped with sarcasm. "Its obvious... how much you belong here."
He was weary, he was agitated and he was depressed, and when all of those emotions came together, he would lash out and create distance. He had the importance of his rank drilled into him daily and he soon realised that their friendship was abnormal. People like him couldn't have friends. Soon enough he would be forced to marry some rich maiden and he would have no time to associate with poor little church girls.
Yui jerked to her feet, her cloak pooling around her ankles. "What's that supposed to mean?"
He closed his eyes in dismissal. "I'm not repeating myself."
Shu didn't know how much time had passed. Dark shapes moved past his eyelids and he heard the wind disturbing the trees, breathing and the squeaking of boots in the snow. He assumed she had left, until a heavy weight crashed down onto his outstretched legs. His eyes snapped open to be met with Yui, sprawled across his lap, semi-conscious and feverish. Her hood had fallen and unclasped, revealing a short, flimsy nightdress and slippers.
If she was well and had stumbled as a result of her own clumsiness, he might have teased her for her directness, but she was sick, he had realised, through her coughing and sniffling. He wasn't the sort to nag and insist on her returning to bed; she had come on her own, and any misfortune was her own to bear. Yet she had ventured to the castle out of worry, not sparing a thought to frostbite or death. She really was a selfless fool.
"God... what a troublesome person," he grumbled and shifted her into his arms. He looked down at her, knowing it would be easier for her to disassociate from him, but he knew, no matter how much he hurt her, she was not only a selfless fool, but a loyal one. "Will I ever get a break from you...?"
Subaru was oblivious to the matter; his brows furrowed in concentration as he lodged a pair of coins into the eye-sockets of his snowman. Shu stumbled to his feet with Yui cradled in his arms; he was heading to the stables to fetch his horse, plus mentally preparing himself for the encounter with the fretting minister.
"Young master?"
After an unanswered pause, the servant repeated themselves, and Subaru wondered why Shu hadn't responded; no doubt he was wanted by his tutor to continue his studies—had he fallen asleep? Confused, he turned to see him—and Yui—vanished. Footprints torn into the snow were their only reminders. Sighing, he looked upwards.
"What?" he snapped. "I'm busy."
"My apologies, sir. But your mother is calling for you."
"M-My mother?" Subaru bounced on his heels. "You mean it?"
He barely saw the man nod before he sprinted towards the castle, tripping up the steps in his clunky boots. He landed in one of the courtyards, becoming victim to the stares of passing maids. They shivered as Yui had, with their red noses and white lips, arms loaded with wood for the fires.
Eventually he reached the base of the tower, the upper-half lost in the fog of snow. Subaru always felt intimidated under its height and anxiety began to twist his stomach. With each visit, he never knew which persona he would be greeted with—would she love or hate him today? Would she be mellow or violent? Her behaviour was as unpredictable as a flipped coin, and before he clambered up the spiral staircase, he forced himself to toughen. He couldn't take her words to heart.
The guards bowed and unlocked the door for him. Christa sat facing the largest arrow-slit, her arm dipped out in an attempt to catch the snowflakes. The windows had been boarded, yet the wind seeped through the gaps, bitter and howling. Her gown was as white as the snow and Subaru wished it had been as thick. He shrugged off his furs and crossed the room. She heard footsteps and flinched, clutching her blanket as a lifeline. The fear in her features dissolved once Subaru smiled.
"Y-You called... mother?"
"Oh, Subaru," she crooned, her hand caressing his cheek. His face was hot from running and her fingers were cold and soothing; he relaxed. "Subaru... you have finally come. I'm overjoyed..."
"Mother, aren't you cold up here?" He laid his hand atop hers, watching as her narrow shoulders shuddered. Anger boiled inside of him—why hadn't his father constructed a fireplace? Why hadn't he given her winter furs? Why... did he treat her so cruelly?
"Wear these," he offered his own. "Or you'll catch a cold."
The fur was mottled and peppered with snow, and slowly, her eyes met his outstretched hands. They wandered to his face, to his unkempt white hair, then back to the slit in the stone and to the flurry of snow. Her fingertips brushed the fur, prickly and icy. He was a liar—how would this keep her warm? That filthy man had never concerned himself with her wellbeing before—was he tricking her?
Christa inhaled sharply, whipped out a hand and struck his cheek. Subaru fell to his knees, wide-eyed. He nursed the mark as tears trickled down his face.
"Filthy boy!" she spat, kicking the furs aside. "Get away!"
She stumbled backwards until she was pressed against the wall, mumbling incoherency in her panic. Her features were full of madness, fear, and disgust, and Subaru bowed his head in shame. The guards rushed in and attempted to calm her, but her shrieks grew louder, mingled with their exclamations of pain as she lashed out. There was a clinking of metal as her limbs were shackled and restrained, then silence after a cup of sedation was pushed past her lips.
Subaru crawled over to his cast-away furs, full of the snow she loved so much. It was a reminder of her innocence and freedom, and he had taunted her. He thought of the snow Yui had once described from her church window, dirty and polluted...
"Young master?" spoke his valet. "Are you alright?"
Subaru jerked his head to the window, roughly wiping his eyes with his sleeve.
"Fuck," he growled, "shit, I'm fine! You saw nothing, understand?"
"I understand," he agreed. "Come, it's becoming dark."
He drew the curtains to remove the tower from sight.
.:.
"I can hear you hovering in the doorway, you know..."
Subaru cursed and rammed the door open. He knew he could never confide in Shu. He was a good listener yet he was useless at giving advice; sleep and ignorance were his only wise words. Preferably he wanted the company of Yui, but he would never make it back for the feast.
"So noisy... what do you want? Your clothes are hurting my eyes."
Shu was lay on the bed, holding a crumpled piece of parchment above him. The room was dim and he hadn't bothered to close the curtains, yet the moon was visible, faint against the dusk sky. A single candle was lit and the light turned the paper transparent, and Subaru could see lines and lines of handwriting.
"B-Bastard!" he yelled, slamming a fist into the door. It ricocheted off the wall, loosening its hinges. "Do you think I want to wear this shit?"
His blue eyes peeped above the letter and moved to the hearth. Subaru followed them to see the flames high and blazing. It didn't surprise him as he knew Shu's tiredness rendered him cold, but when he moved closer, he smelled smoke and the burning of cloth. A golden button was trapped in the grate, unblemished and shining.
"My bad," said Shu, withholding a smile.
He stretched and stood and locked the letter into a draw. Subaru bit back a curse at the sight of the shrivelled waistcoat, envious that he hadn't thought of something similar. It was clear that Shu had dressed himself as his shirt was rumpled and his cravat was awry. No matter the occasion he dressed as he always did, in pale colours, simple and refined. His hair was outgrown and would have overflowed his collar if not for the ribbon.
"I... saw that woman today," he explained, slouching beside the window. "Not that you'll remember a thing..."
Subaru loosened his collar. "Hah? Who?"
"Cricket," he mumbled. "Funny... she was hardly in any condition to hop."
He resisted any optimism. For years Subaru longed for the three of them to become close again. As far as he was aware, his brother hadn't spoken more than a handful of words to her since she married Reiji Kasei. He knew Shu had responsibilities, but he couldn't understand why the duo couldn't be amicable and meet up at village festivals as they once had.
"A...And?"
Shu rubbed his nape. "Hn. She's as annoying as ever."
Subaru scoffed and punched his arm; Shu asked if he wanted to meet the same fate as his waistcoat.
The sky shifted to black and the night air became overpowered by aromas from the kitchen. They sat on the windowsill, dangling their legs out. It was a dangerous position and one slip and the fall would be fatal. It reminded Subaru of when he was young and being invited into his brother's bedroom was one of the greatest honours. In the daytime they would cause mischief by dropping objects at the people down below, and at night they would chart the stars and tell stories. Shu had even tried to teach him violin, but he was far too heavy-handed.
He never came in much now. Shu would be either glued to his desk, asleep or ill. He didn't know why he tolerated him tonight; perhaps they were both seeking a distraction.
Shu's eyes were closed and Subaru flinched when he spoke, believing him to be asleep.
"Tell me," he began, "who do you think it is? The man... who ruined her. Everyone in this village is nosy and has an opinion."
"What's with this fucking question all of a sudden?!"
Shu shrugged, absentmindedly rubbing his cat's chin. Lily had slinked in and settled on his lap, hissing at Subaru each time he moved.
"Well... you must suspect someone, right? Like that troublesome doctor... always breathing down my neck."
"That bastard, why is he still here? Where the fuck is he getting his facts? I mean, you hate her."
He made a noise in agreement, though Subaru knew he hadn't listened.
"This man," he said, giving him a passing glance. "I assume... you already hate him."
"Obviously!" Subaru exclaimed, tightening his fists to subdue his anger. "The amount of shit she's been though, how miserable she's been... when I find out who it is, I'm going to fucking kill him!"
Shu's lips twisted into a smile, though Subaru couldn't decipher its meaning in the dark.
"He's a coward," was all he said, his words almost lost in the bustle of pulled-up carriages.
A/N: Hello! Filler chapter, I guess? :')
It was either stick at 3k words or go to 8k, which I imagine to be a little overwhelming to read (and to edit, lol).
Thanks for reading! See you next time ^^
allyelle~