Chapter Eighteen: Wes the Banter Tester
A few days before the long-awaited holiday break, Casper High was put on an altered schedule for a 'ghost safety assembly' with the Fentons. Apparently they were going to run through the basics of how to use Fenton weapons and appropriate ghost emergency procedures. To be honest, Wes thought it sounded more like a self advertising gig rather than an educational presentation.
"-and this is my – I mean, our – newest invention!" declared Jack Fenton, holding up a random device that looked like a speed gun crossed with a brick phone from the 80s. "It tells you which powers a ghost is currently using! All you have to do is point it at the ghost, and BAM-"
Many audience members flinched at the sudden noise that echoed off the gym walls. On the other hand, two rows directly behind Wes, he could hear Danny and his friends snickering at his father's outburst. Wes realized that they probably have to listen to a lot of Jack's ramblings and that they were completely used to his spastic tendencies by now.
"-it gives you a specific list of what powers the ghost is using, as well as it's current power level!"
"Yes, Jack," Maddie said, "that's very interesting, but we're supposed to be demonstrating the basics. You know, the wrist-rays? The regular ectoguns?"
"Right... right..." After Maddie interfered, the assembly started getting back on track. Wes found some of it useful, especially when Jack pulled the Ghost Tracker out.
"Ghost located! 10 Feet away! You must be some sort of moron not to notice the ghost!"
And with that, it was pandemonium among the students. Everyone turned their heads to try to see where the ghost was, all but Wes and Team Phantom. They all knew that the tracker was keying on to Danny...
Maddie gripped her microphone, ignoring the feedback when she raised her voice over the chattering students, "No need to worry! It's just malfunctioning again!"
Maddie then leaned towards Jack, whispering something in his ear, but somehow the microphone accidentally captured some of her words, "Can't figure out... locking in... thought we fixed... Danny..."
And then, Wes lost it (what a shocker).
"Did you guys hear that?!" he screamed. "It's keying into him! HE IS A FUCKING GHOST, AND THAT THING PROVES IT!"
The next thing Wes knew, Principal Ishiyama herself was halfway up the bleachers and was approaching towards him. Oh shit. She was furious, her eyes dancing with a merciless flame that spelled out his absolute doom. And then, with no words, she dragged him by the collar and pulled him along helplessly out of the gym. Before they were out of the double doors, she turned back towards the Fentons apologetically, "Sorry about him. He's... sorta of a troublemaker who needs to learn to watch his mouth."
Before Maddie could respond, Ishiyama pushed Wes into the hallway and said in a dangerously low voice, "My office, Weston."
He gulped, and reluctantly trailed behind her. He couldn't help that even the Fentons' own equipment proved that Danny was a ghost! Hell, even Danny's parents knew that he was the source of the problem, but probably dismissed it because they didn't want to face the gruesome and horribly disappointing reality that their own son was a ghost. Even Amity's most intelligent residents were complete fools sometimes. But of course, it's not like he could explain it to Ishiyama... or anyone really.
They were at Ishiyama's office in about a minute. He faced her as she glared at him from across her desk. And in that moment, Wes felt the magnitude of how screwed he was. He felt as if the dull cream walls of her office were closing in on him; this was his penitentiary and she was his warden. He didn't even think that Danny's stupid ghost warden could hold a candle to the terror Ishiyama inflicted within him.
"I'm going to get to the point quickly," she said, glancing at a stray manila folder. "You've had fifteen write-ups concerning your use of profane language in the past month alone. Considering since this is high school, we've been somewhat lenient. But all those write-ups add up sometime, Wes. And you cross the line when you address guests – who we are very lucky to have at this school – with this ugly language. Needless to say, I and countless members of the staff are very concerned why this keeps happening."
"I-" Wes's voice was hoarse when he spoke, "I don't really have an explanation, Mrs. Ishiyama."
She was silent for a moment before straightening the pencils on the edge of her desk, "I am a woman who fully supports freedom of expression, especially in teens, but those nasty words and accusations do not belong in this school. You may not have an explanation, but whatever the source is of the problem is, it needs to stop. I want to hear nothing but respect for your peers and teachers out of you, Wes. Or so help me, I will not refrain from putting your hind-end in ISS."
"Alright," Wes agreed, nodding slightly.
"I am serious about this Wes," she trailed off for a moment. "You know, if there's a reason you've been acting this way, you can always talk to the counselor. I understand if you're uncomfortable, especially since our previous counselor was a ghost... but that doesn't mean that all therapists are incoherently evil."
"Or maybe the reason I don't want to see a shrink is because I'm not crazy," Wes responded automatically. He immediately regretted his words.
Ishiyama gave him a puzzled look, "I never said the word 'crazy'. I'm just suggesting that maybe it'd be helpful to talk with someone about your apparent anger problems."
"I don't have anger problems, people just don't listen to me," Wes sighed. "Can you just give me my punishment now?"
She pursed her lips, "You have to write a two-page apology letter to the Fentons by tomorrow afternoon. You'll put it in my mailbox up at the main office and I'll review it. And when we come back from winter break, you have a week's worth of detentions."
Wes nodded and waited for her to tell him he was dismissed, but she continued to stare into him with (what was that?) curiosity. She finally spoke the question he least expected to hear.
"What do you mean people don't listen to you?"
Wes debated on whether he should explain. He finally decided that the worst that could come from telling Ishiyama would be his Dad finding out about his mission to expose Danny. And to be honest, Wes didn't think that Walter would really care. But to be safe, he decided to keep it fairly vague.
"At the beginning of the year, I found something out about someone. And nobody will believe me because it sounds so stupid, when there's obvious evidence looking them directly in the face everywhere. I even point out evidence to people, but they just ridicule me!"
"Well, some people aren't as open-minded as others-"
"Or it's just because everyone in this town is blinded by their own false security that they deliberately won't believe the blaringly obvious! All just to satisfy their own nakedness to the unknown, because no one will admit that some things in the world just sound stupid, even though it's the actual truth!" Wes finished.
Ishiyama looked as if someone had slapped her in the face, "Well... what is it exactly that people won't believe, Wes?"
"You're still not going to believe me," he warned.
"Try me," she said. "I've been a Principal for eleven years now, there's nothing left that'll surprise me."
He decided to hold nothing back and just say it, "Danny Fenton is actually a ghost and is living a double life as Danny Phantom."
Ishiyama blinked a few times before snorting loudly, "What? Like Clark Kent?"
"Uh..." Wes said with uncertainty, "Yeah?"
She immediately started shaking with laughter, "I get it now, he's the modern day Peter Parker, but dead. Like Amity Park tried to get it's own comic book hero, but could only hire a dead one."
Wes blushed. It was one thing to have the entire student body make fun of him, but his own principal? It was a million times worse. It was the honest to God most agonizing humiliation he'd ever felt in his entire life. It was even worse with her constant allusions to comic books he actually liked.
"So what's the real thing that you've been trying to tell people?"
Wes stared at her. Of course she didn't think he'd been serious, despite all he said about people immediately dismissing the truth. He supposed that everyone, especially his principal, suffered the same curse of Amity's ignorance. One day he was going to prove all of those fuckers wrong, including her.
"It – it's not important," Wes choked out.
She lifted an eyebrow, "Are you sure? This could help you sort out whatever problems you've been having with controlling your language-"
And suddenly, Wes's teenage bullshit angst woke up from it's nap and took hold of him again, "Maybe the only problem I've been having with my language is that the people around me have given me valid reasons reasons to use emphatic words because their stupidity is off the charts."
"Mr. Weston-"
And this time, without waiting for her dismissal, Wes simply walked out of her office. Well, technically, he ran. He didn't really want to hear what came after 'Mr. Weston', so he got out as quickly as possible. It certainly didn't look as cool as the mic drop exit he had envisioned.
The rush of everything that had just happened finally crept up on him, so Wes stopped and leaned against the wall. He hopelessly tried to bury his chagrin in the depths of his mind to no avail. Everything around him was silent except his quiet breathing, it was almost unnerving. That was until, a disembodied voice scared the absolute shit out of him.
"Wow... I can't believe even Ishiyama shot you down like that. I don't know if I should be grateful or offended that she wouldn't even consider that I'm a ghost." Danny, still as Fenton, casually leaned halfway through the wall behind him. "I mean, yeah, I have a secret identity, but I'm literally the perfect candidate for a ghost."
Wes, in all of his rage-filled glory, almost pissed his pants. "WHAT THE FUCK DANNY!?"
Danny raised an eyebrow, "Whoa... where'd that come from? I mean, you usually just call me Fenton or Phantom. Have we gone to the next level Senpai?"
Wes stared at Danny in horror, "What?" There was something off about the way Danny was talking and acting, almost like he was... buzzed. But Danny didn't mention it.
He gave an embarrassed shrug, "I don't know, it's some anime thing Sam told me to use as banter, but I don't know if I said it right – so I decided to let you be my 'banter tester'. You get paid nothing and have to listen to me say a lot of bad puns. So... on a scale of one to five how many stars would you give me on Yelp?"
Wes face-palmed, giving Danny a monotonous groan, "Why are you like this?"
Danny smirked, "Your misery makes me perky." Noticing Wes's incredulous look Danny laughed, "Okay, just kidding, jeez... Once you left the assembly my dad used some invention that fills the room up with ghost energy to try to attract ghosts so he could demonstrate his weapons. Except I think all the energy went to me instead, so according to Tucker I'm really hyper now – I feel fine though. Anyway, Sam told me to leave because there was a ghost out here, and I told her there wasn't because I'm the one with the ghost sense, so then she asked me to come out here and prove it. I guess now she's right because now I'm here and I'm a ghost." Danny laughed again. "I just love reminding you of that fact."
Wes rolled his eyes, "So are you just gonna stay in that wall...?"
Danny looked down at himself. He was still halfway inside the wall. "Does it bother you?" he asked.
"What's the answer that makes you go away?" Wes remarked.
"There is none, trust me. Everyone's tried to make me go away, but they keep failing because... I guess... I don't know. Anyway what'cha doing for Christmas? It's in like five days, isn't that weird? I practically have no concept of time. It's kind of shitty because I still have to do a lot of shopping, which I absolutely suck at. I think I know what I'm going to get Valerie, though. She definitely deserves it..."
"What's your deal with her, anyway?" Wes asked. "Like she thinks I'm you and then you have to pretend to be me... and God this is so confusing."
Danny shrugged, "I don't know man, everything in my life is confusing. I don't know what's going on most of the time, so I just go along with it so I don't fall behind. The whole Valerie thinks you're me thing doesn't even blip onto my radar most of the time... and I guess it won't even matter anymore."
"What?"
"What?" Danny repeated. "So at what point in this conversation are you going to accuse me of being Phantom? Because that seems to be something you tend to do every time we see each other."
"I... you're in a wall right now, Fenton! I can't really accuse you of being Phantom when you're doing that Phantom shit right now!"
Danny frowned, "I'm downgraded to just Fenton again? Man, I thought we'd gotten on a first-name basis. That kind of stings, you know? My mom's Dr. Fenton, my dad's Mr. Fenton, my sister's Miss Fenton, and I'm just Fenton. It's kinda degrading, but whatever, it's better than Skulker screaming 'Ghost child, I'll adorn your pelt at the foot of my bed!' while I'm trying to shower and then I have to go ghost in the shower, and when I turn back to human I'm naked and that just sucks."
"I officially hate hyper-Danny," Wes said.
Danny scoffed, "Well, that's probably why Sam encouraged me to annoy you."
"I'm just... done with this," and with that, Wes walked away.
(He actually felt satisfied with himself because that had the perfect mic drop edge to it, which in a way kind of resolved his insecurities about how he cowardly ran out of Ishiyama's office.)
Walter rolled his eyes when he heard Wes rummaging around in his room. His son wasn't supposed to be home until at least five because of basketball practice, and if skipped practice it was either because he either received another detention or that his son was once again acting upon his obsession with the Fenton boy. Wes thought that Walter was less than aware about the boy's activities concerning Danny Fenton/Phantom when in reality Walter was acting not to know so he could monitor and demoralize his son. Vlad's logic was that if Wes was unsuccessful, then the existence of half-ghosts would remain a secret, thus guaranteeing Vlad's own safety. To be honest, Vlad didn't even see Walter's son as a threat, just as a another liability for Walter.
There was another slamming drawer in Wes's room, so Walter decided to remind him that he needed to do his chores. "Wes," Walter said, opening his son's bedroom door, "before you tear your room up again you need to do your chores."
But the boy who was in Wes's room, was not his son. Sitting on the foot of his son's bed, gripping his laptop was an impatient looking black-haired, blue eyed boy. The subject of his son's unhealthy obsession here in the flesh (does it count as flesh if he's half-ghost? … probably) himself, Danny Fenton.
"Why are you on my son's laptop, in my house?" Walter accused.
Danny jumped, "Mr. Weston... oh hey, uh, I'm working with Wes on a school project – uh... he just asked me to get something on his laptop and to email it to him. That way we can work together at the Internet cafe..." Danny laughed nervously. Walter noticed he subtly shifted his hand to cover a USB drive connected to Wes's laptop.
"Get out of my house, Daniel," he said, in a futile hope to intimidate the boy. But predictably, he remained unmoved.
Danny raised an eyebrow, "'Daniel'? Wait, that's right. You're Vlad's assistant."
Walter was at a loss for words, "Uhhhhh..."
"Yeah," Danny said, closing the lid of Wes's laptop and quickly pocketing the USB drive, "I remember now. I saw you at his mansion that one time he kidnapped me for – uh... which time was it, again? I don't know, he kidnaps me like once every two months." Danny laughed, "Anyway, fuck this."
Walter watched in fascination as two white halos – which rivaled Vlad's black rings – engulfed the boy, transforming him into Danny Phantom. As he turned to fly away, he met eye contact with Walter and gave a careless gesture, "Go ahead and tell your son or boss about this, I don't care." And then, he was gone.
God, Walter thought, do all half-ghosts have a knack for over-dramatics?
He sighed, he figured he should at least let Vlad know in case this was relatively important in some way. Walter hit the speed-dial button and held the phone to his ear.
"Walter, why're calling me?" Vlad snapped over the phone. In the background, Walter thought he could hear faint holiday music.
"Uh Vlad, just thought you'd want to know that your arch enemy was just in my son's room?"
Vlad sighed, "Which one?"
"My son only has one room…" Walter trailed off.
"No," Vlad said irritably. "Which arch enemy."
"Phantom," Walter supplied.
Vlad groaned, "I don't care, unless you could FIND A WAY TO GET RID OF THESE DAMN CAROLERS!"
The line went dead.
Walter supposed he'd never know what Danny was getting from Wes's laptop. He'd never tell Wes himself about his encounter with Danny, because that would raise too many questions about what exactly Walter knew about Danny. All in all, Walter resolved to just settle for some eggnog and to enjoy his short holiday break from the chaos in the political and ghost world. But, he supposed, in Amity Park there's never truly any breaks.
So I think this is the longest I've gone without updating, and I hate to say it, but it's probably going to be the new normal unless I have school breaks. I've also been procrastinating like hell, so sorry about that *awkward laugh*