Chapter Four: A Day at the Bizarre
SpongeBob, standing on the grass yards away from the cannon, shouted, "I did it," pumping his arms.
Floating above SpongeBob and Usagi, Ami couldn't believe it. This world was unlike anything she had ever encountered, even the alternate universes that her enemies sent her to. Bikini Bottom was vibrant. The fish behaved like humans—maybe that passage she had read about every living thing being connected was true—and the jellyfish reminded her of bees, the way they buzzed and secreted jelly. As far as she had read, jellyfish did neither. Maybe science was wrong about jellyfish.
Jellyfish Fields itself… Who knew there was a place underwater like a park above ground?
Bikini Bottom made no sense.
Years of research, wrong.
Debunked by five teenage girls, a child, and a university student.
Ami landed beside SpongeBob and Usagi. A headbutt had destroyed one of the cannonballs, a metal pufferfish, when both Usagi's and Ami's attacks couldn't.
Either some things were best left unexplained, which went against Ami's philosophy—everything happened and existed for a reason—or she would never know the answer because things down here didn't make sense, maybe would never make sense. Being okay with nonsense was hard but something she'd have to grow used to.
For now, getting through Jellyfish Fields and finding King Jellyfish was her priority.
She faced the cannon, which had been silent during Ami's contemplation. Whoever was controlling the cannon was being merciful after the hell from before, with the pufferfish flying after them like it had wings.
"What're we standing around for?" SpongeBob said. "Taking a break?"
"A small one." Usagi's face had reddened. Ami must look the same way, especially after swimming from the anthropomorphic ice. They'd have to take a break after they got out of harm's way.
Usagi hooked her arms under SpongeBob's arms and flew. The cannon fired, and Ami took to the air alongside Usagi. Usagi dashed forward, Ami beside her.
SpongeBob waved his bubble wand over his head and blew, creating the bubble helmet that was tougher than metal. "I can destroy it again."
"I'm worried you'll get a concussion if you keep doing that," Ami said.
"I don't feel physical pain."
Ami's eyes widened as Usagi faltered and then kept flying. "Uh, excuse me?" Ami said as Usagi said, "You don't what now?"
"I don't feel physical pain."
Ami had heard SpongeBob the first time. "Can you please explain?"
"Well, if I hit that cannonball," SpongeBob said as Usagi and Ami swerved out of the way of the cannonball, which changed direction to pursue, "one of the parts that doesn't have a spike on it, I'll absorb the blow. I found that out when a bully tried to punch me. And I punched myself when I was trying to impress Kevin the Jellyspotter and didn't feel anything."
"You are a sponge," Ami said, "so I suppose that makes sense. Anyhow, we have to destroy that cannon. I'll take care of it. SpongeBob, even though you don't feel physical pain, I'm still worried that you'll get a concussion—if fish here are affected by the same ailments as humans."
SpongeBob raised his bubble wand. "It's a risk I'm willing to take."
Usagi waved her Moon Kaleidoscope. "Ami-chan, while you're taking care of the cannon, SpongeBob and I will take care of these cannonballs—or only SpongeBob."
"Okay." Hopefully, Ami could destroy the cannon. Her attacks might not work. Might need to weaken the cannon before breaking it, like those video game bosses Usagi and Minako talked about.
Usagi doubled back as Ami continued forward. A smashing sound echoed throughout the fields. Ami didn't look back; SpongeBob must have helmet-bashed and destroyed the pufferfish, but she couldn't be distracted.
She flew sideways. The cannon turned toward her and fired a pufferfish. Ami flitted to the side, and Usagi and SpongeBob appeared beside her, SpongeBob smashing the pufferfish.
"You can do it, Ami-chan," Usagi said.
"Right, keep going, Ami," SpongeBob said. "We'll keep you safe."
Ami aimed her hands at the cannon. "Shine Aqua Illusion!" Water jetted into the cannon. The cannon coughed like a human. Ami kept launching water, but the cannon fired a pufferfish, splitting the jet of water. Ami gasped, darted to the side. The pufferfish followed. Inches from her, the pufferfish broke into pieces, revealing SpongeBob and Usagi. SpongeBob winked.
Ami kept firing, pulsing more energy. A crack appeared in the cannon's nozzle. Another pulse. One more crack speared through the cannon, chipped part of it. A light beamed from the microscopic hole and then a second. The cannon sputtered, rearing back—moving like a human. The cannon coughed out a small pufferfish, this one a quarter of the size of the others it had been firing. The pufferfish clattered to the ground. Useless.
A beam of light appeared out the cannon's back, and Ami's water smashed through, piercing the cannon and causing it to explode, some of its pieces pelting Ami, Usagi, and SpongeBob.
Ami lowered her hands, panting. That inanimate object had taken quite a bit out of her.
She landed near the place the cannon had stood. Usagi landed beside her, putting SpongeBob down.
"Great job, everyone," SpongeBob said, voice bright. "We did it together. We must be…" He slid close to both Usagi and Ami. "...brothers and sisters." His voice became monotone, and he lifted his shirt, revealing a beating lung attached to himself, Usagi, and Ami. Usagi screamed. Ami stared. It didn't feel like she had an extra lung. The lung was attached to the deep sea dive suits and SpongeBob's chest.
Usagi slapped SpongeBob lightly. "Put that down, put it down." She screamed again. Usagi wasn't used to seeing lungs in the open. Thanks to Ami's aspiration of becoming a doctor, she saw this sort of thing in medical books. Even so, the lung that SpongeBob, Usagi, and Ami…shared looked cartoonish. Didn't mean that it wasn't scary.
Once SpongeBob put his shirt back down, Usagi touched where the lung had been, her hand going through the area. Her breath hitched. Just like that, the lung had disappeared.
"How about we take a break?" Usagi plopped onto the ground, sweat cascading from her forehead. Ami sat beside her, and SpongeBob between the two.
Running through Jellyfish Fields was reminiscent of the video games Usagi and Minako played at the arcade. Ami giggled. Usagi was finding out that running all the time like video game characters wasn't easy, especially while climbing, jumping, and defeating enemies.
Spork Mountain towered in the distance. They had a ways to climb.
"SpongeBob, what's King Jellyfish like?" Ami said.
"He likes pie. Bubble pie, to be exact."
"Okay…" Usagi said.
"That's a potential weakness," Ami said. "We could trade him a bubble pie for the jelly."
"He doesn't like it when others steal his jelly."
"I wouldn't like it if others stole my jelly, either," Usagi murmured.
The implication of what she said didn't make it through SpongeBob's head, the sponge gaping at mist-shrouded, spiraling Spork Mountain, but Ami cast Usagi a wide-eyed look.
Usagi tucked her head. "I mean, if I were a jellyfish."
Which she wasn't. But Ami kept her thoughts to herself.
Around the Fields, the jellyfish flew lazily, filling the fields with buzzing. Since the three had beaten several robots and destroyed the cannon, the jellyfish had calmed.
"Anyhow, back to King Jellyfish," Ami said. "He doesn't seem like he'll tolerate it if we try to take his jelly."
Usagi pulled her knees to her chest. "Then we'll get electrocuted into crisps and look like Rei-chan did when she burned herself."
Was that what Usagi had been laughing to herself about? Visualizing the burnt Rei, it was kind of funny but hadn't been funny at the time.
"We could distract him with the pie," SpongeBob said. "Everyone can smell it from miles away."
Ami raised both eyebrows. "You can smell bubble pie?"
"What does bubble pie smell like?" Usagi said.
"Sure can," SpongeBob said to Ami. To Usagi, he said, "Bubble pie smells like pie, of course."
"Of course." Usagi knocked herself on the head. "Silly me, I should've known."
"King Jellyfish is pretty aggressive, though," SpongeBob said. "If you just walk into his territory, where he lives, he'll get angry and zap you. A lot of little jellyfish live where King Jellyfish does, though."
"Then he's only trying to protect the rest of the jellyfish," Usagi said.
"I'm surprised he hasn't come out and tried to protect the jellyfish from the robots." Ami placed a hand on her chin. "King Jellyfish could also be getting attacked by the robots himself."
"Oh, no." SpongeBob's voice became heroically deep. "It's up to us to save him."
"How do you do that?" Usagi said.
Not how, but why did SpongeBob do that? Ami would likely never figure out the why to many of Bikini Bottom's workings.
"I learned it from my favorite superheroes, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy." His voice was back to normal, with a twinge of admiration in it. "Mermaid Man had a deep voice like that when he said he was going to save someone. And then he always saved them." His eyes twinkled. "I want to be like him someday."
Ami's eyes softened. The sponge…despite living on his own, owning a pet that was more mature than he was, owning the responsibility of creating the robots—Plankton was trying to dumb himself down so he didn't appear suspicious, to no avail—he wanted to be like someone else.
"You're already a hero, SpongeBob," Ami said. "By trying to save everyone here, even though you could leave it to someone else, you're a hero."
"I'm sure Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy would be proud of you," Usagi said.
SpongeBob blinked. A smile spread on his face, and he blushed. "Aw, thanks, guys." He stroked his head, like he would if he had hair. "I guess I am kinda heroic. In fact, you two and the rest of you humans kinda remind me of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. You guys have superpowers. You can fly. The only thing you're missing is heat vision." He clasped his hands. "Unless I haven't seen that yet."
Usagi shook her head. "No, we just don't have heat vision."
SpongeBob jumped a foot off the ground, feet flapping like wings. "That doesn't matter. You guys can do pretty much everything else." He dropped to his knees, shuffled to them, planted wet kisses on their boots. "You're my heroes, too."
Usagi chuckled. "You don't have to kiss our feet, SpongeBob. We're just like you."
SpongeBob shot onto his feet. "I beg to differ."
"No, really. We're ordinary teenagers."
"Ordinary teenagers are like Mr. Krabs' daughter, Pearl. Not with powers. Unless all humans gain superpowers when they become teenagers."
"No, I'm afraid not," Ami said. If all humans had superpowers, all the chaos…
"Mmm, that's too bad. At least we're heroes to each other." SpongeBob stretched. "I'm feeling well enough to run again. How about you two?"
"I am, too." Usagi stood. "We should keep going."
"Same." Ami picked herself up.
The three ran only a few feet before they reached Gary the snail near a cliff. Fearful of seeming rude, Ami kept her mouth closed, while Usagi blurted, "How did you get all the way over here faster than us?"
Gary moved slowly. It was impossible for him to get here so quickly, with all the climbing around Jellyfish Fields. Unless the deep sea dive suits made them move a lot slower than a snail.
"Gary can move fast when he needs to." SpongeBob crouched, patting Gary's shell. "Isn't that right, Gare Bear?" He puckered his lips and made kissing noises.
"Meow." Gary faced the cliff. A bungee hook descended, becoming suspended in the waterfall area, where the cliff led. Usagi and Ami looked up. Above hovered a helicopter from which the bungee hook came.
Still looking up, Ami said, "Um, who's inside the helicopter, and why are they putting a bungee cord there?" She squinted. Inside sat a regular fish. Decided not to ask many questions about it because the answer wouldn't make sense. At least someone was controlling the helicopter, unlike the cannon.
"Meow."
"There's a Golden Spatula down there?" SpongeBob peered over the cliff's edge. Usagi and Ami joined him. A Golden Spatula sparkled on a rock, illuminating the area.
"We have to get it." SpongeBob untucked his underwear from his pants, lifting it like he was giving himself a wedgie.
"SpongeBob, we can fly and get it," Ami said. No one wanted to see SpongeBob's business. Not even the snail.
"It's okay. I want to go bungee jumping. I haven't done it in so long."
Did he usually bungee with his underwear instead of a hook like normal people? No, Ami shouldn't think that way. Down here, normal meant nothing.
SpongeBob jumped toward the hook, holding his underwear above his head. Ami readied herself and, beside her, Usagi placed one foot forward. If SpongeBob missed the hook… And he couldn't swim, making a bad situation worse.
SpongeBob's aim was true, and he hooked his underwear onto the bungee hook. He bungeed down, screaming with glee—sounded like he was laughing because he was being tickled.
Did his underwear tickle?
Ami pushed away the thought. This world was getting to her, and it was too early to tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing.
Usagi and Ami watched SpongeBob bungee, his arms outstretched. Ami glimpsed SpongeBob's behind and looked away. She peeked between her fingers. SpongeBob grabbed the Golden Spatula. He returned up, unhooking his underwear and letting it snap into place. He landed between Usagi and Ami, lifting the Golden Spatula like a trophy, blowing kisses to an invisible audience and laughing his signature laugh.
"Nice job, SpongeBob," Usagi said.
"Yes, that was great." Ami said. The Golden Spatulas had to be used for something other than getting into certain areas of Bikini Bottom. Maybe they could trade Golden Spatulas for King Jellyfish's jelly.
"We have no time to lose." SpongeBob pocketed the Spatula. "Squidward's nose is in danger of being burned off from the sting wounds."
"Really?" Usagi said, she and Ami gawking.
"No, I don't think so. But that doesn't make the situation any less dire. Squidward's in pain, and we have to help him."
Ami looked down at Gary, the snail blinking, one eye at a time. "What about Gary?"
"He'll be fine." SpongeBob pet the snail. "He's great at taking care of himself. He's made it this far alone, after all."
"That's true. He got here faster than us." Even though the snail did everything slowly, including blink.
The three kept going, stopped by a four-yard gap that was split by a platform in the middle, one that they couldn't jump to.
"No problem," SpongeBob said. "We can fly across."
"Flying takes up a lot of energy," Ami said. "We'd rather conserve that energy for emergencies."
"I consider saving Squidward and his nose an emergency."
"I do too. But is there a better way we can get across?"
Usagi turned to her right. She pointed at a button on the rock wall—a button that looked as though someone had manually installed it. Ami had never seen anyone mess with nature like that.
"What does this button do?" Usagi's hand twitched.
"I don't think pushing it is a good idea," Ami said.
"I press buttons all the time, and nothing bad ever happens." With his bubble wand, SpongeBob spun, pressing the button. From the sand below, six platforms rose, each one taller than the last.
Surfaces grew from the ground. Made sense.
Ami, Usagi, and SpongeBob jumped on each platform and then continued onto the other side, where the ground connected. Several feet ahead, a plump male fish was being bashed by a Ham-mer robot, the robot wielding a stick with a head of ham on the top of it. The robot stood at twice the size of a Fodder robot and had a single wheel to move. SpongeBob cringed each time the Ham-mer crushed the civilian to the size of a toddler, the civilian popping up to his normal size, only to be smashed again.
The Ham-mer noticed the three, the civilian scrambling away. The robot bashed itself with its ham, the ham spinning in place and then the robot's head spinning alongside the ham.
"I'll save you, citizen." SpongeBob hurried toward the robot and the civilian. One moment, the Ham-mer was several feet away. The next, it was inches from SpongeBob, the civilian gasping. The Ham-mer crushed SpongeBob into the ground, shaping the sponge into that of a ham. The robot lifted its ham, about to smash the sponge into oblivion.
"Shine Aqua Illusion!"
"Rainbow Moon Heartache!"
Water burst from Ami's hands as a rainbow light filled the area. A cracking and then breaking noise echoed, and when the light faded, the robot was gone, leaving a charred mark on the ground.
Usagi and Ami rushed to SpongeBob, both helping him to his feet. The civilian clapped at the wall, eyes white from the flash—must've blinded him.
"I'm sorry." SpongeBob twiddled his thumbs. "I wanted to make up for causing this whole mess."
"First of all, you didn't cause this, SpongeBob," Usagi said. "Second of all, you don't have to feel like you have to make things up by yourself. Remember, Ami-chan and I are with you, and we'll help and support you no matter what."
"Yeah." SpongeBob shifted his feet, his shoes squeaking. "Yeah. I forget that sometimes." He smiled lopsidedly. "Besides, all of us are heroes." He deepened his voice into his superhero voice. "Let's press forward, gang. We have many an evildoer to vanquish."
Thinking of himself as a hero wasn't a bad thing, as long as SpongeBob didn't think he was invincible, which didn't seem to be the case. He had only charged in because he felt he had something to prove, and he had run into trouble when he did try to face the robot alone.
The three reached a button on the ground. SpongeBob stepped on it, pressing the button. Ahead, a cage lifted, revealing bowling pins. A field and bowling pins didn't go together in Ami's mind, but apparently they went together in someone else's.
"If I didn't have you all here," SpongeBob said, "I wouldn't be able to knock over those pins from where I am." His eyes brightened. "This gives me an idea." He waved his wand, wheeling his right arm. With his bubble wand and without blowing, he produced an oval-shaped ball in his right hand and then threw it. The ball dissolved two feet away from SpongeBob, making a noise like air being sucked from a deflating balloon.
"Hm, not yet. I probably need to practice it a bit more."
Usagi cocked her head. "You were trying to go bowling?"
"Yeah, but it could be used as a long-range attack against the robots. Ami knows a lot of long-range attacks already, so we should be okay. I'll practice against the robots."
Usagi grinned. "Good idea. Ami and I can cover you if anything goes wrong with your attack."
"Which will inevitably happen." For the umpteenth time that day, he deepened his voice. "But I will master this skill and conquer the world." He cleared his throat, the deepness in his voice going away. "I mean, the robots. Defeat them, that is."
The three jumped onto a platform that teetered on a single, pointed, triangle-shaped rock. When they stood on one edge of the platform, it tilted downward, threatening to roll them off. Usagi yelped, grabbed SpongeBob's and Ami's hands and bustled across the platform, SpongeBob slipped out of her grip, the sponge tripping and falling facedown. The platform kept tilting downward, SpongeBob sliding toward a long fall. Apologizing, Usagi rushed to SpongeBob, took his hand and, together, they hurried to the other side, Ami planting her feet to stay balanced on the platform.
The three jumped from the tilting grass, landing on a flat, stable surface.
"I don't think I'll look at Super Mario the same way ever again," Usagi said. "I don't even think I'll be able to play it again."
Oh, how Ami doubted that.
Another box stood beside them.
"This is the one connected to the other box at the beginning." SpongeBob opened the box, and all three peered inside. It was empty. Ami was expecting at least some sparkles inside.
"If we jump inside," Usagi said, "we'll come out near Squidward."
"That's right," SpongeBob said. "Wanna try?"
Usagi and Ami exchanged looks.
"It might be helpful later." It was time Ami grew a bit braver, took a few risks. "I'll give it a try." Should she step inside one leg at a time, or jump inside? She didn't want part of her leg to teleport while the rest of her body stayed, which could happen in this universe.
She jumped inside. The box closed by itself, and darkness surrounded her. The box shuffled. She felt as though she was being suspended in air. The sensation ended, and she found herself sitting in darkness. The box opened, and she peered out into the light. She was in the beginning of Jellyfish Fields, Squidward, his back to her, massaging his nose.
Deciding not to bother Squidward, she sat inside, closing the box. She was transported back to where SpongeBob and Usagi stood.
"That was quick," Usagi said. "Works well, that box."
Ami nodded. Who would've ever thought that a box could transport things? Kids played with boxes using their imaginations, but to transport people… Boxes were used to transport things on trucks, but not with magic.
The three continued.
"I've never run this much in my life," Usagi said. "Not even in gym class."
As soon as Usagi finished her sentence, SpongeBob stopped, pointing at a blue huffing, puffing machine ahead. On it read "Duplicatotron 1000." A funnel protruded from its square body and pointed toward the sky. Smoke puffed out of it.
Usagi's brow creased. "What is that? It doesn't look like the robots we've seen."
Out of its funnel popped a black ball. The ball flew in an arc, turning over and over. It landed on the ground, expanding into the shape of a Ham-mer and then lightening, the Ham-mer wheeling in circles. Another black ball emerged, creating a Fodder. A third black ball created a second Fodder.
"Looks like it duplicates robots," Ami said. "But this little machine couldn't have created all the robots in Bikini Bottom."
Behind the D1000 was a gate. Ami had a feeling that they should take care of the D1000 and the robots before they worried about the gate.
"Cutting it off at the source is best," Ami said. "One of us should go after the machine."
"Like we did with the cannon," Usagi said.
Ami hoped that that didn't mean the D1000 was made of whatever type of material the cannon was. Then SpongeBob, who couldn't fly, would have to run to the D1000 instead of one of the Guardians.
Ami floated. "I'll try to attack the machine. If it doesn't work, I'll need you to step in, SpongeBob."
"Got it." SpongeBob raised his bubble wand.
The three charged toward the robots, and the robots charged toward them. Ami flew above the robots. A Fodder threw its electricity-surrounded wand toward her. She flitted to the right, the wand disappearing in the sky. Now it didn't have any weapons.
Ami aimed her hands at the D1000, which stayed still and didn't seem like it could move. Although in this world, anything went.
"Shine Aqua Illusion!"
Jets of water shot from her hands, enveloping the D1000. Electricity surrounded it, and its nameplate was knocked onto the ground. Smoke puffed from its funnel. It creaked.
Usagi and SpongeBob, who were both in the middle of fighting the robots, SpongeBob clashing his bubble wand against a Ham-mer's ham, Usagi smacking a Fodder against a wall with her Moon Kaleidoscope, whipped their heads toward the D1000.
"We should probably move very fast," Usagi said.
The D1000 exploded.
Smoke enveloped Ami's vision, burned her eyes. Heat surrounded her, like she had been thrown into a furnace. She was thrown—didn't know where she was going, but she was shooting through the air like a bullet. Usagi and SpongeBob hollered, SpongeBob's holler briefly stopped by his saying, "Mermaid Man?" and then continuing.
Ami fell onto the grass. She parted her eyes.
"Oof!" SpongeBob fell next to her. Usagi—her helmet—landed on top of SpongeBob, knocking the wind out of the sponge. As soon as Usagi fell, she rolled off SpongeBob, apologizing rapidly, SpongeBob forgiving her rapidly, although the sponge had been shaped into a circle. He popped back into his square shape.
But SpongeBob's…qualities didn't catch her attention.
The three D1000s standing yards away did.
So did the robots surrounding them.
And a round old human falling off a cliff, next to SpongeBob.
This was turning out to be quite a day.