Chapter Eight: The Broken Metropolis

Setsuna gazed out the window in her study, unable to concentrate on the ten-page essay she had to write for her astronomy university class. Usually, astronomy would be easy to write about; she was the Guardian of Space and Time.

Since the solar eclipse three days ago, disturbances in space and time rocked Setsuna. They had become more frequent during the past few hours, not only because of whoever the Guardians' new enemies were, but also because half of the Sailor Team had disappeared.

There were no clues of what had happened to the rest of the Team. When the other Guardians had first disappeared, Setsuna, Haruka, Michiru, and even baby Hotaru had felt a sudden emptiness. Their disappearance signaled the end of the Outer Guardians' lives away from the hustle of the world. Setsuna, Haruka, and Michiru had to find out what happened to the rest of their Team, but none of them could transform.

Was their no longer being able to transform a sign that they were no longer needed? That it was time for the enemy to triumph?

No, it couldn't be. They had to find a way to find and defeat their enemies, powers or no powers.

It was only a matter of time until the enemy came for Setsuna, Haruka, Michiru and, most worryingly, Hotaru, who was still recovering from being transformed into Mistress 9. Hotaru was aging daily, however. Maybe her rapid aging was associated with her being a Guardian. Soon, Hotaru would be the young woman she was before becoming Mistress 9, perhaps fully awakening her powers. Hotaru did do some extraordinary things sometimes, like reciting poetry, reading volumes of study books, picking up toys telepathically.

For now, though, Setsuna needed to focus on fighting the enemy before they caused any more damage.

Hopefully, she, Haruka, and Michiru could think of some way to stop them. Soon.

Rei was squished.

Between a large starfish, the six-foot-tall Mamoru, and Chibi-Usa in a taxi that smelled like tuna, thanks to it being driven by a tuna (tuna underwater were as strong-smelling as they were out of cans), Rei was uncomfortable.

Her personal space hadn't been invaded this much in a long time. The deep sea dive suit she was wearing wasn't making things better.

And then there'd been that mishap with her attack, which meant that she possibly wouldn't be able to use her flames against the robots. Mamoru, Chibi-Usa, and Patrick would have to do most of the fighting.

She pursed her lips. She was not going to have an easy time in Bikini Bottom.

Patrick lay his face against the window. "Right here, Mr. Taxi," he said, his voice muffled, breath steaming on the glass.

They had arrived in a city. Instead of people—fish—the streets brimmed with robots. Parts of the road had been destroyed, holes remaining. Ahead, a crater with a boat sticking out of the middle was carved in an intersection.

Mechanical laughter echoed throughout the city, coming from the robots that were zapping fish, giving them wedgies and wet willies, slapping "Kick Me" signs on fish's backs, making fish hit themselves. Although her heels had been replaced with boots, Rei could still give the robots kicks up the behind with as much force. Even if the robots didn't feel pain, the fish would be saved.

Police sirens sounded, but instead of police boats driving past, policemen ran around, hitting the robots with their batons, one-handedly, to no effect and cupping their free hands around their mouths, making siren noises. Did police here not have boats to drive?

Globs of hot sauce covered the roads and the sand, smoke emanating. Shards of hot sauce bottles were scattered throughout. The suit Rei was wearing would at least help her traverse the area without feeling the shards.

"Patrick," Rei said, "maybe you should wear a pair of shoes. I think you'll need them." He wore socks, so why not shoes?

"I don't wear shoes," Patrick said. "They don't make shoes for starfish."

Rei stared at him for a moment—they made socks for starfish but not shoes—and then returned her attention to the outside. He was thick in the head, so maybe he was thick in the feet, too.

Chibi-Usa's brow creased. "Why is there hot sauce on the ground?"

Patrick licked his lips. "Mmm, hot sauce. Maybe the robots like it."

"Do robots even eat food?"

"Apparently, they eat hot sauce," Mamoru said, expression stoic. He'd kept his emotions in check, despite all the…happenings around them.

Boat wheels were also lying on the road, the sand, in the hot sauce, in the holes and crater. It looked like the robots had taken apart the boats so that fish couldn't escape.

That deserved two boots up the behind.

Some buildings stretched into the sky while others were squat. The doors to some buildings were shut, intact; others were pocked with holes or missing entirely, the hinges gone.

Chibi-Usa gaped. If the reason for her mouth hanging wasn't justified, then Rei would've teased her about not looking princess-like. She may be 902 years old, but she was still a kid.

The taxi driver cast a wide-eyed look at the group. "Are you sure you want to get out here?" The stink of his tuna-smelling breath filled the car. Patrick was lucky that he didn't have a nose. "It's crazy out there."

"Uh-huh." Patrick puffed out his chest, crushing Mamoru and, in turn, Rei against the door. "We're here to save Bikini Bottom, Mr. Taxi."

"You'd better get out fast," the taxi driver said. "Because there's no way I'm staying here more than five seconds."

The driver screeched the boat to a halt. Rei and her friends clambered out, Chibi-Usa falling and rolling; like mother, like daughter. Mamoru picked her up by the arms as the taxi's wheels screeched. Robots and fish swarmed the taxi, the fish wrenching the boat doors open and throwing themselves inside, onto the roof and the hood of the taxi. The robots threw off the tires, smashed the windows, decimated the taxi, smoke surrounding it. When the smoke cleared, the taxi was gone, cinderblocks remaining. The fish, the taxi driver included, flopped on the road like they had been fished out of the water and were trying to breathe.

Before the robots could keep torturing the fish, Rei rushed to the robots and gave several boots up the behind, or where she thought would be the most effective place for the robots to be kicked. Boots weren't as satisfying as heels, but they were more powerful. The robots careened into the sky, the spot where they disappeared twinkling. Being underwater messed up her fire powers, but thank goodness her physical powers hadn't been weakened too.

Chibi-Usa, Mamoru, and Patrick joined her, Mamoru using Tuxedo La Smoking Bomber, the beam of light shooting from his hands; Chibi-Usa using Pink Sugar Heart Attack, hearts shooting from her Chibimoon Kaleidoscope; and Patrick using his gut to destroy the robots. Staring was impolite, but Rei couldn't help but watch Patrick. His attack was disgusting yet mesmerizing—Patrick puffed out his stomach, smashing the robots. Maybe he wasn't fat but mostly muscle.

When the robots were cleared, the fish hurriedly thanked them and rushed back into the neighborhood, where SpongeBob's pineapple was. If Rei had learned anything after becoming a Guardian, it was that people moved faster for two reasons: fear and cold.

Patrick rubbed his hands. "Took care of them, guys." He clapped his hands, jumping up and down. "Yay."

Rei panted. Despite being in downtown Bikini Bottom for less than five minutes, she was already tired. From how large downtown looked, they still had a ways to go before they cleared out the robots. The next few hours would be rough.

A female pufferfish met them, fins flapping—a nervous tic? "I'm glad I found you, Patrick. I was about to go to Jellyfish Fields on the off-chance that any running boats were there, because there certainly aren't any left here."

Jellyfish Fields, where Usagi, Ami, and SpongeBob had gone. Maybe they would have an easier time than Rei was. Thankfully, Mamoru and Chibi-Usa weren't sweating. Looked like they could go through the entire downtown area and be fine.

The pufferfish eyed Rei, Chibi-Usa, and Mamoru, looked them up and down for several seconds. Didn't seem to care that staring was impolite.

Her expression flattened. "Humans, eh?" Of course some fish didn't trust humans. Made sense, since humans ate fish, especially the Japanese.

Pufferfish happened to be Rei's favorite food. Keeping that bit of trivia to herself was paramount. The last thing she and her friends needed were more enemies.

The pufferfish kept staring at them. "Patrick, I need you to find the wheels from the boats. The robots took them all." Her voice was as flat as her facial expression. "If you can return them to me, I'll give you a Golden Spatula as a reward."

"Are there any boats at all, nonrunning included, in this downtown area?" Mamoru said.

The pufferfish shot a glare at Mamoru and then returned her attention to Patrick. "There are a few boats, nonrunning included, still here."

Despite the slight being directed to Mamoru, Chibi-Usa couldn't help but gape again. She had to become better at controlling her emotions, or some fish might take offense. Who knew what kind of powers some fish had?

"We have to evacuate," the pufferfish said. "From the humans, too."

"We're not in cahoots with the robots, ma'am," Rei said. "We're here to help."

The pufferfish grumbled. "Don't trust them, Mr. Star." She turned away. "I'm going to go look for extra boats. I'll return here later, so meet me here with all the wheels you find."

Patrick saluted her. "Okay, lady."

The pufferfish speedwalked away, head high.

"Who was that, anyhow?" Chibi-Usa said.

"Mrs. Big Fat Meanie," Patrick said.

Chibi-Usa turned up her nose. "Suits her."

Mamoru's lips quirked—must've stifled a smirk. "That can't be her real name."

Patrick eyed the sky. "I've also heard her called Mrs. Fat Lady, Mrs. Smuck, Mrs. Puff—"

"The last name sounds right." He faced the broken chain-link fence before them. "We'd better get started. Maybe us having collected all the boats' wheels will help her trust us."

Chibi-Usa placed a finger on her chin. "I wonder what happened to her, to make her hate humans?"

"It's probably not our place to ask." Rei was used to having people pry in her lives, thanks to her father being a politician. She hated when others pried into her own life, and she liked treating others the way she wanted to be treated, so she never asked too much about others' personal lives, at least until she became comfortable with them.

Embedded in the road before the four was an arrow pointing to the left. Did the fish need arrows to tell them where to go? Or were the arrows somehow put here once the robots started to attack, showing a way to an escape route? But the exit was right behind them.

Mamoru picked up a wheel that lay near the fence. "Number one. I wonder how many of these are out here."

"There are lotsa boats around here," Patrick said. "There could be a gajillion."

How helpful Patrick is. Rei shook the thought out of her head. She had to start being a bit more kind toward others. Couldn't help her judgmental nature sometimes, though.

The starfish grinned. "This is gonna be a ton of fun, running around with you guys. This game is already a lot of fun."

Already sweating from the brief fray, her Guardian attacks not working… This was not going to be a fun day for her. She hoped that they could take care of the robots quickly, especially because the Dead Moon Circus was likely wreaking havoc above ground, with only Michiru and the other Outer Guardians to fight back. The Outer Guardians, Luna, Artemis, and Diana didn't know what had happened to them. Their communicators underwater didn't connect to the communicators above ground.

"I guess we should go the way the arrow's pointing," Chibi-Usa said.

"Unless it's a trap," Mamoru said.

"It very well could be," Rei said.

"Arrows are friendly, guys," Patrick said. "They would never lie to us."

Rei wasn't sure whether to respond or not.

"We're all together and all capable of holding our own." Mamoru's gaze lingered on Chibi-Usa. His protective instinct must be flaring up. "Chibi-Usa, stay close to us."

If Usagi had said that, Chibi-Usa would've scoffed and declared that she had turned 902 on Monday, but since Mamoru said that, she stepped closer to him. "Okay, I will. But we'll protect each other."

Mamoru nodded. Rei wasn't sure if she'd have children of her own someday, although being a Guardian would probably make having children difficult, but watching Mamoru and Chibi-Usa unlocked something in Rei—a maternal instinct?

If anything, Rei would adopt. And she didn't need men.

Patrick turned in the opposite direction the arrow was pointing. "Actually, let's go this way first. My senses are tingling."

"What senses are those?" Chibi-Usa said.

"Hero senses. All heroes have them." Patrick patted her shoulder, Chibi-Usa jerking with each pat. "You'll develop it someday, whippersnapper."

Chibi-Usa puffed herself up. "I just turned 902 years old on Monday." Her breath hitched. She scratched the side of her face. "Um…"

Surely, even someone as thick as Patrick would realize that being 902 years old was supernatural. Then again, the Guardians' arrival was supernatural, and SpongeBob, Patrick, Sandy, and the other fish didn't bat an eye.

"That's nice."

Rei couldn't help but gawk, and Chibi-Usa did too. Mamoru, unexpectedly, also gawked.

"Let's leave that there." Mamoru placed a hand on Chibi-Usa's shoulder before Chibi-Usa could open her mouth again.

Patrick looked around. "Leave what where?"

Rei smiled. Patrick was dense, but he amused her.

The three ran in the direction that Patrick had said, reaching a plaza with a statue of a tuna can in the middle. Out of the tuna can emerged a fish. Should Rei be amused or horrified?

Five sets of Stone Tikis with a Thunder Tiki on top were stacked on buttons that were on the ground, surrounding the statue. The Stone Tikis frowned, looked unbreakable. The Thunder Tikis were red and yellow, electricity crackling around them.

A boom rocked the land, almost made Rei jump, Chibi-Usa and Patrick jumping. Several miles away, in the outskirts of the city, stood a cannon; it had shot a sink—a sink —toward the group. The sink hurtled toward them. Mamoru grabbed Chibi-Usa and Rei by the arms—all that he could hold—and threw them, including himself, to the ground. He must've thought that Patrick would dodge on his own. He couldn't be so stupid that he would stand and watch the sink hurtle toward him.

Patrick stood there, watching the sink hurtle toward him.

"You idiot." Rei scrambled onto her feet, but Mamoru was already rushing to his feet, pushed her back down, knocking the wind out of her. The sink was inches from Patrick; Mamoru couldn't save the starfish.

Patrick held out his hands, and the sink slammed into his arms. He slid backward, creating trenches in the ground. He grit his teeth and held the sink, groaning.

He stopped. Still holding onto the sink.

Patrick threw the sink, and it crashed into one of the Thunder Tikis. The Tiki exploded, the Stone Tikis exploding in turn, like fireworks going off one after the other. The final Stone Tiki exploded, the button on which it stood depressing at the same time. Nothing else happened, though; the rest of the buttons must need to be pressed.

Rei's mouth was hanging open. She closed it.

Mamoru was also gaping. He covered his mouth and coughed several times.

Chibi-Usa kept gaping.

Patrick Star. A classic case of all brawn and little brain. Like Makoto and Haruka, but both of them had a brain.

A smile spread on Rei's face. Didn't seem like things would be as difficult anymore.