Legal Disclaimer: I do not own Red vs. Blue or any of the show's characters. They are the rightful properties of Rooster Teeth.
Chapter Four: …Hope you survive the experience!
The man that Church had identified oh-so-helpfully as Washington mere moments before chose to ignore both Lavernius Tucker's and Church's simultaneous outbursts. Instead, the blond frowned and turned to Church with a look that showed just how truly unimpressed he was by the situation at hand.
"What you're doing is beyond pointless, Church." Washington informed Church in a matter-of-fact voice, "It's also incredibly dangerous."
Church scoffed at the remark, crossing his arms over his chest in a huff, "Like I fucking need you of all people telling me what to do, Washington."
The blond-haired male sighed and shook his head, "Didn't your time with Freelancer teach you anything, Church?"
"Yeah. It taught me that the world is full of fucking assholes." The dark-haired man couldn't help muttering testily under his breath.
Washington's gray eyes darkened dangerously, and he took a deliberate step towards the cobalt-wearing Special. Tucker, having had just about enough as he could stand of this vague-as-all-fuck talk, and not really wanting to see his friend beaten into a bloody pulp just for being his usual asshole self, stepped in-between the two.
"Hold up." He told them, his arms spread out to keep the two at bay, "How the fuck do you guys even know each other?"
Church scoffed once more, "Isn't that obvious, Tucker?"
Okay, so it was a dumb question that the teal-wearing man had asked. It was painfully obvious what the answer was once Tucker thought back on how the conversation had gone beforehand. "Oh great." He couldn't help groaning, "Now I have a Freelancer asshole actually living in my building and he's a fucking stalker too!"
Washington's face became an indignant hue of red, "I—I wasn't stalking anyone!" He tried arguing, "I simply followed you and your son on the off-chance that you happened to know Church."
That admission was met with disbelieving stares from both Tucker and Church.
"That's pretty much the definition of stalking, asshole." Church finally informed Washington, his hand reaching to rub at his temple as if he was fighting a headache.
Tucker nodded his head in agreement, "Definitely, dude."
Washington became flustered, and Tucker's view of him as a kickass special agent started to dissipate even further, "N—no, it isn't!" He insisted rather desperately.
"It certainly sounds like that to me." Tex's voice chimed in and, to absolutely no one's surprise, the blonde exited from the same shadows that Washington had emerged from minutes before.
Washington sighed in exasperation at his former teammate's presence, "Tex. What are you doing here?"
Tex shrugged indifferently, a playful smirk on her lips, "Lurking."
"See?" Church cried out triumphantly, "At least she has the balls to admit it!"
Washington chose to pointedly ignore the three smirks thrown his way by trying to move past the debate entirely, "Please don't tell me you're actually on board with this." He turned to Tex with a reluctant tone that implied he already knew, and dreaded, the answer.
Tex spared Church a glance before shrugging once more, "Church is a grown man and can do whatever the hell he wants in his spare time." She told the other Freelancer, "Besides, it isn't like having a team that wouldn't be bogged down by Freelancer protocols couldn't prove more beneficial to the city in the long run."
Washington frowned, "I wouldn't be so sure, considering who he's been trying to recruit."
That remark naturally only served to royally piss Tucker off. He happened to be one of those assholes, damn it! "Hey, you know what?" He snapped at the slightly older man, "Why don't you go and fuck off?"
Washington blinked in surprise, clearly not having expected such a reaction. Okay, so the Freelancer wasn't just socially awkward, he was fucking dense too. "Why are you getting upset?" Washington inquired, "From the sound of things, you aren't too keen on this idea either."
Tucker scoffed, "I'm not, but that's because I have a kid and a brain." He noted, a defiant gleam blazing in his dark brown eyes, "Trust me, dude, I am a lot better than you are giving me credit for."
Washington frowned, opening his mouth in protest, "I—!"
But Tucker cut him off by turning to Church just then, "Hey, Church? Suddenly, I'm in the mood for an impromptu training session just like the old times."
Church and Tex both shared a surprised glance at one another before returning Tucker's smirk with their own. The cobalt-wearing man grinned as he turned to Tucker, "…That can be arranged."
When they entered the building, Grif immediately zeroed in on Kaikaina. Not that the girl was trying to hide, what with her loud exclamation of "What took you so long, asshole?" and her exuberant waving. The older Grif sibling took his little sister to the side of the foyer to discuss something privately without a second glance at Richard "Dick" Simmons, leaving the cyborg to his own devices.
At first, Simmons was almost tempted to follow Grif even though he knew the conversation between the relatives wasn't something that was probably meant for his ears. Still, Dexter Grif was the only person in the room that he had (barely) known for more than a total of five seconds. The redhead was just about to step closer to the orange-wearing man when a new voice spoke and caught his attention.
"Glad you could make it, son." The older man dressed entirely in red, who the cyborg remembered was named Sarge, nodded his head towards Simmons in greeting.
Sarge was standing by the stairs with a thoroughly disinterested-looking Lopez, polishing the shotgun that Simmons could only hope he had some kind of a permit for. He inclined his head again slightly in the maroon-wearing man's direction when he saw that he had his attention.
Simmons was grateful for the distraction as it helped calm his nerves, and he was equally grateful for the chance to do something instead of simply stand there awkwardly. He approached Sarge and Lopez cautiously, but tried offering a smile in greeting. "It's…nice to see you again too, sir." He mumbled, falling into his tendency to suck up to authority figures before he could stop himself.
Sarge harrumphed, "I'm just here to see how this team scenario goes myself." He informed the cyborg, patting his weapon affectionately, "My shotgun's all geared up to fight crime!"
Simmons frowned, recalling from the briefing before that Sarge's power had something to do with bullet generation. "Do you create the shells for your shotgun yourself, sir?" He couldn't help but ask, his natural tendency for being inquisitive getting the best of him.
Sarge looked rather impressed that Simmons had remembered that detail, and Simmons couldn't help the swell of pride in his chest at the sight. The older man stood up straighter, a proud gleam in his dark eyes, "Of course!" He exclaimed emphatically, "I always have an infinite supply, and I can do with them whatever I please."
"En su mayoría sólo dispara a latas." {"He mostly just shoots at cans."}
Whatever Lopez said, it sounded oddly sarcastic and cynical. But, Sarge seemed to interpret it rather differently. The older man laughed, "Well said, Lopez! Target practice is important!"
Lopez sighed, his mechanical shoulders slumping even further.
Sarge patted the brown-armored robot on the shoulder, looking at him proudly, "I built Lopez myself to help me with my work." He told Simmons conversationally.
"¿Una vez más, pregunto por qué?" {"Again, I ask why?"}
Simmons couldn't help but be impressed once more, "That's amazing, sir!" His praise seemed to please Sarge to no end, but Lopez stared at him incredulously.
"Me programó para hablar un idioma que ni siquiera entiende, ya sabes." {"He programmed me to speak a language he doesn't even understand, you know."}
Sarge nodded his head in agreement to whatever Lopez had said, "He's right, it's good to have someone around here who has a keen eye for ability such as yourself!"
"Él está alabándote. ¿Qué clase de ojo agudo es eso?" {"He's praising you. What kind of keen eye is that?"}
Simmons couldn't help but feel his face heating up. To have someone even older than his father acknowledge something positive about him… Before the cyborg could throw himself at Sarge's feet and offer his assistance for anything the other man might need in the future, a little boy raced past them, laughing, with Donut and Doc right on his heels.
"Hey, Simmons!" Donut greeted as he ran past in a pink blur.
"Good to see you again!" Doc chimed in as well.
Sheila materialized in the trail of dust the giggling trio left in their wake, smiling. "It's good that everyone is so lively." She murmured fondly.
"No estaría muy seguro de eso." {"I wouldn't be too sure of that."}
Whatever Lopez had said caused the Virtual Intelligence to turn around and regard him, her smile never faltering. "I am especially glad to see another Virtual Intelligence presence here." She noted.
"No he venido por elección, pero de repente no me importa mucho." {"I didn't come here by choice, but suddenly I don't mind that quite so much."}
The two went silent then, staring at one another. Simmons swore there was something of a twinkle visible in the holographic projection of Sheila's eyes just then.
Sarge coughed awkwardly a few moments later to no doubt dispel the heavy silence that had suddenly fallen over the group.
"Yes, well, unlike you and the three eager beavers…" He motioned to Doc, Donut, and Caboose with some slight nods of his head, "Those two siblings seem like they might be trouble." He motioned to Kaikaina and Grif, still talking to one another in a corner of the foyer, "Especially the one in orange."
Simmons turned to look over at the two conversing siblings before turning back to Sarge with a raised eyebrow, "You…you really think so?"
He admittedly hadn't had a very favorable first impression of Grif. But, the chubby man seemed harmless enough, if a little too quick to rely on his power. Kaikaina seemed all right too, save for maybe being a bit too extreme and unpredictable at times.
Sarge nodded his head matter-of-factly, "I have a hunch. Plus, I've never been a big fan of orange. Worst color next to dirty blue."
Simmons' frown deepened. He was about to open his mouth to ask why that was when Tucker, Church, Tex, and a mysterious newcomer all came flying down the stairs. Everyone stopped what they were doing at the sudden intrusion, all eyes focused on the stranger in gray and yellow who was frowning at nothing in particular.
Tucker was scanning the room with definite purpose. His eyes lighted up when they zeroed in on Simmons, who couldn't help but take a step back nervously at the sudden attention.
"Yo! You actually came!" Tucker beamed, bounding down the rest of the stairs as he clapped Simmons on his metal shoulder, "Want to have a sparring match?"
"Er…" Simmons blinked, unsure of what was happening.
"Come on, dude. I bet your kickass cybernetics will totally compliment my style!" Tucker practically pleaded.
Because Tucker seemed rather desperate for some reason, and also because he had complimented Simmons, the flustered cyborg couldn't help but shakily nod his head in quiet, uncertain agreement.
Tucker beamed, "Fuck yeah!"
Church began scanning the room just then, "Now for some sparring partners…"
His eyes stopped roaming the foyer when they landed on the two Grif siblings. Suddenly, Church smirked as if he had hatched some diabolical plot for world domination. Grif couldn't help but mutter "Fuck me." under his breath when he realized what had happened.
"Oh, boy! I love going to the training hall!" Caboose yelled out excitedly, jumping up and down as if he'd won a prize.
The training hall was located underground in the building's basement. It was huge. "Wow, I bet you could stuff a lot of guys in here!" Donut had exclaimed when they had all first filed inside, much to everyone else's chagrin. As Simmons stared at the large room, he couldn't help but wonder once more just what kind of facility this was and how Church had even gained access to it.
As if reading his thoughts, Church mumbled under his breath, "Most of my family might have been assholes, but they had some secrets that proved useful."
That remark had Simmons wondering even more just what he meant. Church promptly changed the subject once both parties who would be involved in the sparring match stood facing one another in the middle of the cavernous room.
The bystanders were off to the side. Some, like Tex and Sarge, loudly placed bets on how things would play out. Others, like the mysterious Washington, simply looked on with contemplative frowns on their faces. Donut and Caboose were grinning, as if they were enjoying a party. Simmons could have sworn that Donut was holding pom-poms, although for the life of him he couldn't figure out where the pink-wearing man had gotten ahold of them.
"All right, the rules are really fucking simple." Church began, "The team who gets the other to power down first is the winner." He glanced around at the assembled four, "Everyone ready?"
Kaikaina was grinning, "Fuck yeah, I'm ready!" She exclaimed, "This is going to be fun!"
Grif sighed, rolling his eyes as he stood with arms crossed lazily over his chest, "Let's just get this over with."
Simmons nodded, but couldn't help gulping nervously all the same, "Let's…let's go!"
Tucker clapped him on the shoulder reassuringly, "Relax, dude. We've fucking got this!" The dark-skinned man was looking pointedly at Washington while he said that, the Freelancer's frown deepening as he too crossed his arms over his chest.
Church stepped back to join the others at the side of the room, and the fight suddenly began in earnest with Grif dropping his relaxed stance and Tucker suddenly conjuring up a sword made entirely of glowing energy.
"Watch my back!" The teal-wearing man yelled out to Simmons.
Simmons shakily nodded and complied to the request by raising his cybernetic hand. A warmth flowed through his body as he fired a warning energy beam from his palm towards Grif and Kai, causing the two siblings to disperse just as Tucker raced forward to try slicing at Grif. But, despite his size, Grif moved surprisingly fast and dodged the blow.
For a split second, Tucker was left standing there, looking around in what was probably more confusion than the situation warranted. Simmons realized that was probably due to Grif having used his power on Tucker when he saw the chubby man deck him, nearly knocking Tucker over in the process.
Simmons fired off another beam, narrowly missing Grif this time. He was suddenly overwhelmed by an extreme sense of dizziness as he struggled to stay upright and not wobble too much on his feet. Fuck! He had totally forgotten about Kaikaina!
The whole room spun, and Simmons felt like he was definitely going to puke. Not only was the redhead dizzy, but suddenly he had no idea what he was even doing or what was up or down. He could almost swear that he was being swept off his feet a second later. But, instead of being thrown to the ground, he was floating in the air with a blurry tan face above him.
Oh yeah, he was definitely going to puke. A blur of teal raced past him out of the corner of his eye.
"All right, it's a tie!" He suddenly heard Church yell.
Simmons blinked and started looking around as his perception slowly started to return to normal. He first realized that Tucker had his energy sword at Kaikaina's throat at the other end of the arena, and that had probably been what had stopped her from maintaining her vertigo powers on him.
The next thing he noticed was that Grif was actually holding him in his arms.
"You know, for someone with a lot of metal in them? You're surprisingly light." The heavyset man noted almost conversationally before adding for a shocked Simmons' benefit, "Overwhelming someone's senses is a double whammy trick we've mastered over the years."
Simmons couldn't help but nod, "You two do seem to work really well together from a powers stance…" But, he trailed off when he started to fully realize his current predicament and the fact that Grif still hadn't let him down. His face became unbearably hot, and unfortunately, on top of that, he still felt like he was going to vomit.
"I…I think I'm going to be sick." Simmons muttered out loud and, not a second later, Grif promptly dropped him to the ground. "Ow!" Simmons winced from his new position on the floor before glaring up at Grif, "You're an asshole." He told him emphatically, 'You didn't need to carry me in the first place, let alone drop me!"
Grif shrugged, "I didn't want to get puke on me." He raised a dark eyebrow, "So, next time I should just let you fall and crack your skull open?"
That caused Simmons' face to turn red once more, "Fat-ass." Yet he didn't even think twice about taking the hand that Grif extended to help him off the ground.
"Congratulations on the tie!" Kaikaina was saying to Tucker, "That was fucking awesome!"
Tucker grinned over at Simmons, "It was a group effort." He noted.
The dark-skinned man's comment caused Simmons to blush even more, "I just…I wish I could have done more."
"Nah, you did fine!" Tucker assured him, before turning with a smug expression over to where Washington had been standing, only to frown when he realized that the older man was no longer there. "Fuck!" He cursed under his breath before bending down to Junior's level, "I'll be right back, kiddo. Okay?"
Junior nodded, smiling at having seen his father perform so well. Tucker raced out of the training hall then, and Church looked around at the rest of the group. "All right, who wants to go next?" He asked no one in particular.
"Oh, oh! I do!" Donut exclaimed, happily waving the pom-poms in his hands around as if in a cheer squad.
"Me too!" Caboose joined in not a second later.
From behind all of them, Tex smirked with her arms crossed over her chest. "Things might actually work out, after all." She muttered under her breath, head tilted in amusement as Sarge handed her the money for the tie she had wagered on.
Author's Notes: Normally, I wouldn't write three chapters in a row for any story, but the last three chapters were actually an idea I had had for just one really super-long chapter originally. So, I figured I should write them all out because of that. I'll be going back to my regular posting schedule of a chapter for each of my stories now that these ones are out of the way. :)
Next up on Specials: Tucker and Washington have a talk, while Simmons talks more with the Grif siblings as well as Sheila, Lopez, and Junior. Plus, our resident cyborg continues to debate just what to do with himself as Grif gets a mysterious message. :D
Thank you for taking the time to read this chapter!