Chapter Forty-six: The Strength in Weakness

Since the Guardians had been transported underwater, Helios had been weakening.

The curse had wracked Mamoru, whom he was connected to. The fighting, the strain of Mamoru's dwelling and Helios' brief forays underwater had sapped more of Helios' powers.

So when Chibi-Usa had called him, he couldn't muster the energy to come. The longer Dead Moon's curse persisted, the more Helios', Mamoru's and Usagi's bodies broke down.

His determination and love for his small maiden and her friends couldn't strengthen him enough to reach them and reveal the truth.

Helios didn't let himself lay down. He gripped the bars of the cage, looking into the desolate Elysion.

As soon as Dead Moon's weaknesses were exposed, Helios would exploit them. And he would return to his maiden.

Makoto wiped the blood from her knuckles, smearing her skirt with blood, vainly trying to erase the evidence of what she'd done, the cause of everyone's pain and tears.

Despite Usagi's insistence that she had caused the curse (must be a lie), despite SpongeBob's insistence that the robot invasion was his fault (it wasn't), despite Plankton's admitting that the robot invasion was his fault (the guy finally grew a pair), everyone's emotions led back to Makoto. Silly Makoto, thinking she'd calmed down since the incident in Sand Mountain.

Even though she'd saved PallaPalla, mostly to gain more information, partly out of compassion, her hate had resurfaced and shoved her over the edge once PallaPalla condemned Usagi for starting the curse.

Now, here Haruka was, standing beside Makoto, looking where PallaPalla and Hawk's Eye had disappeared into the distance. Watched Makoto out of the corner of her eye, making sure that Makoto didn't pursue their enemies.

Words couldn't calm Makoto. Destroying the Dead Moon Circus would. Or make her more uncontrollable, less likely to gain her upgrade.

Her fellow Guardians stood taller, radiated with power. Makoto tried to tell herself that her upgrade would come in due time but couldn't help but think that a part of her was defective. Which could be the case, considering her behavior in a span of hours.

Dread churned her stomach. Would her backward slide make getting her upgrade harder?

Squidward cleared his throat. "Well, this is…a situation. I, I don't know what to say." He tugged at a loose string on his brown T-shirt. "I'm sorry, Usagi. SpongeBob. Everyone. If I could, I'd help, but the only talent I have is serenading you with my beautiful clarinet playing, and I left my clarinet at home."

Thank goodness he had. His playing would make everyone cry more.

Chibi-Usa choked on her tears. She gripped her Carillion, white-knuckled, eyes scouring the industrial park's red, polluted sky for Helios. "He had to have heard me," she said under her breath. "He can't leave us now."

"He came in the nick of time before, Small Lady," Setsuna said, "when you were in trouble in the downtown area. He'll return when the time is right."

"But the time is right. The time is now." She spread her arms. "What better time could there be?"

Everyone was aching. Even those not involved, who didn't grasp the magnitude of what was happening, like Patrick, who cried for his socks but felt a wave of emotions out of empathy for the Guardians.

"We should go back to my treedome," Sandy said. "Try n' figure things out there. Relax. Rest."

"True." Michiru hadn't shed a tear, didn't look distressed. Perhaps her powers were leveling her.

Minako faced the unscathed Johnny Elaine. "Do you want us to take you back, too?"

"I am but a head. I move in mysterious ways, ways I don't understand. I shall teleport to the next newsworthy event."

Patrick bounced up and down. "You can teleport?" He clapped his hands. "Teach me how to teleport. Teachmeteachmeteachme."

Rei grabbed Patrick's head and dragged the starfish away. With some gathering SpongeBob, Sandy, and Squidward, Michiru helping Rei with Patrick, the group flew over the sludge, the pumping machines and gas-blowing towers, out of Bikini Bottom's industrial park. Dropped off Squidward, who said he wanted no part of what was happening but only to return to his tiki. Wanted to play a melancholy song on his clarinet that reflected the latest chain of events. Hopefully, the group would escape far away before he started.

SpongeBob crouched where his pineapple had stood, took out a seed from his pocket, kissed it, buried it in the sand. He blinked, and a tear plunked on the buried seed. The ground quaked, and a beanstalk sprouted. A pineapple grew at the end of it, windows and a door popping out. The pineapple snapped from the beanstalk and slammed onto the sand. The stalk retracted back into the ground.

SpongeBob rubbed his hands. "All done. Home sweet home."

Everyone gawked. The most bizarre thing Makoto had ever seen.

"I'm not sure if I should keep trying to figure these things out," Ami said.

"I'm reaching the point you are," Setsuna said.

"Imagine if we could grow houses in Japan," Chibi-Usa said.

"People would lose their minds," Minako said. "There'd be houses everywhere."

They flew to the treedome, rendered speechless either from SpongeBob growing a house or from what had happened in the park. Sandy opened her home. She pulled a lever, and the water drained from the entryway. She took off her helmet, letting out a breath that she sounded like she'd been holding for a long time. SpongeBob and Patrick popped water-filled helmets onto their heads, while Plankton donned a teacup.

Once inside, Haruka leaned against the treedome's polyurethane glass. "So."

"So." Minako said.

The silence was deafening. Sniffles gave faint background noise. Usagi's tears had mostly dried, but her eyes were hollow.

Chewing her lip, Minako glanced at each of her ghastly-looking teammates. "We have to clear our minds before we keep going."

"I one-hundred percent agree," Haruka said. "We're all tired from fighting, but the emotional pain is tiring us more."

Rei, Patrick, and SpongeBob had sat in a circle, the normally elegant Rei not caring that she was sitting on grass. A testament to her exhaustion.

Ami couldn't reach any of her friends. Being the last to enter, she sat near the door. Sandy washed her hands in a basin at the side of the treedome, humming, not looking like someone had rended her mind.

Plankton rolled out of Patrick's pocket. "While you all work through your identity crisis, I'm going to get back out there and figure out a way to return to my Chum Bucket."

"It's not safe outside," Minako said. "You'll end up hurt or captured again."

"You seem to forget that—"

Minako made a talking gesture with her hands. "You are a genius. The way you've been acting, you sure haven't proven it. You've shown that you're the opposite of a genius, at best."

Plankton raised fists into the air, opening his mouth, a shout on his tongue.

"She has a point," Michiru said. "You were unbearable in Rock Bottom, and you're unbearable now, but we'd rather you stay safe with us."

Haruka's eyes widened. "Whoa, Michiru, insulting people to their faces? Your powers are making you bold."

Michiru shrugged. "It gets tiresome being polite all the time. Besides, even I'm a bit tired, and it's taking its toll on me."

"Everyone's tired." Minako let out a five-second yawn. Makoto found herself yawning right along with her friend. Through her tears, Chibi-Usa released a gargantuan yawn. "We've got to rest for a little while, or we'll be so bleary-eyed, we won't be able to function." Her frown deepened, making her look older than the fifteen years she was. What a burden Minako carried, keeping everyone together and leading the team. As much as Makoto focused on Usagi's, Mamoru's, and Chibi-Usa's charges of ruling the universe, everyone had giants. "I mean, some of us have been fighting and running around for at least eight hours straight. Let's lay down for a little while. I'm so tired, I could sleep right on the grass." She lay on her back.

"Someone should keep watch," Haruka said.

Minako waved her hand dismissively. "One of you Outer Guardians can. The rest of us have got to rest, or we'll fall asleep during our watches."

"Reasonable," Michiru said. "Here I was, about to accuse you of being lazy."

Minako twitched but kept her mouth closed.

"I can keep watch," Plankton said.

Minako propped herself up on her elbow. "All you'll do is run away and leave us to the wolves."

"Too bad that Bikini Bottom hasn't made you stupid like everyone else. You could let my future minion keep watch with me. He won't let me go."

Patrick saluted Plankton. "That's right." Plankton would tell Patrick to let him go, and Patrick would obey without question.

Minako narrowed her eyes. "Why do you think we're so stupid?"

"Because when I compare my intelligence with yours—"

"One of you Outer Guardians keep watch. You haven't been here as long as the rest of us." Minako laced her hands behind her head as the younger Guardians lay down, Usagi laying on Mamoru's chest, ignoring Mamoru's protesting that he would worsen her curse. Usagi shook her head and closed her eyes. Chibi-Usa tried to walk near her parents, but they gestured her away, saying that they didn't want anyone else to catch their curse. Chibi-Usa froze feet away from her parents, mouth parted.

Setsuna lay a hand on Chibi-Usa's shoulder. "Come on, Small Lady. You can lay beside Hotaru and I instead."

Chibi-Usa's eyebrows arched. She mumbled, "First Helios, now my parents." How emotions could distort reality. She backed toward Setsuna and Hotaru. Usagi's breath hitched. Could almost see her heart breaking. Mamoru kept still. Too still.

Setsuna gathered Chibi-Usa to her and spoke softly. The only other person perceptive enough to comfort Chibi-Usa was Setsuna. Probably Hotaru, too.

Michiru sat, crossing her legs, but didn't close her eyes, erect, poised to fight. Watched Bikini Bottom.

Haruka lay near Michiru, on her side, gazing up at the Guardian of the Sea, eyes sparkling with admiration and lust. Makoto would give unspeakable things to have a man look at her like that.

Sandy wiped her hands on a towel and then faced the Guardians. "I have a bed up in my—" But everyone except Makoto and Michiru had fallen asleep. Plankton lay on Patrick's belly, snoring too loudly for someone as small as him. Patrick's stomach rippled each time the starfish exhaled, bobbing Plankton in unison.

Sandy gestured toward her tree. "Makoto, you're welcome to sleep up there."

"I feel like you need the bed more than me."

"On the contrary, I think you need it more than me. The way you've been actin' lately has been angrier than a bull surrounded by more red than Hollywood durin' those fancy award ceremonies."

"You know I don't know much about the U.S." Heck, even knowing about the U.S., Makoto wouldn't be able to understand a word Sandy had said.

"Not my fault you don't know your U.S. history."

"Do you know anything about Japan?"

Sandy's face blanked. "Uh, y'all speak Japanese."

"See there?"

"Fair enough." She turned toward the tree. "Seriously, come sleep in my tree instead of down here. I'd invite other folks, but they're already knocked out."

"Decide quickly," Michiru said, "or you won't get much sleep. We need to get back out there as soon as possible." They had maybe two hours, three at the most.

Makoto didn't want to keep playing this polite tug-of-war with Sandy. "I'll head up, then. You could come with me. If the bed's big enough for both of us." She cringed at how she sounded. Animal rights activists would cry, "Animal abuse. Bestiality."

"Sounds good." Shouldn't Sandy have stayed down here?

Makoto may be tired, but how could she be so thick? The squirrel wanted to talk privately with her.

The two climbed up the ladder, walked into the tree. Bark surrounded them, as expected from being inside a tree, only the bed, a nightstand, and, to the side, a bookshelf teeming with alphabetized chemistry, biology, engineering, calculus, sociology, and psychology books populating the room. Makoto sat on the edge of the bed. Clenched and unclenched her hands in a vain attempt to loosen herself enough to want to rest. The tiredness crushed her, but she didn't want to sleep, amped up after their encounter with the Dead Moon Circus, fighting with Robo-Patrick. She could've kept watch with Michiru and gotten her tongue-lashing out of the way.

"Relax." Sandy sat beside Makoto, lay on her back, spread her arms and sighed. "Ah, this feels better than gettin' a massage from a gorilla."

Makoto's eyebrows shot up. "Why did a gorilla give you a massage?"

Sandy swatted the air. "That's a story for another time." She turned onto her side, facing Makoto. "I wanted to talk about you. How you're feelin'. What's goin' on."

"Usually, I'm the one people lean on."

"You don't have to be that person all the time."

She rubbed her face. Was she that exasperated with herself? "I should be the one comforting you."

"Like you tried to back in Sand Mountain?"

Makoto winced. Yeah, she'd done a nice job. "At that time, all I could see was PallaPalla in the robots, all of our enemies. Even in the Patrick-bot." The words tumbled out. She did need to lean on others sometimes. While Haruka's talking-to was necessary, sometimes Makoto needed to be human and vent. The Outer Guardians always tried to fix things instead of listen. How did they stay unrattled by life's twists and turns?

"You look tenser than a cactus in the desert. You're thinkin' a bunch of stuff without tellin' me, and that's what we're up here for."

The corner of Makoto's mouth lifted. "You and your similes." If Sandy kept talking in riddles, Makoto would need a dictionary to decipher them.

"Awesome, ain't they? If this science stuff doesn't work out, I could become a poet. Anyhow, a compliment on my similes won't distract me from what we came up here to do, which is talk. Seems like you're awful uncomfortable lettin' it all out."

Before she could think about what she was saying, the words poured out in a tidal wave. "I've always been the strong one. It's weird to have someone listen to me, especially after what you've been through."

She shrugged. "It was just a nightmare."

"The Dead Moon Circus' nightmares aren't plain old nightmares. Their nightmares pierce deep into your being, taking everything you know and love and twisting them into evil. You can't tell me you weren't affected by what they did to you." Makoto stiffened. "What did they show you?" She raised a finger. "And don't tell me that we came up here so I could vent."

Sandy shifted on the bed. "Let's make a deal. You vent to me first, then I'll tell you anything you wanna know about what them dern near naked folks did to me."

"That might've been too forward. I'm sorry. Tell me only if you feel ready to."

"Naw, it's fine. I wanna tell you."

"Okay." Makoto wrung her hands. "I wasn't expecting to have a conversation like this with a talking squirrel, of all things."

"Distractions, distractions."

She coughed lightly. "Right. Anyhow, when I saw PallaPalla walking away from you, all I saw was red. For a long time afterward, whenever I saw PallaPalla or was even near her, all I felt was anger. Maybe that's why I didn't fight well against the Patrick-bot." She chuckled humorlessly. "Here I am, telling everyone to tap into their emotions, let me be a shoulder to cry on, but I can't do the same. Since my emotions weren't well-controlled, neither were my powers. I felt more like a whirlwind than a human." She stretched her arms over her head. "Maybe I haven't gotten my power-up yet because I'm too emotional, too reckless. Too ruthless. Maybe…I need to become better. Change myself. Become strong like Haruka but controlled like Michiru."

Sandy crossed her ankles. "No harm in havin' role models. Problem is when you wanna start bein' just like `em. Wonderin' why you ain't like them, what's wrong with you to make you different than them." Her eyes grew distant.

Makoto's eyes softened. "This must hit close to home for you."

"What makes you say that?" Sandy's voice was flat.

"Your 'I don't care' tone, which says that you care a whole lot."

A small grin grew on her face. "All right, you got me. But this ain't about me. It's about you right now."

"No, I'm done."

"Naw, you ain't done yet. I distracted you, so keep goin'."

Sandy wasn't going to talk until Makoto finished to the squirrel's satisfaction. "Seeing my friends hurt like you were brings out the worst in me. All I do is lose control." She ran a hand through her hair. "That's really it. I feel like I'll repeat myself if I keep talking, so you'd better start before I bore both of us to death. Besides, we can't work everything out through just talking." Outside of the treedome, two Fodder's played tag with each other, zapping each other with their wands to declare the other, "It," jumping each time they were tagged. "Soon, we'll have to go back out there. And then we'll be able to work things out, through action." Twining her hands behind her head, she closed her eyes. "I do feel better. Thanks for being there for me, Sandy, even when you're hurting yourself."

"It's better to give than to receive. Even when you're achin'. Especially when you're achin'."

"You know what, Sandy?"

"What's that?"

"You're awesome."

"Aw, shucks, you're gonna make me blush."

The squirrel seemed like the plainest, least colorful, most "normal," even boring out of the trio of SpongeBob, Patrick, and herself. But Sandy had an empathy, a connection to humans that SpongeBob and Patrick couldn't match.

"I'm glad we're spending time together," Makoto said. "Relaxing. No pressure or robots or anyone else around us. Who would've thought I'd bond with a squirrel?"

"Anything's possible. Besides, I came down here to make friends with different species." She sat her feet flat upon the mattress. "That's part of what I was gettin' to earlier, about feelin' like an alien around others. This is gonna sound vain, but to be honest, I found out early on that I was, well, smarter than most other squirrels." She framed the light above within her hands. "See, I could make different stuff out of tree branches, leaves, trashcans, anythin' you can think of. So while my fellow squirrels were foragin' on foot for food, I made fancy li'l contraptions like rods with pincers at the end to grab food humans dropped, all while stayin' in the safety of the trees and bushes. Since I was grabbin' lots of food, the other squirrels got jealous. I gave food to them, but some wanted to get food for themselves, feel like they earned it, and others tried to take advantage of my kindness n' let me grab all their food for them. I wasn't havin' it. Pretty soon, I found myself on the outskirts of the squirrel community.

"Ironically, it was then that I started thinkin' about how to bring animals and humans together so squirrels wouldn't have to fight for food scraps and so we could learn more about each other, inventing cutting-edge technology together, build a better world. But that was a mammoth of a task, taller an order than a glass of Texas iced tea. I didn't know where to begin.

"I have mentors who happen to be monkeys—they were some of the few folks who could challenge me—and they sponsored me to go to a trip down to Bikini Bottom to bridge the gap between sea critters and land critters, including humans. It was a great opportunity, especially since a squirrel like me had never seen many fish, except the bones humans left behind when they ate them."

Makoto grimaced. Given that Japan was an island, all that she and others ate in Japan was fish. After fighting for Bikini Bottom and speaking with the creatures she ate, she was considering becoming a vegetarian.

"Sorry, didn't mean to make y'all feel guilty."

Makoto waved her apology away, speechless from guilt.

"Anyhow, I had never talked with a fish in my life. Didn't know if they spoke a different language or not, but I was curious `bout `em. And I wanted to study the underwater world. Never woulda imagined that a squirrel like me would have the chance to live in the bottom of the ocean. Not a place that I had exactly dreamed of going until my mentors came to me about it. So there I went.

"As I spent more and more time in Bikini Bottom, I realized that we have much more in common than we thought. We all got feelings, we all wanna be loved, we all wanna be the best we can be. Mushy stuff like that. We crave connection. So I stay down here to bridge that gap between the underwater world and the land, tryin' to figure out a way for land critters and sea critters to connect with one another. When I first got here, though, some fish stared at me like I had five different heads. Had never seen a squirrel in their lives. To be fair, I stared at them like that, too, but I tried catchin' myself. Everyone else openly gawked at me, at my treedome. At the weird things, to them, that I need to survive, like oxygen. They got used to me and my antics, and I've gotten used to them and their antics. I like to think that we balance each other out, us sea critters and land critters.

"The more time I spend down here, the more I find myself fallin' in love with these fish. I see them almost as part of my family. Like they deserve better. That's why I invent all sorts o' crazy things like rockets and jetpacks to the moon and space. I wanna bring `em outta this world, to a world they've never seen before, connect `em with y'all humans and extraterrestrial life, `cause there's no way that we're the only species on this one planet in the entire, massive universe. I invent to make Bikini Bottom and the land and life better for everyone. One squirrel can't accomplish all that in her blip of a lifetime." She looked to the sky, clear and blue despite the smoky chaos below. "Hopefully, a li'l squirrel like me inspires others to invent and improve stuff and bring everyone together."

Makoto found herself gaping at the squirrel. Couldn't stop. Her drilled-in manners were screaming that she was being impolite, but her awe screamed louder.

"Now you're lookin' at me like I have five different heads. I know that was a lot, but ya might wanna close yer mouth before flies fly in. Ain't no flies in Bikini Bottom, but they always find a way into open mouths."

Makoto managed to shut her mouth. She hadn't expected this insight and humanity from a squirrel. This creature that scurried around, who she thought focused only on scrounging for and hoarding food.

"You're so selfless, Sandy. I wish I could be as selfless as you."

"You kiddin' me? You're selfless to a fault. I mean, you didn't want to talk about yourself until I forced you to. I know you wanna take care of everyone else, Makoto, and I do, too, but you gotta take some time for yourself. My mind works in a million ways, runs a million miles a minute, but I make myself relax and do mindless stuff, like think about Einstein's Theory of Relativity on my down time."

Makoto's expression blanked. "Yeah?" was all she could say.

"Oh, yeah, it's easy. See, when a proton—" She blinked at Makoto's clueless expression. "Never mind. Sorry, shouldn't have started on the borin' stuff."

"Yeah, erm, Ami and Setsuna are better with stuff like that. I can barely pass English."

"To be fair, English is hard."

A thought about the nonexistent language barrier landed in her mind. She waved it off. Didn't need anything else rattling her head.

"Point is, I worry and think a lot about other people and how to make their lives better, but I spend a lot of time on myself, too, `cause if I don't spend time on myself, then I won't have the brains or capacity to help others. Get what I'm sayin'?"

"Yeah, I got it." Being lectured by a squirrel. What was the world coming to?

"Anyway, I'd better follow my own advice and get some rest. Y'all should, too, `specially while we can."

"Right, we should." Makoto had been reduced to nearly one-word answers out of awe and exhaustion. Since she'd arrived in Bikini Bottom, she hadn't closed her eyes, and now the tiredness was crashing down.

Sandy was fascinating. At first, Makoto had thought she was (merely?) a smart and intelligent squirrel, especially to have built the treedome and know karate. Sandy had revealed her selflessness, her love, her caring nature, determination and focus on defeating the robots and the Dead Moon Circus.

Makoto stared at Sandy's back, the squirrel facing away. "Are you asleep?"

"About to." Sandy's voice was distant, a hallmark of balancing on the cusp between the world of the awake and the world of dreams.

"Thanks. For this talk. For being my friend."

"Shucks, gal. I should…thank…" She began snoring.

Makoto settled onto the bed. With Sandy beside her, the robots and the Dead Moon Circus no longer seemed to be mountains that were impossible to conquer. She let herself rest.