Chapter Sixty: The Head
Hotaru glared at the robot floating before her but couldn't still her quivering lip. A constructor towered at the back of the laboratory, wires sprouting from the metal walls. Above the constructor floated Robo-Plankton, his expression frozen in a grin. The only robot that had spoken comprehensible words.
As the first Guardian to encounter the robots' leader, she had to make the most of their meeting. Before he had his way with her.
The bucket that Robo-Plankton rode upon looked like the Chum Bucket. He was slightly bigger than the real Plankton. Maybe the real Plankton had created a robot version of himself to live out his fantasy of being bigger, able to fly above everyone.
Most alarming was the laser pointing from his bucket.
"Welcome to my humble abode." Her father's voice had carried more warmth. "How do you like the décor?" Could barely tell when he was asking questions, thanks to his monotonic, metallic voice.
Hotaru had noticed only the constructor. Hard to see anything but what was going to transfigure her into a robot. Vents lined the ceiling, steam gassing out every few seconds, the whistling-breathing noise echoing. Outside, all was silent; could hear nothing of the fight that she'd left, Billy and Fred fending for themselves.
Her legs itched to run away from the constructor. Not to save them, but to save herself.
Faced with the prospect of being experimented on, she became selfish. Wouldn't try to save even Chibi-Usa. Like the best friend she was, Chibi-Usa endured punishment with a smile, while Hotaru cowered.
Hotaru pursed her lips. Didn't want to indulge in the robot's games, but she had to for the sake of gaining information. "It looks nice."
The robot stared at her, like he had been since she'd arrived. His frozen expression made discerning his thoughts impossible. "You lie."
She kept glaring at Robo-Plankton. Stopped grinding her teeth. Had to stay loose, primed to fight.
"I may not be familiar with your human tendencies, but I am familiar with robots. And robots lie all the time, even though they're supposed to be obeying me."
Since the real Plankton set the Duplicatotron 3000 to "Not Obey," the robots shouldn't be obeying anyone. Something in his programming made the robots obey his robot version.
No wonder the robots caused organized chaos, concentrating in the most populated areas of Bikini Bottom.
Robo-Plankton was likely more brilliant than the real Plankton. Robo-Plankton possessed a helping of common sense to wield alongside his brains. A dangerous combination.
"What do you want to do with me?" Hotaru's voice broke. Perhaps she didn't realize that she was on the verge of crying, the pain from her father penetrating deeper than she'd believed.
"I'm glad you asked." Robo-Plankton floated back and forth, like he was pacing in the air. "As you can see, I've created an army of robots who love doing anything evil, from stealing candy to drawing mustaches on artwork. Thanks to the Duplicatotron 3000, these robots have been getting, well, duplicated. My creator is not as smart as he thinks he is—I'm the only one who's as smart as he thinks he is—but he was smart enough to build smaller versions of the Duplicatotrons and make the D3000 pump out D1000s, which my robots have been placing throughout Bikini Bottom. You've been trying to end us, but we're reproducing at a rate faster than you can destroy us. You'll never be rid of us." He threw back his head. "Ha. Haha. Hahaha."
"Are there duplicates of you out there?"
The robot placed a hand on his chin. "Good question. The world can never have enough wonderful, genius Robo-Planktons. But they must bow down to me alone. There can be only one sheriff in this town. Me."
If Hotaru could get the D3000 to duplicate copies of Robo-Plankton, perhaps they would destroy one another, and the other robots would have no one else to obey. The robots would then either descend into unsupervised chaos, throwing Bikini Bottom into further turmoil, or they'd obey the ones who had destroyed their boss, the Guardians. On the other hand, the duplicates of Robo-Plankton could turn against Hotaru and her friends.
Even though Bikini Bottom's fate lay in Hotaru's decision, her mind was mostly occupied with the possibility of being built into a robot. How could she be so selfish?
"I'd like to introduce you to my beloved." Robo-Plankton flew behind a curtain at the back of the room. Clanging noises, nuts and bolts scraping against the metal floor, ached Hotaru's ears. Resisted the urge to cover them. Images of her hanging in the constructor by its wires, Robo-Plankton jamming those nuts and bolts inside of her, assaulted her.
How badly she wanted to scream.
Had to escape, had to.
She clutched her hammering heart. She couldn't run, or she'd fail her friends, fail to learn information that could expose the robots' fatal vulnerability.
"Why so shy?" Robo-Plankton tugged at whatever was in the darkness. "Come on, honey. The little girl doesn't bite."
After what seemed to be an eternity, Robo-Plankton swept from behind the curtain. "She won't come out, so you'll have to come in."
Before she could stop herself, Hotaru walked toward the curtain. The alarm bells ringing in her ears clanged louder the closer she came to the hidden part of the laboratory. Through the curtain, embedded in the wall in front of her, was one large screen comprised of several smaller ones, upon which a robot Labrador Retriever gazed up with puppy-dog, robotic eyes. The Lab barked in a monotone. A Lab in a lab. Would've been funny if the situation wasn't dire.
Shadows loomed throughout the smaller lab, only one lightbulb brightening the room.
Her legs shook with the desperation to run.
Metal arms, legs, eyes were scattered about. Half-constructed robots, looking like halved fish, were silhouetted in shadows at the sides and in the corners. Except in one corner, where Robo-Plankton pulled at something domed by darkness.
A sigh came from the other side of the room. "Honestly, you ought to leave her alone. You said she wasn't done yet. Besides, don't you need to analyze him before you can finish her?"
Robo-Plankton whipped toward the voice. "I didn't ask you anything." He turned to the shadow, whispering soothing nothings, trying to coax whoever was there into coming out. "I promise, she won't hurt you. I gave you all kinds of toys, like missiles and muscles and Legos. If she hurts you, drop those Legos all over the ground so she steps on them. Ha. Haha. Hahaha."
A robotic whine tingled. Sounded like, "Dun wanna go. Wanna play."
Another sigh from the opposite corner. "You're as insufferable as my husband."
Was the other robot talking about Plankton?
She did sound robotic. Maybe she was Karen. Hadn't Michiru destroyed Karen? Had Robo-Plankton rebuilt Karen, saving her personality onto a hard drive or whatever scientific explanation there was? Had she been hacked in the lab, like the real Plankton had seemed distressed about?
Then who was Robo-Plankton tugging at?
Hotaru walked toward Robo-Plankton, slowly. Didn't want to disturb whatever ritual he had going.
The shy robot sounded like a guy, albeit a high-pitched male, but Karen had called the robot a female.
Who had Karen been speaking of analyzing earlier?
Since the robots had analyzed Patrick and Sandy, they must've gotten their hands on another of her teammates. But who? Hadn't seen signs of her allies in the lab.
A high-pitched scream, like a girl's (confirmed that the robot was, indeed, a girl, although many men screamed like girls, without admitting that they did) thundered from the corner.
"Ah, Neptune, stop," Robo-Plankton said in a monotone. "You'll break my soundboards."
The robot screamed louder, swatted at Robo-Plankton with a yellow hand.
Yellow.
SpongeBob.
Wind whistled through Hotaru's mind.
She was in deeper than she thought.
Growling, Robo-Plankton flew into the darkness. Another clang, and a spring bounced out, rolling to a stop before Hotaru's feet. The robot's scream was cut off, like someone had plugged a stopper inside its mouth.
"Now I can hear myself think." Robo-Plankton bled out from the darkness. "I apologize." He huffed. "As you can see, we have some…annoying members of our family, but you'll grow to love them like I did." He reached toward her. "I just need to see your—"
Before she knew what she was doing, she snapped her Silence Glaive at Robo-Plankton and unleashed a beam. The beam boomed toward the robot, the air quaking, the walls rupturing.
"Aaaah." The robot sounded like he was acting badly in a sitcom. He flew sideways, only for the beam to crash through the darkness, revealing a small, square shape, through which it pierced, electricity crackling.
"No. We were supposed to get married, and you destroyed her."
"Ho-hum," Karen said.
"No one said nothing to you." Robo-Plankton whipped toward Hotaru. "How would you like it if I destroyed someone precious to you?"
Hotaru kept her Silence Glaive pointed to the robot, shaking, vision reddening from the danger, from her instinct to run from her father.
Robo-Plankton inched closer to her. She loosed another beam, and he swerved sideways.
"Stay back," Hotaru said.
Electricity struck behind Hotaru. She swiveled around. Feet behind her, a computer screen loomed on two ropy cords that served as legs. She'd focused so much on her father that she hadn't heard the computer screen coming.
Two other ropy cords, electricity crackling at their tips, wrapped around Hotaru. The world flashed.
"Good job, Karen," Robo-Plankton said.
"You're useless without me." Their voices began to fade.
"I'll ignore that insult because you're being helpful. Little girl, I'll show your friends what it's like to lose something precious to them, like you took away my beloved. Now I'll have to rebuild her. And I'll build you into something better."
"No…" The world darkened.
Once again, she was a tool to be used, without regard to her humanness. Because to others, she was not human.
A fate she couldn't escape.
Patrick grinned at the castle that he and Haruka approached, the one they found after rescuing others from crumbling buildings, spaghetti and meatballs with giant mouths that tried to eat fish as part of their wholesome diet. He'd earn a bigger award than the one he'd gotten for doing nothing.
What was a hero without a sidekick carrying him, like Haruka? Granted, Barnacle Boy had never carried Mermaid Man but, unlike the retired superhero, Patrick was valiantly, admirably lazy.
Despite his laziness, Patrick had helped Haruka lift bricks and broken concrete off the ninth dimension's citizens. Haruka asked several what the monkey man was like, if their downtrodden attitudes were because of the his oppression. In low voices, many affirmed Haruka's suspicions. Some said the spaghetti and meatballs were more dangerous. The citizens never imagined that food could eat them and now feared pasta. A nightmare the Flying Dutchman would pounce on.
Haruka had asked if the Flying Dutchman had ever been to the ninth dimension. All had asked who the Flying Dutchman was.
"Answer the question, busters," Patrick had said. "Has he, or hasn't he?"
Haruka glared. "Patrick, they said that they don't know who the Flying Dutchman is. What do you think that means?" She'd muttered, "Damn, I'm starting to sound like Rei. What has become of me?"
"Uh, I don't know." Why couldn't people simply answer questions?
Even though the fish dodged questions like politicians, Patrick knew one thing: he had to defeat the giant monkey man. Maybe defeat his trusty steed, too, although the award didn't call for defeating the steed. Maybe this monkey man was related to the monkey man that Patrick had met when he and Sandy were trying to cure SpongeBob of his fear of the outdoors. Unlike the first monkey man, the one of the ninth dimension was a gazillion feet tall, making Haruka look as small as an action figure.
Several fish mentioned that the monkey man lived in a castle. Took Patrick and Haruka a while to reach the middle of the town, saving citizens along the way. Now, they had reached it. Time to defeat the monkey man.
Three figures crashed out of the castle, plummeting toward the red sand.
The green swirl of hair looked like Setsuna's. The brown fur engulfing her was the monkey man in his furry glory. The nose bulging between them meant that no other than Squidward was buried within.
"Stay here, Patrick." Haruka set the starfish upon the sand and then flew toward the three falling figures. Too bad Patrick couldn't indulge in the fun up there. He may not be able to fly, but he could throw his own party.
Melon patches bloomed about the sand. He ran to one melon patch and then lifted the melon above his head. If Patrick could take out the monkey man in one shot, then he'd go down in history as the third greatest hero of all time, behind Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.
The three figures tumbled in the air, a snowball of tangled limbs. The monkey man punched and scratched at Setsuna, decking Squidward's nose at one point, the octopus grabbing his nose, squawking out a, "Hey."
"You were never on my side, were you?" The monkey man punched, Setsuna leaning away. "You were my only true love, and you drop me so quickly when things were going well between us. And you abandon me for this?" He squeezed Squidward's nose. "What makes him better than me? Do all great works of art really have big noses? If that's the case, I'll rip off his nose and put it on myself."
"Not everyone can pull this nose off," Squidward said. "Literally and figuratively."
With her Garnet Rod, Setsuna struck the monkey man's abdomen. Both he and Squidward, who was entangled in the monkey man's grip more than Setsuna's, flew backward. Haruka caught Squidward by the arms, abandoning the monkey man to flight.
Patrick hurled the melon. The fruit shrieked past Setsuna, Haruka, and Squidward. The monkey man opened his mouth and swallowed the fruit whole. He heaved in a breath and then, rotating his head like a turret, spat out watermelon seeds. Patrick danced to dodge them. Haruka swayed. Setsuna flew away from the train of seeds.
The onslaught of seeds slowed to a trickle and then a stop. The monkey man was still flying backward from the momentum of Setsuna's strike. Toward the suns.
He grabbed one of the suns. Haruka's eyes bulged, and Setsuna paled.
The monkey man's hands deepened into red. He swung over the sun, taking the sun with him as he catapulted toward Haruka and Setsuna. He burst into flames.
"How pretty." Patrick's eyes reflected the glow of the monkey comet.
The comet spiraled. Was the comet like a shooting star, one Patrick could make a wish to?
"Damn it, Patrick, move." Haruka dove toward Patrick, Squidward hollering for Haruka to let him go, not put him in more danger.
Setsuna stared at the falling comet. Aimed her Garnet Rod toward the thing.
Patrick wanted the comet to hit him. He wanted to be a great ball of fire, too, blessed with the ability to fly. Within the ball of fire, he could defeat the monkey man and save the ninth dimension.
Patrick closed his eyes and spread his arms. He would become one with the monkey man.
Haruka hollered something unintelligible. Squidward screamed. Setsuna was silent. Patrick could see only blackness with a tinge of red that brightened the closer the comet came.
The redness became all-encompassing. Heat surrounded Patrick, threatening to burn him alive. Felt like he had walked into fire. The Guardians often spoke of knowing their enemies to defeat them. What better way to know his enemy than merging with the monkey man?
"You freaking idiot," Haruka yelled from somewhere far away.
Patrick opened his eyes, his eyes burning and watering from the redness, the fire and brimstone around him. He was face-to-nose with the monkey man, their faces pressed against each other's. Patrick smiled, stretching the monkey man's mouth into a smile, too.
The monkey man's eyes reddened into a crimson the same color as the sun. "How dare you infiltrate my comet?"
"I just stood there. You hit me."
The monkey man blinked, the swells and fire around them quelling and then restarting, raging faster. "Fair enough. Doesn't change the fact that you've messed everything up. Darn tapioca. I knew I should've eaten it all at Grandma's birthday party."
The monkey man drew back from Patrick, raising his paws, the fire growing larger in unison, opera singing filling the room. The multitalented monkey man opened his mouth, like he was singing the opera music.
The monkey man threw his arms toward Patrick, and the fire leaped toward him. He dove sideways, away from the fireball, and then ran toward the monkey man as fast as his short legs could carry him. The monkey man bounded to him, meeting him in the middle, fist outstretched. Patrick and the monkey man punched each other's fists. A shockwave reverberated throughout the fiery dimension.
The monkey man's eyes widened. "Stronger than you look. Didn't think you had muscle hiding under that tubbiness."
Patrick's vision reddened, and not because of the fire. He bared his teeth for the monkey man to see. "Tubby?" He screwed his fist into the monkey man's abdomen, and the breath screamed out of the monkey man. His pupils contracted, and he flew through the fire, crashing through the brimstone. Patrick ran after the monkey man, fists drawn back, ready to finish the job.
The monkey man slammed through the fire and brimstone. Patrick reached the monkey man and kicked. Another crash through one more slab of brimstone, revealing the Flying Dutchman's Graveyard, where Rei and PallaPalla fought, Rei shooting arrows at the Dead Moon Circus member, PallaPalla skipping about, dodging. They didn't matter. The monkey man did.
Rei and PallaPalla turned toward the rift. PallaPalla's eyes lit up. Rei drew back another fire arrow but didn't loose it, gawking instead.
The monkey man flew over one of the ships in the air. A Fodder, standing behind a cannon on a ship, ignited the cannon's string, and the cannon shot a mini-cannon. The monkey man struck the mini-cannon, roaring, "George!"
"Now you call my name." Out of the rift that the monkey man had ripped open flew a winged zebra, or a pony. Patrick could never tell the difference. The zebra—George—flapped his wings, creating a gust, and flew toward his master.
George looked like that winged horse that had carried the ape man when SpongeBob refused to go outside.
The monkey man was the same one who had come out when SpongeBob became a safety freak.
Back then, the monkey man was right in front of Patrick, and the starfish hadn't realized it. He walked like a monkey man. He spoke like a monkey man. He was as strong as a monkey man, so he must be the monkey man.
The starfish jumped into the Graveyard. He punched the air like a Gatling gun. George flew the monkey man in circles.
"Yer makin' me dizzy," the monkey man said, his voice shaking.
"You gotta give me directions, man."
"He's a monkey man, not a man." Patrick pounded the gravel, the monkey man and George floating above. If only Patrick could fly.
Rei could.
But Rei continued to face PallaPalla, the Dead Moon Circus member perched on a cliff above, her mouth O-shaped, eyes twinkling at the monkey man and George. Rei's arms were drawn back, her arrow poised to be loosed, devouring PallaPalla in flames.
PallaPalla catapulted toward the monkey man. Lemures surrounded her and then flew, like snow in a blizzard, toward the monkey man, George, and Rei. Saying a naughty word, Rei flew upward, the Lemures screaming past her, her arrow dissolving in midair. The Lemures engulfed George and the monkey man, the group like a black beehive.
The monkey man hollered. "What are these images filling my mind? Must unsee…!"
"Where's the brain bleach when you need it?" George whinnied.
Rei loosed another arrow toward PallaPalla, but the ball balancer flew past, one of the Lemures knocking the arrow aside, dowsing the flames, the arrow dropping into the goo.
Reaching the Lemures surrounding the monkey man and George, PallaPalla hovered above. "You're PallaPalla's now." She dropped into the Lemures. The monkey man and George screamed more loudly.
PallaPalla was going to win and take the award for herself.
Patrick had come too far.
Suddenly, he flew, the air blurring around him. When had he learned how to fly? Maybe he was like the Guardians, gaining new powers whenever he was in distress.
"All right, you lummox," Haruka growled behind him. She was following him?
He looked. She was carrying him. He hadn't learned how to fly.
"I'm gonna help you beat this bastard and his horse because you've been whining about this award since we first lay eyes on this monkey man. Besides, the damn award might end up being useful." She looked toward Rei, flying alongside them. Out of the corner of his eye, a wisp of dark green peeked behind him. Setsuna was flying at their rear, Squidward on the ground, barricading himself behind gravestones, one epitaph reading, "Here lies my poor pet rock, who died by paper in a game of Rock-Paper-Scissors".
"Rei, what happened to Hotaru?" Setsuna said. "Is she still fighting the robot?"
Rei flushed. "Um…"
Setsuna's expression darkened. Was she mad at Rei or at whoever had done something to Hotaru?
PallaPalla's laugh permeated into the Graveyard. George wheesnawed. The monkey man screeched. Squidward barked for the group to hurry because the dusty graves were flaring up his allergies.
"Come here and let PallaPalla make you into something new."
More cries from the monkey man and George, both mixing together, George howling like a monkey, the monkey man whinnying like a horse. The Lemures flew away, revealing the monkey man, George, combined, like a centaur. Except the front half consisted of the monkey man's brown fur and his face at the forefront, while the bottom half was striped black and white. His black mane flapped in the wind. PallaPalla sat upon the monkey man-George hybrid.
"I made a new member of the Dead Moon Circus." PallaPalla glowered. "To replace Tiger's Eye." She spat at Rei. "Kill this guy. I dare you."
Both Rei and Haruka said naughty words.
Maybe Patrick would get two awards if he beat the monkey-man-George thing.
The problem seemed bigger than the hybrid that PallaPalla had created. Something had happened between Rei and PallaPalla.
Everything was not so simple.
Maybe the problem more important than two measly awards. Tension brewed between PallaPalla and Rei, and Patrick had to support Rei in everything that happened henceforth in the fight, regardless of whether he won the awards.
By the pinched look in Rei's face, she was struggling.
For the first time, Patrick didn't understand.
One thing he did understand: he must protect her in whatever way he could.