Snippet Star 36

The Oracle of Jade

Genre: Humor/Meta

Pairs: Not important

Parody: Steven Universe Future (Various minor crossovers?)

AU-Type: Canon-esque (With changes)

Tags: React fic, Most of the Events of SUF are ignored, Steven's Stable, Jasper has a new purpose, Minor Character Overhaul, Spinel stays on Earth

[Note: When I say retcons, I'm basically only acknowledging the first episode. Steven, however, doesn't find Jasper when he looks for her (why will be explained). I'm also retconning Shep out of this because Shep…is a pointless addition, but I am keeping Lars and Sadie apart. Also shooting down Steven's teen angst, because it was mostly pointless. Steven's Pink super form was also discovered and tamed during the timeskip. Lastly, Spinel opts to stay on Earth, but not with the CGs. She's a bit upset that Steven tried to shove her off to the Diamonds.]

White. All what people could see white.

"I think we're in the Twilight Zone." Ronaldo said looking around.

Steven looked around to see that not just himself and Ronaldo. The Crystal Gems, the other Diamonds (who were oddly shrank down to human-sized), Greg, the Cool Kids, Connie and her family, Lars and the Off-Colors, Sadie, a few of the gems from Little Homeschool, and bizarrely enough Kevin were all waking up finding themselves here with varying levels of confusion.

"Wait, I was taking a shower just now…and I'm fully dressed." Kevin said looking at himself. "Well, I guess that's better than waking up naked."

A murmur of similar thoughts was among a few others before asking the big questions. Why were they here and where being they?

"Garnet, is your future vision telling us anyone?" Pearl asked.

"Wherever this place is, I can't get a read of it." Garnet said shaking her head.

"That's because you are literally outside of time." A familiar voice said as her footsteps got louder.

Up came Jasper…but different. Jasper sported a dark grey vest with orange lining, a long-sleeved black undershirt with a turtleneck, an orange sash, black pants and pointy jade boots. Jasper had a look of complete calm…the kind of calm of knowing she had someone at a disadvantage. She also had a cape having an unfamiliar logo.

"Jasper, what are you doing here?" Steven asked. "I thought you were…"

"You were supposed to think I just left. No, I have a new purpose under a new leader." Jasper said at ease. "A man who holds power over even the Diamonds themselves."

This got eyebrows raised as the everyone heard a crash. Jasper could only grin as a figure was kicked into the ground in fact of them. A quiet gasp from those who knew her. Pink Diamond was in the flesh and looking mangled.

"Aw, what's the matter, Pink? I just want to hurt you!"

"Spinel?!" Steven said as Spinel bounced onto the scene.

Spinel wore similar clothing to Jasper, but her version was sleeveless, had shorts instead of pants, and a pale pink sash. Her cape sported that same symbol. Spinel walked up Pink by her hair.

"Tell me something, Pink. What hurts more? A?" Spinel said before Pink was punched in the jaw. "Or B?"

Jasper came down with her foot on her legs getting Pink to squeal.

"Jasper, Spinel, that's enough." Another voice said coming up.

Pink (formerly White) Pearl made her appearance in a dark grey skirt suit with pantyhose, pink heels, and a jade tie. Pink Pearl's broken eye was even fixed…with a new eye with a green pupil while still having scars. Pink Pearl adjusted her tie and clearing before clearing her throat.

"Oracle Vance has ordered for you to over get a few hits in. Everyone else has to be get a turn in to maim her." She said before spitting on Pink's face much to the Diamond's horror.

"Yes, Fuchsia." Jasper and Spinel said bowing their hands.

"Fuchsia?" Pearl asked in confusion.

"I need not refer to myself by my species and color when I have a name just for me." Fuchsia said simply as a door was opened. "And here he comes."

Jasper and Spinel immediately got on one boot and bowed for him. A young man whose height near matched Garnet's.

His clothing stood out with a World War-esque black trench coat with a fur-lined collar and red shirt underneath, dark grey pants with lighter-colored bandages around his shins and off-white colored laced boots. His hand had fingerless gloves with the Greek Alpha symbol on the back of them. His long dark raven hair tied into a wolf's tail complimented his lightly tanned skin as his scarlet eyes stared Steven down.

"Fuchsia, my dear. Thank you." Abdul spoke with a smooth tone to his voice. "I am Abdul Avance, this universe's Oracle. I used to be a mere Watcher, but I had break from that to alter things to keep this timeline stable. They can't all run on a lack of logic like the primeverse."

"Lack of…can we you please not speak nerd?" Kevin asked exasperated.

"Okay, for those who are morons, let me make this simple. Picture your world like a book…what's the worse thing a book can have?" Abdul asked.

"Continuity errors." Ronaldo asked.

"Yes, but that's not what I'm looking for." Abdul remarked.

"Plot holes?" Connie asked as Abdul beamed.

"Exactly. There are so many logical holes and other crap that I had to focus on rewriting Earth's history to be a bit closer to my own so it wouldn't collapse in on itself. It's why Delmarva isn't even a state anymore." Abdul admitted tiredly. "I had to alter so much to give your planet was suddenly exploding from a logical fart. The reason you were here is because a singularity tore open pretty much wrecking the Earth and Homeworld. I paused the world because too much damage was it and it's going to take a while to fix it because I have to rebuild from scratch."

"What about everyone one else? Our families?" Jenny asked.

"They're in the lower levels just simply frozen while being restored. You were recused intact because we decided it would be entertaining." Spinel said cheekily. "Because while your universe is being redone, we will host you for our favorite pastime."

"And what's that?" Pearl asked nervously.

"Watching alternative universes." Jasper said as Connie and Ronaldo light up.

"Oh my gosh, this is just like the fanfiction I write!" Connie/Ronaldo said in near unison before blushing that the other said that.

"And how exactly are we going to watch anything?" White Diamond asked only for Abdul to snap his fingers.

In a flash of light, the empty void became less empty. Greg found himself sitting on the back of his van, while everyone else got various types of chairs. The Diamonds gave themselves sharing a royally designed couch. Priyanka and Doug shared a love couch. The Crystal Gems and Steven were on beach chairs. The rest of the Gems and Earthlings were beanbag chairs.

"By the way, can you bring the Off-Colors here?" Lars asked.

"Later on." Abdul said as the massive screen materialized.

A large table with various snacks of all types were on one side with a few doors labeled for various needs on another side. Connie wasted no type getting a plate and piling on the snacks not concerned with her mother's look.

"Sweetheart, get me some donuts too." Doug asked as Priyanka looked incredulous.

With it all set, the oracle and his crew summoned their seats of choice. For Pink Pearl, it was a fancy lawn chair that floated. For Jasper, it was a marble throne that floated with a glowing orange sphere under it. For Spinel, it was a fluffy pink cloud she could ride. Lastly, Abdul had his trusty gamer chair that also floated. Moving into place, he got the remote wondering what why should watch first.

(A/N: And here's the set up for our react fic. I won't just be reacting to my own works, but parodies of other things along with AUs. I'll take a few suggestions, so leave them below.)