Come Together Omake - April Fools

AN:

Oni: Hello all! As you can see, this isn't exactly a next installment. I'm currently stuck on the next chapter and how to go about it, but as soon as I break that mental barrier y'all will have the next part before the next major arc.

Tom: In the meantime, please check out the One Shot for this story A Field Of Forget-Me-Nots, which can be found on her profile.

Oni: As I wanted to let you all know that yes, I'm alive and yes, this fic is still running and I will get the next chapter up as soon as possible, I hereby present to you this (a tad late) April Fools Omake. I do hope you enjoy.

Tom: Whether or not you view this as canon is completely up to you.

Oni: This Chapter was also co-written by the wonderful Ryuko Monogatari, who is the author of Master Potter of Kamar-Taj. His version of Harry makes a brief cameo appearance. As do we, the authors. Really its aack chapter, don't take it seriously.

Tom: Oni does not own Harry Potter, The MCU, Master Potter of Kamar-Taj, or any other references you may find. And that lovely Guest Star who rewrote that Voldemort line.

Oni: Annnd ONWARDS!

On the dawn of April 1st, 1995, something stirred.

"Gred?"

"Yes, Forge?"

"It appears that we've survived another trip around the sun."

"Another celestial jaunt of three hundred and sixty five days, to a total of seventeen years."

"We're at the cusp of manhood now."

"We should be so very mature now."

The pair of pranksters blinked at each other, then burst into raucous laughter.

"Nah."

"So, dear Gred." said one twin as he cracked his knuckles in glee, "What shall we do today to celebrate this momentous day?"

Lee Jordon, who was still wiping the sleep from his eyes, piped up between yawns.

"How about we wrap everything in cling wrap?"

The twins shared a look.

"Everything?" they asked.

"Everything." was the reply.

"Nah." Gred and Forge states after a moment of thought.

"It would take entirely too long to do today." muttered Gred, scratching his chin in contemplation.

"But that's going on the list for a rainy day!" proclaimed Forge with great enthusiasm.

The twins simultaneously rubbed their chins, making 'hrm'ing and 'ha'ing sounds as if it would help then come up with a brilliant master prank to end all pranks.

"We could do one of our classics?" Forge supposed.

"What about putting a Gemino charm on a swear toad? And then a Sonorus charm on top of that?" Gred offered.

"We could charm it so that it would multiply whenever someone tried to cancel either of them!" Lee exclaimed.

"I bet McGonnagall and Flitwick'd give us help with that, you know how much they hate that frilly pink toad!" Forge snickered out.

Suddenly, Gred gasped, grabbing his brother's shoulders and shaking him violently. "FORGE! FORGE! FORGE! FORGE! FORGE! I'VE GOT IT!"

"Got what?" Forge asked, "A clue? The meaning of life? Ten packets of chocolate frogs? You're going to have to be more specific."

"The perfect prank!" Gred's eyes glinted mischievously, and he grinned like the Cheshire Snorcack. "We need something that, on the surface, is absolutely terrifying, and I mean crap your robes terrifying, but after the initial shock is completely harmless!"

Forge blinked. "Um, yes, I believe that is indeed the dictionary definition of a prank…"

"No! Don't you see? Don't you understand?" Gred giggled, then leaned over to his brother and whispered in his ear.

Forge's eyes narrowed, then widened, then narrowed again, then his eyebrows flew off his head. He smirked. Then grinned. Then giggled, then laughed. Then pretty soon he was rolling around the common room, hands clutching his sides, barely able to breathe through his raucous fits of laughter.

"TO THE RESTRICTED SECTION!"

And so using a couple of dungbombs, a mop, a bassoon, and a very confused African Grey parrot, the trio of misfits managed to smuggle out the tome that would realize their most epic prank yet.

It was quite sweet, really, that Filch remembered their birthday. Of course, it was hard to forget the birthday of the two greatest pranksters Hogwarts had ever seen. Unfortunately, this meant that the old coot was patrolling the entrance to the Gryffindor common room, not giving Gred or Forge a chance to escape. Fortunately, however, they had a secret weapon. A secret weapon that only Harry Potter had.

The art of the most excellent distractions in Hogwarts history.

"Potter! Get back here!" Filch screeched as the Boy-Who-Lived ran past them holding a Stupefied Mrs. Norris.

"Consider this my birthday present to you!" he could be heard calling out as he sprinted away from Filch.

He grinned and leapt around the corner, giving out a whoop in excitement. The twins (and Lee Jordon) shook their heads in fondness.

"That young man is going to go on to do great things." Gred feigned choking up.

"He truly is his father's son." Forge mock-cried into his hands.

A beat passed.

"Back to work!" the trio chirped.

The trip back to their laboratory was most unexciting. They only caused three bout of screaming on their way to the hidden room, as they didn't want anyone interrupting this master idea. Humming a spy theme under their breaths, the trio snuck their way into the classroom that they used as their base of operations. It was their sanctuary of chaos and hilarity - the start of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes.

With a thump, the tome hit the desk. How to Summon People From Alternate Universes - For Dummies by B. Cipher was written in faded gold lettering on the top in a penmanship so warped that a random passerby would assume it was written in some archaic latin language. They followed the book to the letter, drawing up the summoning circle with white chalk and placing candles around it. When they were done, the trio proudly surveyed their work.

"Now what?" Lee Jordon asked.

"Well, the book just said 'start chanting when you want to summon someone, and scream 'next' if you don't want that person'." Gred muttered as he read the passage again.

"Are you sure this bloke ain't pulling our leg? It sounds like the writer is just making things up on the spot." Forge asked, but then shrugged.

The writer would know, wouldn't they? So they stopped questioning the madness before they prematurely broke the fourth wall. Standing around the circle, a few feet away, Fred, George, and Lee began to chant.

"Azzerath Metrian Xinthos!"

With a puff of smoke, a person appeared. It was… a she. With dyed black hair and dressed in all black. She was… um. Staring blankly at them.

"Erm… hello?" Lee ventured, staring at the ridiculous amount of fishnet the girl wore.

This prompted the girl to speak, though it seemed more like she was narrating.

"Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and-"

"NEXT!" all three of them screamed aloud and the girl disappeared the same way as she left, though she could be heard shouting "OMG U PREPS!" just before she went.

Silence stretched between them as they shuddered. For some reason that girl sent chills down their spines, as if her presence was some sort of horrible harbinger for their world. Taking a deep breath, they attempted another incantation.

"Treguna mekoides trecorum satis dee!"

Another puff of smoke brought them their next vic- guest. And it was…

"Harry?" Gred asked incredulously.

"You can't win, Morgana! I am a master of the mystic arts, a student under the Sorcerer Supreme himself! I've been training for half my life to stop scum like you, so come out of your hiding place and fight me like a man… er, woman!" the Harry lookalike yelled into the dark corner of the room, holding what looked like golden sparking plates.

"Er, Harry, is that you?" Forge then questioned with raised eyebrows before turning to the others, "Guys I think this one's broken."

"Fred? George? Lee? What are you doing in the Sanctum?" The person who was probably Harry looked confused for a moment, then smirked, "Are you pulling a prank?"

"Uhh, yeah, we are." Gred nodded, still confused and a little scared.

The alternate universe Harry grinned, giving them the thumbs up.

"Neat! Good luck, guys! Could you send me back, though? I'm helping a blind teenager fight a thousand year old pedophile sorceress!"

"Sure thing Harry…" Lee answered faintly, trying to wrap his head around what this other Harry was saying, "Next!"

The other Harry disappeared in a puff of smoke, though they heard a faint "Thanks!" come from within it.

They blinked at the empty circle.

"Third time's a charm?"

With that, they began chanting.

A long long time ago in a universe far far away, Sergeant Tom Marvolo Riddle was lighting up a cigarette. He leaned back, letting the smoke trail upwards into the ceiling.

"Trading cards?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yep." Steve answered with a tired grin, "Apparently they want to make it this big thing for the kids to collect. They made a set of Captain America when I was touring with the USO. And apparently they made some for you as well."

"Well, it certainly worked in the Wizarding World, I suppose, what with the chocolate frog cards, but a set of a single person? I don't think anyone would go for that." Tom muttered into his mug of lager.

"You'd be surprised." Bucky shot back with a grin, "For all you know trading cards might become even more popular in the future!"

"By doing what, making the cards fight each other?" Tom sneered.

Steve snickered. "Imagine if people pitted our cards, then!"

Bucky snorted, "Suuure, I can picture it now… I'll tribute my two Howling Commandos to tribute summon Captain America in Attack Mode!"

Steve guffawed, dropping into a dramatic stance. "Oh yeah? Well I'll send my wizard wand and wizard cloak to the graveyard to special summon LORD VOLDEMORT!"

"You fool." Tom replied dryly to Steve, "You just activated his 'trap' card."

"Oh yeah?" Steve grinned, flicking his hand. "My Lord Voldemort is unaffected by trap cards, so now our two monsters will battle! And as you can see, Voldemort has higher attack than Captain America!"

Bucky laughed melodramatically. "Maybe it does, but I can switch my Captain into defence mode, and Captain America has more defence points than Voldemort has attack points!"

"You know…" Tom muttered, "I think we may be onto something here…"

The trio looked at each other for a moment before dissolving into laughter. A couple of older patrons looked in their direction with alarm before shaking their heads and going back to their game of poker. Young men these days.

"That would be ridiculous," Tom sniggered, stubbing his fag in the ashtray.

"The kids'll love it though." Steve pointed out, still chuckling as he tried to calm down enough to chug more beer down.

"Think of all the ways that you guys could be franchised!" Bucky teased with a wide grin, "You think it's bad now?"

"Ugh, I certainly hope not." Tom muttered out with a roll of his eyes, "The last thing I need is-"

And then he disappeared into a puff of smoke. Steve and Bucky stared at the place where Tom had previously occupied for a couple of seconds.

"Should… should we be worried?" Steve asked aloud.

"Let's go ask Monty, he should know about this kinda stuff." Bucky replied.

"-that kind of insanity." Tom finished, though his gaze was suddenly filled with white smoke.

Around him were voices chanting ominously.

"Hum dum,

Agga pang,

Ing, ang, ooo!

Makka Pakka,

Akka wakka,

Mikka Makka moo!

"

Okay, that was creepy. Tom felt his wand slide into his palm as he stood up from the ground that he had been sitting on, activating his shield in case things got ugly. From the smoke he could see that he was surrounded by three figures, shorter in build but still strong. He could deal with them easily.

When the smoke dissipated, however, Tom blinked in confusion. He was standing in a circle of chalk with candles around them. Looking up, he was met with the sight of three Hogwarts students. Three Gryffindor Hogwarts students. After that, it was simple to put what was going on together.

"Did you just summon me?" Tom asked the gaping trio in front of him (two of them were twins. This meant trouble) tiredly.

"It's for a prank!" one of the red haired students answered cheekily.

"Of course it is." Tom grumbled, "I swear that's all you Gryffindors do."

"So you're definitely not a Gryffindor then?" Lee ventured, slowly smiling, "But you're also from Hogwarts, which means you're a wizard."

"Very astute." Tom answered dryly, looking around at the empty classroom that held some empty cauldrons and note-lined walls, "What exactly was your goal here?"

"Well," the other red haired teen began, "It's our birthday, my twin brother and me, and we like to pull practical jokes. And I thought that it'd be funny to find a Lord Voldemort from an alternate universe who wasn't evil, because in our universe Lord Voldemort is evil."

Tom blinked, quickly logging in the information and what it entailed into his mind. Great. There was an evil version of him here. Who also had his codename. Well that sucked.

"How evil are we talking here?" Tom queried, a single eyebrow quirking up, "I mean, I know I was a prat before…"

Lee, who was Half-blood, cottoned on to this newcomer's situation. He recognised the uniform that he was in, his grandpa wore something similar. "I'm guessing you know Hitler?" the man nodded in affirmation, "Yyyyyyeah…"

Tom's eyes widened.

"I'm bloody wizard Hitler…"

And then he immediately launched into a litany of swears in parseltongue, and some that weren't.

Gred leaned over to Forge, eyes wide. "I think we'd have been better with the swear toads…"

"Are you kidding me? I don't think the toads know this many swears!" Forge exclaimed excitedly, "Hey Mister Voldemort, how willing are you to teach us swears in parseltongue before we drag you around school?"

The tall wizard swung his gaze over towards the now-eager teens and shrugged. From what he could tell, they were seventh years, which meant they were only a year younger than him. What's the harm? He certainly learned worse in the streets of London. Hell, he learned worse with the Commandos.

"I don't see why not. It would be hypocritical of me not to. God knows that the Commandos learned enough by just by talking to me. If you're decent at silent casting, I can teach you how to make it seem that their curses when you're actually just insulting them."

The trio of students shared a look.

"Wicked!"

"Hogwarts hasn't changed much since I was a student here, it seems, though the banners are most certainly new." Tom mused idly, noting empty corridors near the Defense Classrooms.

"Really?" Lee asked curiously, "I mean, maybe they changed it after you graduated?"

"Oh I didn't graduate." Tom told the trio, who stopped dead and stared at them, "What? I missed the first part of the year being a prisoner of war and joined the army afterwards. School isn't everything, you know. The whole world has something to teach you, and sometimes it can be better than sitting in a classroom reading textbooks all day. You can't learn how to ride a motorcycle or shoot a rifle without doing it yourself anyway."

The Weasley twins (Gred and Forge, as they introduced themselves as) were silent, as if contemplating his words and attributing them to something that's been on their minds. Lee simply grinned up at him in something bordering on hero worship.

"You are heaps better than the Voldemort here. You sure you can't stay?"

"Hitler's still alive where I'm from, so no. Sorry."

Before Lee or the twins to reply to that, someone rounded the corner and nearly walked right into Tom. The stranger was a rather unattractive woman wearing a horrendous pink cardigan and a toadlike smirk.

"Well, well, have I caught myself some troublemakers today?" the woman simpered, before her beady eyes landed on Tom, which narrowed after taking in his obviously muggle uniform, "And… who might you be?"

"I'm Serg-" he felt on of the students elbow him, "Lord Voldemort."

The toadlike woman sneered up at him.

"I highly doubt that. Let's see your wand, then. It's very famous after all if you are. Oh! Serpensortia!" the witch in the pink cardigan pointed her wand at his feet gleefully as a snake burst from it, "And let's see you speak parseltongue as well, if you're really You Know Who!"

Tom blinked at the woman, then looked at the snake, then at the students and mouthed "Really?". At their nods, which were behind their hands to hide snickering, the soldier sighed. This world was crazy, wasn't it? Still, he pulled out his wand, which made the toady witch gasp as if all the air had suddenly escaped her lungs, and snapped off a purple spell which hit behind her, taking a good chunk of the wall with it. This caused her to whimper slightly, even more so when he coaxed the snake on his shoulder before banishing it.

"Is that all?" Tom sneered out, "What childish tests to prove who I am."

With a short scream, the woman fell back, unconscious. Immediately the twins and Lee gathered around her and grinned wide.

"Wicked! You managed to knock out Umbridge without hexing her!" Forge sniggered.

Tom bowed dramatically.

"I aim to please."

The pounding of feet echoed down the hallways, the four of them stopping at the sound. Looks like someone was in a hurry. Was it because the Umbridge woman had screamed? It was rather loud, and Hogwarts never had the best insulation. Soon the green color of the stranger's scarf could be seen. Huzzah! A Slytherin!

...Who looked disturbingly like Abraxas. A Malfoy, then.

"Professor Umbridge! Are you alright?" the young Malfoy asked with a mask of false-concern as he came closer, "I heard- oh. It's you three again." ah yes, that trademark Malfoy sneer, "What did you do this time?"

"Piss off, Malfoy." Forge shouted, but the smile on the redhead's face was predatory.

"Why? Afraid I'll report you? I'll have you expelled if you cross me Weasley. I have the authority to, after all." the platinum blond child that would do Abraxas proud sneered out before (like the toad) turning his gaze at Tom and smiling maliciously, "Merlin's pants! Did you smuggle in a muggle? Are you really so low as to bring mudbloods into Hogwarts now?"

Tom's eye twitched. That hit a little close to how he would have sounded at that kid's age.

"Oh God, is that what I sounded like?" Tom muttered aloud, getting the attention of both the Slytherin and Gryffindor students as he sighed and stared at the Malfoy sadly, "Look, son, I know what your father probably told you. I know what this society is still telling you. That wizards and witches operate at a higher natural order just because we were born with magic. That it's all the muggles' fault that we have to hide what we are, despite being above."

The teens listened in silence too gobsmacked to really talk. For the Gryffindors, this was amazing, seeing Lord bloody Voldemort preach about equality - the opposite of the one they had.

"This is what's fundamentally wrong with our society, both societies." Tom continued, unaware of this as he was now on a roll, "The belief that you are better just because you have a bigger stick. Wizards and muggles have the same capacity for good as they do for evil. I have been tortured by muggles, and the pain they inflict without magic is staggering. Equally so, there are those who have the largest hearts I've ever seen. Kinder, even, than many wizards. Braver too. Where I come from Nurmengard fell with the combined forces of magical enchantments and muggle technology. Can you say the same?"

At this Tom glared at the young Malfoy, who was wide eyed and trying not the shrink into his robes, "Do you really look at a fellow human being and say 'I am above you and you are nothing'?" he threw his hands up in the air in exasperation, "One day there is going to be a great tragedy and you all will realize that in truth there is no muggle or magical, there are only humans who are too prejudiced to see it!"

Malfoy glared at this uppity 'muggle' who dared to question him, and sniffed haughtily. "How dare you speak to me like that, you filthy muggle! Who the hell do you think you are?"

Tom Riddle seethed. He wasn't surprised at the reaction, but he was already riled up from his impromptu speech. His steely eyes flashed red as he straightened up to his full height, towering over him.

"I am Sergeant Tom Marvolo Riddle. Order of Merlin, Second Class, Recipient of the Congressional Medal of Honour, and Howling Commando. Codename: Lord Voldemort. I've killed and saved countless people, magical and non-magical alike in the service of my Queen and country. Now tell me this, who the hell do you think you are?"

"Meep!" Malfoy replied intelligently, an acrid stench filling the air around them.

"Really?" Tom said with a raised eyebrow, "So this is what passes for a Slytherin these days, is it? You disgust me."

Well, that wasn't entirely true. It seemed that Slytherins haven't changed much from when he was in school, but he certainly wasn't going to tell this little ponce that. Kids were gullible, past, present, and future. The Slytherin teen didn't say anything at that, though his face turned Gryffindor red before looking back at him and draining of all color again. He was very good at holding back tears, it seemed, though not as good holding onto his facilities. Tom watched in amusement as the Malfoy brat scampered off, though he cast an air-freshening charm soon after.

"That was… entertaining." he sneered out, having calmed down from his agitated state.

"Mate, are you sure you can't stay?" Gred asked him in awe.

"Grindelwald is still active and killing people. I can't turn my back on my family nor my duty."

"Shame."

With that, the trio of students led the soldier off to their intended destination, which turned out to be the Gryffindor Dorms. Why they would want to bring a Slytherin inside their sacred Lion's Den, but Tom wasn't going to complain. He'd always wanted to see what the other dorms were like. Never got the chance to see Hufflepuff and Gryffindor's though he had easily snuck in to filch from the Ravenclaws before.

They managed to make it to the Gryffindor Common Room without much fanfare after that. In fact, they would have been able to smuggle Tom into the Common Room if it wasn't for a certain bushy haired witch coming out of the portrait and slamming right into Tom, sprawling her on the floor with her book still tightly clutched in her hand.

"Oh pardon me, I wasn't watching where I was going…" the girl apologized, taking Tom's offered arm to hoist herself up.

"You never do, Hermione." Forge joked out and the newly named Hermione sent him a glare without any real heat.

"Well I was reading the most fascinating thing, you see-"

"You always are, Hermione." Gred sang out, causing the girl to hit his arm with her cheeks puffed in annoyance.

"Oh hush, you!"

As everyone had been doing today, Hermione then turned to really regard Tom. Like the other two, she eyed him up and down, scrutinising him. Unlike the other two meetings, however, when her gaze fell on the triple chevrons on Tom's coat, her eyes widened as she straightened her stance, holding up three fingers in a salute.

"Sergeant! It's an honor!"

Ah, a scout. Figures. With a smile, Tom saluted back.

"At ease. Sergeant Riddle, at your service."

Hermione put her hand down and smiled at him, though it quickly turned into confusion at what the interaction entailed. After all, what was a muggle soldier doing in Hogwarts?

"Um, sir, I beg your pardon but… why are you here?"

Tom jerked his head towards the waving twins and Lee Jordon, who grinned cheekily.

"Hermione, you just saluted Lord Voldemort. You know that, right?" Lee chuckled out. Her eyes widened as she stifled a scream.

"He's a good one, though!" Gred placated, "We summoned a good Voldemort from another universe!"

"He's already made Umbridge faint and Malfoy wet himself!" Forge added with a snicker.

Hermione just stared at Tom for a good while before asking slowly, "You're not about to start laughing and throwing killing curses everywhere, are you?"

"I don't use the killing curse on civilians." was the clipped answer.

Just how bad was his counterpart?

The witch nodded stiffly, but then smiled. That… had apparently been a test. A test that he passed. She was probably checking if he was actually a soldier or just wearing the uniform. Clever. Hah, this girl reminded him of Peggy.

"What are you lot taking him to the Common Room for?" Hermione asked the other boys, "Wouldn't it be more chaotic for him to be in the Great Hall? Not that I'm advocating for that."

"We wanted Harrikins to meet him!" Forge answered with a knowing grin, "After all, this one's a nice Voldy. It might give him a break from evil Voldy to talk with him."

"...You just want to scare him, don't you?" Hermione deadpanned.

"Yep!" they cheered in unison.

"Well, Harry's been in a good mood today, so I suppose it wouldn't be too bad…" she ventured.

Her excuse was paper thin.

Harry Potter sneezed. Someone was talking about him, and it didn't bode well for him. Now, this either meant that the Weasley twins were pulling a brilliant prank, or Voldemort was involved. He really hoped it wasn't the latter - he was having such a good day today and he didn't want the noseless murdery git to ruin it. It was bad enough that people didn't believe he was back. Sighing and realizing that he would have to face whichever one it was, Harry looked up at where the entrance to the Common Room was...

And stared at the young Voldemort lookalike climbing through. Blimey, he was taller and more muscular than the shade he met in the Chamber of Secrets, but this was undoubtedly him. Immediately Harry was on his feet with his wand pointed at the man, ready to cast in defense of him and his friends. The git already killed Cedric, he wouldn't allow anyone else to die.

Oddly enough, the Riddle doppelgänger stared at him back with equally wide eyes, though he didn't draw his wand. Instead, he tilted his head in consideration.

"Bloody hell you look like Monty."

"I beg your pardon?" was all Harry could come up with.

"Fleamont Potter." the not-very-violent Voldemort elaborated, "A mentor of mine. You bear a striking resemblance to him."

Harry felt a little off kilter. Who the hell was this guy? He certainly looked and sounded like a younger Voldemort, but he hasn't started waxing about how he was going to kill him yet. Hell, he hadn't even taken out his wand! Still on guard, Harry lowered his arm.

"Who the hell are you?"

"Sergeant Tom Marvolo Riddle. Howling Commando. Codename Lord Voldemort. How may I help you?" the man answered before turning to… Fred and George? "How many times do I have to introduce myself? Should I just wear a sign or something?"

"It's hilarious watching the reactions!" Fred cackled out, holding his sides in at Harry's gobsmacked expression.

"You should see your face, Harry!" George added, laughing on the floor, "Actually, you should have seen Malfoy and Umbridge! Priceless!"

"I feel used." Tom muttered out with a roll of his eyes, "In fact, I believe my entire point here is to be used for other people's entertainment."

Tom turned to look at- oh no you don't. No fourth wall breaking, Tom! We discussed this!

"But this is a gag chapter, it's not even canon."

It doesn't matter!

"A gag what now?" Harry asked in confusion.

Now look what you've done! You've confused him!

"Let's hope you never find out." Tom answered with a smirk, looking at a rather random-looking spot on the wall before casting his gaze at Harry, "It appears I'm just here to scare other people with my presence alone, seeing as I'm not interested in harming civilians."

Harry decided that this proclamation was good enough for him. This version of Voldemort wasn't going to kill people? Great! One thing less to worry about. At this point he could really use a break from the madness that usually permeated his life so he decided to embrace this new madness - however temporary it may be.

While Harry had this momentary existential crisis, Tom lit up another cigarette. To the purebloods in the room, this was confusing. Those who were muggle-raised stared. Wow, this guy seemed so… normal. Ron decided to walk in at this time, took one look at the gathered group, sighed, and plopped down next to where Harry was sitting. He briefly glanced at Tom before looking at Harry, who shrugged.

"Do I have to explain myself again?" Tom sighed out.

"Can they explain it later?" Ron asked back.

"Probably better than I can." was the reply.

"Then no, I really don't care. Chess, Harry?"

Harry smiled. At least Ron was easy to placate. Maybe they were all just taking advantage of the elevated mood. It was rare these days. Harry looked to where Hermione seemed to be drilling Tom on...something. It was best not to ask sometimes. Still, seeing the guy who, in this world, preaching about blood purity talk so casually with her while wearing and acting so...muggle. Outdatedly muggle, but if his age was anything to go by, then he was just a product of his time.

The rest of the day was spent picking Tom's brain about… everything, really. About the war he was in. About the technology he witnessed and was a part of. Stories of bravery and heroism. Stories of muggles and magicals working together for a common goal - brighter future.

There was a softness in this Tom's eyes that the Lord Voldemort of this world didn't have (at least not one Harry's ever seen) as he spoke of his friends and the family he made for himself. In a way, Harry could see something similar with his own friends, with Ron and Hermione. He supposed the Tom Riddle of this world had been right. They really were similar.

This wasn't going to last, was it? He seemed to good to be true. Was there a way to replace the snakey Dark Lord with this guy. He gave off the vibes of a badass older brother instead of a murderous psychopath.

Sure enough, as they were walking down to the Great Hall for dinner, they passed the one person who knew Voldemort better than any of the teens - Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. For a few seconds, they just stared at each other.

"Tom?" Dumbledore could be heard faintly saying.

"Professor?" Tom asked incredulously, looking the man up and down, "You… aged. Bloody hell."

Dumbledore stared dubiously at the young man who was obviously Voldemort, but wasn't trying to kill him or monologue. In fact, he looked rather tame. And goodness, was that a muggle military uniform (that actually made him look rather dashing)? Had he been hit by a spell? A potion?

"He's from an alternate universe, Professor!" Forge piped up cheerily, "We found a Voldemort that turned out good instead of bad!"

Dumbledore smiled genially. "Ah yes, that reminds me, Happy Birthday, boys. I suppose this is less destructive than last year's celebrations…" the wise old man shuddered, remembering that horrible experience. So many bees…

Tom cleared his throat, deciding that he didn't want to know what those two had done the year previous, "Professor? Not to sound conceited, but I am apparently your worst enemy in this dimension…"

"Well, that is what everybody says about us, yes, though the same could also be said about you and young Harry here." Dumbledore replied genially.

Tom turned to stare at Harry with wide eyes, who shrugged.

"You killed my parents then tried to kill me as a baby but failed. Got nothing else to show for it but this dumb scar."

His other self had done that? He was disgusted. The soldier squashed down his sudden urge to hug the boy in front of him and take him far away where he couldn't be hurt any longer. Damn Steve and Bucky for instilling such paternal instincts in him!

Oh, bugger it. Steve would be disappointed if he didn't.

Harry squawked in surprise as he was suddenly brought into a hug. By Voldemort. It felt surprisingly nice as a gesture. To know that Tom Riddle actually had a heart at some point. To know that all was not lost for Harry, who hand similar upbringing. With a smile, he hugged back.

"I'm so sorry. Believe me, right now there's nothing I want more than to destroy that monster..." Tom stated resoluty, his chin on top of Harry's head.

This apparently pleased Dumbledore, who's eyes suddenly twinkled in joy. Oh, this never bade well. Every time Dumbledore had that look back in his world, Tom was sent on a mission.

"Oh, fantastic, thank you so much, Tom!" The Wise Wizard said cheerily, tossing something in Tom's direction which the young man caught on instinct, "Best of luck to you, do tell me how it goes when you get back!"

"...What?" was all Tom could manage before he felt the telltale sign of a portkey activating, and as he popped away he could be heard swearing loudly in parseltongue.

"Do we want to know what he said?" asked a curious Ron to a stunned Harry.

"I think I'd be expelled for life if I told you." was the Boy Who Lived's reply.

"That bad?"

"Worse."

"Nothing changes!" Tom screamed into the wilderness right outside of Hogwarts, "Albus fucking too many names Dumbledore taking my fucking words entirely too literally!"

More swears in parseltongue, English, French, and German spewed from his mouth. Honestly, he was going to give that man a piece of his mind when he got back. Unfortunately he was given another mission. By an alternate universe Dumbledore. Are they all the same across the board or something?

The cracking sound of Apparition rang out from all through the wilderness, and soon he was surrounded by people in black cloaks and skull masks. Great. A cult. A figure stepped up and Tom fought down the urge to back away. Pale white skin. Red slitted eyes. Bald head. Pointed fingers.

A Nosferatu.

He didn't even reach for his wand. His fingers instead found the silver revolver that was inscribed with the words Avada Kedavra on the barrel.

"Ah, Harry Pot-"

Bang.

The nosferatu was staring wide eyed at Tom, even as the blood dripped down from the new hole in his forehead. With a dull thud the creature fell back, dead. The place was silent as the tip of the revolver smoked. Tom twirled the gun and activated his shield as he grinned wide at the cult members who were backing away. This grin was quite like the one their old master wore right before he tortured them. It was a cold, malicious smile that didn't reach the eyes, which had turned from shifting blue to slitted, crimson red. They stared into the eyes of Lord Voldemort once more, only this time he was their enemy.

"Now fellas, I can't just let you leave!" he sang out, aiming his gun at the first cult member, "The party's only just begun!"

The students of Hogwarts stared out at where the plume of fire in the shape of a serpent wrecked havoc somewhere beyond the Forbidden Forest.

"Should...should we get a professor?" a student asked their companion.

"Nah." replied the brown haired Hufflepuff with a wide, serenade grin as she munched on a jelly donut she got from a rip in the dimensions, "Pretty sure he's got this covered." she then turned to her other friend, "What do you think, Dennis?"

"I think I'm in love!" said the fellow Hufflepuff.

"Same here, Dennis, Same here." the girl replied with a nod.

"Why do I hang out with you two?" bemoaned the first student.

"Comedy relief!" they both answered.

The group of students, plus the Headmaster, looked alarmed at Tom Riddle, who was trekking back up to them with a manic grin. This alone would have been cause for worry, however he was also covered in a large amount of blood, which made the image so much worse.

"Ah, Tom, I see you're back in one piece! Wonderful!" Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eyes as if Tom didn't look like (and probably was) a homicide suspect.

"I killed a nosferatu and his cult. You're welcome." was all Tom grumbled out as he began a litany of cleaning charms on his person.

"A what now?" Ron asked.

"A nosferatu." Tom replied, "You know - Paper-white skin, bald head, red eyes, etcetera…"

"Mate. That was Voldemort." Harry breathed out as he put the image in his head.

"What did you even do?" wondered Hermione, "An entire War was fought to stop him and you just walk in and kill Voldemort and his Death Eaters?"

"I shot him in the head. Quick. Easy simple." grumbled a now clean Tom Riddle, though he looked ready to throttle Dumbledore, "Next time a little more warning would've been nice."

"My boy, I have you plenty of warning!" Dumbledore replied cheerily, "And now that he's gone for the time being, I have more time to find out where this world's Voldemort is keeping his Horcruxes. Hopefully this means young Harry here doesn't have to die!"

"I DON'T HAVE TO WHAT NOW?!"

As Dumbledore instead got throttled by the furious Boy Who Lived, Tom instead regraded the twins and Lee Jordon.

"How long do you plan on me staying here?" he asked them tiredly.

"Maybe a few months?" offered Gred.

"Or forever!" Added Forge.

"But realistically sometime next-" Lee started.

And Tom disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"-Wednesday." Lee finished.

The group stared at the empty spot where Tom had stood.

"Bollocks, I said the banishing word, didn't I?"

"Yes you did, but at least today was fun while it lasted?"

"Best. Birthday. Ever!"

Tom appeared on the barstool in a puff of smoke. It looked like a war zone in here. Chairs were flipped over and some places in the wall looked as if someone had punched it through.

"What the-" the young man began before he was tackled into a hug.

"Tom!" shouted Bucky, as if his mouth wasn't already close to his ear, "We've been looking everywhere for you?"

"Where'd you go? Everyone was worried sick!" added Steve, who finally put Tom down after nearly squeezing his lungs out.

"I was apparently summoned by a couple of teens on their birthday. Spooked some people. Killed some people. Really nothing big." Tom answered with a tired shrug, "Can we just forget that most of today ever happened?"

"Agreed." the other two said in unison.

Together they walked back to the SSR compound, though Tom shot a couple of repairing charms at the room to fix up the damage that his friends had caused looking for him. Ah, it was good to be home.

AN:

Oni: That's all for now, folks! I hope you enjoyed this super-fueled Omake as much as I did!

Tom: We aren't usually like this. Please Follow, Favorite, And Review.

Oni: And I'll see y'all next time, My Pretties!