Thanks to Elizabeth (MoonytheMarauder1) for betaing this story!

Summary of this OS: Lavender doesn't feel at home anywhere in the world. She feels scared, all the time, and she needs help.

Rating of this OS: T

Warning: A little bit of violence

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling, and I own nothing. I don't make any money out of this story.

.:.

Written for:

[HSWW] Assignment #7: Arithmancy: Foretelling the Future / Task #3 - Write about someone displaying any of these characteristics (pessimistic, sarcastic, insecure; I chose insecure)

Other prompts listed at the end

Word count (without the A/N): 2,963 words

A Beautiful Mess: Lavender Brow and Seamus Finnigan

Never before had she wanted to walk away like she did now. Lavender was standing in front of the gates to Hogwarts, and she had never wanted to go back home as much as she did now. She regretted convincing Professor McGonagall to let her come back in the middle of the year, now that she was (mostly) healed.

And then she thought about her home. It wasn't really home any longer. It was just an empty house, full of the ghosts of people she had once loved. She had never felt as insecure as she had back there, her legs trembling every time she entered a room as memories overcame her.

The only place she had felt good since the battle was St Mungo's. Her friends had come often to visit her and had done everything they could to make her feel better. And then, when she had left the hospital to go back to her home (her empty home), they had come less and less often, because no one really wanted to come into a house full of ghosts.

She had wanted to buy another house, but then, every single tie that still bound her to her family would be gone. So she had stayed there, her legs constantly shaking when she walked (and that certainly didn't help her limp).

She shook her head to stop her thoughts from wandering away. She focused on the castle walls in front of her, and limped forward. Hogwarts used to be her home as well, and now…

She didn't stop and climbed up the stairs leading to the Great Hall. She held her head high, but she was cowering inside. This place… This place was where her previous life had ended. And when the doors to the Great Hall opened before her, her cheeks burned (and the scar on her left cheek hurt like hell).

It was her last chance to run back home, she realized. But then she'd be alone again, and deep down, she didn't want that. She just wanted her friends to help her feel like the one she had been before the war (the beautiful, confident and giggling girl).

So she stepped forward and entered the Great Hall, and everyone turned towards her, students and professors alike. They all stared at her and her burning and scarred cheeks as she limped towards the Gryffindor table. She had hoped that, just maybe, she could go unnoticed. How foolish of her to hope so!

And then, she saw the bright smiles of her friends and she tried to grin back, but the left corner of her lips refused to cooperate and it came out more like a grimace. A wavering grimace.

She plopped down onto one of the benches at the Gryffindor table, next to Parvati, and let out a sigh of relief. Her legs hurt and had not stopped trembling since she had entered the castle. She felt so insecure here (so much more than in her home). This was… this was the place where everything had changed, forever.

She is in the Great Hall, getting ready for the fight that she is sure will take place now. She has never been the bravest of all Gryffindors, but this is so much bigger than her or her friends. The fate of the world rests on their shoulders, and most of them… Well, most of them are just kids. How are they supposed to save the world when they're so tiny?

"Lav?" Parvati calls her, and she turns towards her, a wavering smile on her beautiful lips. "Are you afraid?"

She's honest with her best best friend, she has always been, and she answers, "Yes. We're just kids, and…" She trails off.

Parvati understands her (she always does, so why does it surprise her this time?) and nods.

"I wish it didn't take place here at Hogwarts. This is our home, you know, and people are going to die here. So if we survive, it won't feel like home anymore."

"We'll survive this, Parvati," Lavender says, and her voice is far more convinced than she feels. She wants to shake and shake and shake and scream in terror (this is her home and she feels so unsafe), but she doesn't because she needs to be strong for her friends.

"You promise?" her friend asks, and her voice is wavering.

"I promise," Lavender whispers, even if she knows she can't make such promises.

They didn't survive it; she could realize that now. Her best friend, Parvati, looked pale and constantly watched the empty seat beside Dennis, a crease between her brows. It was as if she expecting Colin to come out of nowhere and just be there, and they all knew he wouldn't.

Parvati's expression grew sadder by the minute, and she turned towards Lavender when she realized it was hopeless.

"I'm glad you're here, Lav. I missed you so much," she whispered, and tears welled up in her eyes. "And I'm sorry I didn't -"

"It's okay," Lavender smiled (perhaps a little too bitterly). "I get it. No one wants to be surrounded by ghosts." She paused, and then asked the question that made her feel so insecure. "Are they visible? You know, the… the scars?"

"I suppose you want me to be honest?"

She simply stared intently at her best friend, and Parvati sighed before she answered in all honesty, "Yes, they're visible. The one on your cheek is the worst, but I can also see the ones on your hand and your neck."

"Okay," she whispered, and fear began bubbling up in her.

"Maybe I can give you my scarf," Parvati offered and began to untie it from around her neck.

"No, that's fine," she said, her voice cold so that it couldn't show her fear.

She flinched away from her best friend and tried not to look at the red scarf, or the red ties hanging around the boys' necks. She didn't see them as red anymore but as crimson (the colour of blood, and there was blood everywhere).

Everyone is screaming. That's the only thing she can think about. Everyone is screaming, and she feels like she is growing deaf with the force of it.

She can't breathe. Death Eaters are surrounding her and her friends, and she starts shaking because she knows now that she can't even protect herself, so how can she protect them?

She continues to fight and doesn't let the fact that she's terrified overcome her. But there is this nagging feeling of insecurity settling deep within her as she dodges spells and casts some. She knows after this, if she is to survive, Hogwarts won't be her home anymore.

It's probably this feeling of insecurity that leads her to losing her concentration for one fatal moment. The next thing she knows, she is thrown backwards and hears Parvati shout a curse, and then she tumbles from her balcony. She doesn't feel herself hit the ground, but when she tries to move, she does feel the blinding and searing pain. She moans and tears fall down her cheeks onto the dusty ground, and then…

Then she feels someone (or is it something?) land on top of her, and there are claws tearing at her skin, and she just wants to scream or fall asleep or faint or even die, just so that she can escape the pain. She hears something above the drumming in her ears (it's a sort of explosion, she realizes, and this is how she knows she is not dead yet), and the claws and the teeth disappear. There is still red though. There is red everywhere. No, not red - it's crimson, it's the colour of blood. Of her blood.

Everything fell back into place, and she realized Parvati was staring at her like she didn't even know her. She just shook her head and stood up quickly, and she left the Hall without even eating anything.

She didn't hear Parvati climb up the stairs leading to the girls' dormitory. She was lying in her bed, her eyes closed and focusing on her breathing. She felt trapped and unsafe, even here. And when her friend called out her name, she jumped a little, surprised.

"I came back here before the other girls," her best friend indicated before sitting on the other end of her bed.

It felt like it had before, when they were still capable of laughing and joking and gossiping in their beds. When they were still innocent children in a war that hadn't been able to take their purity yet.

"I wish…" she whispered.

"Shhh," Parvati shushed her. "If you tell a wish, it won't come true."

Lavender's expression grew darker, and her voice was stronger when she retorted, "It's an impossible wish anyway."

Her friend nodded. They both knew what she was wishing for, and it was true. It was an impossible wish, and her scars would never go away. Not the scars on her whole back, and not the one on her left cheek.

"Please stop," Parvati suddenly begged her. "Please stop. You're torturing yourself."

"I'm torturing myself? What do you mean?"

"I mean that if you really think your wish is impossible -"

"And it is impossible," Lavender cut her off.

"If you really think your wish is impossible," her best friend continued as if she had never been interrupted, "please stop making it. It's only reminding you of what you were, and you don't need that."

"But I want to be the one I was before," she suddenly shouted. "I want to be the pretty, innocent girl I was before, and I can never be her again!"

She started crying then. Speaking of her insecurities aloud didn't really help, but at least now, someone knew. And maybe her best friend would be able to help her.

"I know that, Lav," Parvati sighed. "But you're still her. You're still you, and that's all that matters. If the others can't see that -"

"I don't care what other people think. I know who I am, and I know I'm 'still me'."

"People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. But I know you better than this, Lavender. You've always cared what people thought of you, and it's not about to change." The dark haired girl paused, and when she saw the glare of her best friend, she started again. "And that's not a bad thing. Especially now, with… you know, the scars."

"It's not a bad thing?" Lavender repeated sceptically.

"No, it's not. Show them that you care what they think, and the ones who will still see you as you were… they're the ones you will have to keep by your side, don't you think?"

For the first time in a long, long time, a real smile graced her lips. Her best friend had always been the one to make her smile, no matter what.

When she opens her eyes, she is blinded by the light. She can't see anything, so she just closes her eyelids again and takes a few deep breaths. She thinks she can hear something then, but everything is coming from far, far away, and she can't understand anything.

"Lav?"

She can't recognize the voice and tries to see something through her eyelids as she squints her eyes. She thinks she sees dark, long hair and dark skin, and the first thought that comes to her mind is Parvati is alive. Thank Merlin, she's alive.

She opens her mouth to utter her name, but her throat is dry and her left cheek hurts like hell.

"Don't move," her best friend advises her. "You're still in bad shape."

"Bad?" she asks in a weak voice.

"I'm sorry, Lav. You've been attacked by a werewolf, and…" She trails off then, and continues after a short pause, a little smile on her lips, "But still, you're a beautiful mess."

And the right corner of her mouth pulls up in a lopsided grin before she asks, "Where…?"

"At St Mungo's. It's been a week since… since you've been attacked. Since we won."

"We won?"

"We won."

And her lopsided grin grows larger. She doesn't notice the sad expression on Parvati's face and chooses to close her eyes, because she feels so tired.

The day after that, all traces of a smile disappear from her face, because she stays awake long enough to learn that all of her family, who had come as reinforcements, are now dead. And she knows that it doesn't matter that Parvati is there, always trying to make her grin. She knows she won't smile again for a long time.

She limped her way through the different floors of the castle. It was quite a long way from the Gryffindor Common Room to the Great Hall, and she wondered how she had managed to make it the day before.

When she walked into the Great Hall, her arrival was noticed by a few, but no one really commented on it, not even the Slytherins.

She tried, once again, not to focus on all the red at the Gryffindor table, and succeeded (more or less). She certainly didn't need to have the same fearful reaction as the day before.

Parvati grinned at her and tried to move on her bench to leave her some place to sit, but she quietly shook her head and walked a little farther down the table. She finally sat down between Seamus and Ron and smiled waveringly at them.

Being strong in front of Parvati was one thing, she was a girl and her best friend, but being strong and confident in front of two boys she had once cared about immensely was something else entirely.

Ron mirrored her smile with one of his own and put a light hand on her shoulder, nodding his head to signify to her... what exactly, she didn't know. She didn't try to find out more either. Rather, she turned to Seamus and his sandy hair and his blue eyes. What she saw in his irises made her face fall. There was nothing but pity there. Or maybe there was something there, but she was so focused on it that she didn't try to find out what it was.

She stood up, her insecurity resurfacing in less than a few seconds. Was this pity caused by her scars, or just by the fact that she must look weak?

She flew away and limped through a few hallways, before she had to lean on a wall for support. She hadn't eaten in more than a day and her legs had grown weaker, and tears had welled up in her eyes.

She didn't hear the hurried footsteps behind her and was startled when Seamus called out her name.

"Lavender? What did I do?" he asked quietly.

She wiped at her eyes before she turned towards him.

"I don't need your pity, Seamus! I feel insecure enough without you reminding me that I am…" She trailed off then.

"That you're what?" he asked, his voice stronger and almost angry. "Beautiful?"

"Please stop. Please don't say that. It's not true. Look at me. I look… I look like a monster." There they were. The words she had wanted to say for a long time.

"You look beautiful, Lavender," he said, trying to convince her.

"Then why did you have pity in your eyes back there?"

"Because I think what's really destroying you is caring too much about what other people think. You didn't care so much about the look in my eyes when we were in the hospital."

"Yes, but I had bandages at the hospital, so you didn't really see the scars! Now everyone can see how terrible I look!"

He sighed exasperatedly, and his expression grew darker, "Listen to me now, Lavender! You don't look terrible or anything. You're perfect. I don't understand why you can't see that."

She stayed silent and then looked down at the floor.

"I'm not perfect," she sighed. "No one's perfect."

He took a step back and a cloud seemed to pass across his eyes. He opened his mouth to say something, but she spoke up before he could. She admitted, "I don't feel safe here. It's not home anymore. And my house isn't either, and I feel so alone! And I think I need help."

He came closer to her and then held her face in his hands. She stared at him with wide eyes, but she didn't step back or pull away.

"Let me help you, Lavender," he whispered in her ear, and then he kissed her forehead and she held her breath.

How could this be happening? Why was he kissing her like this?

He brushed his lips against her scar on her left cheek, then against her right cheek, and then, just as she felt about to implode with impatience and fear, he kissed her on the lips.

His were chapped and a little dry, just like hers probably, and she didn't stop shaking so it was quite awkward, but it felt good. It came like spring, breathing new life into things that had long seemed past their expiration. It breathed new life into her body, her mind, even her beauty… Her whole life seemed to be littered with happier prospects, and she smiled against his lips.

When he pulled back, he whispered, "Come back with me in the Great Hall?"

She nodded, once and shortly, she took a deep breath and then followed him. And she realized that it was easier to walk with her limp now, as her legs had stopped trembling.

Also written for:

[HSWW] Yearly Events:

365 Prompts: 33. Crimson

Insane Prompt Challenge: 996. (first line) Never before had she wanted to walk away like she did now.

Yearly Scavenger Hunt: 81. Write a fic with flashbacks

[HSWW] April Auction - (writing style) non-linear

[HSWW] Seasonal Challenges (Spring): Star Chart - Spring Astronomy Prompts: 7. April 12th (Virginid Meteor Shower) - (emotion) insecure

[HSWW] Fortnightly Challenges - April: Zoo Lover's Day: 4. Lion - Write about a Gryffindor

[HSWW] Writing Club - April:

Disney Challenge (Cinderella): (dialogue #1) "If you tell a wish, it won't come true."

Showtime (Oliver!): 5. That's Your Funeral - (word) expression

Amber's Attic: 3. "People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think."

[HSWW] Hogwarts Easter Funfair: Ride the Mechanical Bull

1. (character) Seamus Finnigan

3. (character) Lavender Brown

37. (dialogue) "Please stop."

39. (dialogue) "You're perfect. I don't understand why you can't see that."

47. (line) It came like spring, breathing new life into things that had long seemed past their expiration.