I apologize for taking so long to update. Truth is I suffer from anxiety and depression which has gotten worse lately. I haven't had the energy or motivation to do much. I am doing better now and writing has really helped keep my mind off of things. I can't promise how quick updates will be but I will not be giving up on my stories.

Song is Not Today by Alessia Cara

"Trauma creates change you don't choose. Healing is about creating change you do choose."

~Michelle Rosenthal

Someday I won't be afraid of my head

Someday I will not be chained to my bed

Someday I'll forgot the day he left

But surely not today

One day I wont a PHD

To sit me down and tell me what it all means

Maybe one day it'll be a breeze

But surely not today

But surely not today

Oh you don't know what sadness means

Till you're too sad fall asleep

One day ill be snoozing peacefully

But surely not today

Surely not today

The following day Savannah entered the hospital with a genuine smile. The first genuine smile she had in months. She knew it would take time to get over everything with Logan. Truthfully she didn't know if it was something she could ever get over. But she wanted to try.

She pulled up to the building her GPS had told her. It was a small building, nothing special about it from the outside.

Stepping inside she noted there were about ten women all gathered in a circle.

A woman, she figured was in her mid fifties walked up and greeted her. "Hi I'm Ashley Moore, you must be Savannah."

A small smile graced her face, "Savannah Young," she held out her hand politely for the older woman to shake.

"Welcome Savannah. Take a seat we were just about to start."

Savannah down. Minutes later the meeting began.

"Everyone meet our newest member Savannah," Ashley introduced, "Savannah why don't you tell us a little about yourself."

"Hi I'm Savannah," she began, "I am a trauma surgeon at Seattle Grace. I moved to Seattle a couple of months ago to get away from my ex," she paused, all the memories and emotions flooding back, "We started out really good. We were happy. I can't remember when things took a turn. It started out with verbal abuse. He'd call me names. Bitch. Slut. Tell me I'm stupid. Then one night I got mad at him. He uh came home late drunk. I started yelling…and then he hit me," the tears were now flowing, "He said he was sorry. That he wouldn't do it again. And I stupidly believed him. But he did. Again and again. After some years I just couldn't take it anymore, I found a job opening at Seattle Grace and took it. He came back one night and I had left."

It was if a weight had been lifted of Savannah's shoulders baring her soul and telling her story to other woman who knew what she was going through. For a long time, it felt like she had been alone; Logan had alienated all her friends; she had no family left. She was all alone. Or so she thought.

"I just... I want to be able to sleep without having nightmares. Not to flinch when a man reaches out. I just want things to go back to normal," she let out a bitter laugh, "I don't know what normal feels like anymore."

"You are a survivor," assured Ashley, "You got away Savannah. Things may not feel that way now but one day that will change."

One day I'll swear the will be a blip

Ill have the hardest time recalling it

Ill be the kind of misery management

But surely not today

One day the song wont make me cry anymore (oh no no)

One day I'll get off of the bathroom floor (hey yeah)

Oh piece by piece I'll be restored

But surely not today (surely not not)

Eh, not today

And so over the next several weeks Savannah continued to meetings on a weekly basis.

"You seem different," noted Owen.

"Good different or bad different?" Savannah questioned.

The two friends took a seat in the cafeteria of the hospital.

"Good different. You seem lighter."

Savannah raised an eyebrow amused.

"I mean…"

She let out a small laugh, "I get what your saying," she paused, "These sessions have been. Its like a weight has been lifted off my shoulder."

"That's great," beamed a proud Owen, "I'm really happy for you."

"Sunshine. Owen," a Mark spoke before sitting in the empty seat at their table.

"Sloan," Owen politely greeted.

"What's got you all smiley?" questioned Sloan.

"Just life."

Oh you don't know what happy means

If its only in your dreams

I'll be acquainted with my jollities

But surely not today

Yeah, surely not today

"I need your help."

"Hey Mark come in," a sarcastic response came from Arizona.

Mark entered Callie and Arizona's apartment without so much as a knock.

"I need your help," he spoke directly to Callie.

"So you keep saying," Arizona retorted.

"What do you need Mark?" Callie smiled.

Mark appeared nervous before he spoke, "You know Savannah right?"

Callie chuckled, "Yes I know Dr. Young."

"Her birthday is next week and I don't know what to get her."

The two woman turned to each other and grinned.

"What?"

"Your so adorable," smiled Callie.

"What?"

"You like her."

"As a friend."

Callie rolled her eyes and folded her arms across her chest.

"She's just been through a lot and I just want to do something nice for her."

Neither woman said anything as they just stared at the man in front of them.

"You gonna help me or not?"

Arizona smiled, "You gonna admit you have feelings for her or not?"

"Kepner what's the rush?" Savannah said as April practically dragged her into the attending's lounge.

"Surprise!"

Mark, Callie, Arizona, Amelia, Meredith, Derek, Jackson and Owen stood around, balloons adorned the room while each doctor wore a party hat.

"What's all this?" a shocked Savannah questioned.

"Your birthday party," smiled April.

"How did you know when my birthday was?" she locked eyes with Owen.

He shook his head, "Wasn't me."

"Sloan put this all together," announced Jackson.

Savannah's eyes then locked with Mark's, "Thank you," she mouthed.

Savannah could feel tears brimming in her eyes. She had been in Seattle in less than a year and could honestly call those around her friends.

"No one will ever love you as much as I do Savannah"

"You're useless"

Savannah shook her head trying to erase that voice. The voice she had been able to keep away for weeks. But it appeared any time she started to feel the slightest bit of happiness Logan's voice always pulled through.

Surely not, surely not

Surely not (surely not today)

One by one each person in the room greeted Savannah with a hug and a happy birthday. The smile on her face genuine but inside she also fought to keep the negative thoughts at bay.

One day the thought of him wont hurt the same

Wont need distractions to get through the day

"You okay there sunshine you seem a little distracted?"

I guess I hope I'm gonna be okay

Savannah smiled, "I'm fine. Thank you for this Mark."

He shrugged his shoulders, "Here open this," he said handing her a large gift bag.

"What? No. This more than enough."

"Just open it."

She pulled out the tissue paper to reveal a beautiful black and white painting of the Seattle skyline with the word Home spelled out in stars.

"This is beautiful," she leaned forward and pulled him into an embrace.

"Your home now," he whispered to her.

She wanted to feel that. She wanted to believe it.

I guess I hope I'm gonna be okay

Cause I'm not today

"She wears strength and darkness equally well, the girl has always been half dark and half hell."

~Nikita Gill