Welcome back everyone! Before we get back into it, just a few things
A/N: I own nothing, as always.
A/N 2: This is going to be a different chapter than what you may be used to, but I had a few things I wanted to try out with the Geass Master. Hopefully it all works out.
A/N 3: Has there been any development concerning R3? I'm a little out of the loop.
Alright, enough of the fluff. On with the story!
Chapter 10: Simple Conversations
It's my right to go to Spain and fight in the Spanish Civil War – Haruki Murakami
If I'm the one to throw you overboard / At least I showed you how to swim for shore – David Gilmour
Life/ Is like a butterfly/ whatever that is – Nishiyama Soin
On a ship the morals change as often as the ports – Franz Kafka
It was an ordinary Monday morning, just like any other, when Karen burst into the Krusty Krab, and announced her undying love for SpongeBob SquarePants.
There was a stunned silence, as this announcement was completely unexpected. But before anyone was able to ask any questions, like where was Plankton (as he hadn't been seen in about a week or two), Sandy Cheeks rose from her table and told the computer, in her particular vernacular that she had brought from the 28th state of the United States, that SpongeBob was hers and any attempt to take him would result in a swift response that would be delivered through the ancient Asian arts known as "karate". Karen had refused to take that as an answer, thus challenging Sandy for her claim.
News of this challenge spread wide and far of these claims, and soon enough others began to claim their position as SpongeBob 's consort. In order to keep the peace, it was decided that a great tourney would be needed who would get the right to wed Mr. Squarepants. An impartial group, the White Lotus Society, would serve as the primary judges. The secondary judges would consist of Barty Crouch Sr., Hercule Satan, Tyrion Lannister, and Prince Namor of Atlantis, respected martial and legal minds that they were. And the tourney was to be held in the Bikini Bottom Stadium; it was not the first choice for a venue, but the Dragonpit was currently undergoing renovations, and the Martial Arts Temple was in state to be used as Son Goku had destroyed it during the Tenkaichi Budokai. Again. The tourney was hailed as a great event, "one for the ages", and it was treated as such. Tens of thousands came from all over; they came by bus, the came by boat, they came by planes. A group of determined individuals actually biked to the tourney on a fleet of penny farthings. Many notable personas were in attendance: The king of Westoros, Robert Baratheon, was amongst the crowd. Godzilla and Mothra decided to come as spectators, as did Eragon Shadeslayer and Harry Potter. Dignitaries from kingdoms such as Wakanda, Gondor, and Apokolips were all there, in addition to the common folks who came to see a once in a lifetime event.
The tourney began at 8 am, when all the participants gathered in the stadium. One hundred suitors signed up for this great tournament; men, women, robots, and bears from all over the sea, the land, and everywhere in between had come to compete. Because of the sheer size of contestants, the judges decreed that a melee was needed to shorten down the number of contestants. All participants were to participate a giant fight; only the last sixteen were to mover on the final round. An intense and brutal fight ensued, filled with amazing feats of strength and prowess. Notable highlights would include when Ser Loras Tyrell put out of commission by a stab through the back of his arm by Ultron (who was then taken out by Diana Prince, commonly known as Wonder Woman) and when Izuku Midoriya and Brienne of Tarth managed to achieve a double knockout, both falling to ground at the same time. Twice was the fighting paused as two contestants (Caesar Clown, participating under the name "Gastino", and Dr. Johnathan Crane, commonly known as "the Scarecrow") were removed for the use of chemical weapons. It was a grand and vicious fight that had never been seen before; but after five hours, the melee was over and there were sixteen fighters left: Sandy Cheeks, Karen Plankton (who was keeping her married name despite her apparent departure from her husband Sheldon Plankton, who was still missing), Jason Todd (commonly known as "Red Hood"), Toph Beifong, Shego, Jean Grey (commonly known as "Phoenix"), Ser Alliser Thorne, Luna Lovegood, Reiju Vinsmoke, Ty Lee, Doreen Allene Green (commonly known as "Squirrel Girl"), Lucas Trent (commonly known as "Midnighter"), C.C, Shinichiro Tamaki, the Terrible Tornado, Wade Wilson (commonly known as "Deadpool"), Craig Hollis (commonly known as "Mister Immortal"), and Khalifa of the Cipher No. 9.
These sixteen suitors were set forth a series of tasks and competitions that would determine who would be the best suited to gain the hand of SpongeBob SquarePants. The first task was a foot race around the stadium, which took up the better part of an hour as the various competitors pulled out every trick that they all knew in order to see to it that others did not complete the race. It was finally won by Deadpool, who achieved victory by cutting off his own hand and throwing it across the finish line as one of his legs had been trapped by Toph in a coating of rock, who was had been fending off an attack from Luna's Reducto curse, who also had to contend with "Soap Sheep" attack from Khalifa. The second test was a speed painting contest, where the participants had five minutes to paint the best landscapes they could with five colors of oils and acrylic crayons. The clear winner of this portion was Throne, who demonstrated a skill for the arts that no one would've thought he possessed. The third contest was a contest to make the best meal possible, with Patrick Star, SpongeBob's best friend, as the special judge for this section. Each contestant presented Patrick with their meal, which he ate in their entirety; not a crumb was left. Patrick then sat there for four minutes and twenty-six seconds before announcing Toph's rock salad as the winner. There was no explanation given for this decision, as he then fell asleep afterwards, and nothing could wake him up; not slaps, not pokes, not shakes, not pokes with swords, not buckets of water, not even a blast from an industrial air horn could rouse him. As the hot summer's day waxed on, so the contests, from hedge trimming (won by Sandy) to speed piano playing (won by Squirrel Girl) to Romantic British Literature trivia (tied between Karen and Ty Lee).
Finally, with the daylight running out, it was decided that the ultimate victor would be decided in a tournament style fighting system. A bracket would be developed, and the suitors would fight it out through a series of duels. Eventually, there would only be two left and the victor of that fight would be the one to gain SpongeBob's hand in marriage.
Just before the bracket was announced, a messenger stumbled into the stadium with a note pinned to his back with a knife. The message, which was from Dr. Victor von Doom, Gollum (the evil one), Nosferatu, Tetsuo Shima, Donquixote Doflamingo, and Tom Riddle (commonly known as Lord Voldemort), claimed that they had kidnapped SpongeBob when he had gone out to check on his pet snail Gary and taken him to Mordor, replacing him with an animated piñata. These villains (who had organized themselves in to an organization known as the Coalition of United Nefarious Tyrants) demanded that they must get 1200 packs of Diet Grape Fanta, a reboot of the 2011 NBC series The Cape, a year's supply of Hot Pockets, and a microwave to heat said Hot Pockets within 48 hours in order to ensure the safe return of SpongeBob.
Needless to say, this caused quite the uproar amongst the spectators in the Bikini Bottom Stadium. But it also caused the sixteen suitors to put aside their differences and bond so that they could rescue the fry cook of the Krusty Krab. And with the tourney temporarily postponed, they rode out to the fell fortress of Mordor.
And the world would never be the same.
a/n: April Fools! (If you hadn't figured it out by now). Thank you so much for putting up with this and being good sports. I promise the story will continue with the next chapter.
a/n 2: Believe it or not, this story idea has been kicking around my head for a while. A part of me wants to take this concept and develop it into a full story, whilst another part tells me that no one would actually read it. Then both of these parts get a copy of A People's History of the United States thrown at them by a different parts of me that tells me to get the (actual) next chapter of this story done.
a/n 3: Seriously though, who would win in a foot race? And what is going with R3?
Thanks for reading guys. Until next time!