HELLSING WITCH HUNTER 1616
Sapphirewyren
Ch 20. The Worst Date Ever or was it the Best?
Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing
Exploits of one Hunter Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing got around London quickly through word of mouth and through the newspapers. These tales made the rather reclusive Hunter was a much respected person. She was one of the first person, people put on their invite list when they were holding a soiree. And if Integra actually decided to show up at the party, the host was quite popular. But it was not only her prowess for slaying demons and witches quite known, she was also an amazingly talented businesswoman and she grew prosperous as most of England and the civilized used Hellsing made products.
Marionne Whitehall sighed as she put down the newspaper. The Whitehalls have gone down in prosperity and status once George Whitehall was executed. They were mostly shunned and wherever they went they could hear whispers from the people around them. They have been labeled as a traitor family and were left out of many social functions and noble gatherings. The widow was used to getting invitations to many galas and balls, now there were none in the mail. If only her husband hadn't been so stupid and obsessed with a bunch of swords. The man had no real sense of ambition, why go after a sword when there was power and wealth to be had? Suddenly Marionne got an idea and she sent for her eldest son Andrew.
What his mother was asking him was madness, pure unadulterated madness! Why would she even think of something so wrong?
"You want me to do what?" Andrew asked stunned.
"I want you to marry Integra Hellsing" came the stern reply.
"You are aware that she is the one that killed father?"
"The old fool doomed himself when he went crazy over a couple of pointy sticks."
"I'm not even attracted to her."
"What does attraction have to do with it? Hellsing is rich, probably richer than the king. She has power and prestige, and at the moment, that is what we need. We need to gain favor with the royal family again. What better way than to marry the last Hellsing?"
"Mother, this is ridiculous, she isn't going to want to marry me!"
"Well change her mind. Court her, compliment her, woo her….do I have to spell it out for you?"
"Mother, I'm sure there is another way to go about this."
"This is the only way."
"This is crazy! Why me?"
"You're the eldest that's why. Now stop moaning. All you have to do is get her to marry you and sign over the Hellsings business to you and then she will have a tragic 'accident'."
"Mother, I'm not going to be in this ridiculous plot if it involves killing, I'm not about to be turned into a silver statue. You know we still haven't received father's body!"
"Fine, you can have her committed or sent away, just get that woman to marry you and sign over her wealth."
"You say it as if it's that simple. We are not talking about any woman; we are talking about a King's Hunter. If this goes wrong I could thrown in prison or worse."
"Then make sure you don't get it wrong."
The man sighed as he ran a hand through his dark wavy hair.
"Mother, you really think that Sir Integra is stupid enough to marry the son of the man she executed? You don't think that she would see through this plot?"
"Look at it this way. Every woman wants to be told they are beautiful, when do you think it was last when Sir Integra was told that? Without horny men only wanting one thing? Told she was beautiful by an actual gentleman?"
"Now that's just absurd! She isn't like most women! She's kind of scary…"
"On the outside, yes, but I'm sure somewhere in that cold heart of hers, she longs to be told that she is beautiful and you will use that against her."
"I don't think that she is vain in that way…"
"It doesn't matter; you are to get the Hellsing business. This is our way back where we belong, on the top."
Andrew sighed; "Fine, I'll do it, but no killing! We don't need any more shame."
"Good, we will be on the top soon and we will celebrate."
Hellsing Manor
Everyone was shocked when the courier delivered a letter to Integra from the Whitehalls. They were more shocked with the contents of the letter. And most of all they were floored when Integra actually accepted to go out with Andrew Whitehall.
"Are you nuts!?" yelled Sam.
"Perhaps you are feeling ill, Sir?" suggested Walter.
"I don't want a dad!" wailed Schrodinger.
"He's a Whitehall, Sir. The family that killed ours" cried Seras.
Integra chuckled at their appalled faces. "You all are acting foolish. I know the reason why this idiot is asking me out. He is clearly after my money."
"So why did you say yes?" asked Seras.
"If you want, I can take you out" said Sam.
"No thank you Sam" said Integra. "I'm going out with him because how can I turn down a free meal? And to play with his mind."
"Wow, you're cruel, Sir" said Seras.
"I can't wait to see how this turns out" laughed Sam.
Andrew was not sure he was doing the right thing and he was sure that Integra would know it as well. But then again, how could she? He was a smart and good looking man. He came from a prestigious family and it wasn't like Integra had many people lining up to court her. He shook his head, he was sure that Integra would know, but…
"Argh! This is crazy!" he said to himself. As his gilded white and silver carriage went through the gates of the Hellsing Estate, Andrew was still trying to convince himself that Integra wouldn't know. Right now she would probably storm out of those doors and give him a piece of her mind. She would probably throw in some colorful words in there for good measure. The doors opened and out walked Integra, Andrew's jaw fell open. He hadn't expected her to be dressed in a royal purple sleeveless gown, with a low neckline that shimmered in the light and a silver and amethyst necklace. As Integra climbed into the carriage she said; "I hope you don't mind, but I am bringing a companion." At this Andrew actually gave a sigh of relief. This means it wouldn't be completely awkward and his mother would never have to know. He hoped it was one of Integra's fellow Hunters. Seras seemed nice enough and would be great to talk to. And Sam, well maybe he could get lucky tonight. He smiled to himself and said; "That is fine by me." This companion of Integra's bounced into the carriage and said; "Hey Andy!" To Andrew's horror it was neither Seras nor Sam, but Schrodinger, her bratty sixteen years-old adopted son, who looked and acted like a 10 year old.
"This is going to be fun! Where are we going?"
Poor Andrew, what could he do? He sighed; "We are going to see a play by William Shakespeare."
"Cool, spear? So there's going to be fighting and action?"
"No, it's a love story."
"Boring! Is there at least some death? Meow!"
Andrew looked over at Integra who wore a very smug smirk, as if she knew exactly what she had done. There was no help there. During the entire ride, Schrodinger chattered nonstop.
"I got a whole new suit for this occasion, isn't it neat?" The boy wore a white shirt, brown pinstripe waistcoat with a matching ascot, brown jacket, slacks, derby hat and shiny black boots. He showed off a new copper wrist watch on a leather wrap and yet another pair of brass goggles. Andrew tried to ignore the boy, but found it rather difficult.
"My mom looks pretty doesn't she?"
"Are we there yet, Meow?"
"How long is this going to take?"
The young Lord sighed again, would this child ever stop his incessant questioning? This was going to be a long evening. When they arrived at the theater it seemed like Schrodinger's voice became louder; "Oh cool! This place is amazing! Is this going to be like the carnival? That was awesome! Meow!"
At this time Andrew was tempted to yell at Schrodinger or at least give him a good slap, but knew that Integra might skewer him. So instead he said; "These are one of those places where people are quiet, like the library."
"Really? Mom's always yelling in our library."
Andrew just ignored him and bought the tickets and the trio went to find their seats. Of course being rich they got box seats on the balcony where they could see the whole stage.
"Are there any snacks? I'm hungry! I hope they have shrimp! Meow!"
Throughout the play; which was Romeo and Juliet, Schrodinger cheered throughout the fight scenes and made loud gagging noises and rude comments at the romantic moments. When someone turned around and told him; "Shhh!" Schrodinger replied; "No, you shhhh!" Integra merely chuckled at the glares that were sent her way. Eventually the boy got bored and he put his head in his mother's lap and fell asleep. Integra herself seemed more interested in stroking the boy's hair and ears than in watching the play itself. Andrew ground his teeth; didn't the woman appreciate how much gold he spent on these seats and the extra gold coins he spent on that brat of hers? Andrew had to admit that soft smile on Integra's face as she gazed at her son was rather beautiful. He must have been staring too long because he heard Integra whisper harshly; "Is there something wrong with your eyes, the show is that way."
Andrew huffed as he turned his attention back to the show; this was going to be a lot harder than his mother thought. Near the ending of the play, Andrew out of the corner of his eye saw Integra lean over and whisper something in Schrodinger's ear. Whatever she said made the cat-boy jump up and say loudly; "Someone is going to kill themselves? Meow!"
If one watched or read Romeo or Juliet they would know that the titular characters commit suicide, but the boy yelling it in the theatre spoiled it for a few who groaned loudly. When the actors came on stage to take their final bow, while everyone else applauded, Schrodinger shouted; "BOOOO! I want my money back! I didn't come here to pay to sleep!" Let's just say that everyone was glad that the show was over. Integra gave Andrew a sidelong glance and drawled; "Next time I would prefer something more mentally stimulating, Andrew."
"What are we doing next, Andy? Does it have food? I'm hungry! Meow!"
But the carriage pulled up to a building that said British Museum and Schrodinger said "Can we see the weapons?"
"We are here to see art" sighed Andrew.
"Don't be a bore, Andy! Meow!"
Schrodinger yawned through the paintings and Integra wore a blank expression on her face, so one couldn't tell if she enjoyed it or not. When it came to the sculptures, Schrodinger of course made comments about the more revealing ones.
"Ewwww! Her boobs are showing! Nasty!"
Andrew should his head and said to Integra; "You haven't had the talk with him yet?"
"Why? Would you like to have it with him or is this your way of suggesting something?" smirked Integra.
"Hey Andy, this one's got his dick hanging out! And I know all about doing it! Yesterday I saw Baskerville mounting one of the female horses. Meow!"
The other people in the exhibition room were now staring at the three.
"What are you fools looking at? You never heard anyone talking about sex before?" Integra growled, that got everyone to at least pretend they were minding their business.
"Hey Andy can we see the weapons, now? I'm tired of all these naked people. Meow."
When they reached the weapons section for once Schrodinger was speechless- for about two seconds. There were different types of swords, knives, spears and shields on pedestals. And of course there were sign that told patrons not to touch, but the cat-boy ignored these. He picked up a large broadsword and gave it a few swings. "Mom is teaching me how to use a sword, Andy; she's a great teacher, strict, but great."
"Please put that down and my name is not Andy."
Still waving the sword, Schrodinger said; "I bet mom can beat you in a sword fight."
Andrew chuckled; "I highly doubt that, now put that down."
"She can to! All you do is sit on your butt all day! Meow! You can beat him, right mom?"
Integra smirked; "Of course I can, but to do so in a dress would make his family name even more worthless than it is now."
Andrew scowled; "I do not sit on my butt all day." Integra sauntered over to where several sabers were displayed and took two of them off their hooks. She tossed one to Andrew and with a smirk said; "Prove it."
"Really Integra, this is a museum…"
"All I'm hearing is that someone is afraid of losing his manhood. Don't worry I'll go easy on you, if you want."
"Fine, but if anything breaks you're paying."
The only thing Integra had intention on breaking was Whitehall's ego. Andrew knew that Integra was an expert swordswoman, but at the moment had the disadvantage of wearing a dress and heels and having one eye. (He meant to ask her about it, but never got a chance.) the two stood face to face, staring at each other for a few moments before lunging at each other at an unknown signal. Their swords' creating sparks as they clashed against each other. The combatants lounged, parried and blocked, neither one gaining the upper hand on each other. To the onlookers, it looked like a dance between two lovers; such was the fluidity and smoothness of their movements. Around and around the two twirled, their swords smashed into each other creating a symphony of metals. Andrew lunged towards Integra, who instead of blocking the blow, leaned sideways out of reach, while tossing her saber from her right hand to the left. When Andrew went sailing by, he was given a hard whack to his sword hand, which sent his saber flying out of his hand. Then Integra then tripped the poor Lord so that he fell on his back. Andrew looked up to see Integra's saber pointed at his throat and a smile on her lips.
"Do you yield?"
Andrew was about to refuse, when he felt pressure on his groin, he decided to yield, but he would have his rematch. "Yes I yield."
"See? I told you!" Schrodinger was so excited about the sparring match between Integra and Andrew that he wasn't paying attention to how hard he was swinging the broadsword and it went flying out of his hand. It crashed into the wall; it would take two men to pull it out of the wall. Andrew thought that now that Integra would scold Schrodinger on his behavior, but she did nothing. Schrodinger picked up a large crossbow that on the plaque said it was used in a squirmish by the king's great -great grandfather against a 'fierce yellow people and the monsters they summoned'.
"Wow this was used by a king!" said Schrodinger. Some genius decided to display a quiver of bolts nearby and the cat-boy loaded one on the crossbow.
"Put that down!" said Andrew sternly.
"Awww come on Andy, I'm not going to hurt anybody. Meow!"
The bolt flew out of the crossbow, luckily no one was injured, however that could not be said of one of the naked sculptures in the art gallery. That statue lost its head. The curator was not happy and the three left, but Schrodinger did not seem all that sorry for what he did. On the carriage ride to the restaurant Andrew said; "This is a very upscale restaurant, so do try to behave yourself."
"You're not my dad! Besides, I was a good boy, right mom?"
The woman had the audacity to smile when she said; "You were the perfect gentleman."
Andrew had to stop himself from pulling out his hair. Dinner wasn't so bad, if one liked loud incessant comments and questions. What was worse was the belching, Schrodinger insisted that he wanted to show 'Andy' that he could belch the alphabet, which he did. Meanwhile Integra smiled at Andrew's embarrassment.
"I can fart the alphabet too! Meow!"
"Let's save that for if you meet his mother, Schrodinger."
The nosy old hag would be deserving of that show. The cat-boy ordered four helpings of the most expensive fish dish, claiming that he was a growing boy. Andrew still wanted to know in which direction the boy was growing because he devoured three large pieces of cake as well. Schrodinger also slurped his milk, something that the restaurant did not usually serve as a drink. The staff said that the cat boy was one of the most obnoxious customers they have ever had, but because he was Hellsing's son and heir they did not dare to ban him from the establishment. Andrew was impressed by the pull that the Hellsings had and now knew why his mother was adamant that he court Integra. After dinner Andrew thought that it would be best to end the date and soon the carriage was pulling up to the front door of the Hellsing Estate. As Andrew turned to leave, Integra leaned in close and whispered; "Tell your mother that she makes a terrible match maker. And if she really wants my fortune, she's going to have to try harder, but it will cost her."
Sam, Seras and Hans stayed up to hear all about Integra's 'date' with Andrew Whitehall because they wanted to hear all the juicy details.
"I'll let Schrodinger tell you about, while I take off this ridiculous dress" sighed Integra, by the time the Huntress had finished changing, she could hear laughter as Schrodinger told them about the fiasco of a night. She smiled to herself, that's the last time Andrew Whitehall would ever ask her out on a date again. As for Marionne Whitehall, Integra planned to have a little chat with her.
"I take it that everything went according to plan?" asked Walter.
"Of course" grinned Integra. "Why the Whitehalls are such idiots is beyond me."
"After this, you won't be getting anymore dates" giggled Seras.
"I hope not, because I do not know how I am going to top this."
Chapter End
Author's Notes: My sister gave me the idea of having Schrodinger say 'Meow' randomly since he's a cat shifter. I may forget to do so in future chapters, but right now it's cute. Ok more witch killing stuff in the future chapters and some introspective stuff in the next one. See ya in the next chapter.