'Healing the Moon'
RenjixByakuya
Chapter 5: A Flurry of Firsts
Again, my thanks to Guest and PurpleCosmos- Y'all's reviews are so lovely and supportive! *hugs* I do want to say, Byakuya will make progress quickly. I'm so glad you 2 appreciate that I've been taking it slow, and I understand the process of 'moving on' from a dark past myself. BUT, even though Byakuya is damaged, he is strong and it's been over 100 years,, and he has sweet Renji to guide him. He will have his relapses and (serious) issues, but in general, he will be making progress that may contradict how slowly I've been taking it thus far. I hope that both of you, PurpleCosmos and Guest, as well as any future readers, will continue to like this story.
x
Previously, on 'Healing the Moon':
((Byakuya shrugged, sipping his tea. "It's alright, Renji. I look tired because between that and the very unusual day I've had,... I'm absolutely exhausted."))
x
Byakuya saw the concern that filled those intense auburn eyes, and sensed guilt surge through the younger man's spirit energy. "Damn, Tai- um, Byakuya, I'm really sorry. No wonder you snapped at me in the office when I asked; it's my fault you're tired. I'm the reason you couldn't sleep last night, and I'm the one responsible for you having such a weird day."
He shook his head at the bigger Soul Reaper. "No, I should not have spoken to you so harshly when you asked. None of that was actually your fault, so don't apologize for this, Renji. Even though I am tired, I feel much better than I have in a very long time, and that is because of you, as well."
The Rukon Dog gave a small nod, looking thoughtful as he lowered his eyes to his tea he was drinking. Byakuya was quiet for a few moments, thinking about how sweet and considerate Renji had been, and he wondered how it would feel if his companion actually did the things he surely thought about.
"Renji, how does one know when they are 'ready'?" he asked softly.
The dark copper eyes rose to his, looking surprised, then thoughtful. "Well, I dunno. See, it's different for everyone, and it was one hell of a process for me. One good sign is if you can think about being intimate with someone without feeling scared."
Byakuya blushed, as he'd just been wondering along those lines. "What if thinking about that makes you nervous, but not really scared?"
His lieutenant tilted his head, a cautious look on his face as he answered slowly. "Nervous isn't really great, but it ain't as bad as scared. Does thinking about that kinda stuff excite you at all?"
Byakuya felt his cheeks warming as he lowered his eyes and tried to steady his breathing. Being with Hisana had never been a problem; he'd never been nervous around her. But that bastard guard was the only man he had experienced, and so it was actually rather difficult to imagine doing things with Renji.
He felt unsure of himself, and he could tell his hands were shaking by the ripples covering the surface of his tea. His heart was pounding, and part of him was intrigued by the thoughts racing through his head.
What... what would it feel like to kiss Renji? What would it be like to be with someone who actually cared about him as much as this man did? The redhead truly desired him, but when the bigger Soul Reaper touched him, he didn't feel like he was in danger, he felt... treasured, as if he were the most important thing in his world.
"Byakuya?"
He jumped at the soft voice, glancing up to see the crimsonette watching him with concern, and he realized how long he'd been quiet. He still wasn't sure how to answer the question, and Renji seemed to sense this. "Ok, we can start off small. Earlier, when I had my arms around you, how'd that feel?"
He felt his cheeks heating up again as he whispered, "That felt really nice. I felt safer than I have since I was 15, and I didn't want you to let me go. When you did let go, it... it bothered me."
The dark amber eyes widened, looking surprised and pleased at his admission. His host set down his cup of tea and deliberately scooted just an inch closer as he spoke in a careful, gentle tone. "Alright. And when you feel my spiritual energy, when you can actually sense how I really feel about you and how much I desire you..."
Byakuya set his own tea down and tried to hide his shaking hands in his lap. "My heart pounds really hard, and it makes me nervous, but kind of excited, too, and I can't believe someone really wants me like that."
Renji tilted his head, asking softly, "Why would that be hard to believe?"
He hesitated, then whispered, "I have always been able to sense spirit energy. He... he never really felt desire for me, not the way you do. I was just an attractive, easy target, and he got a kick out the fact that he was... doing that to someone with noble blood."
The bigger Soul Reaper frowned slightly. "Well, that sounds like it was more about power for him, not desire, and I can totally see how that could make you doubt that someone could really want you. I think you're beautiful, Taicho, I really do, and I ain't gonna deny that. But, I also think you're so smart and strong, and you can be really nice, when you wanna be."
The light, gently teasing tone of the last few words made Byakuya smile, and his lieutenant smiled back, hesitantly scooting closer. He watched the deep coppery eyes as the Rukon Dog asked softly, "Can... can I... would it be alright if I kissed you?"
~X~X~X~X~
Renji saw the dark eyes widen, and he felt the faint tremors in the couch that meant his powerful superior was trembling. Not having meant to scare the smaller Soul Reaper, he spoke gently. "Hey, it's alright. I won't kiss you if you don't want me to, but look."
With the ravenette watching, he placed both of his hands flat on the couch between them. "I promise they'll stay right here. I ain't gonna touch you or grab you or anything. I'm not gonna hurt you, and I ain't gonna make you do anything you don't wanna do. I'd just really like to kiss you, but I am not going to do anything that you don't want me to do."
Byakuya stared down at his hands for another moment, then lifted those amethyst eyes to his, whispering, "I was just wondering a little bit ago what it would be like to... to kiss you."
Renji smiled at the shy tone of his captain's voice. "Really?"
The older man nodded, becoming increasingly flustered as he breathed, "It.. it's just been a really long time since I've been kissed, and never by another man. But I... I want..."
As the Kuchiki heir trailed off, Renji slowly leaned closer, keeping his hands on the couch as he'd promised. When only an inch separated their lips, he murmured, "What do you want, Byakuya?"
A small, slightly nervous whimper escaped the noble. "Ki-kiss me."
Renji tilted his head the last inch, lightly touching his lips to the soft ones he had dreamed about for so long. After only a moment, the smooth, warm lips tentatively pressed back, returning the light pressure. Renji was relieved and elated by the response, and had to remember to control himself.
He kissed his beautiful moon tenderly, savoring the fact that this was real and not a dream. As gently as possible, he licked the soft lips under his, praying that the ravenette trusted him enough to let him in. Through half-closed eyes, he saw the deep steel eyes flutter closed, and the warm lips parted under his invitingly.
Tenderly, he traced the parted lips with his tongue, then deepened the kiss, gently exploring what his captain had to offer. The noble tasted so good, and was starting to shyly kiss back, and Renji heard himself groan roughly as he dug his fingers into the couch cushion.
He felt Byakuya tremble and a tiny whimper vibrated through the kiss. Renji started to withdraw, thinking he'd scared his broken moon. To his surprise, he felt a slender hand on his shoulder, not pushing him away, but pulling him closer. Obediently, he leaned in, tilting his head and pouring more of his passion for his superior into the kiss.
Renji felt a hand touch one of his that were clenching the life out of the couch. He relaxed the one being touched, then he felt slender fingers slide under his. He gently squeezed the smaller hand, then started to slide his own up the slim wrist.
He froze there, remembering that he'd promised not to touch his guest. After all, he knew from experience that it could take one touch in a random wrong spot to freak out his abused superior. He gently broke the kiss, both of them panting softly. "By-Byakuya?"
Dazed, half-closed, stormy violet eyes met his, and he glanced down to where he lightly held the slender wrist. Tenderly, he caressed it with his fingers as he whispered, "I promised not to touch you, but I really wanna."
The ravenette's reply was breathlessly soft. "It's ok, Renji. You can to-touch me; I... I like how it feels when your hands are on me... you make me feel safe." Renji heard the softest whimper as his guest continued. "My wrists are re-really sensitive, though."
Renji smiled as he realization hit him. "They're always covered by your tekkoh, so they're sensitive, hmm?" He brushed his lips over the smaller Soul Reaper's, then gently lifted the wrist he held. He turned the pale, slender hand palm-up, caressing the back of it with his fingers. He placed a gentle kiss on each fingertip, then in the soft palm.
Renji could hear his captain's breaths becoming shaky, and he met the dark eyes just as he touched his lips to the inside of the slim wrist, where the lacework of blue veins was visible under the delicate skin. "Ohhh!" was the eloquent response he got, and it sent shivers down his spine.
"You like that?" he murmured before tenderly tracing the veins with the very tip of his tongue. Byakuya nodded urgently, making a soft, sexy sound between a moan and a whimper, a sound of pleasure that made him wanna cum right in his hakamas.
As Renji continued his loving assault on the delicate flesh, slender fingers curled to cup his cheek. He gave a moan of his own, abandoning his attention to tilt his face towards the gentle touch. Then the hand on his shoulder shifted to the side of his neck, tentatively grazing the lightening bolt-shaped marking there. He shivered violently, edging closer to the ravenette. Voice hoarse and unsteady from the desperate need he was struggling to keep at bay, he tried to address the gorgeous noble. "I don' wanna scare you. You... you say stop, I stop, 'k?"
The older man nodded, replying in a voice just as unsteady, "I'm not afraid of you, Renji."
~X~X~X~X~
Byakuya could sense the restraint his lieutenant was wielding, and the way it wavered with his words. He was almost lightheaded from their kiss and the affectionate attention to his wrist, and the entire time, he'd been able to sense the bigger, and physically stronger, Soul Reaper's self-control as clearly as if the Rukon Dog was on a leash.
An unexpected thought passed through his mind; he was certain, with every reishi-infused fiber of his being, that Renji would never purposely hurt him, so... what would the crimsonette be like without the leash, or at least a longer one? The very thought made his heart attempt an escape from his chest, and the ache between his legs, which had started just before their kiss, throbbed. He shifted uncomfortably, and saw a flicker of pleased satisfaction in the younger man's eyes.
Byakuya took a shaky breath and moved his hand from his lieutenant's neck to his cheek, wide honey eyes watching him as he spoke softly. "Renji, I know if I said stop, you would. I trust you, and I am not afraid of you." He smiled shyly at his host and continued. "That being said, I'd like to keep making progress, and I'll tell you if it's too fast."
The redhead grinned and gave an excited nod. "Sounds fair to me!" then leaned close to gently capture his lips again, and the hand on his wrist slowly slid up his arm. This kiss was even better than its head-spinning predecessor; still tender, but more eager and enthusiastic, and full of passion. Byakuya found himself moaning into the kiss, and felt Renji shiver at his response. The hand traveling up his arm slipped under it to rest between his shoulder-blades, while another large hand settled on his hip for a moment before sliding around to spread over his lower back.
Byakuya couldn't help but smile into the kiss- Renji had found a way to hold him that didn't make him feel trapped and left his own arms free. He impulsively wrapped them around the broad shoulders, kissing his fiery subordinate back with his own growing enthusiasm.
This new experience was wonderful, and he was doing his best to push his shyness and nervousness away- Renji wouldn't hurt him, and surely wouldn't make fun of him if he didn't know something or became unsure.
His hand brushed over a thick, silky braid, and he let his fingers drift down until he found the tie. He carefully pulled it out and began unraveling the braid, liking how the soft strands felt as they were freed. The younger man gave a soft, happy-sounding chuckle, gently breaking the kiss to feather those sinful lips down his neck. Byakuya gasped at the new sensation that made him feel tingly, burying both hands in the thick crimson mane. "Ahh, Re-Renji."
He realized he was trembling, and the arms around him tightened, gently pulling him closer so their bodies were pressing together from chest to thigh. Byakuya felt the hard evidence that Renji's body mirrored his own, and he moaned at the thought of the popular redhead being turned on by him.
Renji held him so gently, nuzzling his neck and sprinkling soft, chaste kisses on the vulnerable flesh. And, if he wasn't mistaken, his lieutenant was sniffing him, too. The bigger Soul Reaper murmured against his throat, "Beautiful Byakuya, taste and smell so damn good, an' fit perfectly in my arms. See, I knew my Taicho was fuckin' perfect. The moon is totally worth catching."
~X~X~X~X~
Renji felt his captain's blushing face nuzzle against his hair as a soft little giggle fanned over his ear. Dear gods in heaven, Byakuya had giggled, and it was so damn cute! He lifted his head to see the shy smile on the fine features, and smiled back as he leaned close so their smiles met. This kiss was almost playful, a back-and-forth that was light and teasing.
Renji could feel his moon's excitement against his hip, and he moved his hand from the smaller Soul Reaper's lower back to the hard, impressive bulge his superior was sporting, running his palm along the length.
He heard a whimper, and Byakuya tensed in his arms. He quickly moved his hand back to the slender hip as he looked to the older man's face, whispering, "Sorry."
The ravenette shook his head, biting his lip between breathless words. "You don't have to a-apologize. It felt good. It... it's been a long time."
Carefully, Renji slid his hand down, tenderly caressing the hard bulge. Byakuya whimpered, muscles twitching, and Renji felt the slender hands tighten in his hair. He narrowed his eyes; just a touch and his powerful captain was coming apart.
Not that he was minded the Kuchiki heir's responsiveness, but just how deprived was he? He spoke in a low voice. "I know it's been a long time since someone else has touched you, but how long has it been since you've touched yourself?"
At the last word, he firmly wrapped his fingers around the hakama-covered length. Byakuya jolted in his arms with a whimpered gasp. "Ahhah! I... I don't know! Ahh, shit, Renji, umm a few months?"
Renji practically growled in response, gently squeezing the hard member. "My poor Taicho. No release in months? I can help you with that, if you want?" As he made his offer, he carefully stroked the rock-hard length through the hakamas, and when he got closer to the head, he could feel traces of dampness on the fabric.
Byakuya was panting shakily as he whimpered his reply. "I... I do want your help, ah ah damn, Renji. Please... oh gods, it hu-hurts."
Renji nodded, then kissed the noble firmly, guiding him to lean back against the couch. He rained kisses over the pale face and throat as his hands moved to untie his guest's hakamas. He placed several featherlight kisses on the scar, earning himself a moan that resembled a sob. He got the hakamas untied and started to pull them down, when he felt Byakuya tense.
His hands stilled, and he lifted his gaze to see a flare of anxiety in the deep steel-violet eyes. He smiled reassuringly as he he whispered, "Shhh, it's alright. Look, mine are staying on. I said I'd help you with your pain, and we don't have to go all the way to do that. I just wanna do something for you that's gonna make you feel better. You still trust me?"
With no hesitation, Byakuya nodded. "Yes, I trust you, Renji. I... I just..."
When the words trailed off, Renji tilted his head in understanding. "I know, my beautiful moon. It's ok if you feel jumpy, I understand. You alright?"
The older man nodded again, and Renji carefully slid the hakamas down further, revealing his target, his captain's pale, quivering length. Too excited to take any time admiring his guest's lovely body, he leaned forward to lick the clear droplets of precum smeared all over the head. The hard member twitched and he heard a gasp of surprised pleasure. He glanced up to see Byakuya watching him with wide, shocked eyes.
Not wanting to make the smaller Soul Reaper feel uncomfortable, Renji hesitated, then spoke softly. "Byakuya, if you're not comfortable with me doing this, you... you can close your eyes and picture, you know, Hisana or someone else."
He was surprised when the ravenette shook his head, breathing. "No, I can't."
Renji asked gently, "Why not?"
The noble met his eyes as his cheeks reddened. "Because Hisana never did this, umm, no-nobody has. I... I want to wa-watch you."
Renji grinned at the shy request, sitting up to adjust the pillow behind his superior's head so he could watch comfortably. "Thanks for tellin me I'm the first, Cap'n. That's awesome, and boy, are you in for a treat!"
He shifted back into position, kneeling half on the couch and half on the floor between the long, slender legs as he proceeded to lick trails from the base to the tip, drawing delighted shivers and moans out of the older man. Byakuya was panting and watching him through dark, half-closed eyes. "Ohh, gods, Renji, that... that feels in-incredible! Ohhh, damn!"
Loving how naughty cussing sounded coming from his proper captain, Renji murmured, "I think it's sexy when you cuss, Byakuya. Wonder how it'd sound if you were to talk dirty, hmmm?"
Byakuya blushed the color of Renji's hair, stammering, "I... I..."
Renji grinned, then swept down with an open mouth, swallowing half of the impressive member in one go. The deprived ravenette cried out, hips snapping up as his embarrassment was swept away by pleasure. "Ahh! Dammit, Renji!"
He started sucking for everything he was worth, watching and loving the reactions he caused. The older man whimpered and bucked his hips, and Renji skillfully let his mouth ride the rolling thrusts. He had experience with people that couldn't control themselves once he got started, and he was acutely aware that this was the noble's first oral experience, and that the ravenette had gone months without relief.
Byakuya could flip them over, pin his head down, and face-fuck him until his throat was raw, for all Renji cared at the moment. All that mattered was bringing his precious moon pleasure.
He felt the smaller Soul Reaper squirm and wiggle his legs, and he realized that in his eagerness, he hadn't pulled the hakamas all the way off of his guest. He continued sucking as he lowered his hands to free the slender legs. He heard a grateful moan as Byakuya braced one foot on the couch and wrapped the other around his back, trying to pull him closer.
Renji realized that without the hakamas restraining them, Byakuya's legs could spread further, and he grinned around the cock in his mouth as he shifted forward, letting his shoulders guide the sleek thighs up and apart. At the same time, he began kneading the slim hips with his fingers, wordlessly reassuring his abused beauty that he wasn't trying anything else.
Sweet, desperate whimpers rewarded him as slender fingers threaded into his hair and held on for dear life. He took the full length into his throat until his nose was buried in soft black curls, and hummed his own pleasure at pleasing his gorgeous captain. He met the hazy amethyst eyes as the vibrations from his humming made the older man whine in ecstasy. "Yes, oh fuck! Ahh ahh I... I'm gonna cum! Ohh, fuck, please don't stop, Renji!"
Oh, but the Rukon Dog had no intention of stopping! He felt the hard, silky flesh pulse, and began swallowing as he grasped a slim hip with one hand, digging his other fingers into a soft, curved asscheek. He held Byakuya's body possessively close, still humming in satisfaction between swallows. And oh, the sight the noble made just then!
Renji let his eyes rove the slender ravenette half-sprawled over his couch, flushed and panting, twitching every few breaths. He continued gently suckling and swallowing until he was sure he'd drained every warm drop from the deprived body. Slowly, he backed off, releasing his treasure. He licked his lips, savoring the taste of his superior's body and release, and he smirked at the realization that Byakuya even tasted good.
As his guest's breathing evened out, Renji slipped the hakamas back onto the lithe body and settled on the couch with a small pair of feet in his lap. Hmm, well, his captain's foot size was certainly misleading! He smiled as he offered the ravenette his cup of tea, knowing that he was probably parched after all that panting.
Byakuya looked surprised, but accepted his tea, drinking gratefully.
Renji watched as the older man set his cup down, then proceeded to stretch like a cat. A full, joint-popping stretch that resulted in Renji grinning at the noble who just seemed to get more adorable every freaking moment. Byakuya gave another indulgent feline stretch, even flexing his fingers and toes, then sent Renji a crooked smile and spoke his first words since cumming.
"Holy fuck, Lieutenant Abarai."
~X~X~X~X~
Byakuya felt marvelous! Tingling with relief and more relaxed than he'd been in months, he watched Renji grinning at him through strands of disheveled crimson hair. "Feel better?"
Byakuya nodded, sighing in bliss. "So damn much."
The redhead brushed fiery strands out of his face, chuckling. "You cuss beautifully when you're frisky! You're always so proper and composed, it's awesome to hear you use such filthy language. I didn't think you even knew those kinda words."
Byakuya smiled at the scandalized tone his lieutenant's voice had taken on and the teasing glint in the auburn eyes. He sat up weakly and grabbed a muscular arm covered in markings, pulling the surprised-looking crimsonette over. He kissed the younger man passionately, pouring his appreciation for everything into it. Renji seemed frozen with shock for just a moment, then began drinking in his kiss as if it were life-sustaining.
They pulled apart only when the need for air could no longer be satisfied by breathing through their noses. Byakuya found himself gazing at the bigger Soul Reaper, mesmerized by how strikingly sexy he looked right now. Panting softly from their kiss, his host's dark honey eyes were half-closed, soft lips a bit swollen from his earlier activities, and blood-red silk was falling into his lightly flushed face.
How was it that he'd never noticed how truly attractive this man was, when they spent day after day together? Tenderly, Byakuya smoothed the disheveled strands away from his lieutenant's face, seeing joy flare over the alluring features. He murmured, "Sorry, looks like I messed up your hair, and you had it in such a neat braid, too."
The Rukon Dog gave a slight shake of his head, leaning into his hands. "It's fine, don' care. I like having it played with, and besides, I got like, 100 brushes 'round here."
Byakuya tilted his head. "You like having your hair 'played with'?"
The crimsonette nodded. "Oh yeah! I like having it stroked like you're doin' now, and I enjoy having it brushed. I really liked how you held it while I was sucking you, and at a certain point-" The bigger Soul Reaper paused dramatically before revealing in a conspiratorial whisper, "In certain 'circumstances', I love having it pulled."
Byakuya blushed at his companion's words, even as his mind subconsciously filed this information away for future reference. Then he realized that indeed, Renji had done something that bought him exquisite pleasure, but his host had not found his own completion. That didn't seem fair, and Byakuya was struck with guilt. It wasn't fair at all, yet his lieutenant sat here, being so nice and affectionate, all while looking as if didn't expect a damn thing from him. Byakuya leaned closer, feeling that the younger man deserved pleasure, especially after all he'd done for him. "Renji... I... you..."
The redhead smirked playfully at his non-sentence. "Taicho, you've always been best at being direct. Try that."
Byakuya took a shaky breath and whispered, "What about you?"
~X~X~X~X~
Renji was caught off-guard by his captain's question. The thought of the beautiful ravenette doing something, anything, to him was almost more than he could bear, but it didn't feel right to ask for anything from his abused guest right now. So instead of begging his moon to return the favor, he smiled and spoke softly. "Don't worry 'bout me. I didn't do that for you just so you'd do something for me. And you have no idea how much I really need you to understand this."
The noble gave a tiny frown, looking a bit confused, and Renji realized that in Byakuya's world, it was likely that nobody just did anything for someone else without expecting something in return. How sad, and all the more reason to let his favor go UN-reciprocated. Besides...
He leaned close and placed a soft kiss on a pale cheek, which instantly turned pink. He met the dark eyes and spoke softly, letting his companion know the conflict in his heart. "We've done a lot of talking, but we ain't discussed a specific damn thing as far as what's gonna happen starting tomorrow. So as far as I know, I only have what's left of today to have you all to myself; this Byakuya who's totally different, who smiles and blushes and kisses like an angel. Who talks to me like I matter and who might actually consider me his friend. For all I really know, tomorrow, everything's just gonna go back to how it's always been. Captain and lieutenant, nothing else. I don't really want that, but-" he shrugged before continuing, "I'll accept it if that's how you want it to be. I'd understand; not only for the difference in our ranks, but... well, I bet nobility don't usually have personal dealings with Rukon filth like me, right?"
He watched the amethyst eyes widen, and his captain's mouth opened as if to protest. But, no words came, and after a moment, the smaller Soul Reaper slowly closed his mouth, dark eyes lowering guiltily. Renji immediately felt horrible; even though he'd spoken the truth, his beautiful, broken moon now looked utterly dejected and ashamed.
Unsure if the shame originated from what had happened here, or from the truth of their circumstances, Renji spoke carefully, afraid he'd never have another chance. "Look, Taicho, it's ok if everything's gotta go back to normal tomorrow, cause nothing will ever change how I feel about you. I will always care about and respect you. I can't say that I don't care that you don't feel the same, cause I do, and that kinda sucks for me. But it doesn't really matter that you don't feel that way about me. I... I love you, Byakuya Kuchiki. Have since the first time I saw you, and I will until the day I die."
He saw the older man tremble, and he lifted his hand, intending to make sure his guest was ok. He paused before touching his companion, no longer sure if his touch was welcome. He whispered, "Taicho?" The ravenette kept his head bowed, hiding his face, and Renji felt fear grip his heart. Oh gods, he shouldn't have been that damn honest with his superior!
Terrified that he'd just made a huge mistake with the most powerful Kuchiki to ever grace the Soul Society, Renji started to edge away. A slender hand caught his arm, and he froze, heart pounding as he stared at the top of the bowed head. How much trouble was he in for what he'd said?
Suddenly, Byakuya leaned close, burying his face against his chest. Renji felt dampness on his skin, and realized the noble was crying.
No! His heart felt like it was being torn in two; his poor moon had been through enough, and nothing was worth his tears. Deciding he didn't give a flying fuck if his next actions resulted in his heartbreak or his death, Renji wrapped both arms around the trembling form, gently pulling his smaller superior into his lap as he nuzzled silky black hair. "Shh, Taicho, please don't cry. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry again."
He held the silently trembling noble tightly, rocking back and forth as more tears landed on his chest. Desperation laced his words as he tried to stop his own tears from joining the ravenette's. "I'm sorry, Byakuya! Please, it hurts so much when you cry, baby. Tell me what I need to do to make you feel better. I'll do anything to make you happy. Anything you want, I swear!"
Slowly, his guest shifted to look him in the eyes, breathing in shaky little gasps as he tried to blink the remaining tears from his dark silver eyes. "A-any-anything?"
Renji nodded, lifting one hand to tenderly wipe the dampness from the pale cheeks as he whispered, "Anything, my precious Byakuya. I'd give you my life right now if it meant you'd never cry again."
Immediately, the older man was trying even harder to compose himself. "D-don't say that! I don't w-want you to die!"
Surprised by the rather vehement response, Renji nodded. "Ok, sorry. Then please just tell me what I do need to do to make you feel better. Please?"
His guest hesitated, then said softly, "I want... when we are in the office, that... that needs to stay professional. But, afterwards, I would like to have this."
Renji tilted his head, wanting to be absolutely sure of what his moon meant. "'This'?"
Still breathing shakily, the ravenette blushed. "I am not sure how fast I can progress, so I hope you can be patient with me. But I know, with every fiber of my being, that if I don't try, I will regret it for the rest of my long and very lonely life."
Renji took a deep breath as he tightened his arms around the smaller Soul Reaper. "So... you wanna come back? But I keep making you cry!"
Byakuya shook his head, offering him a small smile. "That's not necessarily a bad thing. The first time was because I finally felt unashamed of the fact that I didn't fight, so I think those counted as tears of relief. And just now... Renji, do you have any idea how long it's been since someone has said they love me?"
Renji hesitated, unsure if he was expected to actually answer. "Um, well, I know Hisana passed away about 50 years ago, so at least that long?"
Byakuya shook his head. "Renji, Hisana never loved me. She tried, but some of the last words she ever said, she apologized for not being able to repay the love I'd given her over our 5 years together."
Renji felt his chest tighten, knowing how much it hurt to love someone who didn't feel the same way. "I'm sorry. So... so how long has it been?"
The noble hesitated, then sighed. "Renji, I literally cannot remember ever being told that I was loved. The way I normally act, so emotionless... my entire family was just like that. My parents and grandfather, they never shared feelings, and felt there was no need to say they loved me, as long as I was aware of it. So I knew they loved me, but I never heard those words until today."
x
Aww poor damaged Bya. Sorry if you don't like that he's been crying so much; at this point, he's about 30 hours with no sleep (besides his half-hour nap on the couch) and it's been a really emotional day for him.
So, first kiss with a guy, first blowjob, and first time hearing 'I love you'. All these firsts is how this chap ended up with such a lame title lol!
x
Next time on 'HtM'- Chapter 6: Stay