'Healing the Moon'
Chapter 11: Invitations & Reassurances
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Previously, on 'Healing the Moon'
((Shuuhei nodded emphatically. "Yeah, and if you look at it like a pack of wolves, then Renji is our Alpha."))
x
Renji could sense his captain absorbing the new information, processing it and connecting it with what he already knew as he spoke softly. "Wolves can be extremely loyal to their packs. This is why you didn't like when I adopted Rukia... I took away one of your pack members? Actually, as young as she was at the time... Renji, did I steal a pup from your pack?"
He glanced down to meet his superior's solemn platinum eyes, replying in a gentle tone. "Something like that, but it's ok, baby. We all knew she'd have a better life with you than with us."
Byakuya seemed reassured, continuing to gaze up at him as he whispered, "And in your pack, you share everything?"
He shrugged. "Yeah, but since you ain't pack, you don't have to share shit with them. You don't have to answer questions you don't wanna, and I already told you I won't cheat on you; you ain't sharing me with anybody. And I sure as fuck ain't sharing you, baby. All that being said, if there was something you did wanna share, that'd be fine."
He was surprised when his partner leaned up to whisper into his ear, "You said he used to react like I do? Panic and freeze up?"
He nodded, lifting his head to meet wide violet-steel eyes. "Yeah. That's a big one, baby; you sayin you wanna share that?"
Byakuya hesitated, then gave a tiny shake of his head and gently poked him in the chest. Renji felt his eyes widen. "Me? You want me to tell him?"
The noble nodded, burying his face against his neck as if hiding. Renji realized his captain was seeking reassurance from someone who understood the reaction he went through when he freaked out. After all, his own reaction was different; he didn't know what freezing up like that was like.
Renji looked to Shuu, who was managing to look confused, curious, and concerned, all at the same time. The scarred lieutenant nodded towards Byakuya, asking softly, "Is he alright? Did I say something?"
Renji held his partner tightly as he replied, "No, but you might be able to help him. Shuu, what's the worse thing about being Rukon?"
His friend's face twisted into a furious snarl that emphasized his scars. "Sick fuckin' bastards who will take any chance to hurt someone who can't fight back!"
Renji felt the ravenette trembling in his arms, and he nuzzled the side of his head as he said quietly, "Shuu, he's been hurt, too. Nobody else knows. We ain't 'done it' yet, and it's partly because he reacts like you used to."
The snarl vanished as the older Rukon survivor paled and visibly flinched. "Oh gods. Who the fuck did this?"
A tiny whimper came from where Byakuya's face was hidden against Renji's neck. "He's dead."
Renji nodded. "If he wasn't, I sure as hell would be hunting him down right now, if I hadn't already found the bastard. Anyways, Shuu, he sorta freezes up like you used to, like he's panicking and can't move."
Sympathy filled his friend's silver eyes as he tentatively stepped closer.
~X~X~X~X~
Shuuhei's mind was racing, overloaded by the intake of so much information in such a short time. Part of him wanted to focus on the fact that Renji was finally getting a chance with his long-time crush (sometimes obsession) and be happy for his friend and the beautiful noble. But the rest of him realized what Renji had just said.
Captain Kuchiki had been hurt... and now his reaction made him panic and freeze up. Shuuhei winced at his own memories of the paralyzing fear, followed by frustration and mortification. He almost couldn't believe that anyone had been able to force the powerful Soul Reaper, but he realized this must've happened when he was young.
He kept his eyes on the ravenette that Renji was holding; it was kinda like he could see the walls coming down. The aristocrat was letting him in, and he knew it was a high privelage that he'd been trusted with this information. If nobody else knew about any of this, maybe that was why Byakuya wanted him to know about his reaction.
Renji, wonderful as he was, wouldn't understand how it felt to freeze up, be paralyzed by your own mind. The redhead's reaction to the voice had been violence to defend himself, though he had tried so hard to be supportive when Shuu had frozen up.
His heart ached for the noble, still hiding his face against Renji's neck. Nobody else knew... other than a brand-new, 2 day relationship with the crimsonette, the Kuchiki heir must feel so alone.
Shuuhei knew he had to try to help. He stepped closer, seeing how Renji's narrowed auburn eyes tracked him. Knowing how protective his friend could be over those he cared about, and knowing that Byakuya now definitely outranked him, he held his hands up where the bigger Soul Reaper could see them. "Easy, Ren. I ain't gonna hurt him. You said I might be able to help, yeah? Not sure I can do that if you won't let me talk to him."
The Rukon Dog watched him for a moment, then gave a tight nod, keeping his arms around his partner. Shuuhei spoke softly, using the coaxing tone reserved for those who'd endured horror. "Hey, Captain Kuchiki. Can I talk to you for a moment?"
The older man lifted his faced from his hiding spot, dark platinum eyes meeting his. He could sense the uncertainty and intense vulnerability the ravenette felt right now, not sure yet that confiding in him was a good idea- most likely, the captain was only trusting him because of Renji. That was still better than no trust at all.
He gave his best reassuring smile, speaking gently. "It's alright. I know it really sucks to freeze up, especially when you're trying to move on. With a reaction like that, I'm thinking maybe you were threatened, told you'd get hurt worse or killed if you fought?"
The amethyst eyes widened in surprise as the superior officer gave a tiny nod, whispering, "You, too?"
He nodded. "Yes, sir. See, I was a scrawny little shit when I was younger, kind of a crier, couldn't fight worth a damn. I was a pretty convenient target, and threats of violence kept me from fighting back. Those threats, the fear, are what makes us freeze up later in life."
The noble hesitated, then asked, "But you were able to get past your reactions afterward? How... how did you stop freaking out?"
Shuuhei glanced to Renji as he replied quietly. "Wasn't easy. I'd have a lot of... um... a lot of 'false starts', where I'd be ok and think I could do it, and I'd want to, but then this voice would pop up in my head, and I would freeze up, couldn't move, couldn't even think of anything besides the fact that I suddenly felt like I was in danger. Sometimes it'd be triggered by something simple, like seeing a bed." He saw the ravenette's eyes widen even further, and he had a feeling he'd just pinpointed something.
Remembering how it had felt to go through that, he spoke gently. "There's nothing wrong with you, you know. I know it feels like it, and I bet you feel awful and guilty afterwards, but I swear it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you."
He could see the older man's tension easing away with his reassurances, but he sighed, knowing that his friend's partner had probably been hoping for a solution. "I'm sorry, but I can't tell you how to get past your reaction- see, everyone's different, and has to deal with that voice and their freak-outs their own way. For me, it was a matter of trying again and again, and I kept having to be reassured over and over every time I froze up, which, honestly, it was kind of humiliating that I kept failing. Then one day, it just sorta happened, and that voice didn't pop up, and I was actually able to see what it was like to be with someone willingly. Ain't really had a problem since, as long as I trust the person I'm with. Other than a little tensing sometimes. By the way, seeing and feeling what it's really supposed to be like... it's gonna blow your fuckin' mind."
Realizing that he'd probably gone a bit overboard, he smiled encouragingly. "You got this, Cap'n. If I can get through it, I know you can, too. Besides, you couldn't possibly have a better partner than Ren to help you through this. He takes care of you when you freak out, tries to make you feel better, yeah?"
Shuuhei was surprised when the pale cheeks turned pink as the noble gave a tiny nod. "Oh my gods. Sometime when we ain't talkin' 'bout serious shit, remind me to tell you how adorable it is when you blush. That's surprising- didn't know you were capable of it."
Suddenly, Renji was growling at him. "Back off, Shuu. I already told him you like him. You are not to hit on him. Don't think I won't kick your ass from here to the World of the Living."
Shuuhei knew his friend was serious, yet he found himself chuckling. "Ok, thanks a bunch for telling him I like him. That could make this really awkward, so I'm just gonna blow right on past it." He glanced at the clock, realizing how long it'd been since he burst into this office. "Damn, I should be going. Thank the gods it's Friday. Hey, Ren, you coming out tonight?"
~X~X~X~X~
Byakuya felt his partner shrug at the question. "Probably, cause it'd look suspicious if I didn't. Rangiku ain't been by yet."
The leader of Squad 9 nodded, then looked to him. "I know Rangiku invites you out, too, sir. It'd be awesome if you said yes."
He hesitated before replying. "I am not sure about that."
The younger man shrugged and gave an encouraging sort of smile. "Well, I bet the pack will be askin' Ren a thousand and one questions 'bout who he's seeing, but I'm the only one that can spot lies the way I do. Earlier, if I was anyone else, I woulda believed you when you said you didn't know who he was seeing; you did really good hiding it."
The Rukon survivor continued in a coaxing tone. "Anyways, all that aside, I know everyone would be excited if you came out and socialized. It's casual-like; it's the one place where it really doesn't matter where you come from or what rank you hold. There's other captains, but we don't use titles and don't wear any symbols of rank or birth. Please think about it- I promise everyone would be excited to see you out and about."
Byakuya murmured, "Ok, I'll think about it."
The scarred lieutenant grinned in a charming way that vividly reminded him of Renji. "Alright, that's good enough for me, sir. Well, I gotta get going, but hopefully I'll see both of you tonight. And don't worry, I swear I won't tell anyone about any of this." The leader of Squad 9 turned and slipped out of the office, leaving them alone.
Byakuya felt his partner practically sag in relief, muttering, "I dunno 'bout you, but I feel like I just went 10 rounds with a hollow."
He nodded, feeling the same way, as if they'd just emerged victorious from some kind of battle. He carefully shifted in the strong arms to face the bigger Soul Reaper. "Renji, I think I would like to try coming out tonight, but the thought is making me a little nervous. Who in their right mind would go willingly to face a pack of wolves?"
Renji chuckled. "My brave Byakuya, that's who. They really would be excited if you came out with us. They'll ask me questions 'bout who I'm seeing, but Shuu really is the only one that'll know it's you."
Byakuya took a deep breath. "So as long as I don't act suspicious, we should be fine?"
The younger man nodded. "Basically. You might get kinda uncomfortable since I'm sure you ain't ever been in a situation like that, and you'd be getting some attention, but I know my Taicho would be able to handle it."
Then the redhead gasped. "Oh! I almost forgot- I did something before coming back from talkin' to Ichi."
Byakuya watched curiously as his subordinate reached into his shihakusho, then held out his hand. Laying in his palm was a shiny key.
Heart pounding, he looked up at Renji, who was blushing and looking self-conscious. "It's a key to my place. Please don't freak out; I ain't askin' ya to move in or anything. But, I wanted to prove I was serious when I said you were welcome anytime. Even if it's the middle of the night or if I ain't home cause I'm on a mission or whatever, I... I want you to know you still have a safe place. Umm, I ain't never done this before, so I dunno if I'm even doing it right, and-"
In one smooth movement, Byakuya took the key and rose on his tiptoes to kiss his partner on the lips. "Thank you, Renji. This means a lot to me. I can really come over anytime?"
His companion nodded happily, obviously relieved that his gesture hadn't been rejected. "Yeah, anytime. You like?"
Byakuya nodded, looking down at the shiny new key in his hand. It seemed to hold a world of meaning, and he knew this could very well be the most precious gift he'd ever received. Because of Renji, his sanctuary would always be open to him.
Byakuya used both hands to cradle the key to his chest as his eyes began to burn, and he felt Renji's arms wrap around him. "It's alright, baby. This... this isn't something I should apologize for, right?"
He nodded, giving his subordinate a teary smile. "Right. You're learning. This is a very good thing."
The crimsonette smiled back, lifting one hand to tenderly wipe away his sentimental tears. "I'm glad you like it. Now, c'mon, Taicho. We still got work to do."
Byakuya nodded and took a deep breath to compose himself. "You are absolutely right, Lieutenant. We need to focus."
They slowly pulled away from each other, then Renji smirked. "Not my fault you secretly like being distracted by me."
~X~X~X~X~
Renji watched as his captain tilted his head haughtily and strode back to his desk. "Ridiculous." He grinned, happy with how things had gone. Sure, Shuu knew their secrets, but the older lieutenant was a man of his word. His friend wouldn't betray them.
Excited by the possibility that his partner might be coming to hang out with his pack tonight, he found himself humming happily as he resumed his paperwork. It only took a few minutes for his superior to comment. "You're really looking forward to me coming out tonight, aren't you?"
Renji nodded, trying to suppress his excitement so Byakuya wouldn't feel obligated to do this just to make him happy. "I gotta go, it's sorta become tradition. And yeah, I'd be super-happy if you decided to go, but I want you to go cause you wanna try it, not cause you feel you have to. If you decide you're not ready, you can go to my place if you want, try out your new key, and I promise I won't stay out too late."
The amethyst eyes met his. "I appreciate the offer, Renji. If I decide not to go, you needn't cut your night short on my account. I will simply use the time to unwind after the captain's meeting, perhaps read some more of that book. But, so that I may make an informed decision, would you mind telling me a little more about tonight?"
Renji smiled at the almost shy tone of the question. "Sure thing. There's this bar in the northern section of the Seretei, and we all go there every Friday. The pack takes up an entire section of booths; it's kinda chaotic. There's drinking, and they got good food. We talk about all kinds of stuff, tell jokes and stories, and arm-wrestle. Shuu was right; nobody wears symbols of rank. Captains don't wear their haoris, we don't wear our badges. And you wouldn't be able to wear your kensaiken, scarf, or tekkoh cause those are symbols of your nobility. Everyone dresses casual, some even wear clothes from the World of the Living. And everyone uses first or last names, or nicknames. None of that 'Captain' or 'Lieutenant' crap. And in the pack, endearments get used a lot to show affection or in place of a name, so don't worry if you hear me call someone 'babe' or 'sweetie' cause I definitely don't mean it the same way as when I call you 'baby'. Oh, and sometimes there's singin. We might be singing like idiots, or someone might be on the karaoke machine. Pack says I'm good at singin'."
Renji had been focused on his work while talking, so when he finally glanced up, he was surprised to find his superior watching him with a bemused expression on his face. "Taicho?"
The ravenette smiled at him. "You really enjoy this outing, don't you? You seem so very happy when you talk about it."
He nodded, smiling back. "Yeah. It's kinda like our meeting ritual. A lot of us don't really get to hang out during the week, and besides, it's the only chance for couples to show their affection in public, as well as for friends to show their affection for each other, since it's not really 'proper' most of the time. Everyone knows each other's nicknames. You got one, too, Taicho, though I doubt anyone will use it to your face cause they'd be afraid of offending you."
Fine black brows rose at him. "Do I even want to know?"
Renji grinned at his partner. "Ahh, it's not so bad. You're known as the Ice Prince or Ice Princess. You're really good at acting cold, you're noble, which makes you royalty compared to us, and the only reason 'princess' ever gets used is because you're so beautiful."
Byakuya stared at him for a long moment, then shrugged. "I suppose there are worse things I could be called."
Renji laughed at the matter-of-fact tone. "Yeah, guess that's true. Let's see... anything else you need to know to make an 'informed decision'... oh, Ichigo will be there- I know he aggravates you."
His superior smirked. "As long as he remembers that you are not 'available', I do not believe that will be an issue. He may irritate me sometimes, but there's no denying his enthusiasm and optimism can be contagious, and he always does what he feels is right."
The noble paused, looking thoughtful. Renji was surprised by the next words his partner said. "Shuuhei and Ichigo, hmm? I must say, so far, you seem to have very interesting tastes."
~X~X~X~X~
Byakuya watched as shock filled his subordinate's auburn eyes, followed by an almost frantic confusion, as if Renji had no idea how to respond. He realized that his partner was rather adorable when he was flustered, but it occurred to him that his words could be making the redhead nervous about how his past might look.
He held the anxious amber eyes as he spoke gently. "Renji, I didn't mean that in a bad way. I really do find your choices interesting, and informative in a way. I'm also aware that Shuuhei and Ichigo are probably not the only ones, and that sooner or later, I'll meet more. Sooner if I come out tonight?"
He knew he was right when a deep blush crept over the crimsonette's cheeks, and he smiled reassuringly. "I'm not blind, honey, and this is why I asked if being with me was going to interfere with your life. Renji, I do not care if you've had 'benefits' with the whole Seretei; what matters is that things are different now. I trust you when you say you won't cheat on me."
The younger man shook his head emphatically. "I won't. What worries me is that my life might interfere with you wanting to be with me. And I ain't been with the whole Seretei- mostly, it's just been with my pack. That's why I had Shuu tell 'em I ain't available anymore."
Byakuya nodded, sensing how worried Renji was getting. "I know that, honey. And you're still sure this is worth all the trouble? I mean, I don't know when I'll be ready, so-"
A rather fierce look from his partner cut him off, and Renji spoke firmly. "Believe me, it's totally worth it. I'm fine going without sex for however long it takes, as long as I still get to have you over and talk with you, eating and sleeping together. The last couple of days and nights have meant more to me than you'll ever know, Byakuya."
He felt his cheeks warming, and he lowered his eyes to his desk as he spoke softly. "That is the stuff that's important to you? Talking and sleeping together? I would've thought that the more... intimate things would take precedence."
He heard a soft chuckle, amused but not mocking. "Oh, baby. Trust me, that stuff is awesome, and I really enjoy doing naughty things with you. But I enjoy spending time with you, too. I love sleeping with you, knowing that you feel safe with me. Gods, you have no idea how happy that makes me! And I love talking with you cause you're really open with me, and you share things with me that I don't think you've ever told anyone else. That makes me feel really important, like I'm special to you. Not to mention, I love the sound of your voice, so I like talking with you even about normal stuff. Hell, I just love you, so I enjoy any part of my life that's got you in it."
~X~X~X~X~
Renji watched the blush on his superior's face deepen, shy amethyst eyes lifting to his. "Renji, you... you are special to me. It feels good to spend time with you, and I wouldn't trade the past 48 hours for anything in the world."
Touched by his partner's words, Renji smiled brightly. "Me either, baby. I think we've done really good, made a lot of progress in just 2 days."
The ravenette smiled back, blush fading a little. "I agree. Should we be proud of ourselves?"
Renji nodded, grinning. "Well, I'm proud of you, baby, and you should definitely be proud of yourself."
Before his captain could reply, a knock rang out. Their eyes met, sharing the disappointment of being interrupted. Then Renji lowered his eyes to his work as the noble said "Enter."
The door slid open to admit Rangiku. Even though the voluptuous lieutenant of Squad 10 didn't like protocol, she followed it when it came to the Kuchiki heir, and so greeted him first, speaking politely. "Good afternoon, Captain Kuchiki. I hope I'm not disturbing you?"
Out of the corner of his eye, Renji saw Byakuya shake his head. "Not at all, Lieutenant Matsumoto. I have come to expect you and this routine on Fridays."
The orange-haired woman giggled. "Yes, sir. I suppose that's reasonable." Then Rangiku turned to Renji's desk, slipping into a less formal speech. "Heya, Ren, darling! You comin' out t'night? Everyone's lookin' forward to hearin' 'bout it straight from you."
Renji raised his eyebrows innocently. "Hearin' 'bout what?"
One of the few female Rukon survivors, Rangiku put her hands on her hips and tilted her head. "This new relationship Reaper was tellin' us about, the reason you're not fuckin' 'round with the other guys no more. Don't you play dumb with me."
Renji shrugged nonchalantly. "I dunno, I'm actually kinda tired. Maybe I'll pass on tonight."
His ploy worked; Rangiku's baby blues widened and her tone changed to a coaxing pout. "Aww, c'mon, Firefly. Pack meetings are no fun without our Alpha."
In the back of his mind, Renji sensed amusement in his captain's riatsu, and had to restrain himself from looking in his direction as he 'relented'. "Alright, I'll go. Gods, I dunno how Frost puts up with you."
Rangiku laughed. "Cause I'm adorable!" Then she whispered, "Wish me luck."
~X~X~X~X~
Byakuya heard the whispered plea, and the murmured reply. "Yeah, good luck, Rangiku." Then bright sky-blue eyes turned to him, accompanied by a charming grin. Hmm, was this trait of charm something all of his partner's Rukon friends possessed?
"Captain Kuchiki, don't you get tired of saying 'no' whenever you're invited out? Come hang out with us tonight, sir. It's fun, and with all due respect, you seem like you could use a bit of fun in your life. I promise you won't be the only captain there. Sometimes, there's little sparring matches, and even if you don't wanna participate, they're still entertaining to watch."
Byakuya contemplated the words that the lieutenant of Squad 10 had been telling him, in one way or another, almost every Friday for over a year now. He could sense that Renji was keeping his riatsu steady- the crimsonette was trying not to influence his decision.
He tilted his head at the voluptuous orangette. "Very well."
The bright blue eyes widened at him. "Sir? Did you just...?"
He nodded, knowing his answer had caught her off-guard. "Yes, I did. As you have pointed out on numerous occasions, it is not healthy for me to stay 'cooped up'. So, if you are that sure I will be welcome, I will go tonight."
Rangiku looked stunned for a moment, then smiled brighter than the sun. "Of course you're welcome! Besides the other captains that already go, you're the only one we want there. I know there's a Captain's meeting after work, but if you want, I can let my captain know you're going, and he can show you how to get there?"
Byakuya only needed a moment to consider this; Captain Hitsugaya was one of the few captains he actually liked. He nodded. "I would appreciate that. And I'm sure you'll want to tell your other friends that I said 'yes', so you have my permission to do so."
The female lieutenant grinned at him, then actually bowed. "Hai! Thank you, Captain Kuchiki! I'll see you two later!" He watched as she turned away, her and Renji sharing an excited smile.
Once Rangiku had left, his partner's bright auburn eyes slid to him. "Oh, Taicho, I'm really glad you said yes!"
He smiled at his excited companion. "I can tell. And you're sure I can do this?"
The younger man nodded emphatically. "Yes, sir, I am. I know you'd probably be more comfortable in a battle, but I have faith in you. Somewhere in there is a social butterfly- it's just suppressed."
Realizing he was being teased, Byakuya rolled his eyes. "'Butterfly'? I doubt it; more likely, you're sensing a wasp and you just got confused."
The bigger Soul Reaper laughed softly. "Does that mean I'm gonna get stung?"
He shook his head as he lowered his eyes to his paperwork. "Ridiculous man. If I stung you, you probably wouldn't want me to come over anymore."
He heard Renji reply softly, "Nah. You'd be shocked if you knew what you could get away with and I'd still want you over. I actually want you to keep that key, even if we don't work out for some reason."
Surprised, Byakuya lifted his head to see the warm smile sent his way before his subordinate refocused on his own work.
~X~X~X~X~
Renji kept his eyes on the papers in front of him as he sensed surprise and confusion in his captain's spiritual pressure, then Byakuya's quiet voice reached him. "Really? You want me to keep a key to your place, even if this relationship fails?"
He nodded as he continued signing the reports. "Yep. Cause see, you'll always be my moon, so even if my nightmares from last night come true, I'm still gonna care about you."
At his words, he sensed a flicker of distress in the noble's riatsu, and the reply almost sounded hurt. "That's not going to happen, Renji. I don't want to treat you like that."
He nodded again, keeping his gaze on his work. "I know, baby. The thing is, I've never had something really good in my life last very long. It's not that I think you're that mean, I just know I'm that much of a screw-up. If we don't work out, it probably won't be even a little bit your fault."
Immediately, Renji sensed his superior's energy flare, and his head snapped up to see Byakuya frowning, looking concerned, hurt, and a little irritated. "Renji, I am quite sure I told you this morning that I will not tolerate you speaking badly of yourself. Do you recall this?" He nodded obediently, and the ravenette continued. "Did you think I wasn't serious?"
He shook his head. "No, sir. I'm pretty sure you were dead serious, and that's getting confirmed right now."
The older man's frown faded with a sigh. "Then why would you talk about yourself like that?"
Renji answered softly, "Cause it's stuff I see as fact. It's habit to say those things cause to me, they're true. I'm always screwing things up- you don't know how much."
His captain's response was quiet and sure. "Renji, I do not think you are a screw-up. Everybody makes mistakes. This habit of yours is one we need to break. It bothers me to hear you talk about yourself in such a negative way."
He nodded. "Hai, Taicho. I'm sorry I upset you. Umm, may I ask why it bothers you?"
His partner hesitated, then whispered, "Hisana used to talk down about herself, about how being from Hanging Dog meant she wasn't good enough for me. It bothered me so much when she said things like that. But she was always in fragile health, so if I felt irritated with her for saying those things, I'd also feel incredibly guilty. I never knew how to handle it, so I ended up just... letting it go when she'd say she wasn't good enough."
Struck by what had just been shared with him, Renji replied gently. "I'm sorry, baby. I get it now, and I'll try not to talk like that anymore, ok?"
The noble shook his head, and Renji sensed distress flickering through his spiritual energy. "What really bothers me is knowing that you actually think such awful things about yourself. Even when you're not saying it, I can sense it. You really believe that you're not good enough for me, don't you? You know, just like you didn't ask to be Rukon, I didn't ask to be born a noble. I'd switch places with you if I could, if it meant you'd have faith that I really do want to be with you, and that I don't care if you make mistakes. I'll probably make some, too, but I'm looking forward to working stuff out with you."
Wanting to reassure and comfort the older man, Renji stood and crept over to his superior's desk. "Shh, baby. Don't be upset, it's alright." He moved to stand behind the ravenette's chair, leaning down to gently wrap his arms around the smaller Soul Reaper and resting his cheek against the silky black hair as he breathed, "I'm sorry, baby. I promise I didn't mean to make you upset."
He felt a slender hand lay over his that were crossed on his partner's chest as a sigh answered him. "I know you didn't, honey. You seem to take great care to not upset me. It's ok, I probably just overreacted. I need to meditate. I normally do every day, but I haven't since... Tuesday? Gods, no wonder I've been so emotional and stuff! I definitely need to meditate before going out tonight so I don't start blushing in front of your pack as soon as they start asking you questions."
Renji smiled, moving to kneel on the floor next to his captain's chair. He laid his head on a hakama-covered thigh, still smiling up at the beautiful warrior. "Meditation, huh? So that's why you're so composed all the time, and nothing seems to really affect you unless it's real serious?"
The noble nodded, dark amethyst eyes appraising his submissive pose. After a moment, slender fingers began methodically tracing the markings above his eyes as his superior continued. "When I meditate regularly, and get enough sleep, I am in much better control of myself and my emotions. I am not so quick to tears, and I don't blush or giggle or any of that ridiculous stuff."
Renji felt his eyes widen, and he whispered, "It's not ridiculous, not to me. I... I like that I affect you like that."
A fine black brow rose. "Is that so?"
He nodded, keeping his head on his partner's thigh as he lowered his eyes. "I don't want you being all composed and serious when we're alone together. If you're gonna start acting like that with me again, then... then I don't want you to meditate!"
He felt the fingers still tracing his forehead markings as the Kuchiki heir replied quietly. "Is that something that'd make you rethink this relationship?"
Without hesitation, he shook his head, keeping his eyes down. "No, sir. But I wouldn't be as happy, cause I wouldn't know if you were happy. See, a big part of why I've enjoyed the last 2 days has been making you smile, blush, laugh, even cuss. I don't like making you cry, but I do like that you're willing to let me see that side of you. I love how you're so open with me, and... and the old Byakuya would never be like that with me."
There was a moment of silence, then the slender fingers brushed over his tied-up hair. "Renji? Look at me, honey." Obeying the soft command, Renji raised his eyes to see Byakuya giving him a small smile. "I never said meditation makes me incapable of emotions; it simply allows me to control my reactions to them if I need to. For instance, tonight, when your friends start asking you about your 'secret relationship', well, I most certainly don't need to start blushing then, right?"
Renji gave a small shake of his head. "Not really- might give us away. But... well, what about afterwards?"
The noble's smile grew. "Don't worry, my sweet Renji. Once we are no longer in a situation where I need to control my reactions, I promise I will drop my guard for you."
~X~X~X~X~
Byakuya saw the relief cross his partner's face at his words, and it made him wonder just how cold and aloof he'd really been acting. "Renji, am I really that bad?"
The auburn eyes widened with a look of near-panic, and the kneeling crimsonette shifted closer to his legs. "No, Byakuya, you're not bad! Why would you say that?!"
He shook his head, letting his fingers trail down the younger man's cheek. "Perhaps 'bad' was the wrong word, but now I know that you don't want me thinking negatively about myself, either. What I meant was, have I really acted so emotionless that you're scared I'll act like that when we're alone?"
The Rukon Dog hesitated before nodding. "The only time you show emotion is when you're pissed off- how do you think you ended up with a nickname like Ice Prince or Ice Princess? Why do you think people are scared of you?"
Byakuya felt his eyes widen as something occurred to him. "The other night, when I found you training... Renji, are you scared of me?"
His companion turned his face away as he mumbled, "Well, you're sorta a scary person sometimes. Thought you'd be mad at me because I was training independently. You... you're really scary when you're angry, Taicho."
Remembering the incident in this very office the next day, the fear he'd found in his subordinate's energy, Byakuya felt his chest tighten, and he spoke softly. "I am very sorry, Renji. I do not want you to be afraid of me." The bigger Soul Reaper was still kneeling next to his chair, which he found fascinating for some reason, and Renji's head was resting on his thigh, turned away so Byakuya couldn't see his face. There was no response to his words, and he noticed that the back of his partner's neck was bared since the scarlet mane was tied up in the high ponytail for work.
As gently as possible, Byakuya laid his fingers against the exposed skin, tenderly caressing the vulnerable area between his partner's hairline and the edge of his shihakusho. He heard a soft sigh, and felt the crimsonette relax, leaning against his legs. He continued gently rubbing the back of Renji's neck, intrigued by the tiny shivers that shook the muscular frame whenever his fingers moved. He noticed that the skin under his hand was warming and turning red. Was Renji blushing?
He lightly dragged his thumb down the center of the younger man's neck, following the vertebrae as he murmured, "Look at me, Renji." He felt his companion shiver as the head on his thigh shifted. The Rukon Dog didn't look at him straight on; instead, Renji looked up at him from the corner of his eye.
The submissive shyness was a stark contrast to the bold dominance his partner normally displayed, but Byakuya found himself liking it every bit as much. It did feel a little unusual, but the thought of this morning came to him, how willingly the redhead submitted to his words and touch- it had even seemed to comfort his partner. He also remembered what Renji had said last night; that he enjoyed being submissive as long as he trusted the person he was with... and that he trusted him.
Byakuya suddenly found himself very interested in this- he knew he wasn't ready to go all the way, but maybe he could still indulge his companion to a point. He spoke in a low voice. "You really are a good submissive and enjoy it, ne? And it's what you're in the mood for now?"
The blushing crimsonette nodded, nuzzling his thigh. "Hai, Taicho. Please forgive me; I know I promised to behave in the office."
Byakuya frowned, feigning thoughtful disapproval. "I suppose I could let this disobedience slide. However, we must do something so you will cease distracting me. Such insolence, Lieutenant."
He sensed his partner's delight that he was playing along, though Renji was controlling himself well, keeping still as he replied respectfully. "Yes, sir. My apologies for daring to distract you in such a manner. Is there any way I might make it up to you?"
Byakuya narrowed his eyes. "Perhaps. Just to be clear, this is probably not the mood you'll be in after the meeting tonight, right?"
The Rukon Dog gave a tiny shake of his head. "No, sir. Probably be in the opposite mood. Why?"
Byakuya smirked at his subordinate kneeling by his chair. "Now you are questioning me? You are treading on thin ice, Lieutenant Abarai. I asked that because it appears this may be your only chance to redeem yourself for your insolence."
x
Oh, my! Look at Bya, trying to indulge the reversal of their roles! How's he gonna do? Well, guess we gotta read the next chap to find out!