Me: brain please we need to write camilla and naomi's origin book
Brain: SMASH UNO SMASH UNO SMASH UNO SMASH UNO SMASH UNO SMASH UNO-

i have no friggin idea why the thought of a bunch of smashians playing a card game was so funny i decided to write this instead of anything else

Anyway, I actually wrote the majority of this in the middle of writing Chapter Four, because apparently Uno also ruins the timeline of chapters being written. But in other news, WEW LAD, the stats on these chapters are insane! I had no idea chapter 1 would get 140 views alone! I hope you guys are enjoying it so far, and if you are, why not give this story a like and a follow, and maybe even a review? Each review/like/follow/anyone even breathing in the general direction of this fic means a lot to me, so thank you ahead of time!

Also: yes they're playing Classic Uno because I really don't wanna deal with the chaos of the new cards

Also also: The little things in life give me joy. Snake saying "Uno." in the most serious voice possible is one of them.

Also x3: I will forever be sad at the fact that I am not allowed to throw money at David Hayter to read his lines as Snake during Uno.

I only own Camilla Swann and Naomi Liu. Everyone else in the Super Smash Bros universe belongs to their respective owners.

Chapter Five
Uno Ruins Families

Hey Mom, do you remember the last time we played Uno? I never did get to use my wild card I loved so much.

"Yoooo! Guess what ya girl found!" Naomi held her newfound treasure high up in the air, like she was Link on the other side of the room holding the Triforce.

Sonic squinted, reading the bright, colorful letters written on the tin. "...Uno?"

"Yep!" Naomi grinned, sitting back down at her seat in the Dining Hall and setting the Uno box onto the table. "Man, the last time I played Uno, I was still human. Ness, Sonic, you ever play Uno before?"

Sonic shook his head. "Never even heard of it."

"I never had time to play..." Ness made a similar motion. It was pretty quiet; it was past lunchtime and not quite dinnertime. Naomi had called the other two over to show them what she had found, buried in the closet where the last inhabitant had left it; perhaps by mistake, perhaps on purpose.

"Oh." Naomi said as she cracked open the tin. "Wanna learn how to? Not like I got anything better to do for the rest of the day. All my matches are done."

"Eh, why not. What about you, Ness?"

"Okay! I'll play!"

Naomi felt a flutter in her stomach at the thought of finally playing Uno again with friends - rather, a friend and someone where her opinion of them was either "pretty cool" or "dissss-like." She remembered her father's techniques; how he would always save his Action Cards until near the end of the game to try and turn the tide in his favor.

"Alright, so the basics of Uno is that we each start with seven cards, and try to get rid of them all in the discard pile. The only catch is that each card we put down has to match the previous card in some way." Naomi started. "So, like, we can't put down a 7 card with a green background on top of a 6 card with a red background, but a 7 card with a red background, or a 6 card with a green background is fine, because the former matches the background, and the latter matches the number."

Both Sonic and Ness nodded in understanding. In her opinion, Naomi was starting to get pretty good at explaining things. That was one of the perks one would get with being with Camilla - after she asked so many questions in utter confusion about things like Naomi's amiibo, she learned how to explain things precisely in a way that Camilla would at least sort of get it.

"When you get to your last card, you have to shout "Uno!" to let everyone know you're about to win, like saying 'checkmate' in chess. The first person to get rid of all their cards wins. If you don't have any cards in your hand that matches the top card, you have to draw another from the deck. If you can play that card - so, using our Red 6 example and you draw a Red 8 or a Yellow 6 - then play it; otherwise, you keep drawing until you get a usable card, even if you get, like, 10 cards from it." Naomi said. "However, we also have Action and Wild Cards."

Here, Naomi sifted through the deck and held up one - this one a Wild Card. "This one's a Wild Card, so this one in particular means you can change the color that everyone has to put down - so - so like, if everyone's throwing down greens, you can chuck this one down and, like, you can make everyone have to throw down reds or blues or yellows."

"Uno's complicated..."

"Yeah, I know it takes a little time to memorize, Ness. But all you really have to know is that you need to throw down cards that match. Lemme just go through the rest of the Action Cards real quick so we can get to playing."

She flipped through the cards, pulling out a Draw 4 Wild, a Draw 2, a Reverse, and a Skip. "The Draw 4 Wild means that not only can you change the color everyone plays, but the next player must also draw four cards and skip their turn; the catch is that you can only play this card when you have nothing else, so, again using our Red 6 example, if you don't have any sixes or reds, you can play this, but otherwise, you have to play your matching cards.

"Draw 2, Reverse, and Skip have to be color-coordinated too like any other card that's not Wild. Skip means the next person can't take their turn, Draw 2 means the next person must draw two cards and then skip their turn, and Reverse means that if, like, we're playing clockwise - I get a turn, then Sonic, then Ness - then that's reversed: Ness gets his turn first, then Sonic, and then me, and I think we've covered everything!" Naomi took a breath. "You got all that?"

Sonic thought for a second. "Yeah, I think so."

"Me too!"

"Right! I think we can get started, then!" Naomi started shuffling the cards. "To see who's the dealer of cards, we each gotta draw a card. Whoever gets the highest number is the dealer. Again, we each get dealt seven cards."

With that, Naomi pulled out her card, then Sonic, and then Ness. "And now show your cards!"

They did.

"You draw, Sonic." Naomi nodded. "You got the nine. Everyone gets seven cards. The discard pile starts with the next card after that."

"Al-right!" Sonic cheered, pumping his fist. The cards were reshuffled, and each player got seven cards.

A Blue 5 started the Discard Pile. Naomi groaned and drew some cards. Of course her first turn started with having no cards to play. Ness threw down a Red 5, Sonic following that up with Red 7. Naomi played a Red Skip on Ness.

"Also, we're not allowed to flip the table in rage or use any of our moves on the other." Naomi quickly added. "Just wanted to get that early before it's too late."

Ness just pouted slightly, but he skipped his turn. Sonic threw down a Red Draw 2 at Naomi. The game started out so innocently; everyone was happy and enjoying themselves, even if they were losing pretty hard. Sonic won after a close match against Ness; meanwhile Naomi still had 11 cards at the end of the game.

"That was fun!" Ness chirped. "Can we play again?"

"Yeah, of course. You up for another round, Naomi?" Sonic eyed the girl.

Naomi nodded. "You betcha. This round's gonna be my comeback."

They returned the cards to the deck and started reshuffling, and that was when things started going downhill. The dinner rush started roughly around then, which meant fighters started streaming in. Camilla caught sight of the trio - which wasn't hard, considering the table they chose was close to the entrance of the dining hall. She stopped in her tracks, her partner for her last doubles match, King Dedede, doing the same before noticing the three of them.

"What're y'all up to?" Dedede asked; having never seen Uno before.

Naomi looked up at him, before perking up. "Oh, it's a card game called Uno! It's really fun. You remember it, right Camilla? The one with the colors and numbers? I told you all about it."

"Oh yeah, that one!" Camilla chuckled. "Gotta admit, I'm a little curious about it. Got room for another player?"

"Yeah, actually! We're just starting another round." Sonic joined in. "Wanna play, Dedede?"

The king thought for a second, and then shrugged. "Ah, why not?"

Camilla dragged two chairs away from a nearby table, sitting down in one herself as Dedede took the other, resting his mallet on the back of the chair. It took a few minutes for the game to start - needing to explain Wild Draw 4 cards at least thrice to Dedede until he got it - but once it did, it got...well, it got wild, to say the least.

"What?! That's against the rules!" Dedede exclaimed as Naomi threw a blue Skip in his direction.

Naomi shook her head, lifting up the previous card to show she had, in fact, placed it on top of another Blue card. "Sorry Deeds, it's not. You gotta skip the turn."

Dedede grumbled under his breath that they were all out to get him, but did skip the turn, in his defense.

"Hey, guess what, Sonic!" Camilla crowed, pulling out a card.

Sonic looked up at her, unsure if he should respond or not. "...What?"

She threw down a red Skip card at him. "Uno."

Sonic groaned. Naomi laughed.

"That - that there is Neutral Evil." Naomi managed to choke out in between her laughter. Camilla, as usual, had no idea what Naomi was saying, but rolled with it anyway.

Camilla won that round, much to the disdain of Dedede, who had more cards than Naomi had; a whopping 15 cards to Naomi's seven. The Ravinan cheered as Sonic played a wild card and chose blue, not knowing that was the color of her last card. Her turn came immediately after, and she slammed down the card as hard as she could.

"Wanna play again?" Naomi asked, placing her cards back in the deck.

Camilla and Sonic simultaneously went "Heck yeah!"

"Okay!" Ness grinned. "Good job, by the way, Camilla!"

"Thanks Ness." Camilla nodded.

Naomi looked at Dedede, who was sitting with his arms crossed glaring at his cards. "What about you, Deeds?"

Dedede grumbled again (he probably didn't approve of the nickname that Naomi had bestowed upon him during Brawl, but whatever, he wasn't gonna try and fight a vampire over a name), and sighed heavily. "...Fine. One more round."

Naomi slid Dedede's rather impressive hand of cards over, returning it the pile and reshuffling. That was bound to have been the highest number of cards she had ever seen someone have in their hand at one time, so she had to give props to Dedede to breaking that personal record of hers.

"What is Dedede mad about this time?" Naomi looked up. It was Meta Knight, coming over to investigate.

Camilla looked excited to try and rope people into Uno. "We're playing Uno! Ever played?"

"...No, I have not."

Was it just Naomi, or was she the only one in the Smash Mansion who knew how to play Uno? "Do you wanna learn?"

Meta Knight thought for a second, before he shrugged and sheathed his sword as he dragged another chair to the table. "I don't see why not."

Naomi wasn't too sure how exactly they did it, but eventually they managed to get Snake into Uno as well. To be honest, Naomi was surprised that Snake even knew what Uno was - at least she wasn't the only one who could play without needing an explanation - but he said something about Otacon loving the game. So that's how Naomi found herself in the middle of dinner, playing Uno with Sonic, Ness, Camilla, Dedede, Meta Knight and Snake. It sounded kind of like the opening to a bad joke now that she thought about it. Something something jiang-shi something something fastest hedgehog alive walk into a bar... except the punchline is that they play Uno.

Through a series of Naomi having bad hands, never once getting a Wild Card of any sort, and Dedede lucking out big time, the king actually won the next round. As he did, he cheered at the top of his lungs, jumping up to his feet and - Naomi was not kidding when she said this - got up on the table. And started dancing.

"Ha! I woooon, and you did nooot!" Dedede cheered, pointing at the others at the line of them not winning. Naomi just turned to the closest person available that wasn't blocked by Dedede's massive body (which turned out to be Sonic) and gave them a look, as if silently asking 'You're...you're seeing this too, right? It's not just me?' According to the look Sonic gave back, it wasn't just her. Snake just buried his face in a hand.

Meta Knight was not amused by Dedede's antics. "Dedede, get down from the table."

Naomi knew dang well that Camilla was a pretty sore loser too, just as much as Dedede was a sore winner; so she just waited for the inevitable. Just as she thought, the white-haired Ravinan leaped up from her seat, slamming one hand on the table and pointing at Dedede.

"You cheater!" Camilla snarled. "The only reason why you won was because of all your Draw 4 cards! Bet you got the deck rigged somehow, huh, Mr. Card Dealer?!"

"Orrrr," Dedede did not stop dancing. The table was starting to wobble, and the thought of it tipping over/breaking was starting to become an actual concern of Naomi's. "you just suck at Uno."

This seemed to enrage Camilla even more. "Well, let's settle this. Uno rematch, right now! The person who wins that round can be declared the Uno King."

"What about the Uno Queen?" Naomi couldn't help but pipe in.

"Yes, that too, but my point still stands! You are going to agree to this round, arentcha, Dedede?" Camilla glared at the dancing penguin. "Or are you too chicken?"

This made Dedede stop in his tracks. "You think I'm a chicken? I am not a chicken!"

"Then accept the game!"

"Fine, I will!" Dedede plonked back down into his chair, all while staring daggers at Camilla.

"...Well, since apparently we're going for the most intense round of Uno ever, I guess we might as well play the 7s and 0s rule too." Naomi started collecting all the cards and reshuffling the deck. "It's a special rule where, if someone plays a 7 of any color, they can swap hands with a person of their choice. If someone plays a 0 of any color, though, everyone has to swap hands in the order of play; so like, if we're playing clockwise and Meta Knight here throws down a 0, we all have to swap cards with the person to our left. Sound good?"

"Enact it." Camilla huffed, not taking her eyes off Dedede.

Dedede spat, "Feel free to."

"That sounds horrifying and I want that rule now." Sonic added.

"Sounds pretty fun to me!" Ah, Ness; such a good sport. "I say we go for it!"

Snake shrugged. "I don't see why not."

That left Meta Knight, who soon agreed to it. "If it can humble Dedede, then I am all for it."

"Verdict's in, then." Naomi slid the deck out to the center of the table. "This will be the 7s and 0s round of Smash Uno, and with this round, we will find out who sitting at this table is the best at Uno!"

Her voice attracted the attention of a few casual onlookers (as if Dedede didn't already cause people to stare at him in confusion at his victory dance). This didn't go unnoticed by Camilla.

"Oh, look; we have an audience, too." Camilla grinned. "Looks like I gotta win now, eh?"

"As if someone like you will stand a chance against the great King Dedede!"

Naomi sharply whistled to grab everyone's attention away from the trash-talkers. "We gotta figure out who's the dealer. Draw a card."

They all did. Naomi pulled a 9. "Guess I'm the dealer, huh? Alright, time to deal, then."

She flicked seven cards at everyone, put down a Green 4 to start the discard pile, and Uno began. As if Uno wasn't already serious enough, just having the two extremely competitive fighters playing against was enough to put a new air of determination around the table. Snake threw down the card that no one wanted to see: a Wild Draw 4.

"Red."

Camilla let out a noise that was almost inhuman. "Buh - wh- I just started and now Snake hits me with a Draw 4?!"

"Sorry, Camilla." Snake muttered.

Camilla turned to Naomi. "Is there a way to see if this man really didn't have anymore Greens or he just did this on purpose?"

Naomi wasn't sure if she should tell her. "...Yyyyeah, actually. You can challenge them to show their hand. If they didn't have any cards that matched and therefore didn't play it illegally, you gotta draw six cards. If they did play illegally, they get hit with the Draw 4 instead."

"Then show me your hand, Snake!"

He did. Camilla was hit with the extra 2 cards. No one was really sure if the noises Camilla was making was her laughing or on the verge of sobbing as she pulled out six cards from the deck and added it to her hand. Dedede placed down a Red 6. Meta Knight placed down another Red 6. Sonic followed it up with a Blue 6, and Ness put down a Blue Reverse card. This, of course meant Sonic got another turn. He furrowed his brow at his hand, trying to decide which one to play, before tossing down a Blue Skip at Dedede. He said something about cheating, but still took the skip.

Meta Knight huffed softly as he placed down another Blue card. Camilla let out another giggle/sob as she stared at her enormous hand of cards. Naomi couldn't help but notice that people who had a larger than normal deck made the back look like it was saying "UUUUUUNO" or "UNOOOOOOO." Camilla plucked one out and for some reason, Naomi felt her heart skip a beat. She wasn't even the one who was gonna get a turn next (that would be Snake), so why was she suddenly nervous?

"Y'know what, Snake? This is revenge!" Camilla slammed down a Blue Draw 2.

Snake sighed, taking two cards from the pile. Naomi...had no cards that she could play. One hand slid to the draw pile, and kept coming back. Again. Again. And again. And again. Her heart pounded in her chest as she pulled out another card, sneaking another glance at it to see what she drew. Finally, she was able to throw down a blue card. The group started playing their cards again. On his turn, Sonic ended up drawing a ridiculous amount of cards before he could play something - Naomi wasn't sure the exact amount, but she roughly guessed it was around ten or so cards. The look on his face was priceless.

The game went on for quite a while; maybe half an hour? This was definitely the longest match that Naomi had played. Now, three members were down to their last two cards - Snake, Dedede, and Naomi; rather, it was just Dedede and Naomi now, as Snake placed down a Green 9 on top of a Green Draw 2 card.

"Uno." Snake growled, completely serious.

Someone had thrown down another Reverse Card, so they were back to clockwise. Naomi could hardly keep the jitters down, knowing that when her turn came, she was going to ruin this man's whole Uno career. She didn't remember who played what, but at this point, the color or number of the cards didn't matter, not with what she had in mind. Her turn came mercifully quick - no shouting match between Camilla and Dedede delayed anything. It was kind of funny, how just a few hours ago the two of them were happily fighting side-by-side, and now look.

Naomi looked down at her last two cards, a massive grin on her face, before she selected one and glanced at Snake. He made eye contact with her, which prompted her to start speaking.

"First of all, Snake, Uno. Second of all..." Naomi knew what she was doing was pure evil, but did she care? Not really. She slammed down her card: a Wild Draw 4. "I call Red."

The whole table went silent at Naomi's sudden act of villainy. Dedede's jaw was comically dropped, Camilla wide-eyed. Sonic and Ness turned to each other, and then back at Naomi. Meta Knight just shook his head, and Snake couldn't believe the girl he was playing Uno with.

"...Kid, if I only knew you from that move alone, I'd say you were a sociopath." Snake finally said.

"I know." She hummed, cracking open her third Snickers bar that Uno round. Man, playing Uno as a Chaotic Evil was fun. "And that, Camilla, is how you properly make an Uno move that simultaneously causes destruction."

Camilla let out a short, clipped laugh. "Naomi, if I had known earlier you had Queen Fatima levels of evil in you, I think I would've tried to be a bit nicer to you."

"I only have it in me when I'm playing Uno, so you're all good." Naomi took a bite out of her Snickers. "Anyway, your move, Snake - oh wait, it's already been decided."

Meta Knight looked disappointed in her. "There's no reason to rub it in, Naomi."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Couldn't resist."

Dedede scoffed. "Well, there's no reason to get excited, anyway; I'm going to win!"

"You sure about that, Dedede?" Camilla raised an eyebrow.

"Considering how many cards you have, I'd say my victory is imminent!" He motioned to her hand. Though she still was nowhere near Sonic's level of cards, Camilla still had way too many.

"Mmmmm-hm." Camilla nodded, and at the moment Naomi knew that her space partner was planning something. She never drew out her "mhm"s like that unless she was thinking... At this rate, their little game of Uno was starting to become far more stressful than Naomi's fight against Meta Knight during her matches.

As Snake added four more cards to his hand, Camilla turned to Dedede again. "You sure about that?"

"Of course! Even if I have two cards and cannot win this round immediately, you still have too many to catch up with me!"

"Well, not anymore, buddy." Camilla slammed down a Red 7. "Gimme your deck."

"...and that's how Dedede destroyed the table and caused Camilla to go to the Infirmary." Naomi rubbed the back of her neck as she recounted the tale to Master Hand.

The hand sighed heavily. "Well, I'm not surprised that it came from Dedede... But why did you ask him to play with you, knowing he would do such a thing?"

"I..." Naomi thought. "...I...honestly don't know. He and Camilla were getting along so well before this. I guess Uno just ruins families."

Mom, remind me again never to pit King Dedede and Camilla against each other, especially in Uno. It will always result in a disaster. I just wish you were here to see it.