CHAPTER 16 – SAY MY NAME

"At first, I didn't want to tell him because it was new and I was scared that it wouldn't last because I would screw it up. But now, it's been a few months and I'm tired of sneaking around all the time. Arizona has been an angel about the whole thing but honestly, I don't know how much time I can keep this going on. It's tedious. I just want to be able to kiss her at lunch break."

"Derek won't care, Amelia," Owen said reassuringly before taking a bite out of his sandwich.

"That you think," Amelia gave the redhead a pointed look, using her fork to point at him. "The last time I presented him my boyfriend, he thought he was a tool and scared him half to death. I mean, Der was right but still. I don't want him to scare Arizona away. She's the best thing that happened to me in a while."

"Then, you tell him exactly that. Look, maybe he'll get a little mad at first but he'll come around. Look at Mark and Lexie! When Mark told him they were dating, he punched him in the face, but eventually he understood."

"HE WHAT?!" her yell earned them a few stares from the other people around the cafeteria and she looked around apologetically. "Oh my god, Owen. What if he punches Zona? He can't punch her, right? She's too pretty to be punched in the face."

Owen cursed himself silently. Why did he bring that incident up? "The point is, he came around. Because he loved Mark and he loved Lexie. Just like he loves you and Robbins," Owen squeezed her hand on the table. "You just have to rip the band aid Amelia."

"Rip the band aid," Amelia repeated confidently, trying to convince herself at the same time.

Suddenly, a tray appeared next to him and Derek sat down next to Owen.

"How's my favorite little sister?" he asked way too happily, noticing Owen's hand onto his baby sister's.

"What do you want Derek?" Amelia glared at him.

"Mer and I thought about going away next week-end, just the two of us. We were wondering if you would be okay with baby-sitting?"

"Sure. You know I love those kids."

"You're the best," he said in lieu of thank you.

"I know. I'm awesome," she smirked at her brother.

Amelia saw Arizona and Callie arriving in the line at the cafeteria from the corner of her eyes. Both women waved at her and when Arizona smiled widely at her, the brunette's whole face lighted up.

"What's going on with you?" Derek frowned at her sister.

"What do you mean?" Amelia asked back, confused.

"I don't know. You've been acting all cheery and smiley lately. Don't you think so Owen?"

Suddenly included into the conversation, the trauma surgeon looked uncomfortably between the two of them, not knowing where to stand. He scratched the back of his head and laughed nervously.

"I-uh, no. I haven't notice anything different. I don't know," he tried to shrug nonchalantly but wasn't nearly as effortless as he had hoped it to appear. "Same old Amelia to me."

God, was he a bad actor, Amelia thought and she rolled her eyes. Derek's frown deepened at his friend's attitude. He could tell Owen was lying through his teeth, and he was pretty sure it had something to do with his sister. Derek was far from blind. He had seen him and Amelia grow closer and closer since she had moved to Seattle, often hanging out together. The neurosurgeon was happy for them, Amelia had been smiling a lot more lately, truly smiling, and she seemed lighter, like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. He didn't understand why his sister was trying so hard to keep it under wraps though.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Hunt?" Derek asked half- jokingly and half-seriously, hoping his friend would crack.

"Rip the band aid," he mouthed to Amelia and stood up, having eaten only a third of his lunch. He could handle one Sheperd, but two of them at the same time and a dirty secret in the middle was too much pressure so he decided to get away before outing his friend by mishap. "Would you look at the time?" he said and looked down at his wrist, noticing that he didn't have his watch on a second too late and quickly scattered away, mortified.

"Is Owen okay?" the man was growing a little concerned.

Amelia waved him off. "He's fine. He's being a drama queen," she caught the pediatric surgeon and Callie happily chit-chatting a few tables behind them and took a deep breath before looking her brother in the eyes, "I have something important to tell you."

Derek had to physically repress a squeal and the knowing smile that was trying to form.

"What is it?" he asked smoothly instead.

"I-," rip the band aid Amelia, rip the goddamn band aid, "I think you should clip Mrs. Mills aneurysm," she heard herself saying instead and her eyes fell instantly onto her salad, trying to hide the disappointment she was feeling towards herself and the few angry tears threatening to spill out of her eyes.

"You think I should clip your aneurysm?" his brows furrowed. "That's what you wanted to tell me?"

"I-uh, yeah. Wow, would you look at the time? Sorry, I have to go," she stood up and left quickly, not daring to look at her brother, too afraid he would be able to read her every emotions.

She tried. She tried so hard. But it was like the words were getting stuck in her throat every time, and her brain had to come up with something else on the spot instead.

"I think Zola's in love with a boy in her class. Tommy something."

"I think you should do Mrs Duval's surgery."

"I'm going to the restroom."

"I could use some fresh eyes on Mr Wu's case."

Eventually came the time for Derek and Meredith get-away-weekend. Since Amelia and Arizona both had Saturday off, they had decided to head to the park. Midway through the car trip though, Amelia got call in for a consult so the pediatric surgeon drove them to the hospital.

"Well, this is my stop. You guys have fun at the park. Not too much fun, though."

"Do you have for long?" Zola asked before Arizona had a chance to.

"Probably not, it's supposed to be a simple check up, buddy. I'll join you at the park once I'm done, okay?"

"'Kay," Bailey said, a little upset but understanding.

"Bye kiddos!" she waved at the kids and they all waved back, Ellis babbling happily. She then turned towards Arizona and kissed her cheek. "See you later, sweetheart."

"Go kick that tumor's ass. We'll see you later."

"You know I always do."

Zola and Bailey helped Arizona grab the few toys out from the trunk. Bailey proudly balanced the box on top of his head, Zola carefully watching him, while Arizona tucked Ellis against her front into the baby carrier. The African American little girl found a good spot for them in between the trees, neither too far from the pond nor too far from the play area. Once they had laid the blanket down, both kids immediately took the hardened bread and bolted to the pond to feed the ducks.

The blonde sat down, mindful to not wake Ellis who had fallen asleep during the short walk. Her head was pillowed right in between the blonde's breasts and her pacifier was slightly hanging out of her mouth. Honestly, the pediatric surgeon was quite thankful that Ellis wasn't a drooler. She quickly snapped a picture and sent it to the brunette.

Arizona: Isn't she the cutest thing?

Amelia: Damn, your boobies look HUGE compared to Ellis' head

Arizona: Of course you would point that out

The neurosurgeon could guess the roll of eyes that went along with the text.

Amelia: you're totally a MILF ;-)

Arizona: you text like a straight white boy sometimes

Amelia: I was joking baby please don't be mad :( Ellis looks darn adorable and I'm a little jealous honestly I'm tired and she looks comfy AF

Arizona: You wouldn't be this tired if you hadn't kept on insisting on just one more over and over again last night

Amelia: Didn't really hear you complaining. Quite the contrary actually

Arizona: I'm definitely not, you are

Amelia: Hush, let the badass neurosurgeon work in peace

A selfie was attached, Amelia was standing in front of an array of brain scans, doing a peace sign and winking. A child. She was dating a child. Arizona giggled to herself and pocketed her phone back. She hesitated for a while and finally decided to let Ellis sleep into the baby carrier, too afraid to unleash a mountain of snot and tears if she accidently woke her up. She eyed Zola and Bailey still feeding the ducks, giggling and skipping around and she took her medical journal out.

Only a few pages in, her phone rang, Amelia's face popped up on the screen and she picked the video-call up.

"Hey stranger! How's hospital life treating you?" she asked and placed the phone in front of her.

"It's terrible. I hate it. I'm never setting foot in one ever again," the brunette pouted playfully. "It's a trap. It begins with a consult and it evolves into a full craniotomy. Can't you guys come and kidnap me?"

"Stop pouting woman, you love neurosurgery!" Arizona giggled. "Do you think you have for long?"

"No. I think, two hours, two hours and half top."

"Well, we'll either still be here or I'll have cave in and we'll be rotting our teeth with 'At Mario's' pastries."

"At Mario's?" Amelia's eyes lighted up. "If I don't make it in time, please, pretty please-"

"That marzipan and ricotta thingy rolled up in chocolate cake that should be a sin?" Arizona teased, knowing it would annoy the brunette.

"It's called a rollo and it's fucking delicious," Amelia raised an eyebrow.

"Don't worry, I'll grab you a piece baby," she smiled reassuringly and then deadpanned, "Do you want a kiddie balloon too?"

Amelia chose to ignore the sarcasm. "You would do that?" she asked hopefully.

The blonde couldn't help but laugh. She didn't even know why it surprised her anymore.

"Sure. I'm sure Zola and Bailey are going to take some anyway and extra-annoy us with them tonight so what's one more?"

"You're awesome," Amelia chuckled and then frowned and her look diverged at something behind the phone. "Edwards's making weird signs at me. I have to go. Call you as soon as I close up. See you!"

"See you Amelia."

As soon as she had hung up, Zola appeared seemingly out of nowhere and let herself fall next to the blonde with a big huff. She stretched onto her back and dropped an over-dramatic hand onto her forehead. Arizona quickly looked around and saw Bailey onto a swing set next to another blonde boy around his age.

"I'm soooo tired!"

Arizona chuckled at the little girl's demeanor and gently rubbed her tummy.

"Did my ears deceive me? Did Zola Grey Sheperd just say she was tired? I don't think I ever saw you even close to tired!" she joked. "Do you even sleep at night? I just thought your daddy and mommy took your batteries out when it was bedtime."

"You're silly! I don't have any batteries," Zola giggled.

"You don't?" the pediatric surgeon pretended to be shocked by the news. She lifted Zola's shirt a tad, glanced at her tummy and gasped. "Oh my God! You're right! You don't have batteries," she said with a wide smile and Zola laughed, tugging her shirt back down.

She sat up and pointed to the medical journal the adult had been reading. "I read those with daddy."

"Want to read it with me?" Arizona asked and Zola nodded eagerly.

The blonde tried to reply to Zola's questions and explain as best as she could. She was impressed with what the little girl already knew, but then again, she was Meredith's and Derek's daughter. Eventually, Ellis woke up so they decided to make the best out of the park and headed to the baby swings. Zola was pushing her when Bailey joined them.

"Where's your buddy?" Arizona asked him.

"He had to go away. Can you push me please?"

"Sure. Hope on, sweetheart."

"Can I push you next Zona?" Zola asked to her.

"I'm not sure that a good idea. I'm too old for swing sets."

"Nope, there is no age limit for fun Dr Robbins!"

They all turned around and saw Amelia standing there. The brunette dropped a kiss on her nephew's and nieces' foreheads before doing the same with the pediatric surgeon.

"Already finished?" Arizona asked as she hugged the brunette from behind, putting her head onto her shoulder.

Amelia's hands found hers to intertwine their fingers together and she melted into the blonde's warm body.

"Yep. It had beautiful margins so it was easier to get out than the scans had let us guessed. Edward closed up and she'll page me if she needs anything."

Zola and Bailey went to sleep pretty much right away, both obviously tired from all the running around they had done today. Since Ellis had had quite a long nap though, she was the last Grey-Sheperd still up and was currently playing on her play mat just in front of the couch while Amelia and Arizona were watching a cooking show re-run. The brunette smoothly moved little by little over time eventually reaching the blonde's laps. She continued her invasion of any personal space Arizona might have wanted and pushed them into a more laid down position. She then wrapped the blonde's arms around herself and placed her head over her lover's chest, happy to hear the rhythmic and soothing thud of the blonde's heart underneath her ear.

Arizona let her do her thing as she quietly admired the brunette's moves. In this moment she looked exactly like Sofia, all child-like and in desperate need of affection. Once Amelia was all over her and she felt the muscles relaxing, Arizona dropped a kiss on the top of her head and her hand tenderly rubbed her lower back.

"Ellis's right," Amelia mumbled out just when Arizona thought she had fallen asleep.

At the mention of her name, the baby excitedly babbled on the ground and Arizona sent her a toothy smile.

"What do you mean, sweetie?"

"Boobies-pillow comfy."

"Thanks, I guess," Arizona chuckled.

"You're welcome. A thousand points for team lesbian," she said sleepily and hugged the blonde a little closer, sighing contently.

They appeared to be cuddling.

Derek's brows furrowed at the scene and his hands landed on his hips as he took it in with great wonder and incomprehension the scene.

His baby sister and Robbins were cuddling. Not a friendly snuggle, no. Not the kind of cuddle that read "we're friends and we accidently fell asleep in the same bed". It seemed more… intimate. The kind that read "I do that with my wife". His sister was a big spoon, apparently, and she was holding the other woman, her arm protectively draped around her midsection and most of her face was buried into honey blonde hair.

Sure enough, both surgeons were close. They were roommates, and he knew Amelia considered Robbins to be a great friend, if not her best friend. And while the pediatric surgeon tended to be touchy-feely, that particular kind of snuggle involved way too much body contact to fall under the friendly category.

Moreover, he knew that Amelia was dating Hunt which only left him more perplexed, completely lost. So he decided to simply ask Meredith if she knew anything about the situation. He found her getting ready for bed, putting her pajamas pants on before climbing into bed.

"You alright, Der? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Robbins is here," he said blankly as he took a seat next to her on the bed. He looked up at the general surgeon, "Amelia and her are… cuddling."

Meredith couldn't help but giggle at his confused face. "You do know that they're dating, right?"

"WHAT?" the neurosurgeon's eyes almost popped out of his head at his wife's words.

The general surgeon suddenly felt bad for telling him. She had just wanted to tease him and instead she had just outed her sister in law and her colleague. Good job, Grey.

"You really didn't know?" she asked him incredulously. "Everyone at the hospital knows! How could you not?"

"You knew and you didn't tell me?" he was completely appalled, how could he have missed something like this?

"I thought you knew!" Meredith said, her voice high-pitched. "They're keeping it pretty low-key. They think nobody can see them playing footsies in the cafeteria, it's rather cute actually."

"I thought my sister was dating Hunt."

"God, you are a terrible matchmaker," Meredith teased her husband. "He liked her at first but I don't think he does anymore. They're close friends though. Since Christina, Owen tells her things."

"How long has this been going on?"

"I don't truly know. My best guess is about a month? But like I said, they're staying discreet so it could be more than that."

"Robbins and my sister," he said pensively, still trying to wrap his mind around it. "I didn't even know that my sister liked women. Why didn't she tell me?"

"Maybe she was scared or simply waiting for the right time to tell you."

"What would she be scared of?"

Meredith grabbed his hand and squeezed it reassuringly. "Well, like you just said, you've only known your sister with boyfriends. Maybe it's a new development for her too, and she needs time to get used to it," she shrugged.

She didn't know Amelia all that much, but if she hadn't told her brother yet then she must have a good reason.

"You think so?"

"I think you need to talk about it with her," she replied pointedly.

"And what do I say exactly? Oh, Meredith told me you were a lesbian now, congratulations!"

"Definitely don't say that," she chuckled at his bluntness and kissed him tenderly.

The brunette woke up first, something that was rare enough to be noteworthy. Amelia kissed the blonde delicately onto her forehead and softly rubbed her belly, knowing it was the least harmful way to wake her lover up. Sure enough, Arizona sighed contently as she came to life, her brows furrowing and eyes squinting at the sunlight illuminating the room and she buried herself further into the neurosurgeon's arms.

"I'm going to start breakfast, baby. You stay here and get your beauty sleep, okay?"

Arizona didn't really need any more convincing to agree. "'Kay," she said, her voice thick with drowsiness. "Come and get me before the kids eat it all please?"

"You've got it," she kissed the clad shoulder in front of her before carefully climbing out of bed and making her way out of the guest room silently.

She checked onto the kids, happy to find them all still sleeping soundly. When she arrived at the bottom of the stairs, the brunette was surprised to find her brother already sitting at the kitchen counter with a coffee mug in between his hands, looking deep in thoughts.

"Oh, hey, you're back," she said conversationally and helped herself a cup of coffee.

"We are. We decided to come back late last night instead of this morning so we could enjoy breakfast with you and the kids. It's been awhile since we last sat down together," he smiled warmly.

"That sounds great," she sat down next to him. "Did you and Meredith have a good time?"

"Yes, a fantastic time. We spent most of yesterday afternoon hiking. The landscape was amazing. So, I-uh," here came the difficult part about asking without really asking what he wanted to know. "I noticed Robbins slept over?" he tried to brush the subject with nonchalance.

"She-uh, yeah," Amelia sheepishly looked up at him. "She's really great with the kids and they all love her so she helped out. You don't mind, do you?"

"No, of course not," he reassured her. Time to try another tactic then. "I know how much the kids love having her around. She's very caring, and loving and funny. It's a shame she hasn't find anyone serious yet to share her life with, don't you think?"

"We're dating," she blurted out and her eyes popped out of their sockets, surprised by her small outburst.

So many times, she had try to come up with the perfect speech to come out with but apparently, that was the best her brain was able to elaborate at the moment. Three little words vomited at the speed of light. She advertised her eyes onto her mug, her fingers playing nervously with the handle, not knowing what to do with herself.

"I know. Meredith told me last night," his tone was calm and Amelia let out a little breath of relief.

"Meredith knows?" she asked, surprised. Probably only a handful of people knew at the most about their relationship, and she really didn't think her sister in law was among them.

"She uh, she said she noticed that you guys were close lately. More-than-friends close."

"Well, that's one less person to tell I guess," she said awkwardly.

He gently grabbed her hand to stop her from toying with her mug and he searched for her eyes. Her heart was pounding fast in her chest and she was feeling a little nauseous but still, she forced herself to look up at him.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, his features open to whatever she had to say, ready to listen.

She let out a big breath and Derek could tell it was taking a lot out of his sister to answer him.

"At first it was because I didn't trust myself to make it last, so I didn't see the point in anybody knowing. I fuck things up all the time, you know? And even though I really didn't want to fuck this up, I wasn't sure I could do it. But then it kept happening and we wanted to keep it to ourselves. Time for the two of us, to just be us. We knew that as soon as we would tell people, they would try to meddle and we wanted to figure out what it even was. And then, a week became two and then a month passed by and then two months and it didn't stop. I tried to tell you. I tried to tell you so many times, Der. I guess I got scared? Every time I-I froze, the words would die in the back in my throat and my brain would throw the lamest excuse it could find at the time. And a few weeks ago, Owen told me about Mark and Lexie, told me how you punched Mark when he told you he was involved with Lexie and I grew even more anxious about telling you."

He could see her tensed shoulders and her other hand was fumbling with her pajamas pants apprehensively so he gave the one he was holding a comforting squeeze. "I can't believe you didn't tell me. All the times I made those remarks about you and Owen and you never said anything about Robbins."

"I told you so many times that there wasn't anything going on but you never listened. You were so adamant to push Owen and I together. And the more you tried, the more nervous I grew. It felt like you were pushing me towards him because he is a man and I kept wondering if you'd accept me with a woman, with Arizona," her eyes started to fill up with unshed tears and she tried to blink them away, "I couldn't- I can't lose you Derek."

"What do you mean?" he frowned, concern overtaking his face.

Derek silently cursed at himself for being so insistent, to not have believed her when she had told him so many times nothing was going on.

Meanwhile, blinking turned out to be useless and tears found their way out of Amelia's eyes, smearing her cheeks and coming to die on her lips and her throat constricted. She willed herself to be stronger and rubbed them away with the back of her hands.

"I lost every man in my life. I lost dad, I lost my fiancé and I lost my son. I c-can't lose you too. It would be too much, I wouldn't be able to handle it."

"Oh Amy," he got up of his stool and engulfed her into a protective hug, letting her sob freely. He dropped a kiss onto her forehead, "You won't lose me, Amy. Not over something like this. All I want for you is to be happy. Does Robbins make you happy?"

"Extremely so," she said as she buried herself further into him, needing to feel his support.

"Alright then."

Once her sobs had subsided, Amelia gently pulled away and let out an embarrassed laugh. "Sorry. I didn't mean to get this emotional and stain your top."

While she was obviously a little self-conscious, Derek could tell she was relieved. Her hands were no longer shaking, her shoulders were relaxed, and her blue eyes were shining with happiness.

"It's okay, I don't mind," he chuckled and sat back down. "It's just a shirt. So two months?"

"Practically three now. It's still very early but we were friends before, so it feels like we've been together longer. She knows that I'm a mess and she doesn't look at me any different, you know? Like I'm going to break down and take oxy at the slightest inconvenience. She sees me for who I am and she accepts me. All of me," she said shyly.

"I'm happy for you. I truly am. I saw the way you changed over the last few weeks. You have this glow following you everywhere and you're smiling. Not that false bullshit smile but really smiling. I feel stupid for thinking Hunt was behind it and not listening."

"You didn't know."

"Still, I'm sorry. Does Sofia know? Does Torres know? "

"Sofia doesn't. She knows that we're close but we haven't told her yet. No point in her getting too emotionally attached to me if it doesn't work out. Callie knows though. She uh, she walked in on us sleeping together in an on call room."

"Filter, please Amy," he winced at the unwanted picture his mind created.

"No! I meant sleeping, like unconscious sleeping. Not like having sex. She saw us snuggling, that's all."

"Have you always been attracted to women or is it an Arizona thing?"

"I've been attracted to both sexes for as long as I can remember. But I've never liked a woman to the point of wanting a relationship with one, so you could say it's also an Arizona thing," she smiled, and Derek was happy to see the first real smile since she had officially came out. "That's why I never saw the point in telling the family about it. I thought I would cross that bridge if I ever got there."

"I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?"

"For making you feel like you couldn't tell me. For making you feel like you could lose me over this."

"It's okay. You're here now and that's what matters."