"Sig!"
A hand gripped her forearms suddenly, pulling her up the last few steps into the buzzing narrow train corridor.
"It's great to see you again!" Eowyn's arms curled around her neck enthusiastically, nearly strangling her momentarily, but she didn't care, feeling all too giggly as she hugged her best friend back. Eowyn's waterfall of blond waves fell over her eyes for a second, completely obstructing her view of the many students dashing up and down the wagon, pulling their heavy trunks in groups into the scarlett Hogwart's Express.
"Didn't' you miss us as well?" Elladan's voice chimed to her left, and Eowyn's arms released their crushing hold around her neck.
"Not really." Her friend said in what tried to be a casual tone, even though the excited gleam in her grey blue eyes betrayed her feelings.
"How much did you pack in here, Sig?" Elrohir complained as he pulled her trunk up the last steps and into the wagon, dropping it carelessly onto the floor in an exaggerated move.
"Yours was heavier, Ro, you know it." She added instantly, unable to hold a laugh at the younger twin's exaggerated display. She had tried to lift the twin's trunks before leaving the house, and knew by a fact that they were both considerably heavier than hers. And yet the younger twin only grinned at her, that wide smile that sparkled mischievously in his silver eyes.
"Excuse me?" an impatient voice added from behind her, and she turned her eyes only to see a third year Ravenclaw girl standing just behind them by the steps of the train looking positively annoyed, her hands resting on her narrow waist in a pose that almost wanted to make a statement.
"I think we should move." She suggested, her left hand already trying to drag the heavy trunk Elrohir had helped her carry while her right hand jumped to grab Eowyn's forearm, the later looking about to jump at the impatient Ravenclaw girl. "Eowyn, let's move. Forget it."
"Merlin," Eowyns muttered lowly to herself, dragging her own trunk along the narrow corridor, even though she did not miss the way in which her gorgeous grey blue eyes threw a murderous glare at the girl who was now climbing onto the wagon.
"Some people need to learn to have some patience." Her friend continued to complain, talking as though she was only mentioning it to herself yet making sure her voice was just loud enough for the Ravenclaw girl to hear, making Sigrid roll her eyes in exasperation.
"Eowyn, drop it. It's not worth it." She whispered, shaking her head at her friend's predictable behavior. "Let's find a compartment."
"Alright." Her friend agreed, seeming to momentarily let go of the impatient Ravenclaw incident….even though Sigrid knew that Eowyn would not really let it go until they had reached the castle, and for her sake, she wished to find a compartment as far away as possible from that girl as she possibly could.
It was difficult to navigate the crowded narrow corridors, especially while dragging their trunks along. Students ran back and forth the space, some even carelessly jumping over their trunks on the way, others crammed to the windows and waving furiously at their family's down on the platform. As ever, Platform 9 ¾ was bustling with people, parent running back and forth with their children through the hazy white vapor that hung over the space like a dancing cloud. Her eyes travelled through the rushing figures, quickly scanning through each of them, from group to group, but it was pointless. Out, in an adjacent wagon, a witch wearing an electric blue pointed hat was frantically reaching up to the window, handing a red haired boy a book he had dropped on his way into the train. She even saw the twins, who had jumped out of the train and were now standing in front of their father who seemed to be taking to them very seriously about something…even though she already knew the twins would not heed any advice or order their father would give them while at Hogwarts.
"Mum!" A sandy haired chubby first year was complaining out in the platform, trying to sneak away from his mother's tight embrace. "You already said goodbye!"
"Oh, hush, Phillippe! Give mummy one more hug before the summer!" A round-faced witch dressed in bright magenta robes kept pressing him to her, seeming to be easily ignoring her son's complaints and embarrassed looks.
"Mum! Let go of me!"
"In here." Eowyn's voice brought her wondering mind back, and she followed her friend into the first empty compartment they had found since climbing into the train. It took them a few minutes of struggle, but finally they managed to lift Eowyn's trunk into the overhead storage compartment. And yet, hers was proving to be all the more difficult.
"What in Merlin's name did you put in here, Sig!?" Eowyn complained the second they attempted to lift the heavy trunk, which only slipped from their fingers and fell with a loud thud on the floor.
"Why does everyone keep asking that?!" She laughed, reaching down and preparing herself for a second attempt. "It's just the same things I always pack! Nothing new!"
"Need a hand, Bowman?" A warm friendly slime met her eyes underneath pair of kind smiling black eyes. he walked towards them without waiting for an answer, easily lifting the heavy trunk from the floor.
"Thanks, Wills." She said, her hand almost automatically placing a stray curl behind her ear, trying her best to ignore the mischievous look Eowyn was throwing her.
"It's nothing." He waved her off, offering her one of his refreshing genuine smiles, placing her trunk on the overhead compartment as if weighed absolutely nothing.
"How was your Christmas?" He fidgeted with his hands as he spoke, a gesture that nearly made her chuckle, having seen it a couple of times before. He towered over her, awkwardly tall and thin, yet his face with those gentle black eyes and equally ebony hair always so incredibly handsome. "Yours too, Rohan….How was your Christmas as well? Did you have a good time? Got many gifts?"
"It was good, thanks for asking." Eowyn answered first, her face trying yet failing to conceal her amusement, even though Sigrid was partially glad for her friend to stop the Ravenclaw's nervous rambling.
"Um, well, I'll see you later." He stuffed his hands in the pockets of his pale gray sweater, his gentle smile still adorning his face as he made his way to the door of the compartment. "You both should stop by our compartment sometime! I'll be there with Felicia."
"We will." She added, chuckling as he disappeared through the narrow corridor packed with students, chatting away with a Hufflepuff boy whose name she did not know.
She dropped down on the cushioned seat, her eyes almost immediately once again dancing out the foggy crystal windows, scanning through the busy platform. The scarlet trains gave out of roaring whistle, a thicker cloud of white vapor erupting from it as the engine gave a jerk, the students left outside running to climb on the train before it departed. They had to be out there, somewhere. They had to. And yet she did not find that familiar curtain of silvery hair and icy blue eyes that she had been searching for. Perhaps the Lasgalen brothers were already on the train?
And still, oddly, it felt as if a weight had suddenly landed heavily on her stomach, that horrible feeling that had accompanied her through New Year's Eve and through the last week of the break once again returning. Something was off. And she did not know what. They had left. Just like that…they had disappeared. She remembered it all too freshly, remembered the Christmas Eve dinner party, and yet it felt as though it had been a distant dream. They had talked for hours inside that kitchen, until almost two in the morning, once everyone returned inside the house and it was time for everyone to go to bed. He had asked her to go visit his house the next day, on Christmas day, and she had…..but they were no longer there. The giant manor had been empty….and it stayed like that for the rest of the break.
And much to her frustration, she had not been able to ask anyone about it. She had tried to absently ask the twins about the Lasgalens' sudden departure, but just as she had expected, they had shown no interest in the matter, only shrugging at her question, and she had dropped the subject. But still she couldn't shake the feeling that something was not entirely right. Why would anybody go to spend Christmas somewhere, and yet leave on Christmas morning?
"Hello?" Her eyes snapped up at Eowyn's voice, for the first realizing that she had been speaking to her. "Sig? I've been calling you for a while, now. What are you thinking about so intently?"
"Sorry." She shook her head, offering her friend an apologetic smile, even though Ewoyn continued to look at her slightly suspiciously.
"Were you thinking about Wills?" Her friend's grey blue eyes glimmered with mischief as she spoke, and Sigrid could not hold back the urge to roll her own brown eyes at her.
"No." She stretched the words, watching as her friend enjoyed teasing her a little too much.
The train gave a sudden jerk, a loud final whistle echoing through the platform, the last few students left below rushing to jump into the departing train. She could parents waving frantically at the younger students, all perched to the crystals and yelling last minute farewells. Even a couple of younger children ran along the train down at the platform, as if trying to keep up with it until it disappeared through the narrow stone tunnel and out into the green expanding lands.
"How was Christmas at the twins' ?" Eowyn plopped down on the seat in front of her, taking off her worn winter boots only to reveal a pair of fluffy bright pink socks underneath.
"Nice socks." She mocked, her friend only narrowing her eyes momentarily before urging her to answer her previous question.
"It was fun." She shrugged casually, even though her insides jerked with only thinking about that Christmas dinner. He had kissed her. She could almost still feel it, his gentle lips, surprisingly warm, softly pressed against hers. It made her stomach flutter in a way she could not understand, could not describe. Part of her wanted to tell Eowyn, needed someone else to know, someone to talk to about it. But she already dreaded what would happened if her friend found out about it. And she hated it. Hated that prejudice, that horrid rivalry between houses that prevented her friends form seeing beyond that.
"How was yours?" She changed the focus of the conversation from her to Eowyn, taking the time to pull her hair out of the already falling ponytail and braiding it in one long single plait over her shoulder.
"It was alright?" Her friend smiled absentmindedly, "Surprisingly calm, and nothing remotely interesting. Where are the twins, by the way?"
"I have no idea." She shook her head, not really wanting to know what the twins could possibly be up to right now. Most probably torturing a poor first year with some pranks or scary tales of the castle. But then again, another thought crossed her mind, suddenly rising to her feet from the cushioned comfortable seat, heading towards the sliding compartment door. "I'll go see if I can find them."
"I'll save your seat." Eowyn waved her off, already taking out a Quidditch magazine from her schoolbag by her feet and starting to look through the pages.
The train rocked at a steady lulling rhythm underneath her feet, her steps awkward and wobbly as she made her way through the way less crowded corridor. Her eyes darted from left to right as discreetly a she possibly could, gazing through the glazing of the compartment doors, but every single time she was disappointed. It did not take her long to find the twins, huddled in a nearby compartment with a bunch of fifth year Gryffindors, all of whom talked so loudly it was nearly impossible to understand what any of them was saying. But she had not been looking for the twins, no matter what she had told Eowyn.
She walked nearly all the length of the train, and every single compartment, every single wagon, was a disappointment. Perhaps she should have known better. If he was on the train, he would be at the front, and the Prefects compartment. She should have thought of that sooner. She was about to turn around, ready to head back to where Eowyn was waiting for her, when she heard it. That perfectly faked, yet musical chorus of chuckles. She knew that laugh. Knew it almost too well.
She turned her head around in flash, a soft smile drawing on her face as her eyes landed on that familiar cascade of silvery hair in the distance, coming out of one of the last compartments in the wagon. He had not yet changed into his school robes, even though Prefects usually changed the second the train departed from London. Instead, he wore and elegant black sweater, the dark fabric a sharp contrast to his pale silvery hair and incredibly white skin, making his piercing blue eyes icier that usual. He had not seen her yet, her hand already starting to rise in a greeting gesture, ready to wave at him.
"You are out of your mind, Lex." He spoke into the compartment, her hand suddenly freezing midway, feeling as though a heavy weight had brutally landed on her, crushing her fiercely into the ground. Lex. And yet, his words were friendly, casual, even smiling his perfectly composed aloof smile.
She barely had time to think on it when another voice echoed from the compartment her was just leaving. "You didn't think that last week at my house."
A girl walked out to join him, every single one of her steps so graceful it looked as though she was dancing. Her long jet black hair was left loose to frame her perfectly angled face, and those eyes, those frustratingly stunning pale green eyes were glued to him as she smiled widely, showing all her perfect pearly teeth.
"I did." He shook his head with another casual silent laugh. "But now I am sure of it."
Last week? She could not name why, could not fully understand why, but every single word of this conversation stung her like salt to a wound. That's where he had disappeared to? He had been with her? And she didn't know why but it felt as though her insides had been suddenly smashed in a torturing tight grip. She had been such a fool. Part of her had been frightened out of her mind at his sudden disappearance after Christmas, knowing that there were so many things that could possibly have happened to him, fearing that something had gone wrong, and yet he had had time to go to her house, yet not once had he attempted to contact her, to tell her that he was fine? But what had she been thinking. They were barely friends at all. She had been such a fool to think that once they returned to school he would act as though their little friendly time during Christmas Even had even happened. So this was it then? He was back to being the popular, cold, Slythering Seeker?
"How's your arm, Thranduil?" Another girl walked out of the compartment door, and she recognized her instantly, having seen her a couple of times always around that same group of sickening Slytherin girls. "Alexis mentioned you had a flying accident?"
For the first time she noticed that his left arm was heavily bandaged, held carefully inside a sling over his shoulder. But he merely shrugged, every one of his moves so regal, so perfectly composed.
"It's fine." He mentioned, neither his eyes nor face giving any indication that he would let on any more details, but neither of the girls seemed to be paying too much attention to that. Flying accident. Merlin's beard, as if Sigrid would ever believe it had been a flying accident. And yet it infuriated her to no end the fact that she still felt a pang of worry crossing her body.
"But you'll still play on the next match, will you?" The other girl asked, even though it was so obviously evident that she had no interest in the question she had just asked, merely wishing to keep talking to him about anything really.
"Of course he will play." Alexis answered before the older Lasgalen brother could open his mouth to speak, one of her pale hands travelling up and down his right arm in a gesture that made her want to break those thin fragile fingers.
"I will see you later." He said in that distant melodic tone so characteristic of him, both of the girls reentering the compartment just as he started to turn around.
She moved in flash, opening the door to the nearest compartment and slipping inside before she could be noticed. She did not want to face him, all of her previous eagerness to see him, to talk to him, suddenly vanished, vaporized into thin air. He walked past her compartment without noticing, elegantly gliding along the narrow corridor and disappearing from view.
She let out a breath she did not know she had been holding, for the first time noticing that the compartment was mercifully empty. And yet, it still felt as though her insides were slowly, painfully, crushing inside of her, as if a painful unwelcomed pinch had brutally awakened her from what had felt like a dream. How foolish had she been.
Lex. He had called her Lex. She could not tell why, but strangely that hurt the most, that shortened name that implied such familiarity. And once more it became all too evident, she was all too aware that she was still Bowman to him, would forever remain Bowman… but she was Lex. But why did it bother her so much? Why did it made her feel this way? She knew they were barely friends. Had known it all along. Why had she naively expected more?
She dropped down on one of the cushioned seats, even though part of her told her to go back to where Eowyn was waiting for her and forget all about this. Pretend like it was any other regular train ride, and as though nothing had ever happened during Christmas Eve. But she stayed where she was, leaning instead her head over the crystal and feeling the soft rattling of the train on her temple.
The landscape outside had changed from small towns to entirely empty green lands, the bluish mountains stretching like majestic monuments in the horizon. A heavy grey cloud hung over the landscape anticipating soft rain, but it hadn't started falling yet, only every once in a while the gentle rumble of thunder would roar between the distant blue mountains.
She did not even notice when she started to doze off, only waking up abruptly at the sound of the food trolley making its way through the narrow corridor outside. Her neck ached, her left hand coming to rub it from she had been leaning against the window probably for hours. Sighing, she rose to her feet, absently sliding open the door of the compartment. She should go back to find her friends. At least attempt to enjoy the remaining hours of the train ride back to Hogwarts.
The corridor was surprisingly empty, except for a group of second-years huddled around the trolley some distance away, buying every single piece of candy it carried. Her fingers smoother the wrinkled fabric of her pale grey sweater, starting her way down the train. It had already started to rain, although softly, the fragile little drops looking like a greyish mist out the windows. Her chest turned painfully as she passed the compartment where she had last seen Thranduil, peeking at the sixth-year Slytherin girls inside before hurriedly walking away.
Halfway through the train, she stopped. Her narrowed eyes glanced through the crystal of a closed compartment door, hands fidgeting slightly. No. She should go back to her friends; they were probably wondering where she had gotten herself into. But he was there. He was never around in the train, not usually, always at the front in the Prefects compartment. Anger boiled inside her chest as she overlooked his sleeping figure, sitting at the far end of the seat, by the window. There was nobody else inside, only him, looking to be fast asleep. His pale silvery hair fell over his shoulders and stuck to his black sweater, the end of his wand sticking out of the pockets.
She could not contain herself, she was angry, both with him and with herself, and before she knew it her hands were harshly sliding open the compartment door and stepping inside. When he did not wake at that, she pushed the door closed behind her so strongly that the crystals rattled dangerously at the sound.
His head snapped in her direction, startled, ice blue eyes looking slightly confused at first, before he seemed to remember where he was. And then, he relaxed, looking so casual it almost hurt, leaning back comfortably on the cushioned seat, once again so regal, so elegant.
"Oh, I'm sorry, did I wake you?" She said sarcastically, feeling only the slightest bit of satisfaction at his momentarily confused expression.
"No need to mistreat the door, Bowman." His voice, that musical velvet sound, somehow always managed to throw her off, and she had to shake her hear lightly to remind herself of how angry she was with him. But she should have known better.
And yet, he acted as though nothing was wrong, his expression, his words, every gesture, surprisingly friendly, just as it had been during Christmas Eve. But there was something else there, she could see it hidden deeply in his pale blue eyes, a coldness that had not been there before, like a wall of ice. And now that she was closer, she noticed that his skin was a couple of shades paler than usual. He looked exhausted, even though he tried not to show it, and she suddenly regretted waking him up so harshly.
"You disappeared." She accused him, taking the seat right in front of him. Her voice had suddenly lost all traces of angered, replaced suddenly by confusion and worry. "You asked me to come over, and you were no longer there…."
"I'm sorry." He interrupted her, his voice flat, pale blue eyes looking out the window instead of at her.
"What happened?" She asked, making an effort not to show how much his sudden cutting tone had affected her.
"I don't owe you any explanations." She cringed at his sudden cold tone, icy impenetrable eyes turning to meet hers like glass cold crystals, letting nothing in. That was not him. It had taken her months to discover that. Those cold eyes and frigid disinterested tone, that was not him, it was the walls he placed around everyone else.
"I get it." She sighed, rising to her feet, and somehow managing not to show how much his words could wound her. She shook her head, collecting her thoughts. Of course she should have known better than to expect that he could remain a friendly ad warm as he had been outside of school. "You don't have to explain anything to me. What you do is none of my business. Are we even friends? Or was that just a façade as well?"
"Whatever, Bowman." He muttered, his eyes once again focused outside the window. That was it. His words felt like salt to an open wound, and yet a new pang of worry gripped her stomach like a vicious claw. That answer…that was the most unlike him, even when angry. Something was definitely off, and largely so.
"What changed?" she asked firmly, her brown eyes bearing into him, even though he did not meet them.
"Everything, and nothing." He whispered after a few seconds of silence, his words so cold they could freeze a summer, but somehow, strangely, as it was though his anger was not directed at her.
Long minutes of silence stretched between them, the only sound was the soft rocking of the train and the gentle hammering of the thin raindrops over the fogged crystals. She swallowed thickly after a long moment, placing a stray golden curl behind her ear, before slowly turning towards the door.
"It's not looking good for me."
His words stopped her, his voice so low it was barely audible. She turned around instantly, only to find his impenetrable eye still lost on nothing in particular outside the window. Suddenly, she didn't know what to say, only lowering herself once more on the seat across from him, fidgeting with her hands at the weight of his words.
"I happened again, didn't it? During Christmas?" Her voice was barely more than a whisper as she spoke, for the first time in a while his ice blue eyes turning to meet hers, somehow less guarded, less cold.
He nodded his head, not voicing the answer she already knew would get. But part of her had known it already. That sudden disappearance…the bandages around his arm when she knew he would try anything not to wear them at school. Something had happened.
"How bad was it?" She asked, not sure if she really wanted to hear the answer, or whether or not he would choose to answer her in the first place. It took him a moment to reply, and when he did she wished she had not ever asked.
"Too close." Was all he said, but she understood exactly what he meant, her chest contracting painfully. Too close to killing him. "It was different this time…the spells are no longer holding. Unless they come up with a new one soon…. "
"My father did not want me to come back to Hogwarts." He continued, with shrug, as if he didn't care. But he was not fooling her. "He said I should stay home instead."
"But you wanted to come back?" She phrased it a question, even she knew the answer. He would not have been on the train had it been different, would he? And yet, he merely turned to gaze outside the window once more, his expression that cold, disinterested façade that she hated so much, as though nothing mattered to him.
"I don't care." He shrugged coldly, making her close her eyes momentarily at the icy tone.
"You do care." She hissed, wanting nothing more than to snap him out of whatever attitude he had on at the moment. "You may think you are fooling everyone else, but you are not fooling me. You do care. Or what? Were you merely going to lose the rest of the school year?"
"Lose the rest of the year…" He chuckled, the sound so bitter and humorless that it nearly made her cringe, her heart constricting painfully once more. Ice blue eyes flew to hers, so cold and impenetrable all his walls back up.
"Do you really think anyone is expecting me to actually graduate?" He hissed, his eyes so full of raging fury, yet it was not directed at her, and she suddenly had the feeling that it was him the one waking her up to a reality she did not understand. "Do you think I don't know how many classes professors have marked as 'Incomplete' for me, yet I haven't been forced to retake them simply because they all think 'we don't know whether he'll make it to seventh-year? Do you think I don't know that I should be in fifth year now, but started school a year early because Dumbledore agreed with my father that I needed something else to do as a distraction?"
"Just take a look at my school bag!" He suddenly pulled the zipper open so harshly that he nearly broke it. It was as though part of him was suddenly snapping, letting out things that had been tearing him apart for Merlin knew how long. She looked away almost instantly once her eyes caught sight of hundreds of little crystal bottles holding a pale green liquid inside, which she recognized immediately. They were pain potions. "Do you know how many of these I drank only today, before boarding the train? …It doesn't matter what I do. I'm just wasting time until something else happens."
"Wasting time…" She repeated hollowly. Suddenly, every part of her that had been so fragilely kept together by sheer determination shredded into pieces. His words hurt more than she would ever dare to admit, and she did not know how she managed to conceal the sting of tears in her eyes. "Is that what everything I to you then? A waste of time? …School, friends, Quidditch, your girlfriend….me? Are we just here for you to waste time?"
"My girl…?" Ice blue eyes narrowed in her direction momentarily, until he seemed to understand what she was talking about. "Alexis is not my girlfriend."
"Doesn't matter." She replied, suddenly no longer caring about that, her heart feeling as though it was in pieces on the floor and the train was running over its battered form. She took one long deep breath, gathering the courage to say what she wanted to say next.
"You kissed me…" She started, her voice shaking only slightly, even though her brow eyes retained her stubborn determination. "Was that you wasting time too?"
The change in his ice blue eyes impossible to describe, suddenly going wide at her words. It was as if in a single second, that cold glassy barrier that coated his stunning eyes suddenly fell apart, replaced by hurt and regret. There was so much pain in those infinitely endless eyes, pain and fear that it hurt to see, but he did not speak, and his silence hurt more than his words. She shook her head, forcing herself to take another deep breath and hold her tears which were threatening to fall. She should never have come into this compartment looking for this.
"No wait…" He whispered quickly, the second she turned around, and she angled her face to look at his elegant silent figure. "Don't go."
"No." She said, shaking her head once more. "I can't keep doing this. You treat me nicely one day then horribly the next, and yet you always expect me to stay? If you want to waste your life away, then do it, but don't count on me for that. I won't be a part of that."
"Bowman…" He said, his voice barely audible. Ice blue eyes looked deeply at her, devoid of all of their previous guarded façade, pained, almost pleading. And once again she could not stop from noticing how exhausted he looked, as though he had not slept properly in days, perhaps even weeks, his skin a little too pale. He must have been feeling far from well. "You are my only real friend."
"You certainly make sure I feel that way." She added sarcastically, every part of her hurting too much. She turned around without looking back at him, ignoring him as he called after her softly, quickly shoving the compartment door closed.
She made it back to her solitary compartment faster than she had expected, thankful that she only passed a couple of first-year Hufflepuffs that were too entertained chatting about some sort of book that they did not notice her. Only once the door was safely closed and locked behind her, she let herself crumble, the tears she had been holding back suddenly coming free…
Finally here is the next chapter! I know it was a long wait but things were very very very busy. I hope you enjoy it! Let me know what you think! I'll try to update as soon as I can!
Also, thank you so much to all who reviewed the latest chapter, I appreciate every single one of your words and thoughts and it makes me incredibly happy to hear that at least there are readers enjoying this story, it means a lot to me: Amsim, Eryniel Greenleaf, VanyaNoldo22, Goddessofwarriorcats, Josie Sullivan.
Love,
Elena