11.
Anger…resentment…frustration all of these things she felt beyond control. Of course these were things she felt a lot all of the time but not like this, not towards him. She stood by her homeroom door trying to understand just what went wrong. It started just a couple of months ago, the day started like any other; she waited for him after school so they could get a bit of training only he didn't show. It wasn't like him to flake so she waited at their usual place, it was several hours before he came looking somber.
"There you are, I thought you had started to get too chicken shit to spar with me again after the whooping I gave you!" He didn't look at her, but instead off to the distance.
"K, hey what's wrong?"
"Toguro's alive and we have been invited for lack of better words to the dark tournament. There we will be forced to fight for our lives against other treacherous types like him."
"If you don't want to do it then don't go!"
"If we do not attend he will kill us and our loved ones…and the same goes if we lose."
"When do we leave?"
"What do you mean we?"
"You, me and everyone else; when do we leave for this?"
"You aren't going anywhere, you are staying here-"
"So That I can worry about you guys and wonder if you will come back alive? I'll be damned if I do that, we are in this together!"
"You don't understand; there is a large chance that we won't make it out alive but we have no choice in this and you do!"
"And I choose to fight by your side! How are we supposed to be best friends forever if I leave you when you need me; if I just sit idly by while you fight for your life?! I won't do it and you for damn sure aren't going to make me!" He looked so conflicted, even on edge; this was serious.
"We need a fifth member…we will continue to train, but it will be much harder than before."
"Alright, I'm ready for whatever you can dish."
"I won't be holding back any longer, and I expect you to do the same."
"Okay." From that day they trained harder than ever, Kuwabara as well, poor guy. Everyone was definitely concerned about this tournament, if that monster of a man was in fact alive and much more powerful than any of them had imagined then they had every right to be. It didn't slow her down however; she worked hard, fought harder and developed the scars and higher pain threshold to prove it. She wasn't going to be weak and wimp out on them again, she was going to show them just how much of a difference she could make.
She walked into the classroom and took out her books, glancing at the other students who chatted away about their classes or what show they had watched the night before. Damn, it all seems so meaningless…do they know about the things that really go on around them at all? She looked out the window to the leaves on the trees another sting of resentment stabbed her heart as her memories had a knack for doing.
They were deep in the woods this evening just a few days ago and had trained hard; they were both exhausted and took a break on the large branches. She looked over the forest as the cool night air made them sway. Even though she was really sore and exhausted, she felt relaxed and at ease in that moment; in hindsight she realized that she was trying to push the fear of the coming fights aside if just for a moment. Her best friend leaned against the main part of the tree, tired himself; he leaned his head against the tree and closed his eyes. She looked at him for longer than she felt she should have. The girls in school swooned over the most gorgeous guy in school, the fact that he was also the kindest and smartest only added fuel to their fire. Shuichi Minamino, the most perfect guy in our class, but what did that make me? His best friend, but what qualities did I have? Sure the guys have certainly come around since I had become more outgoing; I hear talk that I'm the hottest girl, but does that truly hold value in a boys eyes.
"I can feel you staring at me you know."
"Oh…sorry."
"What are you thinking about?"
"Everything…nothing."
"The usual then?"
"You know I'm a complicated mess, I'm sure if I was as transparent as those girls that vie for your attention I would bore you to death."
"You transparent, I think I would see Yusuke get straight A's first!"
"Oh wow, now I don't know how to feel about that! Maybe I should be one of those bubbly empty headed girls, and then I wouldn't be such an outsider."
"You really think you need to change yourself to be accepted?"
"Uh…hello! It's what I have done ALL MY LIFE; I have lowered my grades, held my tongue, suppressed my powers and put up with everyone's bull so that I can live a somewhat normal life! But this isn't normal, I don't belong to what everyone calls normal!"
"No, you aren't like everyone else, and that's good; but there is a difference between blending in to stay safe and changing everything about yourself in order to be accepted by people who do not matter to you in the long run."
"So which one are you doing?" He opened his eyes and leaned forward, she moved over closer to him as the crickets began to chirp their nightly song.
"I could have left a while ago; I had planned…to leave when I was strong enough but I chose to stay."
"For Shiori."
"And for you."
"For me, why would you stay for me if what you wanted was to go back home?"
"Don't you get it? I am home, back then, I went where I pleased but I had no home. I had no family, I had partners but when it came to friends I…" He trailed away like a series of distant memories derailed his train of thought.
"When I was a part of the shadows I hurt a lot of people; but since I have been in the light, I have been able to see my transgressions for what they are. I have a lot of regrets."
"But you aren't that person, I have never met someone as kind or as noble and trustworthy as you are. You are not your past K…" She turned and leaned back onto him, resting her head on his chest which she had done many times over the years but this time he put his arms around her waist and held her close. She could feel her heart beat so hard she thought it would explode but she didn't move; she didn't dare.
"You don't know what I've done…who I've hurt. If you knew what a monster I was you would turn away from me."
"Stop it, what was done then isn't who you are now. Don't let your guilt take over you; I'm supposed to be the one with the horrible flashbacks and post traumatic episodes." She laughed but he remained silent. Oh wow, he really is in a funk. Why did I have to put my nose where it didn't belong? She nuzzled his neck and he held her tighter all of the feelings she had worked hard to stifle started to bubble up again.
"K? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry and bring all of these feeling back. I've never seen you this way, I don't like it."
"I'm sorry, I don't mean to darken such a beautiful night with my thoughts. My point is, that I stay because I have a family here; I have people who depend on me and I would give my life for. It is why I am fighting in this tournament, not for my own life but for those I care about, for my friends as well as my family."
"You really consider me your family?"
"It was never a debate; the question is why you ever had to ask."
"I…I don't know." Damn he smells so good…this is dangerous I feel so confused, what message is he sending here?
"The truth is…you mean a lot to me, I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you."
"You mean a lot to me too…you are the first person I think of when I wake up and the last when I fall asleep. Everything about you from your warm heart, your kind smile and your incredibly intelligent mind brings me happiness. I guess what I'm trying to say is…" Wait, he's snoring! She listened harder to his breathing, he had fallen asleep. Maybe it was for the best, he may not have even meant it the way I heard it. She let herself relax and fell asleep in his arms more than forty feet in the air as the crickets sang a beautiful serenade. It was the first time she had no nightmares or negative feelings of any kind, in fact, she felt like she was on top of the world.
"Hey Siera, that is your name isn't it?" Some boy had turned his chair to her desk, and was talking to her, how long had he been there?
"Y-yeah, sorry…and you are?"
"Haru, I sit behind you. So I saw how you did on the quiz last week and I was wondering if you could tutor me, and maybe I could repay you with a movie or something?" Another boy was asking her out, this was unfamiliar territory for her but all the same she did enjoy the attention even if the answer was no before they took the first breath to ask. She was just thinking of a list of other plans when her best friend walked in and took his seat and anger surged in her chest again.
"Look Siera I really think you're playing with fire here."
"Zoie you have only been trying to talk me out of this for months it isn't working."
"For once I'm not talking about that, I mean him."
"K, what could be wrong with him? I really think that I can tell him what I feel, I think that he feels the same way!"
"Look I just have a feeling is all…"
"Before you were trying to get me to talk about it, now you want me to keep quiet, which is it?!"
"I just want what's best for you!"
"Seems like you don't even know what that is anymore!" she stormed away angry, how could he be so contradicting?! She was going to tell him the truth once and for all and to heck with what came after, after that night she knew he had to love her too.
"I'm just humoring the girl alright?! Whatever juvenile notions she has in her head are hers alone; you can I both know that it will never go any farther than what it is. It can't and it won't, too much is at risk to simply pacify a brat's fantasy! So just drop it!" she walked in on what seemed like a heated discussion between Kurama and Hiei, but it was what came from her best friends mouth that stabbed her deeper than any sword or dagger. He turned and saw in her face that she heard what he said and turned away unapologetic; she in turn struck him hard in the ribs with her fists barley giving him time to deflect the series of blows she had planned to give after.
"Never leave yourself open for attack…isn't that what you taught me?" He smirked as he shoved her back unleashing his whip, she chucked her physical training aside and froze it midair with her telekinesis surprising them both.
"Understand something…I am only here to train so that I can fight in this tournament too, I have my own score to settle with Toguro, and I will be damned that anyone gets in the way of that. Am I understood?" Hiei smirked as he left unbothered leaving her to face him alone. She trained harder than she ever had before leaving home to cry, over the course of that night the hurt turned into rage and she welcomed it there, like a lost pet that nested in its new home.
"Hey, hello, so what do you say?" Kurama looked her in the eye, curious at the interaction. She placed her hand on Harus' and smiled flirtingly.
"Sure, I would love to go out with you." If he wanted to mix signals and play with her then she would show him that she didn't need him. Let him be jealous for once, let him wonder what she sees in these trivial boys and get his gears turning. She would be just fine ignoring and irking him by day and taking her anger out on him in the evening. It was his own fault, now he was going to see just how petty she could really be. Let the game begin.