20.
"I'm surprised you're even in your own room."
"Where have you been?"
"Out for a walk; you know I'm never far."
"I know that…"
"So why aren't you with the others...or rather, with him?"
"We talked for a moment and he left, I don't know, I just want to think things over is all." Zoie lay on the floor patiently. Siera lay on the couch thinking over the events of the day, she felt confused, elated, afraid and most of all anxious. She didn't know what to do between the coming final round with Toguro, the news of a dangerous and powerful bandit was living inside her best friend or maybe boyfriend and that was a major head scratcher in itself! Knowing that they could all just as easily die in the next two days as they could live put her in a constant state of anxiety; and the only thing she could do was sit and fret over it.
"It's funny how things come together the way they do; I still remember the day we met. I never talked to the other kids in school because Mama always told me to be cautious because we are yokai so I was sort of scared of humans ya know? And I heard the teasing words they thought about me."
"Children are cruel."
"I remember, Mama had taken me to the park and I was playing with my doll by myself and enjoying the spring flowers. I remember hearing Mama talking to another adult which happens in the park; but this wasn't small talk they seemed to be enjoying each other. I thought nothing of it until I turned back around and saw him and the first thing I noticed were his eyes! I had only seen such a green once before!"
"Yeah I remember, he introduced himself all proper like: 'Hello, my name is Shuichi Minamino, would you like to play with me?' Ha ha and what did you say?"
"CHROME DIOPSIDE!" They both laughed heartily at that.
"He looked at you like you swallowed a bug!"
"Mama had a necklace of those jewels she had from long ago and his eyes were the same shade of green! I couldn't help it ha! But if he hadn't come up to me I wouldn't have come out of my shell, wouldn't have gone out to explore the woods on my own and found my first wolf, raised the puppies and become part of the pack, I wouldn't have met Genkai and watched her, I wouldn't have watched Yusuke in that tournament to learn exactly who he was."
"And who knew it was the same punk I would follow around while you were in school."
"Really?"
"Yeah, guy can fight, he was entertaining and he always gave me food."
"Ah there's your true colors; then we found out he hung around Botan and the next time she was around we tailed her to that old building to the door to maze castle. The rest is history; but never would have put K in the same boat as Yusuke if I hadn't overheard the two of them talking at the hospital. If I had never found out about his secret…"
"You would be at home studying college level psychology and biology and complaining you have to wait until high school to excel at anything. And I would have to sit and listen; wondering what life would be like if I had food in my bowl." She chuckled before falling silent again.
"I love him Zoie…"
"I know you do."
"But what if I have to stay away, what if I should have stayed away? Yoko…something about him is so intriguing but at the same time I'm afraid. Hell I'm afraid of everything now; will Toguro kill us all, will the guys die in the ring, what would I tell Shiori? I obviously can't tell her the truth and how does a person go on with that kind of secret? And what if everything is okay and they do beat him and Yoko tries to kill me or what if he does, would he do so, can I fight him, what does that mean for us and is there even going to be an us? I feel so confused!" Zoie looked to the frustrated girl and licked her hand and she stroked him gently
"Why don't you talk to the other girls? I'm sure they are going through the same things you are in some form or another."
"I don't know I feel so awkward, I already made a fool of myself the last night with them."
"I don't know, I think they like you; you need to stop being either overbearing or overly timid, find some middle ground."
"Yeah…I think I just need to step back and really think things over."
"Well if you want my honest opinion…"
"It's only why I've been talking to you!"
"Take the things that you don't have control over and stop worrying about them, take the things you might have control over and ponder them from afar and the things you can control focus on that first. That way, you are not overwhelmed by it all."
"Yes, that sounds doable."
"Does it now?" She didn't say anything after that, but stood and walked to her bedroom to pack a small bag.
"Where are you going?"
"I just need to step away, I won't be far; only a couple miles out at most."
"Are you going to be alright; should I come with you?"
"No, I will be okay I just need to do some soul searching is all and being here is too distracting. I think I will do some meditation."
"Wow, you are serious; glad to see that."
"Yeah… I'll be back." She walked out the door and Zoie sat as he watched the door wondering himself if they were ready for what was to come.
She walked through the woods for a few hours, the many questions still pounding inside her head as the crickets and frogs sang their nightly song. She heard the footfalls of several animals but felt no fear; since she was small she always felt more connected to the animals than people, especially the wolves. She had seen her mother transfigure to her once signature black panther; the sleek mysterious shape of the cat with the piercing blue eyes gave her chills and excited her but she was not the loner her mother was; she enjoyed working with others and being a part of something. It was why she took to the wolf; in every ounce of her spirit she knew she was one with them.
I hear you my friends. A dozen pair of glowing eyes surrounds her as she hums a harmonious tune, letting her energy flow freely like a light fog. One by one the large animals come forward with lowered heads and tails as she sits and begins to meditate. In her meditation she is able to review her memories and experiences, sort them out and weigh out what options she has, some would say it is like rewatching one's life; to her it is like checking the answers on a test before turning it in.
She laughed at her first meeting with Shuichi when they were three, she smiled at the oat they took of being best friends for the first time, she remembered the bullies at school and how angry she was, she felt fascinated when she met Genkai, how she would watch her train by herself and say hello as she wandered her woods but would never strike a conversation; not being rude but simply too afraid to say anything, I should open herself to her now that they have more in common. She wept on the day of the earthquake and remembered the emptiness she felt thereafter.
And it was there during the seven years of emptiness did she realize that Kurama and Zoie were her only constants, but they were much more than that, her existence had more value because she had them as companions and she felt peace in that and she smiled.
Then the fateful night Shiori fell ill, she remembered that, she was worried sick that she would lose yet another mother figure and she ran to the roof to find her best friend when she heard them talking through a cracked door. She felt betrayal and pain; she was confused that the only person she truly trusted would hide so much from her. From his betrayal she made a mission to understand why he kept so much from her.
And it was in looking at it all that she realized that she felt useless to him…being what she was she felt either a mistake or a monster, but Shuichi at least needed her, she wanted to be needed and the moment she wasn't was the day her logic had spiraled. She became irrational, hateful and overbearing worst of all she realized that she became possessive of him. She felt she needed to be included in every aspect of his life because they were best friends when really it was because she was insecure. She had no other friends that she could be open like she was with him and if she lost him she lost everything. Or so she thought.
She had snuck into his cases, put herself in danger by putting her nose where it didn't belong, and forced him to worry about her safety all because of her pride. Then she sees Bakken and the way he hurt her beloved friend and anger bubbles back within her, and then turns to disgust at what she had done as a result. She thinks of her best friend who has proclaimed his love to her despite her many failures who had been patient with her time and again when she didn't deserve it and who even now looks at her like she is treasure in his eyes. And then she sees Yoko Kurama, and she is both fascinated and terrified by the silver fox who may or may not want her dead for personal reasons.
I have been a fool, I have acted so recklessly all of this time and yet he has always shown the same patience with me. I was the one being manipulative, I hurt people and I pushed my way into something I didn't belong. I don't deserve his love and yet he wants to give it to me anyway. I cannot control what happens in two days, but I can control how I conduct myself from this point. The wolves that had perched around her during her meditation whined and bowed their heads in submission as he opened her eyes to look at them. She stroked their beautiful heads and sang a lovely song to them. She stretched her arms forward and changed as well; the wolves rejoiced yapping and howling in delight. I need just a little while to be free, so I can come back with a clear mind and give them the friend they deserve; I won't truly be of use to them until then.
Meanwhile Zoie listened at the window of the hotel room to the faint and distant howling until he heard one he was well acquainted with.
"That's my girl, you go run free; free your mind and come back the way you were meant to be."