"I can't do this."

Urokai stands outside the door to Edian's home. He's stuck there staring at the humble abode. It's even moreso that than the ones in the Agvain territory (though maybe that's not a fair comparison considering their homes are communal ones. not that being communal changes the fact that only he and Frankenstein live in his home. his cousins either work in the Agvain manor and so live there, or are Siriana), though it does remind him somewhat of the Siriana ones. Although it isn't like a nest in any sort of way, her home is small and has the feeling of comfort exuding even from the exterior.

He's missed coming here, even if he can't bring himself to go inside.

"If you don't enter on your own I will drag you inside-" Zarga has a cold expression, though Urokai knows he's not really annoyed, and it's hard to be scared of him when he's holding a tiny kid in his arms - "I didn't come to this forsaken place just to return without doing anything."

"It's not like you were going to do anything anyway. And I thought you liked the heat?" He certainly did as an Agvain, and the Siriana usually loved it too.

Zarga makes a face at that. "The heat yes. The sand? Who thought it would be a good idea to have a desert in Lukedonia?"

The way he says it with such disdain makes him snicker, and his daughter laughs when feeling his amusement too. It's not like the ages of past where they weren't nobles and had scales in which the sand could get stuck between, but he supposes it isn't for everyone. It wasn't supposed to be for anyone in the first place.

"This was meant for prisoners to get lost in so that if they escaped they would be found so..." The Drosia are just weirdoes who like it here.

"I know-" Zarga rolls his eyes- "It doesn't make the fact that they're scattered all over the territory any better. Perhaps it makes sense but it's difficult for the rest of us that they're not just a small town in one place."

He shrugs. If the Drosia need this setup for their work than what right do they have to say anything? Maybe it's weird, even a bit terrifying, to come across them (because they dress in those layers that cover them up and make them look like vagabonds. and there are the ones in armour which clinks strangely as they approach. that's horrifying when you haven't spotted them yet because it makes you wonder if you've gone crazy and are hearing things, especially when all you can see is sand in every direction with maybe a few of those spiny plants if you're lucky. they make for good guards because of that, and because they can actually bear being in a desert indefinitely) but they're nice people.

Faced with his lack of any real reaction, Zarga sighs. He also frowns but honestly that's just his resting face so it's not something anyone comments on. After all, most nobles seem to have one that's cold and impassive in the name of elegance because of how it's refined and beautiful or something (he doesn't like it because they feel cold and distant as if they don't want him around. though maybe that's just because people generally don't regardless, so signs which are more obvious drive him away beforehand). He doesn't really understand it; most Agvains don't. Only the nobles who were always nobles do, aside from a few like Zarga who seem to know why but, he doesn't care for it much either so it doesn't count. Then there's the fact that apparently the Kravei and Loyards are just naturally elegant from how others react yet, it isn't like they understand it either so nobody among them really knows why it's so important. All he knows is that when he was young he was made fun of because he didn't naturally emulate it in the least. Instead he was just clumsy and annoying and too loud. He's still not good at it now despite trying (obvious from how even the other clan leaders will insult him for it. they say it's just simple teasing but he hates them for it) but, it's better than it used to be. Though in the past he had his father and sisters to get on the case of anyone who would make fun of him for lacking it so it hurts more now (even if Gradeus and Edian try to do that too they aren't as effective, only Zarga is. and that's because he knows how his family did it).

Now he just has Zarga to grab and carry him alongside his child while he protests. Somehow he manages to open the door even with him struggling, and goes inside. "Edian! Urokai came to see you!"

That makes Urokai squeak but nothing happens. Zarga just sighs and drops him onto the couch where he curls up on one side, staring at everything wide-eyed. His reaction gets a cushion thrown at him and he clutches it tight, calming slightly. It's still not enough though, and he gets pet on the head from the tiny girl who babbles at him, so he ends up burying his face in the cushion as his heart slows.

"I'm going to get Edian. Wait here for a moment."

Looking up slightly, he nods. Though he starts to get anxious again he tries to distract himself with other things. Like, will Edian still be drugged now? Probably, and that just makes him heavier with guilt. It's been a while since he's felt like this because he's been distracted with being happy.

He's been so preoccupied with spending time with Frankenstein and Ser Raizel that he hasn't even thought of Edian and that's something that shouldn't have happened. He doesn't have the right to be so carefree when she's still been suffering. When she's still been under Lagus' control, void of her freedom. She deserves to haunt him, deserves to strip him of his joy and replace it with thoughts of her, deserves to occupy his time. Curling up, even his bond feels weaker.

Until a gentle pulse rolls over him and he lets his breath slow. That had started building up and only the waves through the bond prevents him from lapsing back. It remindshim thatno, he has been trying. He's been fixing things and visiting her would have only ruined everything. And he has been thinking of her, just not filling himself with guilt so that what he does actually affects things instead of just wallowing in his misery.

He doesn't have to live thinking he can't fix his mistakes, and Frankenstein's a reminder of that in the same way that Zarga is a reminder of being important. And how seeing Arakei finally doesn't make him want to cry and reminds him that he doesn't need to grieve anymore. That loving them is enough. Sure, seeing her still makes him sad but it's getting better. He can actually take her advice, and think about what she says to him (the same words that she'd oft repeat when she'd been by his side, when her heart had made noise and her body had been warm. words that Zarga oft tells him as well, and he knows it's because he remembers what Arakei would say too, and that he loves her as he does him. and Urokai wishes he knew what happened to her on the day of her passing. he wishes he knew it just as he wishes Lord Gentilus hadn't told him about how his elder sister had died for her out of a misplaced sense of duty, for something she needn't have fought for because the Lord entered eternal sleep regardless of her efforts to keep her alive, so maybe it's better he doesn't know. that doesn't stop him from wishing though).

"Urokai?"

The softness of that voice makes him look up from where he's buried his head in the cushion. Edian stands at the entrance of the hallway looking at him, Zarga peering over her shoulder with his daughter grabbing at his face. Her eyes are clouded over, pale instead of the bright red they should be, and it pains him. They don't seem distant though. Even though her body face seems cold, even though her body is slack as if she's somewhere else entirely, even though she's wearing that black uniform with gold trim (that she hates, and that she doesn't don unless at a meeting. that she curses when the lord isn't within hearing distance and ditches for outfits she prefers much more, like her aunt's gold dress, or the pale pink suit that had once belonged to her father and now belongs to her) which makes it obvious that there's indeed something wrong.

He straightens up- "Hi Edi." That's all he can muster up and even though he tries to say more, he can't. He's just stuck there trying to speak as she stares at him. Even though she's under the influence of Lagus' drugs she still maintains that intimidating, yet gentle aura. One that makes him think that she could easily be deified into a goddess by humans. The ones that represent women and war. It also reminds him of his elder sister whose death left behind not only three children who hadn't reached adulthood yet, but the fact that the youngest of the three had only been born several hours prior.

He tells her as much too and she stands there. It makes his head pound because he's pretty sure he's said something wrong but then she blushes and his heart's pounding instead now.

"I remind you of mother? Oh-" she approaches him, and gathers him up in a hug- "I've missed you, you dumb idiot."

Urokai wraps his arms around her as she holds him in her arms. It's nice at first, but grows more awkward when Zarga just stands there staring at them, his daughter imitating him. Maybe Edian doesn't care because she can't see them, but he can and that makes his cheeks go red so he hides his face in the crook of her neck. That only seems to make things worse though because it makes Zarga chuckle and Edian ends up giggling too.

Even though he's majorly embarrassed (enough so that it leaks through to his bonded because Frankenstein send him a confused inquiry. hoping for support he sends the gist but that just results in amusement from him too so now he's even worse off. everyone around him really thrives off of his suffering but he guesses he doesn't really mind in cases like this. even if he is going to be sulking for a while), he doesn't ask to be let down, simply content in Edian's arms. At least even when she gets together with Ser Raizel he'll have these sort of gestures of affection from her. It's all he can ask for, and enough to make him happy. The same way that the two being together is good enough for him.

In the end they stay together for a long while in silence. Though she never lets go of him she does end up settling down on the couch. Zarga joins them too and it's nice. Even if he doesn't sit close to them (because he has no intention of letting Edian touch him, and because he's too busy watching over his sleeping child), his presence itself makes everything better. It seems he's talking to Edian while there, but Urokai doesn't ask for them to speak with words instead of telepathy. He's content just being half asleep with the gentle warmth of someone he cares for, and his bonded's feelings, around him.

When they finally do have to leave ('cause Zarga makes a face and mentions work which causes Edian to go pale. that must mean she's severely behind which isn't characteristic of her, though being drugged and unable to do it probably doesn't help and must have prevented her from doing it) Edian's eyes are brighter than they were before. Not by much, but by a shade or two, and that itself helps release just a bit more of the weight on his shoulders.

She sees them off at the door, sky dark with stars glimmering bright, and tells Zarga to materialise a hooded cloak so that the sand doesn't blind him. He does, tucking his daughter well under it, and Urokai's about to as well but she wraps one of her own around him, the soft blue one that her mother had made for her (he knows that his elder sister had been the one to make it because you can't see the stitches on it. the embroidery patterns are unique to their clan too, and has a story weaved into it. once Edian asked him to read it for her and he did. just while leaving out half of it because it mentioned too many things that shouldn't be spoken of, and went into a level of detail he hadn't thought possible to fit into so little thread. it was obvious that her father had been the one to write it and that his sister had simply embroidered it because of that. Ser Gan Jiang was well known for being blunt and lacking shame).

She leans in to kiss his forehead and whispers, "You have to give it back to me," which garners her a bright blush and a timid nod.

He can sense her at the door even when they turn and walk away, and even they're far off. After a point he stops feeling her, but he knows it's because she's simply out of his range and not because she's returned inside.

"Zarga?"

"Yes?"

Thinking for a moment, Urokai phrases his question cautiously, "Edian was a lot more aware than I thought she would be. Was I overestimating Lagus?"

"No-" and Zarga doesn't seem to be wary so Urokai calms too- "he's given up completely, so he isn't giving her those doses anymore. She's had a while to recover already."

The revelation makes him blink. "Given up?"

"He's lost Gradeus and Roctis is easing out because Ignes is clinging to Frankenstein. What could he possibly plan with only the werewolves? Now he's just returned to tending to his plants and being wary of Rozaria," Zarga sounds amused as he ends and Urokai grins.

"Of that munchkin burning down the gardens?" He hopes she does even as another part of him opposes the notion. That place is creepy, but the memento of his sister is in there too and he doesn't want that to be lost as well.

"No. She's courting Claudia and-"

"Already?"

Zarga nods and Urokai laughs nervously. "Damn. She's pretty brave. I mean she does tell me all the time that Claudia's pretty and I know she visited her loads but, I would have thought she'd wait a few more centuries. Is she even an adult?"

"I don't know-" and Urokai knows he doesn't particularly care either- "she's older than my Feng Mian."

"Feng Mian was literally born a week ago."

That just makes Zarga burst out into laughter as he pulls the cloak tighter around him so that his daughter isn't exposed to the desert sand. Not that she would be with the protective bubble he keeps her in but he's a worried father.

"Am I wrong though?"

Urokai sighs and shakes his head. At least he knows what to do next. He hasn't seen Claudia in a while, nor Rozaria, or even Raskreia when it comes down to it. That has to be fixed.