For those who are still with me - sorry for such a long break, my life got crazy lately. I wish to tell you this chapter is mistakes free, but hahahah, believe me or not, I was writing it with one eye open. I also hope that characters are not OOC and you still like the idea of Paula being in troubles, because some more is about to come.
Also - I've got one, kind request. As a sucker for comments, I'd like to ask you to leave few words if you like the story (if you don't - I want to hear it even more!). Sometimes when I write I am questioning myself - do they actually like it or it's a crap? So yeah, guys, just looking for answers.
This time I can actually promise you a bit of action (and a lot of stalling, girl, come ooon, why the hell you write like that?!). And curses. You like curses? I do.
Enjoy your ride and remember that I love, love, love you :)
She meets their eyes, carefully avoiding making a glance at their intertwined fingers.
"He fooled me as if I knew nothing and now it may cost me my career."
Damn, so here it is. I knew there was some hidden agenda behind the unfortunate story. She never was the one to go straight to the matter, crosses Harvey's thoughts and he can't help himself, his hand rises to massage his eyes and forehead. It's probably not the most reassuring gesture, but honestly – he was sure she could look for this kind of legal advice from someone else and there was second problem laying underneath. He wonders if it's the right time to regret dating her after all – in another universe he might be in the middle of amazing sex with his favorite redhead, not playing some sort of therapist.
Harvey notices Donna shifting, her back hits the seatback and her expression becomes inscrutable. For less experienced observer (okay, for someone who isn't hyperaware of her being) she may seem as if she got uncomfortable sitting in the same position for a while, but he is not one of them. The change in her body language disturbs him, but he cannot put his finger on what exactly caused that. She wasn't judging Paula for what she unconsciously did and yet, the mentioning of her probable work issues, made Donna create more space between them. Her head is a bit tilted and her eyes are wary, he can say she's doing the Donna thing (he's proud he learned to pick it up) for whatever reasons she may have.
But come on, what's so complicated? The guy is psycho and Harvey would be actually surprised if he wouldn't done some crazy shit to her too. He knows modus operandi of such lunatics and despite years that passed since he worked in DA's office, he can still recall two or tree similar cases he was responsible for early in his career. He is about to ask Paula straight away what this enigmatic confession means, when he hears Donna's voice.
"What did he do?" redhead inquires, withdrawing her hand from his grip and setting her bend elbow on the armrest, her chin resting on the palm.
He shoots her questioning look, but she just blinks meaningfully. Slowly and longer than needed, as if she's sending him some kind of message, but he doesn't know what information it carries. After all, the context isn't clear, he is not mind reader as her.
"After the hearing I waited a bit and I approached Lucas…" Paula's voice is tired, she dries corners of her eyes with her thumbs and napkins. "I needed to ask him if everything I heard there was true, because I couldn't believe that man who was so affectionate toward me, might have hurt his family like that. I wished him to tell me it's not true, that I misunderstood the whole situation."
"He tried to twist everything around but this time I didn't buy it. We got into fight, he said many… many hurtful things about me," she hesitates, not sure if she should recall literally everything. She doesn't really want to remember that but these words are already engraved in her mind, so she may get them out of the system at least... "How lucky I should be he looked at me twice, how easy I was to manipulate and what a shitty therapist I am for not noticing his doings. He added some whores here and there. I yelled at him that he makes me sick and he's rotten to the core and to go to hell. He laughed at me cruelly, it was like watching completely different person."
It gives Donna an idea and opportunity to steer the conversation in only her known direction.
"You remember Hooth's case?" she asks, turning slightly into his side. The corner of his eye twitch, silent question about her plan.
She just repeats the previous blink.
I know what I'm doing.
Or at least he guesses it means so, because any other explanation doesn't fit. It triggers his curiosity, what bigger picture that is beyond his abilities she sees.
"Of course I do, the dick psychiatrist wrote the expertise in his mad language and we spend like two hours encoding that. Using the book I borrowed from the Columbia University Library."
Despite her best efforts to contain the urge, she has to make a little bit fun of him. "You mean the book you stole from Library and I had to encode the expertise, because all words you understood were patient, is and diagnosed? Cause I'm not sure we talk about the same thing."
"Hey, I did get it back. And I wouldn't have to gain access to it this way if the librarian was doing his job."
"He was probably in the bathroom, Harvey."
"And I had a trial coming on, some cryptic bunch of papers to go through and I needed to assign my own expert on the case. I didn't have time for his bathroom breaks."
"It's nice, you don't disagree you weren't able to comprehend the medical report even with the help of the lexicon," she smiles at him innocently, aware he cannot argue on that matter.
"Your point?" he rolls his eyes, still not convinced why she decided to mention that.
"Opposite side attorney should request medical opinion upon his behavior. If they prove his instability, there's no way in hell he's gonna get the custody," redhead comments, using the reference to mentioned case.
"Yes, but if his wife isn't collected enough in judge's eyes, he might order as well her mental state checking, which is going to be affected by the divorce going on and might not turn out in her favor. She can lose her daughter and this dick is not going to hear criminal charges for what he did if he's gonna be labeled as a madman. And that's what his lawyer will try pull off," he states matter-of-factly, changing his mind upon earlier statement.
"He might be put into psychiatric ward and be separated from society as well. Isn't it worth the shot? You managed to do the same with Hooth."
"I'm me," he prolongs last word with cocky grin, "not everybody is so talented."
This time Donna rolls her eyes, shaking her head additionally, but it gives her a chance to inspect blonde's reaction. Or rather the lack of it, as her expressionless face is turned to the side and her eyes are scanning the living room without concrete pattern. Is she still reliving those events? Or her attention is scattered because of the reason Donna suspects?
"What about the mother?"
Donna hesitates, searching for words that will make the poor woman a justice. "Even though she may not pass the medical exam with flying colors, she was the one to take care of the child up to this point, right? Actually, as far as we know, she was the only person who cared about the girl from the beginning, despite her own problems. She deserves rights to her baby. Maybe getting a guardian to check on them from time to time will be enough for the judge."
"I'm sorry, when did you get a law degree? I see you writing closing speech already," he chuckles over his partner, but there is tender note in his voice, he's proud of her clever approach.
Donna shrugs it nonchalantly, yet from where he is sitting he sees her side smirk. She crosses one leg upon another, her toes caressing his left calf close to the floor. "I've been working with you for past fourteen years, Harvey. One Ross's precedence and I might get into the BAR myself."
"A – it hasn't been fourteen years yet. And B – now when you said that, I doubt they gonna get anyone from SLWW in ever again. Probably not our fans anymore," Harvey makes ooops face, light remark on heavy memory.
Theoretically he's wrong, because BAR Ethic Board cannot estimate somebody's moral nature solemnly on the firm he or she is working in. However – if it's ever going to happen again (God forbid), there is a huge chance they are going to agreed upon a decision even before the hearing will start. Specter Litt Wheeler Williams has its reasons to not be public's opinion first choice.
Changing names as socks, Mike's prison sentence, Jessica's disbarment and now Robert's… They needed their A game before and after the storm they have been through lately, they have to keep crystal clear look more than ever. All of them spent over two weeks fighting to stay afloat and they are going to protect the firm by any means. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but leaves you wounded nonetheless. And they don't need more of them.
But Donna predicts Paula's presence presages just that.
"Speaking of falling off of good graces – where did he reported you to?"
Her eyes widen and she takes surprised inhale, definitely not expecting redhead to call on her like that.
"How did you know?"
She tilts her head on the other side and makes exasperated expression. "Why everybody keep asking that? I'm Donna. It's sufficient answer." She sways that witted skull of hers to stress her words. "Now, Paula, I don't want to be rude – since you're coming here looking for help, but I've got sense where's that going and I'd better be wrong this time. I doesn't happen often, but sometimes it does."
This. That's the connection he couldn't grasp. Well, eventually he would, but of course not so quick as her. And probably with less composure, strong words or irritation would dance on his lips for sure. No, Donna needs only her attentional tone, which is not even threatening and everybody listens to her. The joke she's real managing partner, not Louis? Sometimes it's hard to believe otherwise, especially when she is being that cognizant and foreseeing self. What he wonders is… Did she know what he's going to say and manipulated the whole tease to make him brought the topic or was that just mere coincidence? Not surprisingly, he has an inkling for the former.
"So?" he pushes, further showing his ex he shares the front line with Donna.
"Er…" she clears her throat, caught off guard as she has been seen through. "He told me I'm going to regret my words… And," she bites her lip as if she's trying to choose correct words, "yesterday's afternoon I got writ from APA Ethical Committee, stating that they are expecting me tomorrow at noon. Of course I've got worried, instantly reached to my mentor, she knows more people and I asked her if she can investigate what this is about. It took her a while, but she managed to tell me today that Lucas was the one who let the Committee know and they has been looking into the case for week or so, despite the fact it's total lie." Her voice turned to aggravation at some point.
"You omitted the part what he had on you, so spill."
The sad, hurting impression of Paula is gone and she snaps at him. "What do you think he has? He wrote the letter in where he proclaims I have been intentionally helping him manipulate his wife, that I was teaching him how to worsen her mental state, how to break her… That he is disgusted I proposed that for him and he fell for me and this is why he did things he regrets now and he wish to make up for his mistakes! He literally threw at me same false accusations his wife's lawyer did!"
The couples foreheads crease almost in unison and she muses bitterly how much they are made for each other, sarcasm dripping from the thought. She's being the victim here, how does she dare to speak to her in such a manner?! He's no better! Paula's lips tighten into straight line and hours of self-talks, roleplays and forgiving she done to get over the last year's situation are slipping away, leaving her bare, with still aching cuts.
"You just go to court, grab the damn transcript from the hearing and prove them you haven't done anything. If you were so emotional as you were saying that they let you out of the room, it has to be written down. Done, you have a proof. No big deal, " he responds plainly, moving his hand in the air to emphasize his answer.
Something clicks in Donna's mind, the final puzzle settling into a place and now everything makes sense. The realization makes this sick feeling rush to her stomach all over again, but this time it feels ten times more indignant than before.
"But it wouldn't be enough, would it?" she locks her hazel eyes – now turning darker shade of brown – with blue ones, disbelief mixing with distrust in her tone. "Because you may get away pretty easy with that, but you're afraid they found other thing you have on yours conscience, one that you're actually guilty about."
"If you're asking me if there is something to loom large in my mind – no, it's not."
"Oh but it actually is illegal to date your patient?" Donna's eyebrow curves and she challenges her.
"What the hell?" he curses, his gaze shifting between women and his jaw tense.
"Want to talk about crimes? You hid up a fraud, covered his tracks, even made him a lawyer! You've got no rights to question me!" she shouts, throwing daggers at them.
Redhead's expression becomes sour but before she has a chance to say something, her boyfriend speaks up and she keeps her mouth closed. For now.
"You've chosen to be questioned the second you decided I'm your solution, so tell the hell up what you're doing here or you know where the goddamn door is!"
Paula sighs as if they were going on her nerves and it makes Harvey's blood boil. He swears, he would rather go mudding and watch the ballet with Louis than look at infuriating false smugness she wears, seemingly gathering herself for what's be said.
If she wants the war, she's gonna get the fucking war.
"Okay, I'm do–"
"You know what, Harvey?!" she gets up from her position. "I have no idea how you became the best closer in the city," she mocks his famous statement, "– as you and your Mount Everest ego like to call yourself – when you can't even find the correct information in APA's regulations. The waiting period was not a year, but two years," she gestures expressively to underline last three words. "I had the sense something was wrong but when I checked it was already to late to tell you."
"If you knew anything about me back then, you would know it's never to late to tell me."
"And what? I would have to tell you that if we continue seeing each other my license might be in jeopardy. You would try to find the way around it and failed and throw this pathetic 'I'm sorry, Paula' and that would be it!"
But you had no problem to tell him that if we kept working together your vain relationship was not going to survive? Donna snorts internally. She has some serious issues herself.
"I see you were also not against laying to me–," he begins aggressively, also standing up, "when you were saying that you believed in me! And for your knowledge, there would be nothing easier than sweeping it under the carpet. I had and have rights to withdraw every data you are supposed to archive on my account for two decades into the future. It would be a child's play – I'd burnt those files, you couldn't maintain any copy, we wouldn't say a word to anyone about previous arrangement. Done!"
It makes Paula's anger halt.
"You still could do that?"
"Yes, the question is – why would I?"
"My work's at stake, isn't it obvious?!" and as fast as it was on hold, that fast rage is running loose again. "You owe me that, don't you think?!"
"I don't owe you shit!" he seriously can't believe his ears. If he would talk to another man, he would consider punching him to his face.
"Years before you came to me demanding I would lie for you under the oath, then you humiliated me on the hearing and then you still ventured to ask for my help. I did help you. You owe me!"
"And how is that connected to your damn case?"
"If they found out we were together during that time they would take away my reputation and my license. You have to help me cover this up or everything I worked for my entire life would be gone. And this would be on you!" she crosses her hands over her chest, her brows furrowed.
Knock, knock, bitch – karma's back! Pissed off thought swirls in Donna's mind and she doesn't stop it anymore. The blacklist? Well damn, she's sure as hell is on it now.
"What did you just fuckin' say to me?" He clenches and unclenches his fists. "You purposefully broke that damn rule of yours to make your sorry as less alone!"
"If you wouldn't came to my place and asked me out, I wouldn't even been there!"
"No Paula, you wouldn't been there if you kept a bit of civility in yourself!" the redhead finally takes the floor and she rises up from her sitting position. She's so done with this woman.
Donna was a witness to many of Harvey's one night or one week stands and it didn't really bother her. She knew and respected Zoe. She knew and – despite the fact they didn't start on right foot – tried to be helpful with Scottie. They even have friendly relationship now, Dana wishing them getting together few weeks prior. But Paula? As for someone who should be the last conflictive one or at least the more understanding, she does great job at being the biggest pain in the ass from Harvey's past.
Being human is bounded to making errors and that's fine. It's one thing to want to date your patient – ex or current no difference – and completely another one to actually do that, screw all the regulations stating otherwise. The therapy is a process where the position of strength and control is undoubtedly in therapist hands, no matter how much he or she tries to make it look more even. The patient is always depended at some level on the diagnostic, relies on his or her help and it's one way street, it simply cannot change. That's the exact reason why any romantic relation shouldn't start from those grounds – the power exchange will never be shared equally, one insight on another full and second almost none. It's supposed to be partnership, not some weird therapy accommodation with sex. Yet the safeness patients associate with their therapists often fools them to believe they are in love with them and it's the clinicians job to help them get over that.
To make things worse, it seems Paula has her own load of problems and Donna can't deny it is what clouded her judgement so many times. To agree to date someone who is clearly involved in someone else? To agree to date someone who she knows has commitment issues? To agree to date the ex-patient she knows she can lost license for? As it wouldn't be enough there is of course threatening her work and being totally tricked by a psycho as well.
"And behave as a professional who doesn't have ethic showed up deep in her ass," redhead proceeds, her features marked by calm fury. "Or maybe you were trying to compensate yourself something because all you could focus in Lucas was how much attention he gave you and how much he adored you. I don't care which way it went, but you ignored all the red signs during your ride up to this moment and the only person you should accuse of that is you! You even said it yourself, you have some memory issues as well?"
Paula turns in her direction with irises looking too blue for her liking and gasps bitterly. "It's laughable you consider yourself as a someone who has any saying in that," she narrows her eyes. "Only because he made you a COO, doesn't mean you carry any knowledge how to make things done. It's between me and Harvey."
In her periphery vision Donna spots him gritting his teeth soundlessly and his posture becomes taut as if he were going to kick her out of the door by himself. Right now. She can't let him have that, not until she will show this bitch where is her place. After that she doesn't care if he will throw her from the roof or under the bus.
She knows he doesn't want her to fight his battles for him but this time Paula tried to underestimate her again and she crossed the line. Wearing her most confident look (what's not especially hard since she's being driven both by her anger and need to win) Donna passes his body, gently caressing his middle as she does so. It's supposed to calm him down and he gets the notion.
"Listen to me," she steps in front of her rival. "I will not dwell on your inability to choose right partners because I can see your self esteem already being nonexistent," hazel eyes scan her form from head to toes, " and you don't kick the woman when she's down, but," she gets closer to her, the height difference still noticeable despite the lack of her high heels, "I'm not going to let you talk crap about me anymore," her jaw sets.
The blonde's face softened for a second at the mention of her choices and value and Donna knows she hit the nerve.
"It's pretty evident you felt threaten by me then and still are, if you have to reach for such lame arguments, but that's not the point. I love my job and for past years only once I put myself first and I suffered consequences of my decision, just as you're going to. And I couldn't care less if you consider him owing you something or not, because if the world got to know what you ask him to hide, his integrity would be gone just as yours and it would affect our firm and I'm not gonna have this happening."
Their gazes lock and tension is palpable.
"And you should be glad I'm talking to you as a COO, because if I would that as his girlfriend? You might be also explaining tomorrow how you've got the bruise under your eye," Donna finishes and sends her knavish smile.
Before Paula finds it in herself to respond to blunt declaration she's just heard, Harvey moves to stand beside Donna, his face hopping mad. "You shitted the bed, your problem is how you gonna clean it, I'm not going to be a part of it. Comparing your license to our firm business is not a choice. So in conclusion – get the hell out of our home, you know where the door is. You're on your own."
They watch her as her lips open and close few times (which strangely resembled dying fish as Donna will say to Rachel in next facetime) and she is searching for something to counter their words, but she doesn't find anything suitable and only sends them a death glare. As enraged as it is humanly possible, she picks up her belongings and storms toward the entrance. She will never forget how they left her high and dry in need. Paula swallows thickly, feeling hot, angry tears gathering under her half-closed eyelids. If Donna wouldn't been here she could probably talk Harvey into helping her, maybe use his licentiousness against him. Sex is known to work on men like him just fine.
"And Paula?" his voice calls behind her. She stops in her track, her hand on the doorknob and turns slightly, seeing him standing close to the kitchen area. He was following her with his sight.
"Don't you fucking dare to come here ever again."
Her face creases more and she opens the door with too much force than necessary.
"Fuck you," she vociferates, looking straight at him.
"We will," he comments, an actual cocky smile on his face, the expression of the winner.
The only answer she leaves is the noise of the slamming door.