Because I love you
By:IceDragonslayeremi791
Chapter 8: by myself
A/N: Eight Chapters done whooo! Ill update Forever again soon when I can figure out how I wanna end it. Now than let's fly my Fairies!
-Bickslow's POV-
I had been out of the hospital for two weeks now and I was finally somewhat normal. That first week had been hell, with in my first 72 hours of being out I had to detox from all the drugs they put me on, just so Lisanna and Freed could put me on the right ones Lithium for Bipolar, Paxil for PTSD, Concerta for my ADHD, Valium for Anxiety and to sleep Trazadone. I hated taking them but understood that I had to. I had one major complaint about one in pitcular the Trazadone it knocked me so hard on my ass a bomb could go off and I wasn't waking up. " Bix, get up" someone says in my ear, " Nnnn" I whine, " Fine" the voice says " ELFMAN I NEED YOUR HELP!" the voice yells I knew it was Lisanna now. I hear another set of feet enter the room, Lisanna grabs my wrist and pulls me from bed, I land on the floor with a thud. It hurt but my brain was still in dreamland. I feel someone hoist me up by my shoulders and drag me down the hall to the bathroom, " Lissy this is getting old he needs to get up like a man" Elfman says. Man fuck you. " I can talk to Freed about lowering his dose of Trazadone, but his body has to get used to the meds" She says, Elfman sits me on the toilet and Starts the water, " No cold this time, he hit his head last time and I shower with him its not nice to freeze me out too" she says, " I didn't need to know that Lis" Elfman says, That's right meathead ive been fucking your little sister. Lisanna pulls my sleep pants off , so Elfman can stick me in the shower. This was one of the reasons I hated Trazadone I couldn't function in the mornigs and had to be put in the shower by the meathead. He sticks me in and its scalding hot " WHAT THE FUCK!" I yell fully awake now. " Morning Bickslow" Elfman says as he walks out the door. Lisanna giggles before she gets in adjusting the tempeture she giggles even more seeing that I had tried to scale the wall, " Good morning how are you" She asks " Like a fucking lobster" I tell her as I grab the mens 3-1 Elfman and I were sharing, I lather up and rinse my self off, I'm about to get out when I feel Lisanna pull my head down, " Still have lice, I'll take care of that later" she says, I groan. I didn't mind her playing with my hair or parting it but the fucking nit comb yanked hair and it hurt. Which is saying something considering I like my hair being pulled. She said she wasn't gonna put my mohawk back till we were sure the lice was gone.
I pull my head away and kiss her before wrapping a towel around my waist to go get dressed. I walk to our room and begin looking threw my drawer for some pants, Lisanna had bought me boxers only for her to end up with them. I don't do underwear of any kind, I didn't wear em as a kid either. I find me some pants, there some wrangler camo cargo pants, she got them to big since she didn't really know my size, not that I m complaining I like my jeans a bit big anyways, she walks in as im digging for a shirt, " yup still my favorite way to see you" She says as she dries off. I roll my eyes and walk over to her " guess what my favorite way to see you is?" I ask. " Naked" she says. I nod and she walk towards her, I lick her cheek and she giggles before pushing me away. " later" she says, I growl in frustration and go back to looking for a shirt I find one and smirk to my self, I hadn't worn this one yet and I talked Lisanna in to buying it for me by promising her id eat her out for it, I kept my promise but she still hated the shirt, it was black and had Pennywise from It on it and said "Arent you gonna say Hello?" When she turns she screams seeing it, " Really that fucking shirt!" she asks, I stick my tounge out at her and she rolls her eyes, I grab some socks and head downstairs to eat and take my daily dose of happy pills. When I get down there Mira has oatmeal made, I groan I hated oatmeal it reminded me of lumpy gray porridge. " Sorry Bickslow it's what we got" she says with a look of fucking deal with it. I get me a bowl and some coffee. Lisanna didn't want me drinking coffee but soon found out it was a losing battle, I needed coffee in the morning just like she did. I put a little bit of milk and sugar in it before mixing it up, I choke down oatmeal and than take a sip of my coffee. I was about to try and skip out on my meds when Mira hands me my morning cocktail of 2 Lithium, 1 Paxil and 2 Concerta. I sigh and swallow them with the rest of the coffee, I stick my tongue out to show her I took them. " Lift it" she says. I roll my eyes and lift my tongue for her. Once im free and ive eaten I go slip my shoes on and grab a cigarette sitting down on the back porch to smoke it, while I was smoking I listened to the sounds of the southside around me, it was different than the carnival but felt like home.
My brain fades to grease paint and hay. I shake my head and throw my but in the yard getting up, it was getting colder, I get up and head in to finish getting ready for the day. Lisanna was taking me to enroll in a adult education class and take me to job and family services, I didn't want to go there. I knew what would happen, they'd see the scars on my wrists and throw me out the door or try to recommit me, We were also gonna go get my shit out of evidence. Lisanna's friend Jet owed her a favor. I would never understand how South side girls worked and I was with one. Lisanna could hustle the clothes off your body if she wanted to. She walks down stairs and eats, counts my pills, puts her shoes on and than grabs her coat before she's ready, I put on my hoodie and coat, it was Elfman's but he got to big for it I guess because he gave it to me. this coat was from Elfman did ROTC, I vaguely remember watching him walk around highschool with all the other I wanna be a soldier fucks. Look at him now a outta work security guard who lives with me. Lisanna grabs her keys and we head out. First place we go is to get my shit outta the copshop, I wont go in. but she drags me in none the less. When Jet brings it in its like a stab to the gut. I open the box and the smell of mold and blood hit me. I feel a hand on mine and look down to see Lisanna smiling at me. I close my eyes and reach in it pulling out my old backpack. It was a military bugout bag, My mama had got it at a surplus store in Bosco for when I started highschool, it was heavy, I open it and see it still had my books and the faygo. I pull the faygo out and chuck it in the garbage can, I pull out my skateboard next and hand it to Lisanna. She looks at it and than me. " ill figure it out," I tell her as I pull out my Carnival of Carnage wallet, I notice the chain is missing and have to dig in the box for it, I find it fixing my wallet before opening it. It still had my Social security card, school id and lunchcard in it as well as 3 dollars still. I dig some more and find my lighter which still worked, half a pack of cigarettes which were probably stale by now, and my Hallow Wicked hat, I smooth my hair back and put it on backwards. Jet was gonna throw my old bloody clothes away but I tell him not to. I would bury them, considering it was my Mama's blood and I wanted to give her some peace.
Next she takes me to enroll in adult education, I started tomorrow and I was not looking forward to that. But I had to have a GED to become a mechanic. I had always been good at fixing stuff, I used to fix rides and the trucks. Were on our way home when she is going on about how I needed to figure out how to help with money and that Mira wasn't let me live there for free. I was no where ready to get a job. We turn on to a side road, " Stop" I tell her and she stops looking at me like im crazy. " Your afraid of needles and wanna donate plasma?" She asks. I nod. The way I saw it the money was easy and it was a hustle I could pull off at this point in time. " Okay Bickslow" she says and pulls in. it would take 2 hours to get me all the way threw to be able to donate. Lisanna kisses me and hands me a grocery list along with money to ride the L home. I get threw and get sent to the donor floor, once I m sat down they start prepping me and I almost bail, but couldn't Lisanna was trusting me to do this, I stick my ear buds in and tune my new phone Lisanna got me to Faithfully by Journey, This had become mine and Lis's song, it had a way of calming me when she wasn't around. The person sticking me is a small girl about Lisanna's size and blonde small chest, she's cute but not Lisanna, she gets everything ready and when she pulls out the needle I wanna run but don't when she sticks me I turn my head and flinch. It takes me all of two seconds to figure it out, make a fist and release it to get the blood flowing, I have to bounce my foot or die of boredom, when its done with its draw cycle relax my hand, in 29 minutes I fill the container and they wrap my arm with some kinda of sticky tape. I was proud of my self, I had made 100 dollars just sitting there. I had found a hustle I could do. After I get me some food and smokes I head to Walmart to get the stuff on the list, I load it in my backpack and set my board down, I kick off with my left foot. Fall and catch myself. I fall two more times before I figure it out again. I kick off a forth time and don't fall, I bring my foot back and ride the board like I never forgot. The real test would be of I could still pop it up on the curb. I gulp and bend my knees spraying to the gods till I hear my board land. " Fuck Yeah" I say as I skate to the L station by Walmart. Once on it I have to stand and hold a board along with 70lbs of food on my back. I get off about a block from the house and skateboard home. Once im in the ard I pop my board up grabbing it. I open the door and Lisanns is there smiling. I kiss her and walk past her to put food away. " you just did something by yourself" She says as she pops open a beer, I take a cigarette out and light it " I just did something by myself" I say as it hits me. I was proud of myself and it felt good to know I idid something by myself with out Lisanna holding my hand