Georg sat at his desk, fingers tapping away at the keys, as he wrote an email to his marketing department. They had asked him if he could come in to look over some ideas for the newest online marketing strategy, but strangely enough, Georg did not jump at the chance to escape. He didn't feel the need to escape – not this time.
Things had been going well at the house with his children. That was an understatement, Georg thought. Things had been going phenomenally, better than he could have expected.
While his children had been a little slow in truly opening up to him, he valued their time together all the same. It was almost fun making up for lost time with them. He hadn't felt so free in years, being able to join in on their games and be included in their dramatic reading sessions. It was remarkable, he reflected, how the little things seemed to matter the most to his children.
Maria had deterred him from any grand gestures. He had been ready to go out and buy horses for all seven of his children, but Maria told him to start slow. She had reminded him that he wasn't buying their love, he was earning it. So, he had taken that advice to heart. He paid more attention, he joined in on their games, readings, and even supervised their studies. Just by showing up, Georg could see a dramatic change in the way his children interacted with him.
They didn't seem fearful anymore, but rather happy that he was taking the time to talk to them and join in on the activities that they liked to do. It was a giant weight off his shoulders. For a while, he hadn't felt like he was going to be enough, after all his mistakes. But he had been proven very wrong by the way they had taken to him. He began to feel like less of a stranger in his home and more like the father and man of the house he was supposed to be.
Of course, he owed a great deal of his progress to Maria. She had been the one to suggest he join in on their games and readings. She had been the one to make him see that he couldn't go on being the neglectful father he was. She was the one who made him realize that pushing his children away in the darkness of their mother's death was slowly killing him.
He wanted to thank Maria for making him see the light, but words never seemed to be enough. Even when he did thank her, she brushed it off nonchalantly, as if she were a mere spectator in the great journey of Georg returning to his children. He wanted to make her see that she wasn't just a spectator, but that she had been the catalyst of his change.
She certainly wasn't making the task easy. It seemed that the timid young woman who had begun to make an appearance after his embarrassing breakdown in the storage room was sticking around. She avoided being alone with him, especially after the movie night they had all shared only days ago. When he did catch her for a moment, she stuck strictly to conversation about the children and always left in a hurry.
While Maria continued to claim she needed to check on the children or that she was extremely exhausted, Georg could see right past the façade. For some reason that Georg couldn't fathom, Maria didn't want to be alone with him. It was frustrating. Not that he really needed to be alone with his children's governess, but it frustrated him nonetheless that she couldn't seem to stand to be in the same room with him if no one else was present.
When they were with the children, things were fine. They spoke and played games with the children and joked around. It was easy and effortless, and Georg liked that. He liked the ease between them, and her humour was a breath of fresh air. But once the children were out of sight, she would shut down. She would go from this joyful, intoxicating spirit to a monosyllabic, reserved girl in a matter of minutes.
Georg had been wracking his brain for days. Had he done something wrong? Had he said something to offend her? He searched for an answer but had come up with very few possibilities. He had thought that he had been a gentleman. He was kind and polite, and he tried his best to talk to her and get her opinions on things when it came to his children. After all, hadn't they agreed to work as a team?
He was at a loss. She seemed to be even more reserved after the movie night. He could pinpoint possible behaviours there that might have been less than appropriate, but it was all innocent, wasn't it? He had accidentally touched her hand in the popcorn bowl, but that wasn't his fault. He didn't know she was going to go for the popcorn at the same time as him. Okay, and he had accidentally touched her hand while reaching out to smooth Gretl's hair, but that wasn't his fault either! How was he supposed to know her hand would be there at the same time he was reaching out for his little girl?
And yes, there were the looks. He couldn't seem to look away when she came into his eyeline. He was just so fascinated by her strength and her compassion. It was like staring at a puzzle to figure out how to put it together. It was completely innocent, he told himself. Not that he often realized he was looking at her anyways. Sometimes she was just in his line of sight. Could he really help looking at her when she sat across from him at the dinner table?
But he still felt utterly guilty. He didn't want her to be uncomfortable around him, in fact, that was the last thing he wanted. If he had somehow crossed a line, he knew he had to make it up to her, for the sake of his children. It certainly wouldn't do for her to leave, just because she was uncomfortable around him. The children would be devastated; they had clearly become very fond of Maria. No, he had to try and make things right, he just wasn't quite sure how.
A knock at the door of his study pulled Georg from his reverie. He realized he was slumped in his chair, blankly staring at a half-composed email. He shook his head and straightened up.
"Come in," he called. He had half expected Max to walk in, as the man often took pleasure in interrupting Georg's work. He was quite surprised to find Elsa walking into the room instead. He felt his heart sink in his chest. He still hadn't had a conversation with Elsa, and he knew her patience was running rather thin with him.
Elsa sauntered into his study, looking elegant as ever in a pale blue blouse and a dark skirt that cut off just above her knee. She always looked like the height of sophistication with her perfectly sculpted hair and flawless make-up. It was one of the things that had first attracted him to her, he reflected. So, why did it do nothing for him now?
"Elsa, what can I do for you?" he asked, poising a polite smile on his face. She stood by the armchair across from his desk but made no move to sit. Instead, her eyes flitted about the room.
"This really is a beautiful room, Georg. I can see why you spend so much time in here," she commented as her eyes finally came to rest on his. He felt uneasy at the way she was looking at him. On the surface, her eyes studied his face with a contained politeness, but he could see a fire behind them that was ready to burn him.
"Yes, it is quite relaxing in here," he replied half heartedly. He knew what was coming. He knew it was going to be an interrogation, but unlike the conversation with Max, he wasn't sure he was going to make it through this one.
"Georg, I've been very patient, and I've tried to be understanding. But honestly, I don't even know what I'm supposed to be trying to understand!" Elsa exclaimed. Georg swallowed hard. There it was. She was initiating the conversation that he had been too much of a coward to initiate himself.
"Elsa, I-," he was cut short by Elsa's menacing stare, reaching into his soul.
"I'm not finished," she told him firmly. Georg nodded for her to continue, feeling quite like a young boy being reprimanded by a teacher. "For months, you've been different. I don't know what happened, or if it's something I've done, but you haven't been the same. You've been distant and miles away, and frankly, you've been acting like a child. If there's something wrong or I've done something to upset you, all you need to do is talk to me. This closed off act isn't going to cut it anymore."
Georg took a deep breath. He wasn't angry, he had no right to be. Everything Elsa had said was true. He was more so ashamed. He had been acting like a child. He chose to hide from the problem rather than to just man up and confront Elsa. But what would he tell her? That he had been having explicit dreams about his children's governess, long before she was even their governess? That he was so terrified of calling out the wrong name that he couldn't even fathom sharing a bed with her? No, he couldn't tell her that. That would mean explaining more than he had the mental capacity to endure in the moment.
"I am sorry, Elsa. I have been neglectful and uneasy lately. You've done nothing wrong, truly. In all honestly, I haven't been feeling myself lately. I've been working on myself, and my relationship with my children, but I didn't consider how it must be affecting you. But you are right, I should have talked to you about it," Georg said. He was proud of himself. While he wasn't exactly telling her the whole truth, he wasn't lying either.
"This started long before you even thought about reconnecting with your children, and you know that," Elsa replied, her eyes holding nothing back as she fixed him with a burning stare. Georg shifted in his seat, his fingers twitching restlessly against the armrest.
"Yes, well, I've needed space to figure things out. The last few months have been a turning point," he said, clearing his throat.
"You could have told me you needed space, Georg. I would have given it to you gladly," she replied. Georg winced. For some reason, he doubted her words. Elsa wasn't necessarily needy; she was an independent woman and he liked that about her. But she wasn't the type of woman to just let things be either.
"I'm sorry. I know I should have come to you in the beginning. I was just so caught up in my own head. It was unfair to you," Georg replied, his features turning solemn. He really did feel bad about how he had treated Elsa, after all she had been there for him through so much.
Elsa nodded in acknowledgement, but the fire didn't extinguish from her eyes.
"And what about Maria?" she asked coolly. Georg's blood ran cold. Why was she bringing Maria into this?
"What about Maria?" he replied evenly. What was she asking? Did she know something? Had Max slipped up? If Max had said anything, Georg swore he would make him regret it.
"I've just noticed that you two are quite friendly," she shrugged nonchalantly. Georg narrowed his eyes. Friendly? He wouldn't exactly call them friendly considering she did her best to actively avoid him.
"She's my children's governess, Elsa, nothing more," he said. He knew that wasn't entirely true – Maria would always be so much more than just a governess after everything she had done for him and his children. But Georg knew that telling Elsa that would only be pouring gasoline on Elsa's suspicions, though he wasn't quite sure what those suspicions were. What exactly was she trying to insinuate?
"You've never even looked twice at any of the previous governesses, and now it seems like she's the most interesting thing in most rooms," Elsa stated. Georg inwardly groaned. Had he really been looking at her that much?
"It's not like that. I'm thankful for Maria's help in reconnecting me with my children. She's provided great assistance, but it's a strictly professional relationship. And I don't take kindly to anything else being insinuated," Georg told her through gritted teeth. First Max had all but accused him of some unsavoury relationship with Maria and now Elsa was too? Was he really acting so inappropriately?
Elsa stayed quiet for a moment, watching Georg carefully. She seemed to scan his features for any sign that he was lying. After a moment, she shrugged, and her normal graceful features smoothed over her face.
"I don't want to pick a fight, I was merely stating an observation," Elsa replied neutrally, "If you say it's professional, I have no reason to doubt you."
"Thank you, Elsa," he muttered. He didn't want to argue with her. He didn't have the energy to have some sort of couple's spat with her when they really weren't even a couple. He briefly wondered if somewhere along the way she had convinced herself that they were more that what he thought they were.
"And if you need space, I'll give it to you. Next time, please just talk to me," she told him. Georg forced a smile on his face. He just wanted there to be an end to this conversation. He didn't like the way his head throbbed when she insinuated something between him and Maria.
"I will. I'm sorry, again, for leaving you without answers for so long," he said, feigning all the politeness he could muster. Elsa nodded.
"Well, why don't you come out to the terrace. I've gotten terribly bored of Max and his same five stories. You look like you could use a break," she said. Georg looked down at his unfinished email. Denying Elsa at this point would seem futile. She was a woman who was used to getting what she wanted and considering Georg hadn't given her anything she wanted in a while, he supposed it was the least he could do. He didn't want to initiate any further argument.
"Some fresh air sounds lovely," he replied, flashing her a charming smile. Elsa smiled back at him as he rose from his chair and followed her out of the room.
They walked in silence to the terrace. Georg was too busy thinking about the conversation they had just had to even try and initiate a new conversation. She had called him out on his behaviour, but he had expected more. He had expected her to come right out and ask him why he wouldn't sleep with her. Ultimately, he was relieved she hadn't. He wasn't sure how he would have gotten out of that one.
"Ah, Georg, there you are. I was beginning to think we wouldn't see you until dinner," Max said from his seat as he saw the two exit the house. Georg gave him a weak smile before shouts and laughter caught his attention. He looked past Max, out into the yard where his children were playing a game with their governess.
Maria's head was thrown back in laughter as Kurt tripped trying to grab Brigitta in what Georg could only assume was a game of tag. He was glad to see that Kurt's ankle was feeling better, even though he was a little wary of his son injuring himself again.
"I can't tell what they are playing," Max said. "It looks like some sort of tag game, but every once in a while, Friedrich will throw a ball at someone and they fall to the ground and stay there until someone else runs over to revive them. It's quite peculiar."
"It must be one of the games they've made up," Georg said, a fond smile spreading across his face as he watched Marta run after Maria.
"Why don't you take a seat, Georg? I'm sure Elsa is bored to death of me," Max chuckled.
"She may have mentioned something about that," Georg said, tearing his eyes away from his children to quirk an eyebrow at Max. Elsa laughed.
"Oh, Max, you know I could never truly grow bored of you," she said. Max poured a glass of lemonade from the pitcher on the table. Georg moved to the end of the table furthest from the door, taking a seat. He noted that he had a pleasant view of his children's antics.
"Yes, I know. You've put up with me eight years longer than most," Max replied before taking a sip from his glass.
"I've only known you for eight years," Elsa replied, blinking at Max.
"Exactly," Max said. Elsa laughed. Georg smiled in Max's direction before turning his head back to where his children were playing. Maria had been caught by Marta and Georg presumed that she was now 'it'. She ran after Louisa, who skillfully dodged all of her governess' attempts to catch her. But Maria wasn't one to give up. She chased Louisa around the yard, lunging forward to catch a hold of the girl's arm before running in the opposite direction.
Georg chuckled to himself. It really was refreshing to watch her participate so actively with his children. He doubted any of the other governesses had engaged so intimately with the children. Then again, he wouldn't know. He wasn't around enough to know.
He shook his head. He knew he couldn't get upset about it. He was striving to be a better father, and that's what he had to focus on. If he continued to drown in the failings of his past, he would never move forward.
It seemed that the children had begun to gang up on Maria. Three of them began to circle her before closing in. Max was right, the game was peculiar. He couldn't recall any game where there would be three people acting as the 'it' person, but then again, who was he to judge? As long as they were happy, Georg didn't care what they played.
His eyes wandered to Maria, who was trying to dodge the attacks coming from his three eldest children. She was fast, he had to give her that. Her long legs gave her a speed in which she could have been a marathon runner. Her legs were toned and strong too, he could see the muscles flexing where her denim shorts ended.
"So, what about you, Georg?" the sound of his name pulled him from his thoughts. He turned his attention to Max, who watched him with a curious look.
"Hm?" he replied. He grabbed a glass and began to pour himself some lemonade. His throat suddenly felt very dry.
"Did you not hear a word we just said?" Max asked. Elsa cocked her head at Georg, watching him with a careful intensity that made Georg's skin crawl.
"I'm afraid not. I've been trying to decipher what the rules of this game are," Georg said, nodding towards the yard. He brought the glass to his lips and swallowed some of the sweet liquid. Strange, he thought, his throat still felt incredibly dry.
"We were talking about our first kisses," Max said. Georg raised his eyebrows and laughed dryly.
"Isn't that a little juvenile?" Georg asked. Why on earth three grown adults would be recounting their first kisses was beyond him. It seemed like something young girls in high school would be gossiping about at a sleep over.
"I'm bored! Just humour us, Georg. I revealed that mine was in a custodian closet in middle school. She was two years ahead of me, and she did it on a dare. But I'm telling you, your friend Max didn't disappoint. She came back the next day asking for seconds," Max said, lounging back in his chair with a proud smirk plastered on his face before taking a sip of his lemonade. Elsa scoffed.
"Surely, you're embellishing," she said.
"Oh no, dear. It was all over the school the next day that I was a phenomenal kisser. I had girls lining up for a taste," Max exclaimed. He eyed Elsa. "I could show you if you'd like."
"Max! You really are detestable," Elsa said through her breathy chuckles. Georg rolled his eyes. Max had always been an extravagant story teller.
"I'm pretty sure none of that happened," Georg stated. Max turned his attention to Georg.
"Do I need to show you?" he asked, eyebrows raised. Georg laughed weakly.
"No, I think I'm okay," Georg said.
"Well I've told you mine. Elsa's was extremely boring," Max said. Elsa scoffed and smacked Max's arm.
"It was not boring. My first kiss was with my first boyfriend in middle school at a school dance. It was all very romantic," she said, glancing in Georg's direction. He gave her a weak smile, but the undertones of her glance didn't pass him by.
"Boring," Max cooed. Elsa smacked his arm again. "Ow! Okay, Georg, it's your turn."
"Really? This seems entirely unnecessary," Georg groaned. He wasn't one for silly games. He detested them, really.
"Come on. Share with the class. And please let it be more exciting than Elsa's," Max said. Another smack landed on his arm. "Woman, I bruise like a peach."
"It's nothing you don't deserve," she muttered. Max shrugged and looked at Georg expectantly. Georg sighed. When Max was bored, there was nothing he wouldn't do to hear a juicy scoop of gossip. It irritated Georg to no end.
"Fine. I was in high school. As you already know, I was active in the drama community. I was the understudy for Romeo in the school play, and just my luck, the original Romeo got sick on opening night, so I had to step up," Georg groaned at the memory. His Juliet had been nearly half a foot taller than him and the roughest player on the girl's rugby team. She had man handled him like a sack of potatoes.
"So, your first kiss was during a re-enactment of Romeo and Juliet?" Max asked.
"Yes. And it lacked any romance at all. It was rather awkward, honestly," he shuddered. Max barked with laughter.
"That has to be the saddest story I've ever heard!" Max's laugh echoed across the terrace. Georg groaned in frustration. He hadn't even wanted to tell the story in the first place.
"What's the saddest story you've ever heard?" Georg's head snapped over to the stairs leading up to the terrace where Maria was walking towards them. He hadn't noticed that she had been coming in their direction. He felt his heart rate pick up and he straightened himself up in his seat.
"Georg's first kiss. It took place on the stage, where he was always meant to be," Max laughed. Georg narrowed his eyes. Why did Max always have to be so funny? If you can call him funny, Georg thought bitterly. Maria said nothing, she didn't even give Georg a glance as she went to reach for the lemonade.
"Georg, that isn't that bad. I've heard worse tales," Elsa said, but she couldn't hold back a small giggle that escaped her throat. Georg rolled his eyes and took a sip of his lemonade. He watched as Maria did the same. She looked out of breath, but there was a certain glow about her. While she looked utterly exhausted, she also looked happy. That made Georg smile to himself. For some reason, it filled his heart with unbridled joy that she was happy with his children, that she was happy in his home.
"What about you, Maria?" Max asked. Georg stilled. Was Max really asking Maria about her first kiss?
"What about me?" she inquired. Max shot Georg a knowing look before answering.
"Well, how did your first kiss happen?" Max asked. Georg wanted to smack the man. It was entirely inappropriate to be asking Maria that. She was working, for Christ's sake! Not only that, but his children were right in the yard.
Georg knew Max's motives. He wanted to see if Georg would react to prove some fictitious theory only Max's ridiculous brain could come up with to be true.
"Oh Max, it's not a very exciting story," Maria said. Georg noticed her cheeks darken as she looked into her glass.
"It has to be better than these two. Please, I'm curious," Max told her. Georg huffed. He had to put a stop to this.
"Didn't anyone tell you that curiosity killed the cat, Max?" Georg said. Maria finally looked in Georg's direction and shot him a thankful glance. Georg smiled back and nodded gently. The least he could do was defend her against Max's inquiries.
"Is it embarrassing?" Max asked. Maria stayed silent. "Well, now I'm really curious."
"Max," Georg said in a warning tone. Max looked in Georg's direction and raised an eyebrow.
"Really, Georg, must you ruin all my fun?" Max asked. Georg shrugged, hoping he had put an end to the conversation.
"I consider it a second job to do so," he replied. Max looked back at Maria.
"I simply won't be able to have any peace of mind until I know," Max told her. Maria looked at Max warily. Georg groaned. Damn Max and his persistence! Damn Max and his need to be in the know for everything! Georg wasn't even sure if he wanted to hear about Maria's first kiss. The thought of her telling the story of some handsome boy from her youth sweeping her off her feet made Georg's stomach tighten.
"Leave the girl alone. You need to get used to not getting what you want," Elsa said to Max. Georg shot Elsa a thankful look. He was glad to see her coming to Maria's defence, even if only for a moment. Max only scoffed.
"Don't you know who I am? I can't leave anything alone," Max said. "Don't tell us any details if you don't want to. I'm just curious on when it was."
Georg rolled his eyes and looked at Maria. She seemed to be staying quiet through this entire attack by Max. He doubted she would indulge him at all. She didn't seem necessarily forthcoming with personal information, especially to those she didn't know that well. Georg knew Max would give up eventually; his stubborn nature only went so far, until the next interesting thing came his way.
Georg brought the glass to his lips once again. He suspected Maria was going to leave or make some excuse about needing to check on the children, even though they were within sight. However, he did not expect the next sentence to come out of her mouth.
"It was four months ago."
Georg's eyes widened as realization flooded over him like a tidal wave. The liquid caught in his throat and he began to sputter and choke. He placed the glass on the table with as much grace as he could while his entire body wracked with the force of the coughs that escaped him. Max stood and began to pat a firm hand against Georg's back.
"Georg, are you all right?" Elsa asked. He glanced up to see Elsa and Maria looking at him with fear in their eyes, one pair of eyes looking a little more guilty than the other. Georg nodded as a few more coughs escaped his lungs.
"Yes, fine. It must have gone down the wrong way," he choked out, nodding towards the glass that sat on the table. The coughing had subsided somewhat, but his lungs still felt incredibly tight while his head spun. Four months ago? Had he heard her right? Perhaps she had said four years and his brain had just misconstrued the information. Yes, that must be it.
"Four months, really?" Max asked as he returned to his chair. Georg shot a menacing look in Max's direction. Of course, he wouldn't be able to simply leave it alone. Max only looked back at Georg with an amused smile on his face. Georg wanted to smack that stupid smirk off his face. This was far from funny.
"Well, yes," she told him quietly, avoiding Georg's burning stare. He wanted her to look at him. More importantly, he wanted to make some sort of apology. Had he really taken her first kiss from her in some kind of drunken, spur of the moment mindset?
"Really? That's hard to believe. You certainly aren't an unattractive girl," Elsa said, watching Georg carefully. Georg took great effort to keep his face neutral, though on the inside, his heart was racing a mile a minute. He felt insurmountable guilt weighing heavy in his chest.
Had he known that she had never kissed anyone, he certainly wouldn't have taken advantage of her in such a way. The thought hadn't even crossed his mind. Maria was an attractive young woman; he had thought that she had experience. He hadn't doubted that for a moment. But then again, he had never let his mind wander to just how much experience she did have.
"I suppose the opportunity never arose before then," she replied. Her cheeks were bright red now as she kept her glance firmly on the cup in her hand. Georg wondered what she was thinking in that moment. Had she been angry with him all this time for how he had stolen something so precious from her? That would certainly explain her stand-offish attitude towards him on her first day under his employment. And it would explain why she avoided him so diligently now.
"Was he good at least?" Max asked. Georg felt his blood run cold as embarrassment hung over him like a dark cloud. He really didn't want to hear the answer to that. He really didn't want her to go into detail. Georg kicked Max's leg from under the table and gave him a warning look.
"Maria! Are you coming back?" A shout from the yard disrupted the awkwardness of the moment. Georg had never been so glad to hear one of his children's voices. Maria turned to look at Gretl, who was watching her expectantly.
"Of course," Maria said, a smile poised on her face. She turned her head back to Max and Elsa. "I suppose that's my cue."
She walked down the steps and re-entered the game as if she had never left, leaving a silence behind. Georg stared at the table in front of him as he contemplated the information he had just been made aware of. There was a possibility it wasn't him, right? Four months ago, she could have kissed someone before that night. Even as Georg tried to reason with himself, he knew deep down that it couldn't have been anyone else. Maria just wasn't the type. The way her eyes had avoided him, and the way her cheeks had flushed when he looked at her, it had to have been him.
"How strange," Elsa said, ending the silence at the table. Georg said nothing, nor did he make a move. He wasn't sure what to say or do in the moment. His mind felt as if it were in overdrive as Maria's words echoed in his head.
"Oh, I don't know," said Max, "I knew a man who hadn't kissed anyone until he was thirty. Some people just don't find the right person or timing until much later in life."
Except, Georg thought, she hadn't found the right person or the right timing. She had only found a broken man in a nightclub who thought that he had wanted her in the moment.
Georg couldn't focus on anything else that Max or Elsa said. He wasn't even sure how long they were sitting out there. He could hear himself making offhand 'yes's and 'hm's at the appropriate times, but he couldn't, for the life of him, tune his brain in to what they were speaking about. It was impossible for his brain to even process anything else.
Knowing that he was Maria's first kiss cleared some things up for him. The way she had been acting, the way she avoided him, it all made sense. She was probably terrified of him and the way he had acted that night. He had all but gotten her drunk and ravaged her against the side of a building. It was abominable, what he did. And to think he had even thought about letting it go further…
Georg was ashamed. The guilt lay heavy in his chest while his mind spun around the problem that was Maria. No, she wasn't the problem, it was him and his actions. He was the one with more experience. He had known from the minute he saw her that he was much older than she was, so why had he made such a careless decision? Why had he acted no better than a school boy?
Dinner wasn't much different. He could hear the conversations going on around him, but he wasn't sure what anyone was saying. It felt like he was drowning under water while the rest of the world carried on.
All but Maria carried on as normal. She was the only thing his brain seemed to be attuned to at the time. He watched her carefully, noting how quiet and subdued she was, and how her eyes barely left her plate. She only responded when addressed to, and she never dared to look in his direction.
She hadn't looked at him since he had sputtered his lemonade on the terrace, and he was upset by that fact. If he was being honest with himself, the fact that she wasn't looking at him was ruining his mental stability. He needed her to see how sorry he was, he needed her to see that if he had known, he wouldn't have made the same mistakes. But she refused to let her gaze travel from the children.
As he watched her, he found his thoughts solely on her. If she hadn't kissed anyone before him, did that mean she had never… He shook his head. He shouldn't even be questioning her virginity, especially while he was at the table with his family and friends. It shouldn't matter to him whether she was a virgin or not, he had still done something incredibly wrong, even if he hadn't taken it that far.
But his mind still found itself lingering on the question. He was curious. He realized through her confession that he knew next to nothing about the woman who had completely changed his life.
He knew he needed to speak to her. He had to make things right, after all. Georg believed he was a man of honour, he prided himself on that fact. To have done something that was so unhonourable toyed with his mind. And Elsa had been right earlier when she suggested that he was acting like a child by not confronting his problems. He needed to stop hiding. This was an issue that needed to be addressed, lest it become more strained around his house.
He knew she likely wouldn't want to speak to him. He knew that they had agreed to put the whole event behind them in a pact to never speak of it. But if he didn't talk to her about it, he knew the guilt would only pile up in his mind, and he knew that she would only continue to avoid him. He needed to make it clear that his actions would not be repeated.
He saw his chance as everyone got up to leave for dinner.
"Erm, Maria?" he asked as she rose from her seat. She did look up in his direction, but not exactly at him. She seemed to focus her attention somewhere to the left of him. "I was hoping we might be able to speak in my study. I had a few questions about Liesl's project for her studies."
Maria opened her mouth to say something but quickly closed it as she noticed Max and Elsa's eyes on her. He didn't doubt that she wanted to refuse to go with him, knowing that he might bring her admittance up, but with Max and Elsa watching What could she really do? Refuse to speak to her employer about her charges?
"If you insist," she said quietly. Georg rose from his seat, ready to get the conversation over with.
"I shouldn't be too long, then maybe we can have a drink later," he forced a smile on his face as he looked down at Elsa, then at Max who was fixing him with a glare.
"Are you sure it can't wait until morning, Georg?" Max asked. Georg knew that Max was on to him. Georg suspected that he knew exactly what he was planning on talking with Maria about, and it had nothing to do with a project. Georg also knew that Max likely wasn't too keen on what Georg was about to do, but he couldn't find it in him to care. He wasn't going to let things go on being uncomfortable if he could put a stop to the tension. Besides, if Max hadn't wanted a conversation like this to ensue, he should have just kept his mouth shut earlier.
"I'm sure, Max. I'll join you in the sitting room when I'm done," Georg told them before gesturing for Maria to follow him. He felt two pairs of eyes follow him out of the room. He knew what he was doing would inevitably raise some questions, especially after he had just had a conversation with Elsa only hours ago. But his main concern was making things right with Maria.
The two walked in silence to his study. He could feel the nerves vibrating off Maria. His own heart was beating erratically in his chest. Did she think he was mad? Did she think he was going to reprimand her for confessing what she had? His heart fell at the thought. Did she really still consider him to be some sort of ill-tempered monster?
They made it to the door, not a word being shared between them. As Georg began to unlock the door, he spared a glance in Maria's direction. She was looking at one of the walls, her features wearing a deep frown. He opened the door and stepped aside to let her in. Georg followed, closing the door with a gentle click.
For a moment, he just leaned back against the hard wood of the door and watched her. She stood in the center of the room, not quite sure where she should go. She wrung her hands and shifted from foot to foot. She was sure not to make eye contact with him, keeping her gaze to the floor beneath her feet as she chewed on her bottom lip. Georg had come to realize these as signs of her discomfort.
He pushed himself off the door and walked over to the sofa, easing back into the plush cushions. He folded his hands in his lap to try and still his twitching fingers. Maria made no move to sit down.
"Please, Maria, have a seat," he said softly, gesturing to the sofa with his hand. Maria shook her head.
"You wanted to ask me about Liesl's project, that shouldn't take too long, right?" she asked timidly. Georg sighed.
"You know I didn't ask you here to talk about the children," he stated. He watched Maria's shoulders slump as she nodded slowly.
"I know," she said gently. Georg wracked his brain about how to start such a conversation. Did he just ask her flat out? Did he ease into the conversation? Should he try starting with humour? He was no expert at navigating such an awkward conversation. In fact, he took great measures to avoid ever having such a conversation. He had never been fond of confrontation. But as he contemplated on how to gently ease into what he knew was going to be a difficult topic, he was saved by her voice rising up.
"I shouldn't have said anything," she said as she began pacing in front of him, "I can be so silly sometimes. I don't think before I say things, you know. I just say them without thinking of any repercussions. And I wasn't going to say anything, I really wasn't. But Max was staring up at me with these expecting eyes, and Elsa was eying me with a hawk like gaze. It just slipped out. And I'm so sorry for saying it, especially in front of your friends. I mean, Max obviously knows! I didn't think about how it might affect you if I said anything. And I-."
Georg had heard enough. He held a hand up to stop her.
"Maria, stop," he told her firmly. She stopped and turned towards him, and for the first time in what seemed like hours, she finally looked at him. Her eyes were full of sorrow and guilt, and Georg had to wonder why. Did she think she had done something wrong? No, if anyone was in the wrong, it was him.
"Sit down," he said, nodding to the sofa. This time, she did take a seat on the opposite end of the sofa from him. She wrung her hands in her lap as she stared straight ahead of her.
"I'm not angry," he told her in a gentler tone. She turned her head to look at him, scanning his face for any sign of doubt. "At least, I'm not angry at you."
"You're not?" she asked in disbelief. He shook his head, straightening himself in his seat.
"No. I'm angry at Max for his persistence and for asking you the question in the first place. I know you were in an awkward position, and I'm sorry I didn't do more to make him stop. But I can only take my anger with Max so far. I'm the one I'm most angry with," he told her, casting his eyes downwards to his hands.
"Why?" she asked. Georg could almost laugh at her asking that question. Wasn't she angry with him too?
"Aren't you angry with me?" he asked. He watched as his thumb began to tap against the back of his hand in random patterns.
"No," she told him. He looked up and raised an eyebrow at her. "I'm not angry at you. Why should I be?"
"Because of that night. Because I took something away from you. I know we said we would leave it in the past, but I can't. Obviously, you're uncomfortable around me and I think it has something to do with that night. We can't keep dancing around it if we want to work together as a team," he stated. She looked away from him, chewing on her bottom lip as she surveyed the books along the far wall of his study.
"I'm not angry," she told him again. She looked back in his direction with solemn eyes. "And I'm not uncomfortable around you."
"The hell you aren't!" Georg exclaimed. "You avoid me at every turn, unless the children are present. You take extreme measures not to talk to me, and you barely even look me in the eye. I thought we said we were going to be a team. We can't be a team if we don't even talk to each other. If it's that night that's making you uncomfortable, then tell me. You're the only governess in five years that my children have taken to, and I don't want them to lose you because I made a mistake."
Georg felt several emotions rise to the surface. While the guilt and remorse had already been present, he began to feel pangs of sadness and loss. Would she really leave them? He wasn't sure he could take it if she did. The children loved her; it was clear in their eyes when she entered a room. If she left, he wasn't sure they would ever forgive him for it. He wasn't sure if he would ever be able to forgive himself.
She was silent for a long time, keeping her eyes in her lap. Georg's fingers tapped against his knee as he waited for some kind of a response. The silence would surely be his undoing.
"I don't know how to explain it. I haven't confronted anything about that night. I haven't wanted to. I mean it was fine when I had no idea who you were, I could live with it. But now you're my employer. It all just became so complicated," she muttered. Georg understood better than she probably thought he did. It had become very complicated. He closed his eyes briefly and tried to calm his frantic mind.
"Then let's uncomplicate it. I think we need to talk about it," he said hesitantly. Maria glanced at him with bewildered eyes. He knew she wouldn't want to talk about it. To be honest, he didn't either. Talking about it would only bring up memories he would rather not relive; memories that already haunted his every sleeping hour. But maybe, he thought, if they talked about it, the discomfort, the awkwardness, and the dreams would just stop. He needed to try, at least, for his sanity.
"I don't think that will help anything," she said, biting her lip. He shrugged as he stood from the sofa.
"With the way things are now, it certainly couldn't hurt. Do you want a drink?" he asked as he walked over to the small bar in his office that sat behind the couch. He picked out a bottle of whiskey and began to pour a glass for himself. He knew he would need a stiff drink if he was going to be delving into such a conversation. The idea alone had his stomach twisting in uncomfortable ways.
"Just water, please," he heard her say. He poured her a glass of water and walked back over to the couch with the glasses. He handed the water to her. "Thank you."
"Now," he started as he sat back down, "let me start by saying that it was not my intention for things to get so out of hand when I met you that night."
"It wasn't?" she asked. Georg frowned. What kind of man did she think he was?
"Did you think that I purposely spilt a drink on you to try and seduce you?" he asked. She shrugged.
"It crossed my mind," she told him. He felt his ego take the hit. It wasn't an idea that was completely out of the question. He was an older man who had been in a nightclub who struck up a conversation with a far younger woman. He could see where things might get misconstrued, but he didn't want her thinking that he was that type of man.
"Well, it wasn't my intention. Spilling the drink was entirely accidental," he muttered. He took a sip of his whiskey. He would need another five of those to make the discussion the least bit tolerable. "Do you have any other questions?"
"Were you, um, trying to get me drunk?" she asked quietly, averting her eyes. Georg narrowed his eyes at her. Did she really think he had been trying to get her wasted so he could do as he pleased with her?
"No," he told her earnestly, his fingers twitching against his leg, "I just thought buying you a couple drinks was the least I could do after nearly drowning you."
"So, you had no, erm, ulterior motives?" she asked. Georg inwardly groaned. He wasn't sure he was going to leave such a discussion with his dignity intact.
"No. Like I said, I had no intention of it going as far as it did. I had actually planned to spend most of the night with Max, and then when he ran off, I figured I was on my own," he told her. He took another sip. She finally faced him. Her face was a furious pink, but he could see that she had stopped wringing her hands.
"Then why did you strike up a conversation with me?" she asked a little more firmly. He paused. That was a good question – one in which he wasn't entirely sure of the answer.
"I don't know. Your personality was refreshing, I suppose I found myself curious about you," he muttered, keeping his eyes on his cup. If he thought he had felt embarrassed before, he was wrong. This line of interrogation felt like a complete bruise to his ego. Why had he even decided to bring this up again?
"Why didn't you mention your children?" she asked. Georg sighed.
"As you know, I wasn't really in good standing with them. I guess it was nice being able to forget about my failings as a father and a man for a night with someone who didn't know me," he said. She nodded in understanding. "Any more questions?"
"Just one," she said. He watched as she bit her lip and kept her eyes on her feet. Whatever her question was, she was rather shy about asking it.
"Go on, you can ask me," he told her, leaning forward slightly to get her to look at him. He wanted her to know that she didn't have to be afraid to ask him anything. She looked up to meet his eye.
"Why did you kiss me?" she asked. Georg's heart hammered in his chest. How was he supposed to answer this one? Could he tell her that he was amazed by her beauty and her view of the world – so much so that he just couldn't help himself? No, he didn't want to make her anymore uncomfortable around him that she already was. While he had prided himself on being totally honest up to this point, he wasn't about to confront certain ideas that were swimming around in the back of his mind where they belonged.
"It felt right in the moment," he answered tentatively. It wasn't the whole truth, but it was enough, he hoped, to ease her mind. She nodded, but her brows furrowed together. She obviously wasn't happy with his explanation, but Georg feared that it was all he could give her without scaring her. "Can I ask you something?"
"I think it's only fair," she muttered without looking up at him. He took a deep breath before continuing.
"If you hadn't, uh, kissed anyone before, why did you let me?" he asked. It was the question that had been weighing heavy on his mind for the entire afternoon. He needed to know. He desperately hoped it didn't have anything to do with how much she had drank. He wasn't sure if he could live with himself if it did.
She slowly brought her gaze up to look at him, scanning his face with tentative eyes. He noticed just how blue her eyes were and he was struck by the memory of drowning in them under the stars. His breath quickened as he anticipated an answer, all while trying desperately not to get lost in her all-consuming eyes.
"It felt right in the moment," she threw back at him. Georg winced at his own words being used against him, but he supposed it served him right. If he couldn't give her a straight answer, why should she? But his brain didn't accept such an answer. He wanted to know. Was it for the same reason that he had kissed her?
"I am sorry, if I had known, I wouldn't have, erm, taken it as far as I did," he said, scratching behind his ear. Maria shrugged.
"How were you supposed to know?" she asked, staring at him with wide, innocent eyes.
"I just hope-. I mean I don't want it to have been-. Well, because it was your first-. Uh, I just don't want it to have been a terrible experience for you," he mumbled quickly before downing the rest of the liquid in his cup. He felt the heat prickle on his face.
"It, um, wasn't a terrible experience," she muttered back, taking a sip of her water. Georg smiled, despite himself. He wasn't sure why her words had made his heart soar, but he felt himself recover at a rapid pace from the awkwardness that had bruised his ego so badly.
"Good," he replied, "Now, do you think we can move past this?"
"I think we can try," she said, looking at him with a genuine sparkle in her eye. He hoped that they could. With everything out in the open, surely, they would be able to move forward, right?
"Maybe we can try and be friends?" he suggested with a tentative shrug. Maria nodded slowly.
"I think I'd like us to try," she said. Georg smiled at her.
"I'd like that too," he told her earnestly. She gave him a small smile back. He really did want them to try and be friends. Despite their past, he found himself happy in her presence. She made him laugh and he found himself extremely curious about where this whirlwind of a governess had come from.
"I should probably go see what the children are up to. I know they wanted to watch a movie tonight," she said. Georg nodded. This time, he knew it wasn't a tactic to avoid him. Her genuine concern for his children was admirable.
"Yes, I need to make sure Max hasn't raided the cellar yet. He seems to have a knack for finding all the keys in this house," he muttered. Maria giggled and the sound shot straight to Georg's heart. It was nice to be able to make her giggle in his presence. It filled him with a sense of joy that he was able to do so, and the sound brought a smile to her face.
"I suppose I'll see you later, Captain," she said, placing her glass on the table next to her and rising from her seat.
"You can call me Georg, you know," he told her. She looked back at him with a playful smile on her face, one that made his heart rate pick up. She really did have an enchanting smile, he noted.
"I kind of like calling you Captain," she said. Georg chuckled. He realized that he didn't really mind hearing her call him that.
"Then Captain it is," he said back, a light smile on his lips. "Thank you, Maria. I know it wasn't exactly easy to talk about this."
"I'm glad we did. I think it answered some questions for both of us," she told him. Georg nodded.
"Yes, I think it did us some good," he replied. "But I want to thank you for everything else you've done too. This place is a home now, and a large part of that is owed to you. Don't say it's not or claim you have nothing to do with it, just let me thank you."
"You're welcome," she said softly, her cheeks darkening. He smiled when she didn't brush the compliment off.
"Good night, Maria," he said.
"Good night, Captain," she said, making her way to the door. She gave him one last gentle smile before exiting the room. Georg laid his head back against the couch, a smile plastered on his face. He was truly glad that they had talked about that night, as awkward as it had been. He really hoped that it would make her a little less uncomfortable around him.
He also hoped that now that he had confronted it, maybe his subconscious would return to normal. Maybe the dreams that plagued his every sleeping moment would dissipate, now that he had talked to her about it and cleared the air. Maybe his body would go back to normal, as well. Maybe his chest would stop feeling so tight when she entered a room, or his heart would cease its hammering every time he caught her eye. Maybe all that anxiety he felt was due to not having confronted that night. He hoped his anxiety would cease now that they had both openly discussed it.
All in all, the conversation they had filled him with hope for the future. He hoped that it would dispel the tension. Perhaps he could focus on finding normalcy in his life. The past four months had tortured his mind and his soul, but now they had talked about it. It was out in the open. Surely, that meant things had to change, right? Now that he had closure, things would naturally have to go back to normal.
He had confronted all his fears and anxieties about Maria. He was proud of himself for that. He was proud of himself from not hiding away. He could finally move forward with his life.
What he didn't realize in the moment was that he was completely and totally lying to himself.
A/N: My lord, what a chapter. This definitely had OC moments, I know that, although I hope I did okay in keeping everyone relatively in character. It's proven to be quite difficult to keep everyone strictly aligned with their characters in a modern setting. I just live for awkward, confused Georg. And I needed these two fools to confront the night because it was driving me insane. Even though, maybe they didn't confront everything they should have?
I really hope you enjoyed this chapter, despite the twists. As I was writing it, I really began to realize how far from the original plot it was. Then again, between the argument by the lake and the puppet show, I have virtually no content to go off, so I'm just filling in the blanks to fit with this wild Modern AU.
I've also completely given up on trying to write decent sized chapters. My original goal was 4,000 to 6,000 words per chapter. Yes, well, you see how well that worked out as this chapter is nearly at 10k. I'm sorry for giving you such monstrously long chapters.
Thank you to every single one of you for reading, and a special thanks to those of you who left such lovely reviews on the last chapter. I was absolutely shocked by the positive response. Honestly, a few reviews even sparked inspiration unintentionally. I have the next five chapters outlined and ready to be written. Some of the upcoming chapters are going to loosely relate back to the original plot. I promise I'm trying to stick with the key events; I just like giving it a little modern twist.
Also, my exams are over! Thank you for the good luck wishes, I really appreciated them. Everything went smoothly, so fingers crossed. And now I have all this time to write. I have some pretty heavy things in store for you, so beware.