The next few weeks were very difficult. I had gotten better after passing out. Seth even had Sue checking on me more often than necessary. I could tell Seth didn't want to make direct contact with me. I couldn't tell if it was because he was really trying to give me some space or if it was because he hated me now. Either way I didn't deserve his kindness and warmth any more.
I had hurt him pretty badly. I was only doing what Leah said because she knew her brother better than I did. I wanted him to be happy without me. Even if it meant I hurt like I have the last few weeks. I knew better than to try and talk to him in front of the others at school or anywhere else. I'd be in a lot more trouble than I already was. I knew Sue didn't want either of us to hurt. She cared enough about the both of us to not want this. She was always too nice to me.
I deserved it because I knew it would've come one day. I just didn't think it would be so soon. Ever since the breakup, I'd been pretty messed up. And I was the one who dumped him. I just couldn't forget about it because of this stabbing pain in my chest. It was a constant reminder that I hurt him so much. All I did any more was walk around like a zombie. Like I shouldn't be alive.
One Saturday afternoon, it was beautiful outside. I couldn't bear to look at it. I couldn't even stand to feel the suns warmth on my skin. It reminded me too much of Seth. I knew this was a bit much, but it was something I couldn't help. I just needed to cope with this in my own way.
Which gave me an idea. I was finally starting to perk up a little bit. I ran down the stairs grabbing my keys to the house. I wrote a note to mom and dad, telling them I was going out to First Beach. That I'd be back by dinner.
I raced out the front door, barely keeping my phone and keys in my hand. I was getting more and more excited the more I thought about it. I planned on going to the beach close to the reservation. I wanted to scope out the cliffs and see if anyone was there. If not then I'd be going cliff diving. I'd heard Seth talk about it enough to know how much of a rush I'd get from doing it. It was a beautiful enough day to give it a try anyway.
It was also enough to distract me from my pain. I ran the long way there through the reservation. It took me long enough, but I wanted anyone and everyone to see me getting out with a smile on my face and head in the direction of the cliffs. If I were lucky, then one of the guys that Seth hung out with would see me. Then they could tell Seth and hopefully he'd know what happened to me if I didn't live through this.
I finally made it to the beach. I walked close enough to the edge to see if anyone were there. To my luck all the guys and Leah were there. I smiled to myself. I wanted to have a little fun of my own and see if anyone would notice me going to jump. I got more excited and the pain had nearly quit. I saw the back of She's head. I wanted to call out to him. I wanted to race over to him and tell him that I'm sorry and beg for his forgiveness. I thought the best way to show him I was sorry was by cliff jumping and showing him I wasn't scared.
I remembered the trail Seth said would take me out to the highest cliff. I followed the trail exactly and found myself at the right cliff. I had sat my keys and phone down on the ground. I didn't want to lose them. Or destroy them for that matter. I was very excited to try this. I walked over to the edge of the cliff. I wanted to see how far down it went. It was definitely a high jump. I walked back over to my phone and keys to put my shoes with them.
I turned back toward the edge of the cliff. I could hear the guys screaming down at the beach. I couldn't make out what it was exactly, but they sounded excited. I got a running start toward the edge of the cliff. As I got to the edge, I pushed myself away from the cliff and went into a diving position.
I fell for what seemed like forever. When I finally hit the water, it was freezing. I didn't care because I almost instantly went numb. I swam my way back to the top of the water. My head popped through into the air. I took in a deep breathe. I felt a major rush. It was nice to be in the water a little. Although I was trying to be careful not to get swept out any further by the currents.
I made my way back to shore. Everyone was standing there. Even Seth. They all looked shocked at me being there. I'd come up with some excuse as to why I was here. I'd tell them something if they needed to know, but I couldn't tell them the truth. It'd make me look bad.
"What the hell is the matter with you?!" Someone screamed at me.
It took a few seconds to realize who it was yelling at me.
"I'm sorry Sam. I was just coming out to have a little fun." I said sheepishly.
"Well you scared us all to death. Sue said it seemed as if you were suicidal. And for you to come here and do that to Seth. I'm shocked!" Sam yelled again.
"I'm shocked too! How could you do all this to my little brother?!" Leah questioned loudly.
That is what made me finally snap. I didn't realize how long I'd been holding this in for, but it was finally coming out.
"Don't you even start that shit with me Leah! You are the one who told me to break up with Seth! It was you that made me feel uncomfortable by glaring at me every time I came over to hang out with Seth! I never stopped loving him! I only broke up with him because I thought I could trust his big sister! I thought you knew him well enough to not want him to get hurt! I have been having chest pains for three weeks because of us breaking up. I can't even trust you any more Leah!" I screamed at her.
I stormed off in the directions of the cliffs again. My good mood vanished after what Leah said. I decided to get my stuff and go home. By the time I made it back to my stuff I was completely dry. I put my shoes back on and grabbed my other things. When I turned around, Seth was just coming out of the woods. I stood there looking down. I was ready to cry all over again knowing he was so hurt over everything.
That's when he hugged me. I felt Seth's arms around me. He hugged me gently but close to him. I heard him sniffle once. I pulled back to look at him. He was crying a little bit. I was stunned to see this. I wiped a lone tear off his cheek. Then I kissed his cheek. He smiled at me.
"Was what you said true? Have you really loved me all this time?" Seth asked me.
"Yes Seth. The only reason any of this happened was because of Leah. I thought she was just trying to keep you from getting hurt." I explained.
"Leah is still kind of bitter over what happened with her and Sam. But I love you too. And I think it's time I explained something to you." Seth said.