Midoriya half-assed putting his clothes on. He forgot about his tie, didn't do up any of the buttons on his shirt, and was hauling on his sneakers as he ran down the hall. He didn't care, his princess was waiting for him.
When he told her that he knew of someone he could ask, she looked excited; that was, until he said Mineta's name.
"Mineta?!" She retched at the thought of the little perv.
He leaned in and gave her a kiss. "I'll just be a minute Uraraka-San."
"Okay~" she sighed. She wanted him to hurry back and she didn't care where he got them.
When he got to the bottom floor of the girls' dorm he looked to see if the coast was clear.
"Full cowl" he whispered boosting himself across the distance within just a couple seconds.
He wasn't sure exactly how loud he was knocking on Mineta's door but he really didn't care. Midoriya had more important things to worry about.
Mineta opened the door groggily.
"Midoriya-San? What the hell are you doing here? Do you know what time it is?"
Then Mineta took the time to look him up and down. His shirt was open and Grape Juice couldn't but notice Midoriya looked like he just walked off a paintball field minus the paint.
"Mineta I need-"
"Say no more. I understand why you're here. No protection, right?" He smirked devilishly.
"Yes. How did you know?" Midoriya's naivety was on full display.
"I just have an eye for these things I suppose. Anyway, come on in."
Midoriya didn't like his sinister demeanor. Nonetheless, he couldn't forget what he came for.
"Now tell me why on Earth I should give up some of my stash to the likes of you?"
"What the hell do you mean?!"
"I mean, you stole the second cutest girl in the class away from me. You think I'd just let that slide hm?"
"Steal her away from you? I didn't do any such thing! Second cutest?"
"Well, you narrowed my options you bastard! She was my backup in case things didn't work out with Momo" he said trying to hold back a tear. "Here you are getting fawned over by the girls. You wouldn't understand self-sufficient guys like me!"
"Just this once Mineta. Is there anything we can work out?"
"Okay, okay. Take pictures of Uraraka for me."
Izuku smacked him upside the head.
"No! You asshole."
"Some panties then?"
"No."
"Details?"
"No."
"Well fuck you then man! Good luck finding some condoms around here."
"Fine!" Midoriya got up to leave.
"It's not fucking fair." Mineta stopped him "for that time you saved me at USJ you can take one."
"Seriously?!" He was ecstatic.
"Knock yourself out," he said pulling out a drawer cram packed with several brands of condoms. The sheer volume of latex in the drawer astonished Izuku.
Izuku never bought condoms before so he had no idea what he should use. He recalled Uraraka telling him to get a bigger condom because average ones probably wouldn't fit him and they didn't want it to break. He didn't want to ask Mineta for a recommendation because that's awkward as hell.
"What's the matter? Hurry it up Midoriya-San." Then he pieced it together, "you've never used condoms before huh?"
"W-well I've never had any need to."
"Most of these should work for most guys."
"I don't think that they'll work for me though" he couldn't look Mineta in the eye.
"Okayyyy then. What extreme are we going?"
He was surprised he was keeping his cool. I guess he really was trying to help him out.
"Uh, upper extreme I guess."
"I hate you."
"What?!"
"I hate you. These are the ones you'll probably want", he hauled out a whole box of American magnum condoms (minus one).
"I thought I only got one?"
"They're no good to me" he said, his head hanging in shame.
"Thanks, Mineta! You're the best dude!"
He took off out the door and down the stairs.
"That lucky son of a bitch."
All he had to do now was stealthily make his way back to Uraraka's room. He did the same as before. Scoped out his surroundings before stepping outside, activated full cowl, and dashed; he only jumped two meters.
"My quick didn't activate?" He thought before he had an epiphany. "Oh shit."
A familiar person was standing in his way.
"Busted."