A/N: And we're back with some more Adora POV! Time for Glimmadora to have a much needed chat…

WARNING: The flashback in this chapter (and the paragraphs directly following it) contains some very dark subject matter, some of it things the fic has already touched on and some of it not, and as usual it's discussed very bluntly. My apologies for the vagueness, but I can't give a proper content warning without spoiling a lot this time. So like I did in chapter 4, I'm going to leave the detailed content warning in the chapter end notes. Check down there before reading if you are concerned about triggers.

Adora's stomach gurgles as she approaches Glimmer's door. Swallowing hard, she tries to settle her nerves. Unfortunately, that's not all she has to get under control. While her guilt is by far the most troublesome emotion right now, weighing heavy on her body and soul, there's a tightness residing in her muscles that can only be anger. She's ultimately the one who needs to be sorry, the one who struck the hardest blow, literally and figuratively. But Glimmer's betrayal is still fresh, and it caused the turmoil she's currently suffering. Her somewhat successful meeting with Angella could only do so much to remedy that.

Squeezing and relaxing her fists several times, Adora rolls her shoulders and pushes out a slow breath. Then she gives the door a few solid knocks.

There's a brief lull before Adora hears a quiet and bleary "Who is it?"

Adora scoffs bitterly. Of course Glimmer was able to sleep. No one she cares about is in danger.

"It's Adora," she answers, consciously softening her tone. Her stomach bucks when Glimmer doesn't reply. After a few seconds she tries, "Can I come in?"

"If you want."

Adora gulps and enters the room, easing the door shut behind her. Eyes flicking up to Glimmer's bed, she finds her friend peering over the edge. Her shoulders are slumped and her eyes are weary, and Adora blinks in surprise. Whether she slept or not, Glimmer looks exhausted, and that fatigue carries over to her voice. "What are you doing here, Adora?"

Scratching her head, Adora mutters, "I, uh, I came to apologize." Climbing the floating steps to Glimmer's bed, she awkwardly settles down a foot away. "Look, I'm really, really sorry I hit you. In the Horde, that's how we deal with anger. Hitting things. Not usually people, for me. But if I can't control it…" Adora's eyes flick away in shame. "It's a bad habit I need to break. I'm sorry."

Eyes on the mattress, Glimmer's mouth twitches. "If someone said something like that about Bow I probably would've hit them too."

The lack of an actual apology makes Adora snort under her breath, but her lips also turn up the slightest bit. Her two best friends are so similar in some ways it's uncanny.

"I know," she replies gently. "You don't suck at being a friend." When Glimmer looks up in surprise, she gives her forearm a light squeeze. "I know you worry about that, but I said it anyway." Adora's brow furrows as she frowns down at her lap. "I'm sorry, I'm never mean like that. I don't know what came over me."

"I do," mutters Glimmer. "You love her."

Adora's breath catches. Can everyone see right through her? "That's no excuse." Drawing her hand back, she pulls her knees tight into her chest. "Light Hope was right. All I do is hurt the people I care about."

"Adora, you didn't make Catra come here," Glimmer reminds her, rolling her eyes. "How many times do I have to tell you this isn't your fault?"

The ire simmering in Adora's gut bubbles to the surface and she levels a piercing glare at Glimmer. "You're right, it's not my fault. It's yours."

Glimmer's eyes narrow. "Hey-"

"Why did you do that?" Adora demands, straightening back up. "She wasn't here to attack us!"

"How do you know?" counters Glimmer. "You keep saying she's tricky and you can't always tell what she's thinking. What makes you think you knew this time?"

"Because we were finally getting somewhere-"

Glimmer snorts. "Yeah, that much was clear."

"Don't change the subject," scowls Adora. "She wasn't here for peace talks, exactly, but I was getting through to her. She wouldn't have let me touch her if I hadn't won back a bit of her trust. Then your people stormed in and destroyed all that. There's no way she'll join the rebellion now."

Heaving a frustrated sigh, Glimmer says, "Adora, I have more important things to worry about than convincing your psycho ex-girlfriend to join my cause. Like protecting my kingdom from people like her."

Feeling her face flush, Adora growls into her collar. "She's not psycho and she's not my ex-girlfriend."

"So you're still together?"

"Glimmer!"

"What?" Glimmer asks flatly, doing her best to keep any expression off her face.

It's that aloofness that really gets to Adora. Usually Glimmer's regal status doesn't show through, but now her cold tone and distant gaze betray her upbringing. What a high and mighty spoiled brat.

Adora scoffs. "You really don't think you have anything to apologize for, do you?"

After a moment's thought, Glimmer admits, "I'm sorry that this hurts you." When Adora snorts, Glimmer narrows her eyes. "Look, I understand why you feel betrayed," she continues earnestly. "I get why you're angry, I do."

"But you didn't do anything wrong, is that it?" Folding her arms, Adora lifts her chin defiantly. "Nothing at all?"

A faint shadow of guilt crosses Glimmer's face. "Fine. Catra probably didn't deserve to be tortured," she mutters, gesturing dismissively. "I don't know, I wasn't there."

"You're such a dick," scoffs Adora.

"I thought that was kind of your thing," Glimmer remarks.

Raking a hand through her hair, Adora takes a deep breath to settle herself. After a moment she forces herself to meet Glimmer's gaze again. "If you really are sorry that you hurt me, then make it better."

"I can't."

"You can," she insists. "We can still fix this. You can teleport her out."

"Even if I wanted to, I really couldn't," says Glimmer. "Everyone would know it was me."

"So what? Bright Moon isn't going to turn on its beloved princess," argues Adora. "But they'd turn on an ex-Horde soldier, even if she's She-Ra." Eyes falling to her fidgeting hands, she barely gets out a pathetic "I don't want to leave here."

"You sure?" Glimmer's eyebrow is about halfway up her forehead. "Kinda seems to me you'd love to run away with Catra. What do you need Bright Moon for?"

Legitimately caught off guard, Adora stutters, "M-my friends are here. I'm doing good work here."

"Uh huh."

Arms crossing defensively, Adora spouts, "What, do you suddenly not like She-Ra?"

"I don't like that She-Ra cares more about someone who's bad for her, who keeps trying to kill her, than she does about her actual friends."

A frustrated laugh pops out of Adora's lungs, bitter on her tongue. "You sound like Catra. It's not about who I care about more, Glimmer. Why can't you guys understand that?" Glimmer scowls and opens her mouth, but Adora cuts her off before she can answer. "And if you think she's so bad for me, why did you bring her up here in the first place?"

Glimmer's mouth twitches, eyes flicking away. "Because I thought you needed closure. You were really upset after the temple and, no offense, but you're kind of obsessed with her."

"I am not obsessed with her," scoffs Adora. Glimmer gives her a look and her fists clench, cheeks burning hot. "I'm not!"

Chuckling darkly, Glimmer mutters, "Whatever you say, Adora."

Taking a moment to let her blush die down and collect her thoughts, Adora resorts to begging. "Glimmer, please. Do this, for me. Your mom said she'd see what she can do, but I can't take any chances. I'm not convinced she'll actually protect her when it comes down to it."

"And why should she?" demands Glimmer. "For that matter, why should I? Give me one good reason, other than making you feel better."

Cocking an eyebrow, Adora quietly reminds her, "She let you go, once."

Glimmer's eyes narrow. "Only because I was with you. You do realize that, right? She wasn't showing me mercy because she felt like it."

That's unfortunately true. Catra didn't even let Glimmer go because she wanted to show Adora mercy. Or if she did, she wouldn't admit to it.

"This is not because I like you."

No, she did it to protect her own interests, because her life was apparently so horrible with Adora in it that it was better to cut her loose. Literally.

"I didn't want you to come back, Adora!"

Shaking off those unhelpful thoughts, Adora asks, "So what? She still let you go."

"It's not the same," huffs Glimmer.

"Why?"

"Because she actually deserves it."

Adora stiffens, another wave of anger rising in her chest. "You have no right to say that. You don't understand-"

"You're right, I don't," interjects Glimmer. The hurt in her voice gives Adora pause. "I don't understand how you can forgive someone who did so much to hurt people you claim to care about. I don't understand why you're so bent on saving someone who doesn't want to be saved. It's like you think she's this precious little kitten who's never done a thing wrong in her life and needs to be protected at all costs."

"Oh, she's definitely done things wrong," Adora chuckles darkly. "But she didn't deserve how much she suffered for it."

Glimmer cocks an eyebrow. "So that gives her a free pass now?"

"No," protests Adora. Her hands suddenly need to find something to do. "No, that's not what I meant."

"Isn't it?" presses Glimmer. "Catra's owed some kind of debt by the universe and it's up to us to pay it to her because we're the good guys?"

"If we are the good guys, we'll show compassion." Staring at her lap, Adora gives a resigned headshake. "If not, I don't know what we are."

"Responsible. Not idiots," says Glimmer. "I am not gonna get taken advantage of just because you think Catra deserved a better childhood."

"She did," snaps Adora. "Catra didn't deserve what happened to her. She didn't deserve to be abused and humiliated and ground down into nothing until she hated herself. Just like you didn't deserve to live in a palace and be waited on hand and foot since birth."

Glimmer's eyes narrow in warning. "I didn't deserve a dead father either."

"Neither of us had a mother or a father," counters Adora. "I know she can be a lot, but at least you have a mother who loves you. We only had Shadow Weaver."

"Okay fine, Adora," concedes Glimmer, rolling her eyes dramatically. "My life has been so much easier than yours, I get it. You happy now?"

"No," mumbles Adora, eyes flitting away. "You'll never be able to understand."

Glimmer's hand grasps her forearm with a gentle but insistent squeeze, and there's a challenge in her eyes when Adora grudgingly meets them. "Try me."

"I have tried! I talk and I talk and you don't hear me, you don't even try." Looking to the heavens, she huffs in frustration. "Gods, why do I keep getting stuck with people like this? You're just as difficult as her, I swear to Hordak." Frowning suddenly, she blinks hard and catches Glimmer's gaze. "The First Ones, I mean."

Glimmer stares back blankly. "You sure about that?"

Struck by a sudden bout of dizziness, it takes Adora a few seconds to ask, "Are you calling me a traitor?" Glimmer doesn't reply. She doesn't have to. Adora's fists tighten. "I have given everything to the rebellion. I gave up my whole life to come fight for you because I wanted to do good. How does wanting the one good thing from my old life make me a traitor?"

"It's not the wanting, Adora. It's not even the doing," Glimmer adds with another eye roll. "It's your priorities. You've always been all about the greater good, and I respect that, and how you gave up everything. But this isn't for the greater good, and you know it."

Adora scowls and crosses her arms but can't hold Glimmer's gaze as she deflects, "You guys keep telling me I need to take care of myself and not worry about the greater good."

"Cutting yourself some slack is not the same as releasing a dangerous criminal to ease your guilty conscience," Glimmer spells out. Her gaze hardens. "If you're okay with putting all of Bright Moon in danger just because you feel bad for Catra, then maybe you shouldn't be here anyway."

Adora's jaw tightens. So much for loyalty. So much for friendship. Now she really does understand how Catra felt that day in Thaymor. Her face burns from shame as much as anger. Her eyes sting but she doesn't blink as she stares Glimmer down.

"Yeah, maybe I shouldn't."

***o***

Eyes hard and glazed over, Adora gazes out over the kingdom she's come to call home. Far below her the residents go about their mornings, blissfully ignorant of her inner turmoil. She's supposed to be this amazing god-like guardian, protector of the masses, savior of the planet. It's not like She-Ra can have bad days. She-Ra can't let selfish motives distract her, can't show weakness, can't fail in her sacred duty. But how can She-Ra protect the masses when she can't even protect one person? How can She-Ra be successful when the girl behind her feels like such a massive failure?

A light breeze tickles Adora's face and she leans into it unconsciously, letting the balcony railing take her weight. The familiar sensation is bittersweet, reminding her of better times that are lost to her forever. And some times that weren't so great, but she wishes she could have back anyway.

When Catra was upset, Adora could almost always find her perched on a railing somewhere. Seeing her best friend so casually balancing inches from oblivion always made Adora a little nervous, even once she got used to it and knew Catra wouldn't fall, not unless she wanted to. One could hardly blame Adora for her anxiety on the matter, given Catra's self-destructive impulses.

Heart racing and throat aching, Adora trudged back indoors. Her skin was clammy, and not just from the summer heat and ever-present smog blanketing the Fright Zone. All the outdoor railings were unoccupied, every single building. She'd even climbed up the crane that towered over the compound, her gangly tween limbs fumbling and aching, but Catra was nowhere to be found.

Sometimes Catra just wanted to be alone, and that was understandable. The Fright Zone was noisy and the barracks was crowded, and it could be hard to find the space to breathe or think. Adora craved solitude too, at times. But this disappearance had her worried.

People made fun of Catra. Humans, in particular. It was a fact of life, something they'd gotten used to over the years, but that didn't mean it'd gotten any easier. Catra was better at pretending not to care these days, but she was even harder to console once she was alone with Adora. She'd always had a thin skin, but it'd been easier not to give a crap what anyone thought when they were just a couple of goofy kids.

It was different now, on the cusp of adolescence, when everyone was suddenly hyperaware of their own bodies and everyone else's. Even Adora was faring badly in that awkward stage. She'd shot up over 6 inches in less than a year and was suddenly clumsy to a humiliating degree. Tripping over her own feet, fumbling and dropping her spear, being reamed out for her carelessness in front of everyone and made to run extra laps on already sore legs. The mirror was an enemy, even when Shadow Weaver insisted she looked just fine and scolded her for worrying about such nonsense. It was more reassuring when Catra would tell her she wasn't ugly, call her a dummy and flick her pimply forehead with one of her claws.

"Well, not for a human, anyway," she'd joked once with that toothy grin of hers, but her laughter was a little too emphatic and her smile didn't quite reach her eyes. Adora may have never been a genius with social cues, but she knew Catra. It was hard for her too. Both of them stood out, in one way or another. But they had each other to lean on, and that was enough.

Or at least, it was supposed to be.

Catra's disappearance had put Adora in the awkward position of lying to cover for her when she failed to report for afternoon classes, but Adora's irritation paled in comparison to her concern. Her fear. Though Catra had a habit of showing up late in the morning unless Adora literally dragged her out of bed, she never skipped classes, not back then. And the circumstances under which she fled were troubling, to say the least.

*o*

Frowning at her mottled reflection, Adora smoothed some flyaway strands back into her ponytail and tossed her paper towel in the trash. With one last scowl at the mirror, she exited the bathroom and hustled toward the training rooms. Lunch break was almost over, and she had a perfect attendance record to keep up. It was the only thing she could do right these days, it seemed.

Her brooding was interrupted by the sound of a blow and a grunt from around the corner up ahead. "Not so tough without your bodyguard, are you?" asked a female voice. The question was followed by a high-pitched yelp that Adora recognized immediately. As she broke into a sprint, she heard Catra's muffled voice followed by a cruel laugh and even crueler words. "You go fuck yourself. It's not like anyone else ever will, kitty with no titties."

"Unless they have an ear fetish," another voice piped up as Adora rounded the corner. "Can you fly with these things?" the girl asked, holding the tips of Catra's ears and flapping them mockingly. The girl's friend had Catra in a tight headlock from behind. Both of them were significantly taller and older, fifteen at least. Maybe that's why they were using words Adora didn't understand. She only knew 'fuck' as a curse, and as for 'fetish'… who the hell knew what that meant?

Catra growled and swatted away the intrusive hands, but didn't dig in her claws. They were unsheathed, but it was an empty threat. She didn't ever bite or use her claws in fights, hadn't for years. It had only ever gotten her more grief, from bullies and Shadow Weaver alike. As much as Adora had tried to block out the memory of that day outside the mess hall, it wasn't something easily forgotten.

"Just keep your weird ugly eyes off our asses, you fucking freak," the girl holding Catra spat into her ear, and fire sparked in Adora's already roiling belly.

"Get away from her!" she yelled as she grabbed the closest assailant from behind, ripping her off of Catra. Adora had lost some strength in the growth spurt, but she still had enough to best an older cadet caught by surprise, send her flying.

Sensing an opening, Catra stomped on the other girl's foot, grabbed the arm around her neck and flipped her over her back. The bully slammed into the ground with a thud and a groan, and Adora promptly bent over and pulled her up by the front of her shirt.

"Why don't you pick on someone your own size?" she demanded, heedless of the fact that she herself was still several inches shorter.

The girl's eyes, previously wide with surprise, narrowed in disgust. "Why don't you find someone your own species?"

"Huh?"

In her confusion Adora had let her grip loosen, and the girl jerked out of her grasp. Throwing a smirk Catra's way, she remarked, "Guess I was wrong. Gross." Her friend marched up beside her, fists clenching, but she held her back. "Forget it," she told her. "The furry and her pet aren't worth it."

Downright bewildered at that point, it took Adora a few seconds to form even a weak response as they walked away. "Yeah, smart choice!" It came out unsure and not even vaguely threatening, and she winced.

"Whatever, perv," the mouthy one tossed over her shoulder.

Squinting after them even once they disappeared, Adora finally turned back to Catra as she asked, "What's a f-" She found only an empty hall. "Catra?"

*o*

Adora sighed as she stared down a seemingly endless hallway, considering her next move. The vent system was where Catra usually went if she really really didn't want to be found, and it was way too expansive for Adora to have any hope of finding her. But there were other places she could search before resigning herself to waiting for Catra to re-emerge.

Closets, mostly. Catra had a penchant for curling up in small, dark spaces, and there were plenty of those scattered around the Fright Zone. Checking all of them would take at least an hour, but it's not like Adora minded. Even if she failed to find Catra, at least for that hour she wouldn't feel so helpless. At least she'd be doing something.

As luck would have it, she wasn't ten minutes into her search before she heard muffled whimpers coming from the linen closet she was approaching. Too relieved to be all that concerned by the noises, Adora exhaled heavily, her lips turning up.

That smile fell from her lips with a gasp as soon as she opened the door. Catra was slumped against the wall with a bloody rag pressed to the side of her head, her face streaked with dried and fresh tears alike. She winced and hissed, lifting her free hand to block out the flood of brightness. Squinting and peeking around it, she sighed. Adora couldn't tell if it was with irritation or relief. "Hey, Adora."

"What happened to you?" Leaving the door open just a crack so she had a bit of light, Adora squatted down and reached for the rag. Catra hissed but she pressed on anyway, knowing deep in her bones that Catra would never hurt her intentionally. She did protest with a warning growl when Adora persisted, but she only put up so much of a fight. Within seconds Adora was pulling her hand away, the rag clenched in her fist coming with it.

Adora's stomach dropped, the blood draining from her head leaving her nauseated and dizzy. A mess of matted hair and coagulated blood adorned the side of Catra's head, the source a deep gash at the base of her ear. Peering closer despite her stomach's protests, Adora could see that about half an inch of it was cut clean off. As the initial shock passed and left room for other emotions, Adora's face and voice went dark. "Who did this to you?"

"No one," grumbled Catra, refusing to meet her gaze.

Adora was so not in the mood for Catra's evasive bullshit. "Tell me. I'll fucking kill them." Adora never swore, not at that age, but she was livid in a way she'd never been before.

"Adora," Catra said quietly.

She grabbed Catra's shoulders, her anger manifesting in an aggressive squeeze. "Tell me!" Fear flashed in Catra's eyes and Adora let go immediately, leaning back and raising her hands. "Catra, I just want to help. I'm not mad at you."

"You will be."

"What?" Scanning the scene in the dim light, Adora slowly put together the pieces. The lack of a trail of blood. The knife still on the floor. The shame on Catra's face, the guilt in her hunched shoulders. Adora paled, eyes bulging. "What did you do?"

"They do me more harm than good." Catra's voice nearly cracked as she said, "I'm sick of being the freak with the ears." Grabbing the knife from the floor, she held it out to Adora with a shaky hand. "Help me, I can't do it."

"No!"

"Adora-"

"Absolutely not." Catra's ears drooped with a defeated sigh and Adora clapped a hand on her shoulder. "Look, this is stupid. Cutting your ears off won't give you human ears. You'll just be the freak with no ears, and that's way worse." Even in that dark moment, a fond smile tried to pull at her lips as she reasoned, "You'll mess up your hearing, and it's so much better than anyone else's. Don't give up what makes you special."

Catra scoffed at the floor. "Special." She wrapped her arms and tail around her shins, resting her chin atop her knees.

"Yes, special," insisted Adora. "You can do things nobody else can."

Frowning, Catra averted her eyes. "Shadow Weaver won't let me do any of them anyway."

It took Adora only a couple seconds to come up with another reason. "Well, don't you need to hear them coming next time?"

Catra's tail twitched irritably. "I guess."

"See? They do you plenty good." Adora forced a smile to cover how sick she felt. She reached out and gave Catra's clean ear an affectionate scratch. "Besides, I like your ears."

Catra's ear flicked out from under her touch. "Well, not everything's about you, Adora."

Adora balked. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Forget it," muttered Catra, and Adora squinted curiously.

"Are you mad at me?"

"No," she said pointedly, "but I will be if you don't stop being so fucking annoying."

Those words were like a slap in the face, or at least what Adora imagined one would feel like. Her shoulders slumped and face fell, but only for a moment. A rising tide of anger swiftly hardened her jaw, set her eyes aflame. Why was Catra attacking her like this, utterly unprovoked? She was only trying to help. It's not like Adora was unused to Catra's derogatory comments, but they were usually playful in nature. And not when she was grievously injured and in urgent need of medical attention.

In Catra's softening eyes and deflating posture, Adora saw the recognition of her mistake. Regret. For a second Adora almost thought she was going to apologize, but her eyes just flicked away guiltily. Adora snorted inwardly at her own folly. She should have known better than to expect that.

After a moment of deliberation with clenched teeth and fists, Adora decided to let it go. Now was not the time to go causing more damage. Releasing the tension in her shoulders with a deep breath, she fixed Catra with a commanding stare. "I'm gonna go get some supplies to patch you up," she asserted, keeping her tone even and firm. She extended a hand. "Give me the knife."

Catra scowled and hesitated enough to make it look grudging when she handed over the weapon, but the way she slumped back against the wall afterwards read like relief. Despite her lingering irritation, Adora gave her knee a squeeze and promised, "I'll be back." Standing to leave, she added, "Keep pressure on that wound. It's bleeding again."

Adora risked severe punishment stealing supplies from the infirmary, but she knew if they showed up with Catra in that state Shadow Weaver would react very badly. She'd punish Catra for refusing to say who hurt her. She'd punish her even worse if she figured out Catra had done it to herself. So Adora took that risk. There was only so much Shadow Weaver would do to her, anyway, and Adora was not above taking advantage of that favoritism if necessary. Especially for Catra.

Rapairing the damage was a difficult process, for both of them. Catra whimpered through the entire procedure, biting down on her knuckle and squeezing Adora's knee as she stitched the sensitive skin and cartilage back into place. As for Adora, she could never stand seeing Catra in pain, much less being the source of it. But it was a necessary pain.

...That sounded like something Shadow Weaver would say.

Once Adora had tied off the final stitch and bandaged the wound, Catra finally let Adora hold her, slumping against her shoulder and trembling as the adrenaline wore off. "What did I do?" The words were whispered, but loud enough for Adora to hear the shock in her voice. The terror.

"It's okay," Adora assured her gently. "You're gonna be fine, I promise." Gathering Catra into her lap, she leaned back and let the wall take their weight. "I've got you."

Catra nuzzled a wet cheek into Adora's neck with a small appreciative purr that Adora knew was forced, but appreciated all the same. Several moments passed before Catra attempted to speak again, clearing her throat to do so. "Thanks," she said awkwardly, voice still raspy despite her efforts. "For everything." Adora understood without her having to elaborate. Thanks for stopping her, thanks for helping her, thanks for forgiving her.

"You're welcome," said Adora, grazing comforting nails over her scalp. "Just never do anything like that again, okay? Please. You really scared me." Her throat swelled, and she deepened her voice to compensate for the strain in it. "Promise me."

Snuffling into Adora's collarbone, Catra acquiesced weakly. "I promise."

"You're perfect the way you are," Adora declared, dragging a loose fist along the length of Catra's tail before rubbing behind her good ear. "You hear me?"

A sob escaped Catra's throat and she nodded, burying her face in Adora's chest. Adora kissed the top of Catra's head and tightened her grip, willed Catra to believe those words. Because they were true. No matter how many people saw Catra as a freak, she was perfect to Adora.

Is perfect to Adora.

As much as Adora has tried over the years to remind her of that fact, make it utterly undeniable, Catra didn't seem to believe it. Or, worse, it didn't matter to her. Because she broke that promise. That day in the closet was not the last time Adora caught Catra in secluded places with sharp objects. Blades, pins, unsheathed claws. When they were fifteen, sixteen, there was a while there where it happened often. Catra never explained why. The most Adora ever wrangled out of her was "It doesn't hurt. It makes things hurt less."

It made no sense, it was physically impossible for that to be true. Adora could never understand, but decided she didn't have to. If it helped Catra, she wouldn't deny her that. She was trying not to push Catra's boundaries again after the locker room incident. All she could do was watch over her and make sure she was as safe as possible. But her heart ached deeply for her best friend. And, selfishly, she wondered why she wasn't enough, why Catra couldn't take comfort in her warmth and tenderness instead of a cold, hard blade.

Now she knows. Now she truly hates Shadow Weaver. She's glad she's dead.

"Adora?" Bow's voice jerks Adora from her thoughts and she looks over her shoulder, finding her friend standing at the threshold of the balcony. "Sorry, I knocked," he claims sheepishly, nodding at her empty bedroom behind him. "Wasn't sure if you heard me."

"I didn't. It's fine," she says, turning back to the railing. Bow quietly steps to her side, joins her in staring out over the kingdom. "Did Glimmer send you?"

"No." Shifting beside her, he says, "I'm sorry about Catra."

"Sure," snorts Adora.

"I am."

Finally looking over, Adora can see the sincerity in his face plain as day. She squints curiously. "You don't think she deserves it?"

"I don't think you deserve it," offers Bow. When her eyes roll away, he adds, "It's not fair that you have to choose between these two sides of yourself. I know it can't be that easy to just leave your whole life behind. Your home, the people you love."

Frowning at the horizon, Adora ruminates, "I'm glad I'm out of the Horde. I just wish she would be too. They've done so much to hurt her. I don't understand why she'd want to stay there."

He shrugs. "It's home."

Adora's gaze drops to her fidgeting hands. "I thought I was her home."

"I'm guessing she thought the same thing," Bow points out. Unable to argue that, Adora grunts in acknowledgement. "Did you guys get to talk things out, at least?"

"Kind of," she murmurs. "Actually it was going pretty good until Glimmer came back and fucked everything up."

Bow barely tries to suppress a smirk. "So I hear."

Adora doesn't bother rolling her eyes. Her nails tap ceaselessly against the railing, sending a series of comforting shockwaves through her knuckles. "It wasn't just Glimmer," she admits. "I don't know what happened, we'd been kissing for a while and then she suddenly freaked out. And when Glimmer got her arrested, it was like she was mad at me. I don't know what I did wrong."

Some things never change, do they?

"Maybe you didn't do anything wrong," Bow ventures cautiously. "Catra isn't exactly known for her mental stability, no offense."

Adora shakes her head. "She doesn't get angry for no reason. There's always something under the surface. Problem is I never know what it is, and she won't tell me." A frustrated sigh puffs past her lips. "She'll never talk about why she's upset, but she expects me to know, somehow."

"That sucks."

Adora doesn't answer. Bow waits several seconds before sliding a hand along the railing and clasping Adora's, stilling her fingers before she breaks every nail in her hand. He gives a gentle squeeze that makes her eyes prickle with oncoming tears. She squeezes back harder as they spill onto her cheeks.

"Glimmer's mad at me, Catra's mad at me, and I can't help her. Not without betraying the rebellion. I don't know if she'd even accept my help, at this point." Adora's straining voice finally cracks as she says, "I don't know what to do."

"I wish I had an answer," murmurs Bow.

"Me too," Adora barely whispers. All it takes is a little tug of her hand to draw her into a hug. Adora drops her head, burying it in Bow's chest as his arms envelop her. For all the frantic energy inside her that can't stay still, being held still is a comfort. She lets herself enjoy this moment of weakness, the last one she'll be able to afford in who knows how long. Once she's recovered enough to speak, she mumbles into his collarbone, "Everything's just so fucked up."

"You know, maybe you should try letting things run their course a little, not do anything rash," advises Bow, pulling back enough to look her in the eye. "I know feeling in control is important to you, but sometimes trying to control everything just makes things worse."

"Maybe. I dunno," sighs Adora. "The queen said she'd talk to Catra, see what she can do. Then I can talk to Catra… I can find out how that went, then maybe I can make a plan of attack, or at least weigh my options a little bett-"

A hand on her cheek silences her. "Adora, breathe." Bow gives her a reassuring smile, a surprisingly genuine one, as he grazes his thumb over her cheekbone. "Try having a little faith."

Adora can't help snorting as she looks away. "These days it's hard to have faith in anything. Anyone."

"I hear you," Bow says gently, guiding her into another hug. Adora releases a shuddering breath into his chest, rests her head on his shoulder as she finally relaxes just a little bit.

Maybe one more moment of weakness won't kill her.

A/N: **Content warning for blood/mild body horror, coded racist and homophobic bullying, and self-harm, including mentions of the psychology behind it. It could potentially be triggering for someone with such impulses, so read at your own risk. It's all constrained to the flashback and paragraphs right after it, though, so the rest should still be safe.

...I'm really ticking off every fucked up box, aren't I? Like I said at the beginning, I'm writing this mostly as catharsis, and you all are unlucky enough to be my audience.

You may have noticed I removed the projected chapter count. I've decided the vaguely hopeful but premature ending I had in mind doesn't really work anymore and doesn't give enough chance for continued growth. I'm kind of moving things around and deciding how exactly to proceed, so the next update may take a while.