What was once going to be a oneshot, seems to have taken on a life of it's own inside my head and will have aleast another two chapters are this one. Hope you enjoy this next installment.

Don't own LTM, etc.

I take the long way back from the crime scene. I drive slowly throught the streets, taking unnecessary turns, taking roads that lead me in the wrong direction. I meander through the city, as if I have don't have a care in the world, giving her the time I know she needs. She's not one for long drawn out goodbyes. Hasn't been since it took them nearly three days to take Sophie. Broke her heart that did. Was worse for her than if they'd just showed up and taken her. But they didn't. They called and explained the situation. How they'd be taking her daughter away, but they'd give her time to say goodbye. Three days to say goodbye. Three excruitiatingly painful days where she was a mother and not a mother all at once. So she doesn't like long goodbyes, can barely stomach goodbyes at all. Which is why I take so long to find my way back to the office.

There was a look on her face, as I helped her off the ground. A look as she bit her tongue and held back tears. A look as she shrugged her shoulders and turned away from me. A look that i've spent months knowing was coming, and months wishing it would never arrive. A look that signalled the end. A look that begged me to make it easy for her.

It's my fault really. Not that she's leaving, her minds been made up about that for a while now. But it's my fault she's leaving today. My fault that it's happening now, when i'm still so unprepared. Still so uncertain as to why she has to leave at all.

But it's what she wants. What she needs to do. I know that much. Have been reading it off her since the moment she decided. Since the moment she started pushing me towards Wallowski. Since the moment she decided that the detective was going to be her replacement. She thinks I don't know. Thinks I don't see what she's doing. She thinks she's clever, thinks she has it all figured out. But I know. Know that her hatred, her disgust, is tailored for me. Designed to push me towards Sharon and away from her. In the beginning I tried to fight it. Unwilling to be sucked into whatever game she decided we were going to play. But it becomes clear very quickly that it's no game. She's not testing me, or trying to prove some point about how I should appreciate her more, thank her more. She's leaving, and she needs someone to take her place. She's leaving and she needs someone to fill the void she know's she's going to leave. I don't understand her motives, don't understand what has so suddenly driven her to want to leave me, but I understand how serious she is. How sure she is that this is something she has to do. So I play along. I dangle Sharon infront of her, I push buttons. I do everything she expects me to do, everything she needs me to. It's the least I can do, after everything she's done for me. I owe her my life, owe her everything, so if this is how she wants goodbye to be, then this is how it will be.

They slip, and it's so perfectly timed, so in unison that if it wasn't for everything that transpires from the moment, it probably would have been funny. They slip, and I automatically reach for her. Because she's who I want to save. Who I want to stop crashing to the ground. Who history has my muscles reacting too. But as I shoot my hands out to catch her, my eyes find hers and I know that this is the moment. This is where she needs her game needs to end. So I turn away, and I grab Sharon, pulling her steady before she has time to even realise whats happened. Before she has time to realise that by helping her, I have lost the only woman who has ever really meant something. The only woman who has ever really known me.

She crashes to the ground, and I turn and find her surrounded by shards of ice that may not be touching me but are piercing my heart none the less. I did what she wanted, I let her fall. Let her think that by catching Sharon, her replacement was certain. Let her think that my actions mean more than they do. Let her think that she's been replaced, when she's the most irreplacable person I know. I did what she wanted. Did what she needed me to do, but that does not mean i'm going to leave her down there. Not going to leave her broken and bruised on the floor. I reach down and lock my fingers with hers, and pull her to her feet. Pull her into her rightful position next to me, even if she thinks it doesn't belong to her anymore. Even if she needs it to not belong to her anymore.

And yet, she hesitant. As she stands next to me, her fingers still locked in mine, there's doubt lining her features. Her eyes darting between our fingers and my face. There's a battling raging inside her, something threatening to break. I can see it, and I can feel it too. Feel the weight of the moment as she decides whether to let the secret that is burning her lips escape. Feel as she battles with whatever demon she has, whatever evil she's letting drive her away from me. For a minutes i'm hopeful, for a minute I think she's winning. Think she's winning her fight with the monster inside, think she's going to let me in. Let me help her escape her chains. But then she shakes her head and walks away, and I know she is lost to me forever.

So I take the long ride back to the office, knowing her hatred for goodbyes. Knowing that she needs time to pack up her things. Time for her to give reasons to the other's she will be leaving, in her bid to be rid of the life we have built together. Rid of the future I had hoped we were building. I drive the long way back to the office, knowing all the while exaclty what i'm going to find when I arrive. I drive the long way back to the office hating myself every second of my drawn out journy. Hating myself for giving her this time to pack her things without being under my gaze. Hating myself for not questioning her. Hating myself for not being able to help her slay whatever dragon has got her trapped. Hating myself for not delaying this. For catching Sharon and giving her an out when i'm completely unprepared for her absence. Hating myself for not trying to change her mind, not trying to stop her going, when all I want is for her to be able to stay. By the time I pull into the car park, which is empty of her car, I even hate myself for loving her. Hate myself for loving her too much, so much that i'm willing to let her go.

I ride the elevator to our floor, all the time whispering a silent prayer to a god I long ago gave up on. A prayer that i'm wrong and that her car was just parked out of sight. A prayer that what I read on her face at the crime scene was not what she was actually showing. A prayer that her silent goodbye did not carry the weight I know it did. That the doors are going to open and she's going to be standing there, one hand of her hip, demanding to know what the hell took me so long to get back here. Het back to her. But as the doors ping open, and i'm met with the concerned faces of our staff, which I now suspect are just my staff, I know that she's not here. And deep down, in a part of my heart that I never thought she would access, a part of my heart that I never thought she would cause pain to, I know that she's never going to be in these offices again.

They begin to fire questions at me, confusion in their voices. But there's one voice that stands out to me. One voice that I hear over all the others. It's Torres. She immediately starts hurling accusations, demanding to know what it is i've done to cause the woman who has kept her here, the woman who has kept them all here, to leave. Demanding to know what it is i've done to cause the woman who has stood by me through everything i've ever done, the woman who has stood by me through things no-one should stay through, to finally throw in the towel. And under normal circumstances, I would fire some quick remark back at her. Tell her to shove off and mind her own business. But these aren't normal cirstance. So this time I have nothing. Because while I know what it is that caused today to be the day she packed her things and left, know that letting her fall the floor is what made today goodbye, on the rest of it i'm stumped. I have absolutely no clue, not even the faintest idea what it is the set these particular events into motion. Not even the smallest incling as to what it is that made her decide she was done. So I have nothing to give Torres. No quick witted retort. No answers. And without a word, I walk away from them all. My feet carrying me on auto pilot, until I am safe inside her space. A place that was once her sanctuary. A place where we would unwind together, sharing secrets into the early hours. A place that is now nothing more than another empty office.

She's not been gone long, and so the air still smells like her. The perfume she's worn since i've known her, still lingering in the air and taking over my senses. I can still feel her presence in the air, and as I fall into the chair behind her now bare desk, I can help but wonder how long it will be before it's like she never owned this space. How long it will be before I can no longer feel her, no longer smell her. How long it will be before her presence is nothing more than a distant memory.

How long it will be before the most important woman in my life becomes nothing more than a dream. Nothing more than a dream, that I know will haunt me like a nightmare.

Thanks for reading, and to those of you who reviewed the last chapter your comments were really appreciated and I hope you enjoyed this next piece of the story.