A/N: Turns out I had one more chapter in me before season 3 after all. I figured screw canon lol, and if any of my ideas end up being similar to upcoming content then I look like a genius instead of a copycat.

That being said, there's a lot of season 2 stuff woven into this chapter because canon is too good to ignore and not copy/draw from at all. It's only in bits and pieces, though, because the storyline is very different. There were just certain lines/ideas that worked so well in places, you know?

One last note, we are now returning to our super fun regular programming. Which means CONTENT WARNING for depictions of violence, emotional and physical child abuse, blood/mild body horror, and vague suicidal ideation. Vacation is over, bitches.

That evening, Catra receives a summons to an audience with Lord Hordak in his throne room. It's hardly a surprise given the circumstances, and she was going to go check in with him anyway to share what she learned in Bright Moon. Still, though, something about being summoned at an irregular time to meet with her superior in their sanctum makes her skin crawl. Especially when she has something to hide.

Also partly to blame for her feelings of unease are her frosty interactions with Hordak since Shadow Weaver's execution. The encouraging attitude he showed her previously has been conspicuously missing, replaced by irritability and indifference. Catra can't help the feeling she's disappointed him in some way. It's easily one of the worst feelings in the world.

Finding Hordak's throne empty when she enters the vast room, she veers into his lab. He spends a lot of time in there tinkering with various projects and experiments that seem to have little, if anything, to do with the war. Spying his imposing frame farther into the lab, Catra gulps and straightens her Force Captain badge. Striding in with as much confidence as she can muster, she asks, "You wanted to see me, Lord Hordak?"

"Yes, Force Captain," says Hordak, not looking up from the mess of wires on his workbench. "It has come to my attention that you have been absent for much of the last two days, without my knowledge or permission."

"My apologies, Lord Hordak," says Catra, bowing her head slightly. As much as she hates apologizing, she's fully prepared to eat shit to make this whole mess blow over. "I decided to do a quick scouting mission the other night, and I thought I would be back to carry out my duties by morning. If I'd known I was going to be delayed, I would have informed you."

"Informed me?" Hordak turns her way, his expression hard. "Force Captain, do you think it is acceptable to go over my head and set out on a mission without my approval?"

"Go over your head?" Catra blinks bewilderedly. Granted, she's only been doing this job for a week and a half, but she thought she had a pretty good grasp on at least some of what it entails. "I mean, sir, part of my job is the approval of missions. I didn't want to bother you with something that's my responsibility."

"Is that so?" Hordak narrows his eyes suspiciously. "Or were you concerned that if you asked permission, I would have said no?"

"Honestly, no. I saw no reason why you would," says Catra. Considering this a moment, she adds, "Next time I'll ask if I want to accompany any missions outside of the Fright Zone. I understand why it would cause problems if I'm not here running things." Hordak gives her a look and she quickly corrects herself. "Helping run things." Not that Hordak really does much other than play in his lab and occasionally boss people around, but bringing that up would definitely not be in her best interests right now. She would if it was Shadow Weaver, but she hasn't given up on staying in Hordak's good graces yet.

Hordak nods, his posture relaxing slightly. "Very well, Force Captain Catra," he says, returning to his work. "Would you like to inform me where you have been, what you have achieved on this mission of yours?"

Sighing in relief, Catra eagerly responds, "Yes, I would. Very much." Frowning at Hordak's continued preoccupation, she eases closer to where he stands, subtly demanding his attention. "I was in Bright Moon. I went to scout out the area personally, and I discovered they have a protection spell around the kingdom that disables Horde technology. I also found that She-Ra was badly injured and, even better, I got her to leave Bright Moon. With this knowledge, we should have a huge advantage in the next battle."

Hordak hums absently, hardly the reaction Catra was hoping for. "How did you convince She-Ra to leave, Force Captain?"

Ears drooping slightly, Catra averts her eyes. "Unfortunately, I was captured. But I preyed on her attachment to me, convinced her to help me escape. She was afraid of the repercussions, so she left as well."

"Making the best of a bad situation," remarks Hordak. "You've always been good at that, haven't you?"

Catra's ears prick back up as she takes a cautious look at Hordak, her stomach gurgling with unease. His words were proud in theory, but their tone seemed to hold a hint of condescension. She's particularly sensitive to that tone. No doubt Adora would have taken it as a compliment and moved on, but she is definitely not Adora.

Shifting her weight, Catra lifts her chin and stands tall. "I had to be, sir."

Finally Hordak looks her in the eye. "How did you manage to get yourself captured?"

"I got too close to the castle. Princess Glimmer found me when I was about to scale the wall."

"I see," muses Hordak. "Why were you attempting to infiltrate the castle? You weren't secretly planning an assassination, were you?" he asks, a slight cheeky tone in his voice.

Catra chuckles. "No, sir. I was there investigating patrol patterns and special armaments. That's all."

Hordak's eyes narrow, but his penetrating gaze doesn't pierce her false front. Over the years she has been made impenetrable by necessity. She's had a lot of practice lying to save her skin. Quite literally.

"Is that so?" asks Hordak.

"Yes?" Catra blinks obliviously. "What else would I be doing there?"

Catra's barely finished her sentence when Scorpia's voice rings out from above them. "What did Adora say when you told her?"

"Told her what?"

"That you wanted to kiss her!"

A rock drops into Catra's stomach, a wave of icy dread washing over her. Eyes flicking to Hordak, she finds his red ones burning with a deadly promise. Her hands and knees begin to tremble, and it's suddenly taking all her effort to stay on her feet.

Hordak's little spy swoops down, flying in taunting circles above Catra's head as he continues replaying her voice. "Adora was sad Shadow Weaver died… I leaked intelligence to the enemy… we can't let Hordak learn the truth."

Oh, gods.

Catra instinctively backs away, putting space between her and Hordak, trying desperately to keep her teeth from chattering. The demonic robot baby lands on Hordak's arm, smirking at Catra and laughing at her expense.

"You lie to me," growls Hordak, stepping forward.

"Wait!" protests Catra. As she racks her brain for some excuse, some way out of this, Hordak unexpectedly stops next to a couple of levers sticking out of the floor. She blinks in confusion as he pushes one away from him, turning on some pale purple lights above them. Catra squints up at the lights and the strange glow they cast around her, but has no time to wonder at the unconventional illumination before Hordak starts his lecture in earnest.

"I tried to mentor you, I put my trust in you, and this is how you repay me?" he berates her, approaching slowly. "By consorting with the enemy, being irresponsible and selfish?"

"Lord Hordak, you don't understand!" Catra interjects desperately as he begins to close in on her. "I was there to sabotage She-Ra, not to consort with Adora. I told her I used to have feelings for her so she would have trouble fighting me in the future." Suddenly short of breath, Catra breaks into a coughing fit. Fighting through it, she pushes out, "Ask Scorpia, she'll tell you! She knows all about it."

"Why didn't I know all about it, Force Captain?" snaps Hordak. "If you had nothing to hide, you would have been forthright about your plans. Why should I trust anything you say?"

The wheezing only getting worse, Catra falls to her knees, squinting up at Hordak through watering eyes. "I… I can't-"

"Ah, yes. You see, Etheria's atmosphere has proved to be a complicating variable in my experiments. I just removed that variable." Crouching in front of Catra, Hordak leers at her, taking obvious pleasure in her continued struggle. "Tell me, Force Captain, how is your breathing?"

Catra can feel her consciousness beginning to slip away, her head bowing with fatigue and dejection. Is it always going to be like this? Wherever she goes, will someone always be waiting to choke her into submission? To suck the air from her lungs, the hope from her heart?

Standing with a scoff, Hordak mutters, "Pathetic. Just like everything else on this backwards planet." He walks away, pulling the lever back to its original position on the way by.

The glow dissipates and suddenly Catra can breathe again. She tips forward with a gasp, resting on her hands and knees as she heaves in precious oxygen. She glances up long enough to see Hordak recording observations on the horrible experiment before her vision clouds over, her head bowing under the weight of her failure. Tears roll down her cheeks, dripping onto the floor.

"I'm so sorry," she whispers hoarsely.

Hordak's fist slams down on the workbench and Catra jumps. "Sorry isn't good enough!" he booms.

A cold, dizzying rush sweeps through Catra's head, leaving it feeling fuzzy and heavy. It drops again as she squeezes her eyes shut with a shudder.

"I'm sorry," whimpered Catra, cowering in the corner of her cell. Trembling at the encroaching shadows, she shielded her head with her arms. "Please, I'm sorry. I'm sorry!"

"Sorry isn't good enough." A cold, bony hand gripped her wrist, wrenching one of her arms away. The stranglehold on her small, fragile wrist made her gasp, face contorting in pain. "Actions have consequences, Catra."

Panting hard and willing her eyes to stay dry, Catra protested, "But-"

"Silence!" snapped Shadow Weaver. "What would it teach you if any wrongdoings were erased by empty apologies? The world doesn't work that way, Catra. You're not getting out of this with some magic word."

The clanking and hydraulic sounds of Hordak approaching pull Catra out of the terrifying memory into the much more terrifying present. "You went to fulfill some personal agenda, got yourself captured and leaked dangerous intelligence to the enemy. Worst of all, I gave you the chance to come clean, and you lied." Hordak crouches in front of Catra again, taking her chin in a literal iron grip. "You think sorry will fix all that?"

Snuffling back the mucus dribbling from her nose, Catra gives her head a hard shake and swallows, wiping her face of emotion. "No, sir."

Hordak huffs, dropping his hand. "Shadow Weaver was right, I made a mistake with you. You truly are nothing but a disappointment. You're a disgrace to the Horde."

A sob bursts from Catra's throat before she can stop it. Quickly she slaps a hand over her mouth and feigns another round of coughing in an attempt to cover it up.

Hordak doesn't react to that indiscretion, just narrows his eyes as he continues, "I hoped you'd be an improvement, but you're just like her, driven by foolish emotions and attachments. I knew the minute I saw your marks on her, and all you've done since is prove me right. You're incapable of discipline. You're nothing but an animal who can't control her basest impulses."

Anger shoots through Catra's every nerve, making her muscles stiffen and fur stand on end. Her eyes narrow and spark as she juts her chin out defiantly. "I'm not-"

The back of Hordak's hand suddenly collides with Catra's face and an embarrassingly high-pitched yelp fills the air. Immediately she clutches the right side of her face while her left eye widens in shock, trying to focus on her assailant through suddenly blurry vision.

For the record, metal hurts a hell of a lot more than bony flesh.

"Don't you dare contradict me!" bellows Hordak, annunciating every word. Catra can't help wincing, both at the terrifying aggression and the extreme volume of his voice. It makes her ears ring even worse than they already were.

As Hordak stands to tower over her once again, Catra gingerly touches her cheekbone, squinting up at him. She can already feel her right eye swelling shut, the welt rising on her cheekbone. Pulling her hand back, she finds blood staining her fingertips.

"I will give you one more chance to prove your loyalty," concludes Hordak, calling Catra's gaze back up in surprise. "One more chance to prove your worth to me, to the Horde."

Hope blooms in Catra's chest, allowing her a sigh of relief despite the blood she can feel slowly oozing down her cheek. She can still make this right. That's more than she dared to wish for. "Thank you, sir. I won't disappoint you again, I promise."

"I should hope not," says Hordak coldly. Pausing for effect, he declares, "You will find She-Ra, and you will kill her."

"What?" Catra scrambles to her feet, almost tipping over as the world shifts beneath her. "But, sir, I have no idea where she went."

It surprises her how easily the lie rolls off her tongue. Apparently her instinct to protect Adora trumps her instinct to survive. How convenient.

"Trying to track her down would be a waste of resources," continues Catra, eyes squinting as she struggles to concentrate through the fog and splitting pain in her skull. "I guess I could attack one of the kingdoms who have joined the alliance. She'd come, but so would all the other princesses." Catra shakes her head and immediately regrets it, wincing into a wave of dizziness. "No," she mutters. "We'd lose even more if we did it that way."

"We are not going to do anything," hisses Hordak. "This is your mission, Cadet. Yours alone."

Catra's heart drops into her stomach.

"Cadet?" she repeats, her voice weak and wobbly.

"You have made yourself expendable. Clearly I won't be able to trust you for as long as She-Ra lives," says Hordak, stripping the badge from Catra's shirt as she watches in dismay. "Bring me the sword, and her head. Only then will I even consider reinstating you."

"But-"

"Do you understand?" Hordak's hand snaps to his opposite shoulder, threatening to repeat the devastating blow. Catra shrinks back as he growls, "Or do I need to make myself understood?"

Catra bows her head, ears drooping. "No, Lord Hordak. I understand."

"Good. You are dismissed."

***o***

It's a good half hour before Catra is all cried out, slumped against the railing of a high terrace overlooking the Fright Zone. Usually she would perch on it, but her balance is still a little off and she doesn't want to risk a fall. The brief period of oxygen deprivation seems to have taken a lot out of her, or maybe it was the blow to the head. She can't tell. All she knows is how utterly fucked she is.

If Catra doesn't accept Hordak's mission and prove her loyalty, she'll go back to being the scum of the earth in the Horde. Worse, actually. The soldiers she lorded power over certainly won't treat her kindly, Lonnie in particular. But if she does…

Considering the impossible choice makes her head pound. Lose everything, or kill Adora. Sacrifice any chance she has at redemption, or lose everything. Because Adora is everything. She's always been everything to Catra, even in the midst of all the hatred and betrayal. Catra doesn't know if she can live in a world without her. And even if she can, she knows she doesn't want to.

Catra leans harder against the rickety metal railing, testing its integrity. Maybe she should climb up after all. Perching atop it is a freeing feeling like no other, and if she did fall it wouldn't be the end of the world. Hell, it would be a relief.

The whole terrace suddenly bucks, tossing Catra several inches in the air with a shout of surprise. Regaining her balance, she looks over and finds Scorpia standing not ten feet to her right. She groans and Scorpia replies with a sheepish chuckle and wave.

"How'd you find me?" mutters Catra, turning her face away to wipe the tears from her cheeks. Not that it'll do much good. Her eyes are surely red and puffy, the fine fuzz on her cheeks matted down with dried tears. But she can't help it, it's a reflex.

"You always come out here when you're upset. Also I looked everywhere else," says Scorpia, chipper as ever as she approaches. Her smile drops in an instant as she spots what must be a massive bruise on Catra's face. "Whoa." She reaches out to turn Catra's chin and inspect the damage, but when Catra recoils she yields, resting her pincer on the railing instead. Already pale cheeks losing their color, she stares in abject horror. "Catra, what happened?"

"The little demon baby overheard our conversation in my room. Hordak knows I lied to him. He knows I went to see Adora, he knows I told her about Shadow Weaver." Catra gulps, fighting off the painful tightness in her throat. "He took my badge."

"Looks like that's not all he did," Scorpia observes, tilting her head to better examine the wound.

"I've had worse," shrugs Catra. "The demotion's all I'm worried about." Vaguely gesturing at her face, she mutters, "This, this will heal."

"Still, he had no right to treat you that way," declares Scorpia.

Catra's eyes bulge. "Scorpia, shut up," she hisses. "What if he hears you?"

"Let him," she says flatly, folding her bulky arms. "It's the truth."

"No, it's not. He's my lord and I lied to him, disappointed him. He had every right." Catra stares out over the Fright Zone, eyes distant and forlorn. "Like it or not, I deserved this."

"Catra… no." A large pincer gently comes to rest on her back. "Look, I dunno what Shadow Weaver did to you, and I'm not gonna ask, but don't ever tell yourself you deserved to get hit," Scorpia tells her earnestly.

"Actions have consequences," Catra says numbly.

"Sure, but those don't have to be the consequences."

Turning on Scorpia, Catra hisses loudly. "You know what? Not everybody gets to grow up a princess. You don't know anything about it, so just shut the fuck up."

For a second, Catra sees a flicker of something in Scorpia's expression. Her eyes narrow and she opens her mouth as though to protest, but stops before any words come out. She tips her head, gazing at Catra with a softness she doesn't deserve.

"Has it always been like this for you?" asks Scorpia. Catra's eyes flit away, jaw twitching, and that's all the answer she needs. "I'm sorry, Catra."

Catra swallows. She can't handle this, any of this. Desperate for a change of subject, she blurts, "I have to kill Adora."

Scorpia's mouth falls open. "What?"

"That's the only way he'll reinstate me," says Catra. "That's the only way I'll ever be safe."

"Safe?" Scorpia reaches out, lightly tracing the bruise on Catra's skin. Catra winces but doesn't pull away this time. "Doesn't look like being second-in-command did you much good," remarks Scorpia. Catra's eyes narrow and Scorpia smiles sadly. "I've been a Force Captain for a while. I could've told you power puts you right in his crosshairs. You saw how he treated Shadow Weaver. Why did you think it would be any different for you?"

Squirming awkwardly, Catra admits, "He had to fight for his power too. I thought he understood me."

Scorpia stares at her mutely for a moment before spelling out, "Catra, Lord Hordak is from the noble class of his home planet. That's literally what Lord means."

Catra squints dubiously. "How do you know?"

"I'm a princess, I know royal and noble titles," Scorpia reminds her with just a hint of sass. Nudging Catra's side, she adds, "Besides, it was covered in Force Captain Orientation."

"Of fucking course." Catra groans, burying her face in her hands. "I should've known he was lying to me, manipulating me just like Shadow Weaver. I don't know why I even bothered hoping…" Swallowing hard, Catra glowers out over the compound. "She said he was just using me, and she was right. Everyone wants to use me. All I'll ever be is some stupid fucking pawn. Expendable. Useless."

"Hey, that's not true," says Scorpia, giving her shoulder a squeeze.

"Yes it is," insists Catra. "It'll always be this way. It doesn't matter how hard I work or what I do for the Horde. There'll always be someone waiting for me to fuck up, waiting to…"

Scorpia snorts humorlessly as Catra trails off. "Yeah, I mean unless you wanna take down Hordak, or leave." When Catra's eyes snap up to hers, she raises both claws. "Hey, I didn't mean that seriously."

"Leave?" Catra's temple throbs and she digs her fingers into it, sucking air through her teeth as she winces painfully.

Scorpia's eyes flit about. "Listen, you need to lie down," she says. "How about we go inside?"

Catra really doesn't want to face everything that waits for her inside, but her bed does sound wonderful right about now. Besides, she can't hide out here forever. "Ugh, fine," she agrees, reluctantly pulling away from the railing. Almost immediately she stumbles forward, literally falling into Scorpia's arms.

"Whoa, hey. You okay?" Scorpia steadies Catra, watching with concern as she rights herself.

"I'm fine," huffs Catra, brushing away Scorpia's claws with a mortified blush. "I'm just a bit diz-" Catra's words are cut off by her stomach bucking violently. She turns to the railing just in time to send her vomit spewing off the side of the building. More rounds of heaving follow, and by the time her stomach is empty she's a clammy, shaking mess. Her already raw throat burns like a mother fucker and her heartbeat is hammering in her skull. Groaning into the pain, she only now notices Scorpia's claws holding her hair back.

Gripping Catra's shoulders, Scorpia gently pries her from the railing. "Okay, Wildcat, let's get you to bed."

"Hey, no, stop it!" Catra protests as Scorpia effortlessly scoops her up. "Put me down!"

"Sorry, but this is for your own good," insists Scorpia, cradling her close. "You're in no shape to walk."

Tears of frustration well in Catra's eyes, but she's too tired to continue struggling. Even the thought of walking is daunting right now, as much as she hates to admit it. Groaning again, she turns her face into Scorpia's chest. "Whatever," she grumbles. "If it'll get you to shut up."

Catra can feel eyes on them as Scorpia carries her through the halls of the Fright Zone. She must look absolutely pathetic, limp and bloody in Scorpia's arms, but she's too exhausted to care about the gawking passersby. She's already lost everything. Adora. Her power. Her pride. She's already in disgrace, already stripped of her rank. Who even gives a shit who sees her like this?

Depositing Catra on her bed, Scorpia leaves to fetch some supplies with a promise to be right back. Funny enough, Catra believes her. In the meantime, the lights in her room are driving her insane. She doesn't remember them being so loud and bright. She considers getting up to turn them off and end her torment, but even the thought of doing so makes her dizzy. One hand over her eyes and the other clutching her gut, she resolves to tough it out until Scorpia's return. At least she has a room to herself and doesn't have to worry about noisy cadets coming in and making the headache worse.

Oh, yeah. She's about to lose this room too. Force Captain barracks and all.

Scorpia returns shortly with a tall glass of water, a bag of ice, and a bucket. Catra attempts a grateful smile and groans, "Can you turn off the lights?"

"Oh, of course!" chirps Scorpia. "Silly me."

When they flick off, Catra sighs in relief. There's still the safety lighting and constant machine hum to contend with, but it is an improvement. Scorpia kneels to her left and presents her with the water, which she obediently gargles and spits into the bucket. She declines to swallow any, however, for fear that it too will end up in the bucket. The ice pack is actually the biggest relief. As she presses it to her swelling cheekbone and eye socket a deep groan leaves her body and she thanks the gods for Scorpia.

"Better?" Catra can just hear the cheeky smile on Scorpia's face. She has little energy to waste on sass so she merely grunts noncommittally. A claw on her arm makes her good eye open and peer at her self-appointed nurse. "Do you want actual painkillers?" suggests Scorpia. "If I go to the infirmary, tell them what happened-"

"No fucking way," grumbles Catra. That's one last vestige of pride she's not willing to give up. The infirmary is for weaklings, and she'd literally rather die than let the news of what Hordak did to her get around.

"Okay," Scorpia concedes haltingly. "If you're sure."

"Positive." Noting the way Scorpia's brow creases and eyes fall, Catra tacks on, "Thanks, though."

With her various aches mostly soothed, she releases a lengthy sigh and closes her eye, attempting to relax. Despite the lackadaisical facade she propped up for several years, she's actually not much better at it than Adora. They made quite the pair. The thought makes her smile, until she remembers her latest orders.

Catra's good eye pops open. "I can't kill… I can't kill Adora. How…" Focusing on her friend, she swallows hard. "Scorpia, what am I supposed to do?"

Smiling softly, Scorpia reaches out to caress her cheek. The hard chitin of her pincer feels weird against Catra's face, a stark contrast to Adora's warm palms, but somehow it's comforting anyway. "Sleep, Catra. We'll figure this out later."

A slight tremble moves down Catra's every limb. She hasn't felt so vulnerable in ages. Hell, she's not sure she could even defend herself if fucking Kyle decided to attack her right now. Before she realizes what she's doing, she's reached up and grabbed Scorpia's pincer. Squeezing it firmly, she whispers, "Don't go."

"Wouldn't dream of it," murmurs Scorpia. Catra loosens her grip and Scorpia rewards her by gently stroking her hair, lulling her into sleep.

For once Catra lacks the energy to protest, or to tell herself she hates the affection. Head turning slightly into Scorpia's touch, her eye slips shut with an exhausted, resigned sigh. Things won't be better in the morning.

A/N: Hope you all enjoyed. I'll see you on the other side of season 3! :D