A/N: Wow I am SO sorry for the huge delay on this chapter, but this one is a monstrosity and I've also been working on Satisfaction (my smut fic over on the AO3) plus a bunch of gifsets and meta re. season 4. Hope it's worth the wait, there's a lot to love here between the past and present storylines.

We've been really light on flashbacks and heavy on plot lately so here's a massive reversal of a chapter - nearly half flashbacks. I don't usually do flashbacks in dual POV chapters because it can get confusing (and there's already so much plot/drama when Catradora are together) but welp it happened. There are also some singular POV bits at the beginning and end of the chapter, and as usual all flashbacks are singular POV.

CONTENT WARNING for emotional and implied physical child abuse and punitive neglect. There's a bit of blood in Adora's second flashback too, if that squicks anyone out.

"Adoooora! Adora, come on!"

Adora raced after her unnaturally fast bunkmate, pudgy cheeks huffing and puffing. On the verge of losing her, she called out, "Slow down!"

"Not a chance!" Catra grinned deviously over her shoulder, then stopped on a dime at the base of a pipe climbing the wall. For a second Adora thought she was taking pity on her, until she started clambering up the pipe. She scaled it lightning quick, and within seconds she was up on the flat part in the rafters, looking down on Adora. "Beat that," she boasted, positively preening.

Panting hard as she stopped under the pipe, Adora wiped sweat from her brow. "You know I can't," she said, smiling for some reason she couldn't explain.

"Aw, not even gonna try?" teased Catra, tail lashing proudly behind her. "Don't be such a pr-"

A yelp pierced the air as one of Catra's hands slipped out from under her. She quickly righted herself, but her eyes turned huge and fearful. They darted back and forth across the pipe and down to the floor. "I… I don't like it up here."

Rolling her eyes, Adora stated the obvious. "Well then come down."

"I…" Catra inched back to the bend in the pipe and eyed the descending part warily. Tentatively reaching out, she ran a hand over the metal and whined pitifully. "It's too slippery, I'm gonna fall!"

Adora's heart started racing as she watched Catra begin to spiral, whimpering and crawling around on her hands and knees, tears streaming from her wide eyes. A year later Catra would have laughed at such a drop, done backflips off the stupid pipe, but she was still getting used to her own abilities. They couldn't have been older than four.

"Okay, don't panic," Adora said to herself as much as Catra. "I'll go get Shadow Weaver, she'll get you down."

"No!" Catra jerked like she'd been physically struck, a reaction that made Adora's eyebrows knit. "Don't tell her, she'll be mad, she'll…" Catra shook her head sharply. "Don't tell her."

"Well fine, I'll get one of the trainers then," reasoned Adora.

"What if they tell her?"

"I'll get a bigger kid."

"I'll never live it down!"

Adora tossed her hands in the air. "I can't just leave you up there!"

"Adora, stop! Just-"

Catra shrieked as she slipped again, pitching forward. Adora instinctively reached out to catch her but as she started to fall she twisted in mid-air, latching one clawed hand onto the slick metal.

"Catra!" Adora cried out in panic. Catra didn't answer, too busy hollering and flailing to get her other hand on the pipe. "Catra, hang on, I'll be right back!"

"No!" Catra screamed after her as she started to run. "Adora, come back! Please come back!"

Ignoring Catra's pleading hurt, but standing there watching when she couldn't do anything to help hurt more. Shadow Weaver was tall, and she could float too, Adora had seen her levitate higher when she yelled. She could get Catra down easier than anyone. Praying she'd be in her office just a few halls away, Adora ran as fast as her stubby legs would carry her.

Nearly tripping in her haste, Adora skidded to a stop outside the office and began pounding on the door. "Shadow Weaver!" she called. "Shadow Weaver!"

The door swung open, revealing Shadow Weaver sitting behind a massive stack of papers at her desk. "What is it, child?" Though Adora couldn't read her mask, her voice was full of concern. "Are you alright?"

"Oh, thank Hordak!" panted Adora, resting her hands on her knees. "I need help!"

"I gathered that," remarked Shadow Weaver, not budging from her seat. "What's wrong?"

"Please, just come! We need you!"

Shadow Weaver's eyes narrowed. "I don't take orders from soldiers, let alone miniature cadets, and I have a lot of work to do," she said smoothly, her voice deepening slightly in warning. "Explain yourself, Adora."

Adora's breathing intensified, panic rising anew in her chest as Catra's demands and Catra's needs battled in her already frazzled brain. She turned away, tugging on her hair with one hand and scratching hard behind her ear with the other. She didn't want to tell Shadow Weaver what was wrong in case Catra found a way down on her own before they got back. But if it was the only way to get her to come help…

Two cold, bony hands grabbed Adora's wrists, snapping her back to the moment. Shadow Weaver was crouched down in front of her, narrowed eyes watching her closely. "Don't do that, Adora," she scolded her, wrenching her arms down to her sides. "You look like a crazy person." Adora's eyes suddenly stung, but before any tears could form Shadow Weaver was caressing her cheek and speaking softly again. "Now, tell me. What is the matter?"

Leaning into the touch, Adora took a deep, shaky breath. Sure, Shadow Weaver could be harsh, but she was only looking out for them. They could trust her. Besides, they really needed her help. Catra could've already fallen, she could be hurt. The thought of Catra in pain was what finally got Adora to speak.

"It's Catra," she admitted, her voice cracking with fear. "She's stuck, up high. I'm scared she's gonna fall."

Shadow Weaver's demeanor flipped in an instant, eyes flaring brightly as her body stiffened. Adora's stiffened in turn, fear creeping back into her mind as she watched Shadow Weaver with wide, attentive eyes. But Shadow Weaver did not lash out, with words or otherwise. She just shook her head with an aggravated huff. As she straightened up, she muttered, "I told him this would happen. Those stupid cats are all the same."

Adora squinted up at Shadow Weaver curiously. She wanted to ask her what she meant, who 'he' was and what 'cats' were and why they were stupid, but she didn't want to risk provoking her anger before they even got to Catra. Her lips fell into a frown. She assumed Shadow Weaver must be referring to Catra, but Catra didn't seem stupid to her. Catra was actually really smart.

"Well?" snapped Shadow Weaver, pulling Adora from her thoughts. "Lead the way."

Adora scampered ahead, Shadow Weaver floating hot on her tail. In moments they rounded a corner into the corridor where Catra was stuck. Catra hadn't found her way down yet, but she wasn't hanging from her claws anymore either. As she set eyes on Adora and Shadow Weaver, her face changed into an expression Adora wasn't used to, but would come to know intimately years later. Betrayal.

Ears flattening against her head, Catra wrapped her arms and legs around the pipe, holding on tight. When they got closer, Adora could even see her shivering. She didn't understand. Shadow Weaver was really tall and kind of scary, and she could be mean sometimes, but she was a grown up who took care of them. Why was Catra so scared?

"Catra, I'm sorry," said Adora, "but you needed help."

Catra let out a weak hiss. Who it was directed at, Adora was not sure.

"We'll have none of that feral behavior, Catra," ordered Shadow Weaver, stopping beside Adora. "If your conditioning classes aren't doing the trick, I could give you some additional private lessons. Is that going to be necessary?"

Catra somehow flattened further against the pipe. "N-n-no, Shadow Weaver."

Shadow Weaver pointedly eyed Catra's surroundings. "It's quite a predicament you've gotten yourself into here, isn't it?"

"I'm sorry, I-" A shudder cut her off mid-sentence. "I didn't mean to go this high, I just wanted to show Adora how fast I can climb."

"Always so eager to impress Adora, aren't you? So eager to prove you're better." Shadow Weaver laughed. "The mere thought!" Cocking her head, she inquired, "Tell me, just how were you planning on getting down?"

Gulping hard, Catra rasped, "I didn't think about it."

"That's right, you didn't think," Shadow Weaver enunciated harshly. "You never do, neither of you. You girls will be the death of me, I swear to Hordak." She attempted to pinch her brow, stopped when she found only mask. Huffing under her breath, she declared, "Well, you can think about it now."

Adora squinted up at her. "What do you mean?"

Sighing as though explaining was such an ordeal, Shadow Weaver bent down closer to Adora's level. "I mean, dear girl, that your friend up there can find her own way down." Turning her face to Catra, she decreed, "You got yourself into this mess, you can find your own way out. Maybe you'll learn something about taking responsibility for yourself."

Catra shrank into herself with a whimper, and Adora couldn't help but intercede. "Shadow Weaver, please!" she protested, yanking on her guardian's flowing sleeve as she straightened up. "She could hurt herself, she could break something!"

"She should have thought about that before climbing all the way up there," Shadow Weaver said flatly.

"But… but she can't train if she's hurt!" reasoned Adora. "Don't you want her to be a productive soldier?"

"I couldn't care less." Shadow Weaver started to turn away but stopped, eyes narrowing on Adora. "And don't you go thinking about asking anyone else for help, either. I'll know if you do." Reaching out to pat her on the head, she said sweetly, "Trust me, Adora, you don't want to defy me." Turning to the pipe again, she asked, "Isn't that right, Catra?" Catra recoiled and Adora was pretty sure she heard Shadow Weaver chuckle before returning her attention to her. "Come along, now, it's nearly time for dinner."

Adora's eyes flicked back and forth between Catra and Shadow Weaver. "But I… I can't-"

"Adora." Shadow Weaver's reprimand was firm, and harsh. It left no room for argument. She reached out a hand to Adora, one Adora knew better than to refuse. As she hesitantly took Shadow Weaver's hand, their guardian asserted, "It's for her own good. She needs to learn to behave, isn't that right?"

Gazing up at that mask she so wanted to trust, Adora haltingly agreed, "Right."

Still, Adora couldn't help looking back over her shoulder as Shadow Weaver led her away. Catra's expression of betrayal had faded to something less hostile but all the more heartbreaking: complete and utter devastation. Her eyes were full of tears, of helplessness and fear. The sight made Adora's throat swell, and she had to avert her eyes to keep herself from crying too. But she couldn't turn her ears away, couldn't avoid hearing Catra's whimpers and the occasional sob as she retreated. Her chest ached more with every step.

Adora doesn't snap out of this dream, like she would from a more terrifying nightmare. The line between memory and reality blurs as she slowly comes to. That pain still squeezes her ribs like a vice, tears still sting her eyes. It's only when one rolls sideways over the bridge of her nose that she realizes she's lying on her side. Curled up in her lonely bed in her cold, sterile room made for one.

It's been too long. Eight days since that morning she broke Catra out. Eight days since she last saw her face, kissed her lips. If Catra was coming back, she would have by now. And with this traumatic event fresh in her memory, Adora really can't blame her for leaving her here.

She understands now, in a way she didn't back then. In attempting to help, Adora only made things worse. All she ever did was make things worse. She never listened to Catra or took her seriously enough, always assuming she knew better. Catra begged her not to bring Shadow Weaver and still Adora did it. No wonder Catra thinks she's dumb.

She sort of made up for that mistake and for leaving later on, by coming back and coaxing Catra down. But still, the damage was done. How many times has Catra had to watch her walk away? How many times has Catra watched her decide that abandoning her is for the greater good?

Adora brought this on herself. She deserves this.

***o***

Tiny puffs of white escape Catra's lips as she shivers, hugging her knees tighter. Even with her hoodie on she's fucking freezing, and really starting to regret freezing these damn woods over. Well, she didn't exactly do it on purpose, but in hindsight maybe letting Entrapta shift the energy balance of the planet for shits and giggles wasn't her best decision ever. Not that there's much competition for that title.

Her tail flicks restlessly beneath the branch she's perched on, eyes on the stony edifice across the clearing. She's been here a couple hours, or at least it feels like it. Scorpia and Entrapta should be in Dryl by now, the group of bots they programmed to follow along not far behind. And of course Catra's stuck here, waiting for Adora to decide she feels like coming outside. Perhaps she could move closer, try to find some way to alert Adora to her presence, but she doesn't dare set foot in that place. Its army of spiders, maze of corridors, and arsenal of painful memories are a very convincing deterrent.

For all Catra knows, it could be days before Adora ventures out of the ruins. Adora was always insanely dedicated to training, and now that she's the fucking savior of the planet that obsession will no doubt be stronger than ever. She probably won't even want to come to Dryl, will probably prefer to stay and train. Well, maybe not prefer, but she'll do it anyway, saying it's more important than her own happiness. Than Catra's happiness.

Giving her head a sharp shake, Catra tries to banish those thoughts. If she learned anything during her time in Bright Moon (other than how Sparkles is even more of an asshole than she thought), it's that she needs to talk to Adora instead of assuming what she's thinking. Scorpia encouraged her to do the same upon sensing her anxiety when they dropped her off. Catra knows Adora better than anyone, but still, she doesn't know everything, especially when it comes to Adora's feelings. Besides, Adora was the one who asked her to come here. She obviously wants to see her, and that's at least one step in getting her to come along.

With that mental crisis averted, or at least shoved aside for now, Catra expels a long breath. Her eyes sweep through the forest coming to life in the morning light, ears taking in the rustles of forest creatures while the scents of dew and melting moss tickle her nostrils. Something wild stirs in her chest. Some part of her feels more at home here than in the Fright Zone. Maybe that's why she was so eager to explore the forest, that day that everything changed.

Taking a little run through the woods would help her warm up, right? As long as she doesn't stray too far, she should still be able to hear the door opening if Adora comes outside. Catra lets go of her legs, lets them dangle as she eyes a path of branches she can swing from to reach the ground. She's just drawn them back up, preparing to leap, when that familiar sound of the ground collapsing in on itself invades her eardrums. Head whipping to the side, she spies Adora walking up the ramp. Her heart jumps into her throat.

Adora trudges up the ramp and through the clearing, glazed eyes barely taking in the forest in front of her. She doesn't even know where she's going, other than away. She needs air, she needs… she needs change. What made her think she could live like this? She needs touch, she needs companionship, she should have known she'd literally go crazy living in the Crystal Castle with only a holographic mentor.

Walking among the trees in the crisp and chilly air, frozen twigs snapping underfoot, Adora at least regains some sense. Her mind begins to clear. She's still She-Ra. Even if she doesn't have any friends, she still has a purpose. And that makes things… tolerable. She can tolerate it. She has to.

"Hey, Adora," comes a sly purr in her ear.

Adora yelps, spinning into a fighting stance on impulse. Catra stands maybe a foot away, grinning like a devil.

A flood of impulses inundate Adora's brain, and she very nearly punches Catra, yells at her for scaring her like that, demands how the hell she snuck up on her (even though she knows), asks her what the hell took her so long. Instead she throws herself against Catra and wraps her arms around her ribs, squeezing tight. "You came back!"

"Yeah, of course I came back," says Catra, brow furrowing and lips frowning in concern. Regaining her balance, she slides her arms around Adora's shoulders, holding her best friend close and nuzzling her hair in what she hopes is a comforting gesture. "I didn't mean to scare you," she murmurs against Adora's ear. Adora huffs and she quickly specifies, "I mean, by not coming back. I had a concussion, wasn't really fit to go off on missions right away."

Suddenly Adora's pulling back, searching her face. Her eyes land on the fading bruise around Catra's right eye and her hand quickly follows, thumb caressing the tender flesh. "Oh my gods, what happened to you?"

"Doesn't matter," says Catra, pointedly leaning away from her touch. But Adora's never been one to take a hint.

"Yes it does," she insists, holding Catra fast with one hand and letting the other slip down her cheek, much to Catra's relief. "Please, tell me."

Catra scowls in warning but Adora refuses to budge. After a moment of this stalemate she decides that if Adora really fucking wants to know, she can know. "Hordak caught wind of my little misadventure in Bright Moon," she admits, shoving her hands in her hoodie's pouch. "Found out I told you about Shadow Weaver and got captured."

Adora's jaw drops. It's not like it's escaped her notice that Lord Hordak is an evil man, but she's never known him to be violent… or at least not to his underlings. That was Shadow Weaver's job.

Blinking hard, Adora says, "He did this to you?"

"Well, yeah," grunts Catra, squirming and eyeing the frosty grass. "More importantly, he demoted me and said I had to kill you if I ever wanted to see my badge again."

Those words hit Adora like a punch to the gut, jolting her body and draining the blood from her head. She can't help but step back.

"Is that why you're here?" She swallows, scanning Catra's features for any hint of aggression. "To kill me?"

Catra's face falls. "Is that what you think?" she asks, her voice surprisingly soft.

Adora sighs, running a hand through her hair. "I don't know, Catra. I hope not."

Catra's body tenses, a lump suddenly growing in her throat. Honestly, what did she expect? She cut Adora's ropes and left her to die. Attacked her home. Kidnapped her friends. Adora has plenty of reason to doubt her intentions. Doesn't mean Catra doesn't hate her for it. Almost as much as she hates herself.

She feels her face hardening but tries to keep her voice calm, prevent this from escalating into another fight. "Thought you'd have more faith in me than that," she remarks, her voice barely cracking at all. Still, Adora hears it, she can tell by the way her face changes.

"I want to," says Adora, edging half a step closer. "But it's been a weird few months and I don't know where I stand with you anymore."

Adora's so beautiful even in her uncertainty. Her anxious eyes and parted lips draw Catra in, steal any coherent thoughts from her brain. Mindlessly brushing some wisps of hair behind Adora's ear, Catra murmurs, "Then let me clear that up."

Cradling Adora's cheek, Catra pulls lightly as she leans in, connecting their lips in a soft but earnest peck. Lingering only a couple seconds, she draws back to find Adora's cheeks flushed crimson.

"Oh," says Adora. Painfully aware of the blush in her cheeks, she tucks her chin down into her collar, unconsciously licking her lips. Trying to regain a little mojo, she clears her throat and jams her hands in her pockets as she looks back up. "So you're just gonna stay a foot soldier, then?" she inquires, resisting the urge to scratch her flaming neck.

"No. I left."

"You… left?" Adora blinks, certain she must have misunderstood. "The Horde?"

"Yes the Horde, what else would I be-"

Adora interrupts her by lunging forward into another kiss, fisting and twisting her hoodie to pull her in. Catra doesn't respond for a second, mouth hanging open in shock, but when Adora's tongue brushes her lips they spring into action. Arms snaking around Adora's ribs, she draws her in closer. Her tongue flicks lightly over Adora's and Adora moans into her mouth, kissing her harder. It's adorable and almost makes Catra laugh, but she holds it in to preserve the embrace.

It's Adora who pulls back first, holding her at arm's length to take in her whole face. "This is amazing. Catra, I… we can-" Adora cuts herself off this time, throwing her arms back around Catra and squeezing her tight. Knowing intimately what Adora needs right now, Catra reciprocates with the same pressure. After a few seconds she begins to gently rotate side to side and pushes a rumbling purr out of her throat, letting it echo through her chest and into Adora's. Adora goes limp in her arms with a heavy sigh and Catra can't help smirking into her hair. Works like a charm, ever since they were little.

Catra is content to let the moment drag on forever, until she feels tears on her neck. Pulling back just enough to look Adora in the eye, she drags a gentle thumb down the wet trail on her cheek. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just…" Adora sucks in a shaky breath and tips her head forward, pressing their foreheads together. "I've missed you so much. Like, I always missed you after I left, but it's been so much harder after everything that happened, you know, and I've been all alone and Bow's the only one who will even talk to me and I was just freaking out a little, okay? I thought maybe you didn't want me, maybe you'd just used me to get out and you never wanted to see me again."

A hand on Adora's jaw calls her eyes up, where they find Catra's staring back intently. The care and affection in them warms her insides, and she thinks she could very well melt under that gaze.

Ghosting her fingertips across Adora's cheek, Catra sighs sadly. "Adora, I'm sorry."

Adora's eyelids flutter. "Wait, you're what?" When Catra rolls her eyes, Adora's light up with a smirk of relief. After spilling her guts like that, she's dying for a bit of levity. "You're gonna have to speak up, I didn't catch that."

Catra feels her face turning to stone, the blood draining from her head as her hand drops off Adora's cheek.

"Speak up, child." Icy fingers trailed along Catra's jaw, tilting up her tearstained face, forcing eye contact. "I couldn't hear you."

Catra glared, barely holding back a growl as her fists clenched at her sides. "I said I'm sorry, Shadow Weaver."

Catra's feelings for her guardian were complex to say the least, but in moments like these she felt nothing but pure hatred for that woman. Hatred and hopelessness. Was the entire point of her existence to be tortured and humiliated for hardly any reason?

"You don't seem very sorry to me," remarked Shadow Weaver. Sparks of red flashed ominously between her palms. "Do I need to make you more sorry, Catra?"

"No, no…" She scrambled backwards, pressing her aching backside to the cell wall as Shadow Weaver closed in. "No!"

Catra shakes her head sharply, sucks in a breath through gritted teeth in a desperate bid to keep her shit together. Now's not the time to get lost in a memory, or go off on Adora. Steadying her voice as much as possible, she calmly states, "That's not funny, Adora."

"It is, a little," Adora teases, poking her in the shoulder. Still the worst ever at taking a hint. Can't she see that Catra's on the verge of a breakdown? Her dumb grin doesn't go anywhere until Catra knocks her hand away, taking a step back.

"Wow, okay," she enunciates. "I was going to apologize for making you freak out, tell you I'd have snuck out sooner if I'd known, but if you can't stop being an insensitive bitch for five fucking seconds then I guess I won't."

"Hey!" protests Adora, her rising pitch matching her furrowed brow. "You tease me all the time. Why can't I tease you back? That's not really fair, is it?"

"Fair? Oh boy, do you really want to get into that again?" Rage is pricking at Catra's brain, at the corners of her consciousness, and it's all she can do not to shout. "How many apologies did Shadow Weaver force out of you?" she demands, clenching her fists. "How many of them were for things that weren't even your fault?" Adora's face begins to go slack with realization, but Catra feels the need to drive the point home. "What's fair isn't always the same for everyone, Adora. You gotta think about what I've been through. It's not the same as you."

Adora's mouth moves wordlessly a few times before she gets out, "I didn't think about it that way."

Catra snorts. "Yeah, I know."

"Look, I don't try to be insensitive, okay?" says Adora, her cheeks flushing in a mix of embarrassment and indignation. "Sometimes I just don't know things. And it's hard… it's hard for me to understand how other people are feeling sometimes."

"Sometimes?" snarks Catra.

"Okay, you know what? That's not funny either," snaps Adora. Overcome with frustration, she drags her fingers through her long bangs and pulls hard. She can't look Catra in the eye even when she resumes speaking. "It's not like I don't try, Catra. And I don't appreciate being made fun of for that. I don't understand people all the time, I'd be the first to admit that. But I'm not stupid. I'm not."

A wave of guilt and understanding washes over Catra, extinguishing her flames of fury. Lonnie was right. Lonnie, of all people. Has Adora always hated when she teased her that way? It wasn't meant to hurt her, it was just…

Catra shifts uncomfortably as the thought crystallizes in her mind. It was just a little bit of revenge for her being the favorite, and being so blind to just how different their lives were. Catra shielded her from that, to be fair, but was it too much to ask for Adora to at least notice things weren't fair? Well, now she knows Adora knew and didn't see a point in saying anything, but that doesn't change the impulse to dig. Dig at her superiority complex, at her fragile self-esteem...

"Okay, fine, you're right," says Catra. Adora's head jerks up, the dumbest expression on her face.

…Yeah, Catra's really gotta quit that, if she wants things to work. Resolving to at least try to be better, she takes in a deep breath and explains, "I know you try. It's just frustrating sometimes when you tease me about certain things and seem to be incapable of understanding that it bothers me."

Adora tips her head. "Would you rather I make fun of you while knowing it's hurting your feelings?"

Forehead crinkling, Catra frowns at the frozen earth. "Okay, good point."

"Look, I'm not incapable, but I can't know unless you tell me," stresses Adora. "So, thanks for telling me." Her mouth twitches with vulnerability as Catra looks her in the eye. "But maybe next time, try to be nicer about it?"

"Alright, alright," grumbles Catra. Catching herself, she sighs. "You're not a bitch, I'm the bitch." It's the best she can manage right now.

Adora smiles, wordlessly accepting the unspoken apology. Reaching out to trace Catra's sharp jaw, she says, "Sometimes, but the rest of you makes up for it." Her cheeks flare up again as she speaks the cheesy compliment, but Catra's are heating up too, her eyes bouncing away. Adora pulls her hand back, clearing her throat as she shoves both in her pockets again. "So, uh, what are you going to do now? Where are you gonna go?"

"Dryl," says Catra, chancing eye contact.

"Dryl?" Adora raises her eyebrows. "Not the most obvious choice, unless you wanna get murdered by robots."

"Scorpia and Entrapta left with me, we're all going," explains Catra. Her hands begin to fidget, throat bobbing as Adora looks on curiously. "And I, uh, I figured maybe you'd like to come along. Better than hanging out with the spiders and a weird old hologram, right?" Hooking her thumbs in her belt, she adds, "I mean, I know you're training to be a better She-Ra and all that, but we can train at the Crypto Castle too. It'd be like old times, you know?"

"Catra, of course I want to go with you," Adora assures her immediately, grabbing her hand to soothe the insecurity coming off her in waves.

"Really?" Catra's face lights up for a second, mirroring Adora's, but then clouds of doubt roll in. "Okay but… are you actually going to?" she asks dubiously, tipping her head. "Or are you tethered to Light Hope and your big She-Ra mission and all that?"

"Please," huffs Adora. "Light Hope is driving me up the fucking wall, I can't wait to get away." Despite her exasperated eye roll, she's still smiling. "I'll pack my stuff," she concludes, turning to the ruins but neglecting to release Catra's hand.

Resisting the pull but refusing to let go just yet, Catra interjects, "Uh, hey. Maybe I shouldn't go in there. That place doesn't seem to like me."

Waving off her concerns with a scoff, Adora assures her, "It'll be fiiiine. Light Hope only appears when I call her, and as long as you don't steal any more data crystals the security system shouldn't activate on its own."

Catra's eyebrows knit. "How did you know about that?"

"It was in your memory bank when Light Hope scanned you. She was trying to convince me you're dangerous and evil." Catra arches an eyebrow and Adora frowns. "Okay, to be extra safe, just don't talk or touch anything."

"Then what's the point of me coming?"

"Because I don't want to let you out of my sight," Adora says plainly.

Sighing heavily, Catra rakes a hand through her hair. "Adora, I'm not gonna up and leave on you."

"No, I mean because I missed you."

Adora is so cute, making puppy eyes and probably not even meaning to. Catra feels her resolve melting away and she doesn't even care. She nods and allows herself to be led into the Crystal Castle, through its darkened halls.

There's not a lot to pack, just the backpack full of supplies Adora left Bright Moon with. It only takes her a minute to gather her things. Her eyes flit around the room as she slowly drags the zipper shut, and Catra's heart sinks.

"Having second thoughts?" she asks, fighting to keep her tone neutral.

"No," Adora states unequivocally. Her restless eyes finally settle on the bed behind them, and she swallows hard. Her hand moves of its own volition, tracing down Catra's forearm and linking their fingers as she meets her gaze. "Dryl's a long way off, and I didn't sleep well. Can we just…" she flicks her eyes to the bed and back, "stay here a while?"

Catra feels her mouth slipping open slightly, the corners trying to turn up. Adora has always been affectionate, and not just with Catra. It got her a fair bit of flak in the Horde, reprimands from Shadow Weaver and teasing from the other cadets. Shadow Weaver said she'd grow out of it, but she never did, not entirely. It was her primary way of showing she cared, other than smothering people with protection to feed her messiah complex. Maybe that's because she wasn't so great at knowing what to say. Maybe it was because she needed touch as much as anyone.

These past eight days must have been hell for her. Alone with her thoughts, no allies, no friends, no hugs. Catra can do without physical affection if she has to. She's gotten used to it since Adora left the Horde, but at least she had the option of hugging Scorpia if she felt the need. But Adora must have been downright touch starved since leaving Bright Moon. Since leaving Bright Moon to save Catra.

Catra squeezes her hand, chuckling warmly. Gratefully. "Sure, Adora."

Leading Adora to the bed, she lies down and pats the space beside her with a sly grin. There's not much room, but they won't need it.

Adora joins her eagerly and opens her arms, which Catra quickly fills despite her lingering concerns about squashing Adora. She's never understood why Adora likes her full weight on her. She personally would hate feeling immobilized like that, but Adora seems to find a sort of comfort in it. And Catra likes a soft, warm body to sleep on, so she's happy to oblige.

She kneads softly at Adora's chest, nuzzling the hollow of her throat. Adora's hands begin to stroke her head and back, pulling a reflexive purr from her throat. It's interrupted by a sob when they move behind her ears, and for a second Adora hesitates. Then she begins lightly scratching and Catra sinks into her, going limp. Tears fill her eyes at the long lost sensation, spilling out onto Adora's chest. It's been so long since she's felt this. This intimacy. This comfort. This love.

A flash of anger sparks in Catra's chest, anger at Shadow Weaver for stealing this from her these past few years. But her relief to be in Adora's arms again doesn't allow her to dwell on it, at least not for now. The feelings of warmth, safety, home… they calm her mind and slowly pull her under.

It's not long before Catra doses off, her rumbling purr fading to the quiet wheeze of her snoring. Adora's heart squeezes in her chest - she's even missed that. Having Catra in her arms looking so at peace, it feels so good she could cry. She does cry.

Smiling through her tears, Adora continues to gently rub behind Catra's ears. The motion draws an adorable sleepy mewl from Catra's lips, her claws flexing slightly in Adora's shirt. In her sleep, Catra might as well be that same small child who first curled up on Adora's chest, seeking comfort in a terrifying world.

Adora squirmed under her blanket, her restless limbs and mind refusing to grant her any rest. She heaved a sigh, flipping over onto her back. As her eyes landed on the empty mattress above her, a gnawing sense of guilt made her gut twist inside her. Dinner time had come and gone, as had evening free time, but there had been no sign of Catra.

Thoughts of what could have happened to her made Adora quiver despite her overheating body. She could still be stuck up on that pipe. She could be injured and needing help. The idea of lying there uselessly when her friend was in need was unbearable to Adora, so she tossed the blanket off her body and sat up. Quickly checking for any open eyes in the surrounding bunks, she slid off her bed and jammed her feet into her shoes, slipping out quietly.

Adora had to cross a couple of buildings undetected, keeping an eye out for soldiers and bots alike. Her heart pounded in her ears and her hands trembled, but she ignored her body's demands that she turn back, pushed the fear down and pressed onward. For Catra, she could be brave.

When Adora finally turned into the right corridor, she was relieved to find Catra still lying on the pipe. Not relieved that she was stuck, of course. Relieved that she was unharmed, and relieved to know this. Catra's elbows and knees were hanging off the pipe, feet crossed behind her and hands stacked under her cheek. Her eyes were shut but she was shivering in the cold, tail flicking back and forth.

"Catra!" Adora hissed when she got close, doing her best to keep her voice down despite the urgency in it.

"Adora?" Catra lifted her head, squinted past her drooping eyelids. "What are you doing here?"

"Come on, you need to come down, please!" Adora urged her.

Catra inhaled sharply, eyes flicking along the length of the pipe. "I can't."

Crossing her arms and doing her best to look unimpressed, Adora tilted her head and argued, "Look, you can't stay there forever. And if you stay up there tonight you'll be tired and hungry and you'll probably fall off anyway." She spied a flicker of uncertainty in Catra's eyes and gave her a smile of encouragement. "Come on, just try sliding down. I'll catch you if you fall."

Catra shook her head fiercely. "I can't! What if you get hurt?"

"I won't tell her how it happened," Adora assured her.

"But I don't want to hurt you!" insisted Catra.

Adora smiled again, and this time she didn't even have to try. "Then don't fall."

Catra pushed herself onto her hands and knees with shaking limbs, but she still looked uncertain. Averting her eyes, she mumbled haltingly, "If she finds out, she'll punish you."

"It'll be worth having you back," said Adora. And she meant it.

Catra lifted her head, and there was something new in her face. A look of… hope, maybe? Extending a hand up towards Catra, Adora nodded at the descending section of the pipe. "Come on."

Steeling herself with a deep breath in and out, Catra nodded and crawled to the bend in the pipe. Fear overcame her features again but she squeezed her eyes shut and turned around, sliding down feet first. Unfortunately she was right - halfway down the pipe she lost her grip and fell backwards. Her shriek cut through the air but Adora was there to catch her, or attempt to. Adora couldn't adjust her positioning fast enough and she ended up getting knocked to the ground, Catra's head smacking into her bottom lip on the way down.

"Owwww," Adora groaned, clutching her mouth.

Catra flipped on top of her, looking down with wide eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, it's okay," Adora assured her even as she pulled her hand away to reveal bloodied fingertips.

"Gods, I'm sorry. I'm-" Catra choked back a sob. "I'm so sorry." She dropped her head in shame, curling in on herself and shaking.

Wrapping her up in a hug on impulse, Adora crooned, "Shhh, it's okay, you don't have to be scared anymore." Their cheeks were pressed together and she felt tears rolling down, infiltrating the shared skin. Eyes flicking up to the abandoned pipe, Adora noticed two sets of claw marks where Catra had slipped earlier. She must have been hiding them before with her arms and legs, when Adora came back with Shadow Weaver.

Right, Shadow Weaver.

Giving the trembling kitten one more squeeze, Adora loosened her grip. "Come on, we need to go before someone sees us," she said, getting to her feet and helping Catra do the same.

Catra gripped Adora's hand tightly, eyes darting about as Adora led her back to the barracks. Her legs shook and her breaths came in shallow pants. Adora couldn't tell if it was leftover anxiety from the pipe or if she was scared of being seen, but she squeezed her hand tighter and gave Catra her best reassuring smile over her shoulder. It might have been more reassuring if her lip wasn't still bleeding.

When they made it back to their dorm Catra expelled a huge breath but shook even harder as the adrenaline wore off. Adora tugged her over to their bunk and onto her bed, pulling her blanket over both of them.

As soon as the blanket was over their heads Catra began to cry. Not quietly, either. No, these were big, shaking sobs that reverberated in the mattress as she buried her face in it, nuzzling and kneading the sheets to comfort herself.

Overwhelmed by Catra's distress and her own uselessness, Adora did the only thing she could think of and threw her arms around Catra's ribs, clinging to her side. "Catra, it's okay," she said desperately. "It's okay now. You don't need to cry."

When that only made Catra cry harder, Adora wracked her brain for another solution. Sometimes she liked it when Shadow Weaver patted her on the head or stroked her hair, if she was really gentle and careful not to scare her. So she hesitantly slid one hand up Catra's back and into her mess of hair.

As Adora began rubbing her head, Catra's wails softened into broken whimpers and shuddering sobs. Encouraged, Adora continued the soothing motion, quietly shushing her and whispering reassurances. "It's okay, I've got you. I've got you."

In time the harsh sounds of sorrow were replaced by the soft rumble of Catra's purr, and she finally lifted her head. The sudden appearance of Catra's glowing eyes in the darkness briefly startled Adora, but as her heart settled she found herself staring into them, heedless of Shadow Weaver's lectures about how rude it was. It wasn't Adora's fault Catra's eyes were so pretty. Even then, she thought she could look at them forever.

While Adora could only see the glow of Catra's eyes, apparently Catra could see (or maybe smell?) the blood on her face, because she leaned in and began licking it away. Adora giggled at the tickling sensation, pushing back but not very hard, letting Catra clean up her mess. She understood the need to make amends to someone you've hurt. Wasn't that why she came back, after all?

After several moments Catra pushed on Adora's shoulder, rolling her onto her back. Adora didn't resist and Catra pounced, her quiet cackle filling Adora's chest with joy. She pushed her face up against Adora's cheek and nuzzled, kneading her shirt and chest. Her claws pricked lightly at Adora's skin, but Adora found she didn't mind.

As Catra settled and nestled her head under Adora's chin, Adora resumed stroking her hair. She trailed her other hand up and down Catra's back, enjoying the soft sensation of her fur moving back and forth under the shirt. Catra's rumbling purrs echoed in her chest and eardrums, lulling her into an unfamiliar but amazing sense of calm. It was so soothing for her, in fact, that she got a little careless in her movements. Her fingers brushed one of Catra's ears and suddenly the girl jolted, tensing up with a tiny hiss.

"Oh, sorry!" Adora pulled her hand away like it burned. "Do you not like being touched there?"

"I…" Catra frowned, brow scrunching up in confusion. After a moment she began sinking back into Adora's chest. "You just surprised me," she concluded. "It's okay. I think I like it with you."

"With me?"

Catra's ear flicked, but she didn't answer. Finding Adora's hand, she placed it back on top of her head. "Just, be gentle please."

"Okay," whispered Adora. Resuming the stroking motion, she slowly worked her way back to Catra's ear. She felt her tense a little as she got close, but when she began rubbing the tender crease where ear met skull Catra exhaled heavily, relaxing into a placid lump on top of her.

Curiously Adora brought her other hand up to join in the exploration. Catra's ears had such an interesting texture. Stiff yet soft. Pliable, crinkly almost. Floppier near the tips. Catra's purring grew louder as she continued, especially when she scratched the bases or gently rubbed the tips between her thumbs and forefingers. It reverberated deep inside her, soothing the restlessness that so often afflicted her mind and body. Here, she could be still. Content.

Adora got so caught up in the barrage of sensations, she almost missed the dampness on her chest. Opening her eyes and tipping her head up, she chuckled as she realized Catra was drooling. And… crying.

Stilling her hands, Adora asked, "Am I hurting you?"

"No, no," whispered Catra, lightly touching one of her wrists. "Don't stop." As Adora started again she flicked her eyes up in concern. "Am I squishing you?"

Adora's brow furrowed. "Well, kind of? But it's okay, I like it."

Catra replied with a couple licks to her chin before settling back down. They went silent for a while save for Catra's purrs, which slowly waned into nearly nothing. Just when Adora thought maybe she'd fallen asleep, Catra mumbled, "Hey, Adora?"

An unexplainable lump formed in Adora's throat. Swallowing it down, she whispered, "Yeah?"

Butting her head under Adora's chin just a little, Catra murmured, "Thanks for coming back for me."

Adora drew her elbows in tighter, attempting to reciprocate the comforting pressure without moving her hands. Some weird impulse prompted her to touch her lips to Catra's forehead, nuzzle into her hair. Catra squeaked out a little mewl, but she was clearly on her way out. It was cute.

Leaving a gentle peck on her hairline, Adora said, "You look out for me, and I look out for you. Remember?"

"Yeah." Catra burrowed deeper into Adora's chest, sending her heart soaring. "I remember."

A wistful smile turns Adora's lips as she continues to scratch Catra's scalp, fiddle with her hair. That sad story had a happy ending, and maybe this one can too. Adora may have left, but she came back and helped Catra, just like before. And hopefully she wasn't too late this time either, not just to preserve her life and limb, but to earn her forgiveness.

Adora needs to believe that, so she does. She can still make amends. They can still fix this.

A/N: I will warn you it is not all uphill from here, for Catradora or the story, but this is a much needed moment of hope.

This chapter mostly exists in the form it does because I am a slut for hurt/comfort, and because of a lovely piece of art of baby Catra stuck in a tree. My brain went wild thinking of where this situation could go, and this set of flashbacks is what came of that. I could've made it a one shot but I felt it fit this story well, so I incorporated it into my larger plans.

As always, feel free to scream at me in the comments and on Tumblr, and if you feel so inclined you can leave a tip on my Ko-fi (url: johannas_motivational_insults). Screaming is just as appreciated as money, so no worries if that's all you can give. :D