Chapter 3

Falling head over heels

What's going on? thought Miyu as she struggled to get to her classroom through the hoard of students standing near the door talking excitedly about something pinned on the notice board. Having absolutely next to NO curiosity at all she walked over to her seat when Akira appeared squealing happily.

"Miyu! You are finally here. Guess what, there is going to be a musical drama" when Miyu didn't react at all she explained "like the ones in which people act and songs are used to tell most of the story instead sort of liketheatre but not quite so. Auditions are starting from next week. You should totally participate"

"No"she said at once. There was a time when she would have done anything for a chance like this but right now, she didn't feel the enthusiasm or the excitement to even consider the thought. There was no spark for anything within her. It is true that she had been waiting for a chance like this since ages, to be able to write her own music and present it as a story, it was the perfect opportunity, almost like a dream come true but now she felt no desire to even consider it.

"Come on Miyu, don't be like this. You're the perfect person. I know you are and this is one in a million opportunity. There will be recruiters from the music department of Tokyo university. Just think about it"

Miyu gave her a grievous smile and settled down thinking whether she should even bother turning up for the auditions. What if people didn't like her? What if they laughed at her? Will she be able to handle that rejection? Suddenly she recalled her teacher's words about getting busy and wondered if she was making a mistake by not even trying. She didn't take in a single word Akira was saying while she kept brooding over what should she do. Her mind was split in two. A part of her was dying to participate but another part was too scared to even consider the thought. She had never performed in front of anyone before. She always got nervous whenever she had to answer questions in class then how would she perform in front of entire school. There'll be so many prying eyes trained just on her, watching her every move, judging every slight twitch of her body, noticing and judging her by her movements. She broke into a cold sweat by the mere thought of it.

Just then Kanata walked into the class looking like he didn't belong here. Come to think of it he did look a few years older than most of the class or maybe it was just his height. He was easily half a foot taller than the rest and stood out everywhere he went. She had hoped maybe after yesterday he would at least acknowledge her presence but she was wrong. He merely threw his bag onto his desk and walked out again. Why did he even bother turning up at school was beyond anyone since he never attended any of the classes. Nobody knew what he did whole day or where did he go to spend the entire day.

Over next week Miyu changed her mind several times about auditioning, at times she thought she would get selected but then she was convinced that everyone would think she was crazy even to try. O the day of auditions she thought to check out the auditions anyway even if she didn't have the courage to audition, she could at least cheer on her friend. She went to the auditorium and found out that almost entire school had turned up either to audition or to simply watch others audition. Akira was auditioning for the female lead so Miyu was all by herself. She decided to sit at the farthest and most secluded corner she could find. Auditions were divided in two parts. First was for selecting actors for the drama and in second part the group of musicians and writers who would handle everything from dialogues to the songs and music to be used in the drama. Everyone was busy preparing for their acts and Miyu was looking out for Akira when somebody walked over and sat in the seat next to her.

"Why are you not auditioning?"

She looked around to find Kanata staring at her with narrowed eyes and a frown which seemed to be ever present whenever he addressed her.

Is he always grumpy or is it me that brings it out in him?

"I don't want to"that's a lie she knew it but continued anyway"besides I'll just end up embarrassing myself in front of everyone"that wasn't a lie though and given her anxiety she probably would make a joke of herself in front of everyone.

"Don't you write songs? That scrapbook of yours was full of songs or do you copy them from internet and write it down so that others would think…"

"I've never copied a single letter from anywhere in my life so mind you don't insult my integrity"she snapped feeling insulted for being accused of being a show off.

"Then why aren't you participating?"

"I told you I don't want to"

"So why are you here?"

"I came to watch Akira audition; she is an excellent actor and she's the most beautiful girl in school so I'm sure she'll get the female lead. I'm here to cheer her on"

"So, you are here to cheer somebody you already know will be chosen for the lead character"he sounded sceptical.

She gave him a questioning look while he shook his head in disbelief.

"I don't believe this! You're not even being true to yourself. Did you really come here to cheer your best friend on or did you come to see who would get to sing and compose the music for the drama? At least be true to yourself"

He stood up and walked a few steps away then suddenly turned his head around to look at her and said "Do yourself a favour will you and stop pitying yourself. You're not the only person in this world who's ever lost their family. People go through so much pain in their lives and still find reasons enough to live and enough courage to go on. You're just trying to fuck up your life by trying your best to fade away instead of fighting back."

Miyu stared at his retreating back as his words rang in her head stinging her to the core. The world began to spin and her throat began to close. She felt like she was choking and forced her mouth wide open. She couldn't breathe and took a gulp of air through her mouth instead, forcing it down her throat. Her breathing got heavy. She tried to stand up but the world span too fast for her to keep up, she lost her footing as fell down. She welcomed the oblivious darkness that surrounded her.

"Hey, are you okay?"

Akira was bent over her scrutinising her face for as Miyu opened her eyes. She realised that she was in the medical room of the school surrounded by her homeroom teacher, Akira and the school nurse.

"It's alright, we think it was a panic attack and you fainted. Anxiety can be nasty sometimes. Are you okay dear?" asked the elderly polite nurse.

She felt groggy and she could feel her head throbbing as she nodded.

"What happened? How did I get here?"she asked.

"Well you fainted for some god damn reason, excuse my language Miss Mizuno and Kanata Saionji brought you here"replied Akira.

"What did you say?"she asked her again thinking she must have heard wrong.

"Kanata Saionji carried you all the way here. I was so worried when I saw him carrying you, it looked like you were dead or something. He is the one who saw you faint. Honestly, I have no idea what the hell was he doing down there anyway but thank god he was there because he was the only one who saw you faint. Really Miyu, why did you have to go and sit in the farthest, most obscured corner of the room. Sometimes I feel like…"she balled her hands and pressed her lips tight into a thin line, she was too overwhelmed to talk.

I know what he was doing down there, he tried his best to humiliate me and reduce me to nothing. He was the reason I got that attack but she didn't say it out loud and instead sat there quietly for a while. Suddenly, she addressed her teacher "Have you screened everyone you need for the drama?"

"No, there are too many students to be screened in a day" she replied with a knowing smile.

"I want to participate" Miyu said.

I have to prove my worth to those who think I am nothing but a wreck she thought determinedly.

"Miyu if fainting gives you such ideas then you should faint more often. Maybe I can help you, you know, knock you out cold every now and then" said Akira hugging her best friend feeling grateful, thinking finally she was coming around.

Audition was a piece of cake but Miyu's biggest enemy was her stage fear. To perform in front of an audience, it turned out that the drama was being advertised to great lengths. There would be students from other schools as well as some reputed people from the entertainment industry. Every time she went on stage, she started fumbling and this was the case when barely anyone apart from the drama club was present. Akira tried to make her feel comfortable but for Miyu it was almost impossible to perform even one song without fumbling. She did well when no one was looking at her but anytime she noticed anyone looking in her direction she would start getting nervous and then end up messing up rest of the song. She had already composed something for the drama but the trouble was her being on stage to perform certain songs. It turned out that musical drama did not mean just telling the story through songs but you had to act along and Miyu was a terrible actor. It didn't help that it got worse every time she was onstage. Everyone was quick to notice both her terrible acting skills and her stage fright.

The club had gathered to decide upon the characters to be played by everyone and Miyu had been asked to act a bit. She had been terrible and it got worse when everyone was watching her perform. She was superb when she was asked to perform songs, it was like watching a professional performing instead of a 16 years old introvert who barely spoke.

"We cannot replace her, she's too good for that but what about her acting and her stage fear. We cannot let her continue like this; it will ruin the entire play"

"Hey, what about we record the songs and then use it like in movies. That way she won't have to perform…"

"Then we don't help her getting over her phobia, there's no point of her participating if she can't work on it and improve at least a little…all these activities are supposed to help us evolve and challenge ourselves and if you bend the rules to your comfort then there is no point in participating…if you can't face your fears then why bother participating at all…we need to find a better solution"

"I have an idea"Akira said. She was determined to help her best friend "what about this we make Miyu play the background score for the first half of drama from the corner of stage till she gets comfortable enough to get her bearings…I know once she is comfortable she'll perform her best…we won't focus much on her for the first of the drama so that she doesn't have to fret about being the centre of attention because that is what bugs her…being looked at, getting noticed…she'll get used to the scenario by then and hopefully there will be less chances of her messing up or getting anxious once she has spent some time being on stage"

"We can try that but will she agree? She is adamant about not performing on stage at all"

Miyu was sceptical at first, she was convinced that she was going to make herself look like an idiot in front of entire town but agreed to give it a try eventually.

"So, how are you today?" Akira asked Miyu and sat on the seat in front of her.

"Good, what about you?"

"Excited, finally we'll be starting the rehearsals officially from today with the whole cast, I can't wait" squealed Akira. Miyu gave her a little smile but her mind was busy fretting over the upcoming practice. What on earth was she going to do now that everyone would be present; that is everyone from the costume designers to stage decorating team, the acting club, the literature club that was writing the stories and the music club, the band she'll be working with. She was looking forward in particular to meeting the band members but was anxious that she was going to mess up big time. She couldn't wait to start working with the rest of the band and wondered who would be singing for the male lead. It was a typical romantic drama following two childhood best friends, there was a huge collection of romantic songs too pick from but the real challenge however was to compose the background score for the drama because that had to be original. She had composed something and couldn't wait to ask for other's opinion.

After lunch hour Miyu and Akira walked over to the auditorium for their first proper practice session.

In order to spare her further misery and to relieve her from her worries the drama club had decided that Miyu didn't have to act (she was way too terrible for that), so she could sit in the corner and tinker with her instruments and sing her songs without interrupting anything or anyone. It suited her to some extent as long as the said tinkering was to take place in the back of the stage but that was the glitch. The band had been set right at front on the left side of the stage.

When they all lined up to start rehearsing, she walked over to the group of students standing near the instruments. She walked straight to the pianoforte and conjured up a melody she had been working on. She didn't realize that the whole room had gone quiet and everybody was looking at her while she played the piano until she realized what she was doing and stopped abruptly. Everyone in the room was looking at her in utter amazement and absolute surprise. She felt compelled to apologise.

"I am sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt…"but rest of her apology was drowned by the claps that emanated from one corner of the room and gradually everyone joined in to cheer her on. She was so overcome by the emotions that she couldn't help getting teary eyed. She turned away to hide her embarrassment. It meant a lot to her, being accepted and acknowledged like this. It was a huge deal for her. She felt her anxiety ebbing away a little. Maybe it wasn't so bad after all and maybe she would be just fine well as fine as a socially awkward person can be.

"Wow Kouzuki, that was great, did you compose it?"asked one of the students standing nearby.

"Uhh…yes I did. Actually, I did compose quite a bit beforehand and was looking forward to your opinion on it and of course you don't have to use it for the drama but I thought it would be nice to get some feedback"

"Well the feedback is that it was pretty good"

That came from the last person she would have expected to give her any compliments at all. Kanata Saionji stood in front of her and for the first time he wasn't frowning at her. If she had kept the eye contact longer, she would have noticed the flicker of warmth in his eyes as he stood there in front her, something that went unnoticed by everyone but Akira who was curiously studying his expressions.

"What are you doing here?"that was the first thing that crossed Miyu's mind and she realized too late that she had spoken out loud. His expressions hardened and he raised his eyebrows in disdain.

"Why, do you have a monopoly over who can stay?"

"I didn't…"

"Who cares, FYI I'm in the band. I'll be playing the drums might even sing a song or two if I feel like it"

"I didn't know you played drums"that was a stupid thing to say she thought.

"trust me you know nothing about me absolutely nothing - you have no idea of who I am" he added smirking as if he was enjoying some inside joke making her feel like an idiot.

His provocative tone made even Miyu who was usually sweet in nature to retort.

"I know for a fact that you are a narcissist-arrogant-" she wanted to say asshole but added jerk instead. She was too nice to call someone an asshole even if that someone had been kind to her in the direst ways possible.

He gave her one long searching look from her head to toe and shrugged in an indifferent manner.

What is he scanning me for, hidden weapons?

She frowned at him then turned around to talk with other members of the band. Although, she could play several instruments but there is no such thing as a one-woman band. They all decided who would be playing what and Miyu ended up with the piano and there was another girl from another class who would be playing the violin and there were three boys including Kanata who were on acoustic guitar, electric guitar and Kanata on the drums.

They also had some stand by musicians to practice along with them every day in case if they needed last minute replacements.

As the practice went on, the time spent holed up in the auditorium began to extend well beyond their allotted practice time. There was always some glitch or the other, sometimes the lighting didn't suit the scenes or the music didn't go well with the ongoing emotions and sometimes nothing matched. With so much going on and every group trying so hard to work in together to make the show a sure hit they had become a single unit in no time. Miyu was surprised to see that she didn't feel as anxious as she had anticipated, probably it had something to do with the positive responses she received from everyone every time she performed something. She was elected to play the background score for most of the drama and the rest of the group was to butt in every time they needed to perform a song which was quite often.

It was impossible to ignore Kanata since he wasn't the type you could overlook. He was a snob with an attitude that would give stans a run for his money and sadly he had every right to be. Time spent with him revealed just how talented Kanata was. He helped not just their own band but others as well with random things like fixing the sound system or the lighting system. Once he even pointed out that there was no emotion in the lead character's delivery and received a death glare in return. Miyu realised that although domineering he was a genius, an arrogant genius but he could also be sweet at times to some extent. They were spending quiet a lot of time together and he often approached her in the end when he was finished with the rest of the group.

"So, how is it going?" asked a familiar voice with a tinge of being friendly as Kanata sat down next to Miyu.

"Good" she gave him a questioning look full of incredulity.

"What?" he asked her somewhat annoyed.

"Nothing…it's just that you've never been that nice to me" she flushed when he raised an eyebrow in response and continued "I mean you have never talked to me in such civil manner"

"Really"he asked her with a genuine surprised look on his face.

Does he really not know that he come off as an arrogant person for most of the time she wondered.

"Yes, in fact I am almost convinced that you hate me"

"I don't hate you"he replied earnestly looking at the keys she was playing.

"Huh"

That was all she could utter as she watched him play the piano sitting next to her. He was good enough to pick up the melody she had been playing.

"So, you can play piano too" she said with an accusing tone.

He gave her a small smile which almost took her breath away. She had been too busy hating him that she had forgotten how good looking he really was. The unconscious singer inside of her picked up her guitar and started singing 'Britney spears Beautiful' and she had to screw her eyes shut to shut down the song playing in her head.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yup" she replied, smiling took some effort though.

"Hmm" and with that he went back to playing the melody she had been playing for so long. He was getting stuck at one point again and again till she took pity on him and reached out to help the poor soul. That was when it happened. She had no intention other than helping him and to show him the next key but he figured it out at the same time. Both their fingers touched as they tried to press the same key together. Although it wasn't a big deal for Kanata who had had his fair share of girls but to Miyu it was a completely different experience. She had no experience in the opposite sex department and believe it or not but to her it felt like she got electrocuted. She looked at him and he turned to look at her, his eyes all over her face for a couple of moments before stopping at her lips. She was sure he was staring down at her lips when he said.

"Uhh...Miyu do you mind?"

"Huh" was all she could utter and for some reason that made him smile. He leaned a little forward towards her. Her breath hitched and he repeated himself properly this time.

"Do you mind letting my hand go, you are holding on to it" he raised his hand and to her horrifying embarrassment she saw that she was holding onto it a little too firmly. She let go immediately and turned around mumbling an incoherent apology.

"That's alright, I'll see you later" he said standing up. She was too busy staring at the keys and feeling too stupid to reply when he walked away but not before patting her on the head as if she was 5 years old. Even though she is no longer a toddler, she really liked the gesture and was already missing the touch. She subconsciously raised her hand to touch her head exactly where he had patted her. For some reason she felt at peace for the first time in a very long time and that night she slept slightly better.

Next few days all Miyu did was watched everything Kanata did; the way he talked, walked and stood. Her eyes were constantly searching for him every time he walked into the room. Once she was staring at him as usual when he suddenly turned around to look straight at her and gave her a smile but she had been so horrified at being caught that she had turned around suddenly and began playing random chords which came out as an absolute horrible melody as if poor piano was suffering from head cold. To make matters worse she sensed someone standing behind her and she had an inkling of who that might be.

"Having a bad day, are you?" asked Kanata sounding amused.

"Uhh…no actually I wasn't paying much attention"

"Yeah…I noticed that"

Cocky bastard she thought and blushed but thankfully she facing other way for him to notice.

"Here, let me help"and with that he leaned forward to play the melody she had been trying to play. She could feel him right behind her, is she leaned back a little she was sure her back would be against his chest. He was leaning over her right shoulder and press a few keys and all she could do was think how close he was. She felt tingles passing on her back and goose bumps rising all over her body. She could feel the butterflies in her stomach, she had read about it all in her beloved books but it was a first for her to experience it. She took a deep breath to calm herself as Kanata played the next chords. This time he got all of them right and turned around to give her a huge smile at his success. He was so happy for getting the melody right and his smile was so contagious that she found herself grinning back at him.

After that day it didn't take too long for Miyu Kouzuki to realize that she was falling head over heels for Kanata Saionji.

Upcoming next

Drama is not just something you watch on the TV. People say that everything on the TV is inspired from real life and for the first time Miyu realised just how true that is. As the curtain unveils and the drama begins it didn't just end on stage. It continued over in her life leaving her broken hearted once again.

How was it?

Good? Bad? Let me know...like always apologies for all the grammatical and spelling mistakes!