Chapter 6 The goodbye

Upcoming final exams and her evening gigs kept Miyu on her feet till the very end of her third year of high school. After weeks of rigorous revision classes and practices Miyu finally had some free time on her hand. Done with their final exams she had nothing to do but wait for the results and her evening performances to keep her company. Her band played thrice a week at the restaurant, especially during weekends. They were practicing for the upcoming performance the song being Blake Lewis's End of the world which was one of Miyu's personal favourites. Maybe it was her favourite because she felt a strong connection with or the audience just wanted to hear her sing again but when she finished there was an out roar of once more filling the restaurant and she couldn't help smiling.

"Alright, give me a minute to think" Miyu smiled at the audience and was amazed at the ease with which she could interact with crowd. A year ago if anyone would have told her she would be performing at a public platform, she would have laughed ta their face and asked them to quit kidding her but now here she was singing in front of complete strangers with full time scholarship in her pocket. She contemplated what to sing next, she thought she could sing something from Korean pop, maybe a Super junior song or perhaps something by VIXX her all-time favourite KPOP bands but she thought her band mates wouldn't understand the backup music and the audience will probably think she was singing gibberish, though Korean is a beautiful language no doubt about that (my disclaimer to those who might be enraged by this comment). After deciding hard she settled on a song from her all-time favourite artist, Demi Lovato, why don't you love me, though she had only featured in the song Miyu wouldn't have come across it if it wasn't for Demi. Miyu decided to go solo on this one with just her and her guitar to back her. She closed her eyes and took long calming breath before putting an acoustic spin to it.

See I'm just too scared to tell you the truth
'Cause my heart it can't take anymore
Broken and bruised, longing for you
And I don't know what I'm waiting for

Left on the sidelines
Stuck at a red light
Waiting for my time
So just tell me

Why don't you love me?
Touch me, tell me I'm your everything
The air you breathe
Why don't you love me, baby?
Open up your heart tonight
'Cause I could be all that you need, oh
Why don't you love me?

She ended the song and the crowd cheered her on. Looking around at happy faces smiling back at her gave a sense of satisfaction, right here right now she was reason for someone's smile. It was a special occasion being white day and she surprised everyone with another song. She couldn't help it. Countless dreams were tied to this one, she always imagined that if she ever fell in love, she would dance to it with her special someone. She began strumming the 6 strings and words came rushing –

It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word, you can light up the dark
Try as I may I can never explain
What I hear when you don't say a thing

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me wherever I fall
You say it best, when you say nothing at all

The lights dimmed around and couples started waltzing across the floor, moving the chairs and tables around to make enough room. She was engrossed in her world and others in their young love. When she finished there was silence like an unspoken pact. Everyone was mesmerized by her voice and the ambiance of the moment. She looked across the room, at the faces in love looking into each other's eyes with world around them. She felt a strange loneliness within, she had never known a love like that, to love someone and to have someone love you back. Though she was happy to be the reason people were smiling around her but she was accompanied by an emptiness she couldn't quite point out so she filed it away, no point prying open something that was locked that deep, it would ruin the magical moment she had just created.

Moments passed by as the bubbles of love they were wrapped in burst, people across the room started with their usual cheering and when she looked around, she saw Akira thrashing her soda can on to the table top making loud, jeering and to her embarrassment catcalls at her. It was her way of being supportive. Akira gained a few looks when she began to whistle but she didn't care. She wanted Miyu to live this moment, wanted her to remember this moment and know that moments like these were worth living for. Miyu gave her a shy smile and walked off stage towards her best friend who was still beaming at her like a proud mum.

"Here, drink this. I ordered orange juice and sandwich, just the way you like it. Did you eat anything?" asked Akira raising an eyebrow in question. Miyu gave her a sheepish grin as she bit into the sandwich and Akira shook her head in resignation. They spent the evening together, neither of them mentioned Kanata's absence on white day.

Miyu was dreading the upcoming weekend. It was her birthday and she had decided to tell Akira about the scholarship. She had RSVP'd with an affirmative and been surprised at how easy the process was. She had an entire week to prepare. The spring break had kept them both busy, Akira had to attend official parties her parents were invited to. Being a senator's daughter had its own rules. Miyu needed a plan to break the news as softly as she could, knowing Akira, she would probably explode.

Miyu had kept pushing it off. She figured she had enough time to tell Akira about the scholarship and moving abroad but it was high time now. In a fortnight she was supposed to board the flight that would take her to a world unknown far away from the comforts of home. She had been thinking of ways to approach the subject but couldn't come up with a way to ease the conversation towards the right direction. She will have to spring the news on her, no matter what she did it will shock Akira, all she could do is try to cushion the shock. Mere thought of separation was so painful she didn't want to think how the real thing would feel like standing at the airport. She was still torn between her head and heart, she knew this was a once in a lifetime opportunity but she couldn't stand the thought of leaving. She knew that the right thing was to focus on her future but what she needed more than anything was someone to hold on to, someone who could keep her grounded. And that someone for Miyu had been her baby brother and Akira. Now Akira was the only thing left keeping her alive but she could no longer pretend it didn't hurt watching her and Kanata together. Every second she spent with them was gut wrenching and she didn't have it in her to keep on pretending.

Though Akira had always been her support system but right now she had become her source of envy. Miyu was ashamed to admit that despite her unending love for her best friend she couldn't help but despise Akira at the same time. Her emotions had become too complicated for her to work through and to her the best way to resolve it all was to put some physical distance between her and Akira in order to save their relationship. Akira had not done anything wrong. She was just a girl who was in love with a guy who loved her back. It wasn't her fault that she had her family and a boyfriend who adored her. Akira didn't deserve Miyu's envy and their relationship was too important for her to let her feelings come in way. It was better to leave Miyu tried to convince herself once again and resolved to tell Akira about her scholarship.

"So, tell me what do you need for your birthday" asked an excited Akira.

"Nothing, really" when she saw Akira opening her mouth to refute, she added "I just want us to spend the day together, just like we used to do when we were kids. Remember how we used to pack a picnic and walk up to that lake hidden in the mountains behind the school. It used to be so fun with just the two of us"

"But Miyu, people don't turn 18 every day! It's a once in a lifetime kind of thing you know, you'll regret not making this special. Finally, you can legally drink and drive, not simultaneously obviously and a lot more things that I can't think of right now" countered Akira.

"I really don't want any celebration. I just want to spend it with the people who matter the most to me. You're the only one left..." she stopped abruptly as her throat constricted and she found herself unable to continue. She gave a listless smile to Akira and excused herself, stepping out of the classroom she walked straight to the school terrace. Her mind was full of thoughts of birthdays and how it would be her first one after losing her family.

Birthdays had never really been an exciting affair in Miyu's life, she had never felt the excitement she often witnessed others had for their birthdays. To her, birthday was just another day and another number added to her age. She had often wondered why people made such a deal about their birthdays and why she had never felt that excitement. Maybe there is something fundamentally wrong with me, now I just have an excuse to be like this. Feeling disgusted by herself she moved her thoughts on the coming Friday, it was her birthday and she had to talk to Akira about it all. Miyu pushed the door open and walked the length of terrace stopping at the railings. She leaned on to the railing and peered down the four-storey building that was her school. A fleeting thought passed her mind. Jump! And she considered what would happen if she really did. She knew she wouldn't do it. She couldn't do it to Akira or to herself, she was brave like that but thoughts like these had always been present, hidden in a corner of her conscience. Miyu came back to her senses to find herself almost leaning too far down the reeling that a small push is all it would take for her to fall over. She pulled herself back and stepped away. She thought perhaps it was wise to be inside the class instead of being alone in terrace with her crazy thoughts to keep her company. She decided to walk around the terrace instead. It would give her legs to do something. Lost in her thoughts she began to walk towards her left turned around just to walk straight into someone. Not wanting to lose her balance she twirled on the spot with her arms sticking in front of her to break the fall when a pair of arms snaked around her waist firmly pulling her back on her feet firmly. She turned around to say thank you and uncannily enough it was again Kanata Saionji who was staring into her eyes.

Lost for words she said the first thing that came to her mind "Hi".

"Hey"

There was an awkward silence, it was the first time they were alone together ever since the party.

"Nice weather"

"Right"

Uncomfortable silence took over again while she racked her brain to say something, anything to fill the silence. She realised she never really thanked him for all his help. By some coincidence he had always been around whenever she needed someone.

"Listen" they both began at the same time. She smiled at him. He jerked his head in gesture for her to start.

"Umm...I wanted to thank you for everything you've done for me. For a stranger you've helped me more than anyone I can remember."

"For a stranger" he sounded amused and surprised when he repeated her "You think of me as a stranger" it sounded more like a question than a statement.

"We're not exactly friends, are we"

"why do you think that we're not friends even with Akira..." he was back to being the jerk she knew him to be now that the moment was over.

"Exactly, that's why...you will eventually break her heart one day and hurt her. She is the most important person in my life" she added when he raised an eyebrow in question.

He crouched lower to meet her height with both his hands stuffed in his pant pockets. Damn the guy is tall thought Miyu, her heart began to race. Staring straight into her eyes, he smirked as he asked "You seem awfully confident that I am going to hurt her, what makes you so sure?"

"I'm not, you just don't look like someone who dates around. I'm sorry, I don't mean to offend you"

He leaned towards her. Miyu tried to back away only to find her back was flat against the wall. "How well do you think you know me to psycho analyse" he asked. She blinked several times with her heart racing dangerously fast as he placed a hand on the wall next to her, trapping her between him and the wall, he leaned closer. She could feel the warmth of his breath on her cheeks. With a smirk playing on his face, he asked her again "do you really think that you know me?"

Their faces merely inches away and if she leaned in a little further, she could have kissed him. She wanted to so badly that it physically hurt her. She stared into his eyes, took a deep breath and said "I know that you're a good person irrespective of what you want others to think about you".

"Wh…" her words wiped the smirk off his face. He gave her a confused look. He had not anticipated what she said, he had expected her to sputter and stammer like she usually did. His eyes turned darker and pupils dilated as he stared at her face.

"I know that you would never abandon people in need. You're always there whenever someone needs help. You know how to solve problems. You can easily charm people and when you do, you look like you are at the centre of the whole world and it revolves around you. But even though surrounded with people you look isolated. You are the most detached person I have ever met. You care and, at the same time, you don't. You're right, I don't know you enough" she smiled at him. It took every ounce of will power in her to not grab him and kiss him like her life depended on it. She closed the distance between them giving him a peck on his cheeks she said thank you, and walked away from him back to her class. Her heart was surprisingly at ease. She left behind a Kanata lost in thoughts, unable to move. He looked like someone had cemented him to his place.

"What is it, Miyu? What is so important that we have to be here? Man, I haven't been here in ages. Damn, I had forgotten how beautiful this place is" said Akira as she looked around the lake surrounded by trees. They were back in the meadow with the small lake and swans. Miyu always had a feeling that if ever magic could really exist in this world it would exist right here in this meadow. It was a scenery straight out of a fantasy fairy tale, serene and beautiful. Miyu walked around to look for a shady place she could use to lay down the picnic they had brought together.

They sat down and in no time were off reminiscing the old days.

"Remember when you pushed Kara off the swings, I couldn't believe you would do that, especially for a stranger"

"Well, I had to, she was bullying you. I couldn't just stand and watch"

"You've always been unusually brave Akira. I admire that about you the most"

"And you've been stuck with me ever since"

"I'm not stuck with you, Akira" there was sharp edge to her voice when she said stuck.

"Come on, who're we kidding here. You tolerate the worst of me. Whenever I throw a tantrum you always entertain me as if it's your responsibility, as if I'm your responsibility"

"People call it the privilege of being a friend. You're not a burden"

"I sure as hell feel like one, you know with mom and dad being all..." she fell silent without completing her sentence. She knew Miyu would understand what she meant even if she didn't say it out loud.

"Whatever may be their attitude towards each other, you can't say they don't love you. You can't blame them for trying"

"I don't want them to try. I would rather they hate me and be happy living separately than love me and be miserable together"

Miyu didn't know what to say to that. Akira's parents were one of the most respected people in the precinct. A celebrity lawyer and a respected senator, they were a perfect example of a power couple to rest of the world but there were times when Miyu thought Akira would be better off without them. They thought that love could be replaced with luxury vacations and indulging unreasonable whims of their only child. Their love for Akira had messed her instead. Akira didn't believe in marriages even though she was a hopeless romantic, she thought true love was too hard to come across. She breezed through relationships like changing seasons moving from one guy to next, Kanata being an exception. It was a miracle they had lasted this long. Part of the reason why Miyu wanted to move away, she knew he was good for Akira and she was scared she would mess it up losing the only person who cared for her. Miyu gave Akira time to start feeling up again, all the while thinking of ways to approach the real reason why they were back at their childhood haven.

"So, when were you going to tell me about your scholarship huh?" asked Akira out of the blue. Miyu was startled so that she had no words to say. There was no way for Akira to find out, she hadn't told anyone about it except her homeroom teacher and Mr. Kei Suzuki who was her point of contact with the police force. She had forgotten about the link. Akira's mom might have heard it from the detective working on the murder trial.

"Mom told me"

"You don't hate me?" asked Miyu feeling guilty.

"For trying to make a decent life, yes sure why not, I despise you" said Akira with mock fury and scrunched her face. Trying to look stern while holding her laughter in was a feat to achieve and no matter what she did, it was hard for her to keep a straight face.

"I'm so happy, Miyu. A full paid scholarship in Europe! I knew something was up. You were giving me those sidelong glances and I watched you open your mouth to say something and then change your mind like a thousand time but I was so shocked when I heard it from mum. She thought I already knew, given how you'll be leaving day after tomorrow, but boy was she wrong. She thought I was having some sort of fit or something. Like a kid high on sugar. I still don't remember what I did, I know I was jumping up and down shouting cause my throat still hurts" Akira grinned at her as she narrated everything.

"I love you so much. I'm going to miss you" Miyu couldn't stop the tears from falling down her cheeks.

"Oh honey, I love you too."

They spent rest of the day devising of ways to stay connected. Of course, they could always Skype each other, they just had to mind the different time zones.

Akira spent the night at Miyu's place and the next day helped her pack, getting her prepped for the big journey ahead. She shouted at her that she would see her at the airport the next day from her car as she started the engine.

Miyu woke up to a frenzy of feelings wreaking havoc on her mind and body, nervous jitters and goose bumps. She got ready and crossed off the list of items she had to carry along. Akira had promised to courier is Miyu left anything behind but just yet she double checked she wasn't missing anything. She walked all over the house turning off the switches. She was going to miss home. God knows when she would be back. She was renting the house and tenant was going to move in tomorrow. She had put down Akira as the primary point of contact. She walked around the house and turned on the light to her old bedroom she used to share with her brother. She looked over at her own bed then with a tremendous effort moved over to the other smaller one. She sat on it, running her palm against the bedding. She closed her eyes as she pictured her baby brother lying here with a beautiful smile playing on his face. Eyelids fluttering with dreams that would never come true. He was frozen in time, forever young and beautiful. A tear rolled down her cheek as she stood up and walked out. She closed the door behind her and walked over to her parent's bedroom. She stared at familiar walls, trying to memorize every nook and crevice. When it got overwhelming, she turned around saying the last goodbye. She back into the living room, with silence so loud that she barely noticed when the doorbell rang.

"You're a bit early but that's... I'm sorry, who are you?" she asked when she saw an old man standing in front her with a satchel hanging from his shoulder. He was holding an envelope in his hand.

"Hello, I'm sorry to bother you but the letterbox was broken so I thought I would hand it over personally" said the old postman.

Miyu thanked him and closed the door behind her. That's odd she thought, who writes letters these days. She turned the envelope around and barely realized it was addressed to her. She was staring at her name, rooted to her place. It couldn't be, it's impossible. She knew it was impossible but she would swear her life on it. She was staring down at her father's handwriting.

Upcoming next

He looked around to make sure no one was watching, not that it mattered much but still covering your tracks was always a good idea. He climbed up the tree with the help of the low hanging branch and jumped onto the balcony to her bedroom. He knew that the door would not be locked, she never locked it. He raised his hand and slid the door open. He shook his head in disbelief. He walked, taking it all in, there were no signs that she had left in hurry. Miyu should have been at the airport but why wasn't she there. He raced up the stairs when he heard the lock in the door turn. He couldn't risk being seen in Miyu's house. "Dad would kill me" said Kanata in an undertone as he climbed out of the balcony onto the tree and disappeared around the corner.

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