Chapter 3: The Past

Victor found some soft, blue pajamas in Seva's suitcase and helped the boy change in a matter of minutes. He tucked Seva into the bed he shared with Yuuri and kissed him on the forehead.

"Try to get some sleep, now," he said soothingly, "Yuuri and I will be close by if you need anything."

The boy gave him a little nod and closed his eyes.

His mind numb and his brain working on auto-pilot, Victor nevertheless knew he had to focus on Seva, who needed him.

Yuuri watched his husband, who was clearly upset even more then he wanted to show.

"Victor" Yuuri said resting a hand on the older man's back as they both watched the now sleeping boy, "Let's let him sleep. He must be so tired, both mentally and physically"

Yuuri took Victor's hand, leading him into the room Victor had once stayed in, so that they could talk.

Victor's aching heart beat a mile a minute in his chest, and uncertainty nagged at him about what his husband would think with what he had to say. But Victor knew it needed to be said. Still, right at that moment, all he could do was break down, still holding the letter from his friend and former lover.

"Yuuri," he started, "first I want to read you this letter. After all, we have no secrets."

He cleared his throat softly and handed the letter to Yuuri. Victor bit his lip and held his breath hoping no bad would come of this choice. Then, he sighed softly and translated the words.

Yuuri stood quietly as Victor read, silently bearing the weight of the message, as he stood near his husband.

"So, you two were more than friends," Yuuri said, both his hands and his voice shaking just a little.

Victor had always been honest about the lovers he had had before Yuuri, but he had not thought of the possibility that some of those lovers may have been other males.. He wasn't sure why the thought had never occurred to him, but it hadn't.

"Yes," Victor confessed softly, "We were friends…and we were lovers."

Back in the room where the boy slept, Seva shifted and moaned in his sleep, in the grip of a nightmare. The poor boy was in a place he didn't know with people unfamiliar to him except, of course, Victor. The little boy suddenly woke, finding himself alone. He began to cry silently, moving to get off the bed, but then he fell, making a loud noise as he landed.

"Did you hear that" Yuuri asked, watching as Victor flung open the door and ran back into the bedroom. He was at the boy's side in seconds. Yuuri watched Victor comfort the boy and suddenly his heart felt a little twinge as he thought something he had never thought before.

Victor and I can never have a child of both our bodies.

This boy and the beautiful letter brought out feelings Yuuri didn't know he had. Still, it warmed his heart to see Victor with the boy that was Victor's own son.

"Shh, Seva it's okay," his husband reassured the boy, "Won't you tell me what's wrong so I know how to help you?"

Victor felt it was worth a shot, even though the letter from the lawyer said the little boy had not made a sound since his father died. It had also said Seva had been found with the body so who knew what he had seen? God only knew what the boy had gone through until he had been found. Victor shared a look with his husband. This boy knew more than anyone knew about what had happened to Anton, but Victor did not dare to push him on the subject. He lifted Seva into his arms and gently rocked the boy to sleep.

Yuuri stood from where he had kneeled next to Victor and Seva.

"I'm going to talk to my parents. May I have your permission to tell them about the official letter and a little of what is going on?" he asked Victor, who smiled sadly and nodded.

"I trust them," he answered, "After all, your family is now my family. They are as much a part of this as you or me right now."

Victor lifted the boy up and laid down on the bed with Seva in his arms, not wanting to wake him.

"We will talk later" Victor promised.

He watched his husband leave and closed his eyes thinking back to the day he had met Seva's father.

"Identification please," a tall, bulky security guard asked at the entrance to the Moscow pub that Victor and his friends were trying to enter.

Victor handed the man his fake ID card with a bribe held carefully underneath. The guard's expression darkened for a moment until he peeked at the money.

"Enjoy yourselves," he told the group of teens.

The teens laughed as they entered the club and found a table. In less than a half hour, they were all drunk and on the floor, dancing. Victor's long, silvery hair and slender body glowed among the others, his open shirt and exposed chest attracting the eyes of a dark-haired man who sat at the bar. The man looked more closely, and a little smile touched his lips.

"Beautiful," he whispered.

He shouldn't have been distracted from the business that had brought him to the club, but Victor's lovely face, disarming laughter and his erotically swaying body entranced the man. In the end, it was all too easy to swallow the last of his drink and head away from the bar, to the dance floor. He waited until Victor danced towards him and took hold of the young man's hand as Victor's head turned and their eyes met.

"May I have this dance?"

XXXXXXXXXX

Yuuri went down to the lobby of the inn, walking slowly to give himself time gather his thoughts about what he was going to say to his family.

In the lobby, Toshiya and Hiroko tried to busy themselves, so they were ready for whatever was going on. They thought they were ready for whatever Yuuri would have to say. They wanted to give their son, Victor and Seva all of the time they needed, so they kept busy.

"Yuuri, honey, what is going on?" his mother asked, rushing up to her son when she saw him enter the lobby, "You look so sad. Is Vic-chan alright? Who is that sweet little boy and why was he left here alone?" she continued, asking questions faster than her son could answer them.

"What was in those letters" asked Toshiya, whose expression betrayed his bad feelings about the entire situation.

"No Victor is not okay," Yuuri answered solemnly, "You were right Dad. Those letters held some terrible news for Victor. That boy, Seva is his name, well his father was killed and Victor is now his legal guardian. I guess Seva's father, Anton, was Victor's best friend as well as his former lover. I don't know what happened between them, and I didn't ask. Victor will tell me if he wants me to know. And before you ask, no, that doesn't bother me. Victor and I each have our own past. His is just a little fuller then mine in certain areas."

"It's all right, Yuuri," his mother said reassuringly, "We just wanted to know you and Vic-chan were all right, and we were curious about the boy. But, don't worry about more explaining. Why don't you go back and help Vic-chan. We'll be here if you need us. You know that."

"Yeah," Yuuri said gratefully, "Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Dad."

With that Yuuri returned to his room after telling his family that Seva understood English, so that they could communicate with him. When he got to the bedroom, he slipped inside. The boy was asleep but Victor was awake and waiting for him. The two went into the hallway, so they were not far, should they be needed by Seva. Yuuri looked at his husband, patiently waiting.

"What did the letter mean about why he had to leave you? Please tell me everything…if you want me to know, that is."

"Of course you should know," Victor said sadly, "I only never said anything about Anton, because you were sensitive when I tried to talk to you about my past before. Besides, it was over, and there was no reason to think anything like this would happen. But, because of Seva, it is necessary."

"Okay."

Victor took a steadying breath.

"I met Anton in a pub when I was just eighteen. He came up to me while I was dancing with friends, and he asked me to dance. I had never seen him before, but he was dressed in business clothes and he was polite, so I accepted. He was a good dancer, and we were both very drunk. We danced until we were tired, then I went back to his hotel with him. One thing led to another, and we ended up in bed together.

When I woke up the next morning, I was…surprised, to say the least. I had never been interested in a man, and I barely remembered us having sex. Anton was very sweet about the whole thing, because I was worried if it was made public that I had a gay lover, it could have bad consequences. It was okay to have such an affair privately, but we couldn't let anyone know. Anton told me that his business required the same thing, so we agreed not to tell anyone, but we kept seeing each other.

We were careful to meet under false names in different hotels, in different cities. It was all very exciting. I was young, so I didn't realize that with the way things were, there were questions I should have been asking about him and about his business. Then, a day came when my mother died, and I was beside myself and I needed him. I tried to signal him, using our code for a meeting, but he didn't answer me. I knew basically where he was, so I went looking for him. I found him in a house in a little neighborhood…with a wife."

"Victor…" Yuuri whispered.

"She was pregnant."

"I'm so sorry."

Victor sighed.

"That should have been the end of it, but Anton explained that meeting me had been a surprise. He explained to me that he had married at the request of his boss…who, it turned out, had connections with a powerful politician. Anton had a good family and reputation, so he was a good match for her. They were friends, but they didn't love each other. They were both only doing as they were told. She assured me that I could still see Anton, but that we could not ever let anyone know, because of the embarrassment to her father and the politician he represented."

"Oh my god…what did you do?"

Victor shook his head and lowered his eyes.

"I wanted to leave him, but I found I could not. I was in love with him…and I threw down my pride and just kept seeing him. It was hard for me when the baby came, but what could I do? I carried on until a year later. Anton was supposed to meet me, but he wasn't at the hotel as we planned. Instead, there was a message. It said that something had happened and he couldn't explain to me. But…it meant that we had to end things."

"Just like that?" Yuuri asked incredulously.

"I don't know why he left. He never explained, not even when we crossed paths some years later. He was remarried and widowed by then, and Seva had been born. He only said that his son and wife from before were dead and that Seva's mother passed in childbirth. He said he still loved me, but that it wasn't possible for us to see each other. I didn't want the complication either, and I had plenty of women wanting me, so I let it go and we remained friends. We got closer as friends, but there was always something broken between us since we never really dealt with why he left. Now, I wonder if this is his past coming back to haunt us. Yuuri, I wonder if any of us are really safe…or if maybe Anton's death wasn't an accident."