Arthur kept an eye on Charles as he dished up.
The big man kept his head down on his own food as he walked away from the entire gang, off to sit in the shadow of a tree on the grass. Charles was always an independent fellow but this felt different. It felt, lonely.
As Arthur approached he didn't bother to quiet his steps and Charles stiffened as he looked up and saw him.
"Mind if I sit?" Arthur asked, ignoring the reaction, and after a heartbeat Charles gestured to the grass beside him.
They ate for a while in uncomfortable silence.
Time stretching thin as Arthur found himself taking smaller and smaller bites just so he could sit with Charles a bit longer.
He shook his head at how cowardly he was being. As long as he kept quiet, Charles was already gone.
"I wanted you with me." He offered quietly, not looking up from his bowl. His words slipping into the inky darkness in front of them.
Charles remained quiet.
"I could have imagined leaving Dutch and Hosea, I was prepared to. But when I realized it meant leaving you, I didn't know how to accept that. I wanted you to come with me, but I couldn't... I... Charles, please say something." Arthur implored, beginning to lose hope his apology would ever be excepted. Fear sparked like a match and Arthur began to consider the possibility that he had ruined their relationship beyond repair. "I-"
"You never once asked." Charles said, his voice, deep and rich. Something broken lay hidden in the simple words but at least Charles was talking to him. "I understand your reasons for leaving. It is important for you to raise your son. I respect that but you never once asked if..." Charles trailed off.
Arthur looked up, shocked. "Are you saying you would have? you would have left Dutch and the gang?"
Charles met his gaze and nodded. "If you had asked, I would have gone with you."
Suddenly Arthur felt very tired. He blinked slowly and shook his head.
"I couldn't ask that of you. I couldn't ask you to put yourself at risk." Arthur whispered hopelessly.
Charles gripped his bowl and furrowed his brow in response. "How would I have been at greater risk with you? Especially anymore at risk than in a gang?" His tone was tight, angry, hurt.
"The gang gives you a chance to rest," Arthur explained. "we have a watch rotation so people can guard the camp while others rest, eat, and sleep. Not to mention it's far more risky traveling with someone who has a five thousand dollar bounty on their head without that kind of support. You have to constantly be on your toes, worried about being hunted by bounty hunters, Pinkertons, and every other kind of lawmen. On top of that there's the money shortage that inevitably happens with fewer people working and jobs become riskier without having someone to guard your back. You slip up one time and there's no one around to break you out of jail before you get the noose."
"You think I don't know that!?" Charles challenged, his voice rasing in anger and in an uncharacteristic show of rage, Charles threw the metal bowl as far as he could. "You think I didn't consider you being out there, virtually on your own? Hunted down, trapped, alone and desperate to save your son. Especially if it's at your own expense?"
Arthur tried to interject something but Charles barreled onward, one finger pointing accusingly at Arthur. "You, Hosea and Dutch continue to spout this nonsense about how the gang is a family but you never once asked us for HELP! A family goes both ways, Arthur!" Charles volume dropped abruptly till he hissed each word. "And I'm FURIOUS Dutch would have let you leave."
Arthur ducked his head in shame as Charles panted angerly into the night air. Charles was right. Even if it was for the right reasons, it was still incredibly dangerous. He should have asked for help but he didn't want to risk anyone, certainly not Charles.
Charles moved closer, interrupting his thoughts by gently lifting Arthur's chin so they made eye contact again. "I'm furious with you because you would have done it." this time his words were not just softer, but more tender. Growing quieter as he continued to speak. "You treat your own life as tho you are expendable, not caring how much you could matter to someone else." They had had this conversation before. It was a lesson Arthur never seemed to learn. And once more he had failed at the lesson of self-worth Charles tried to teach him.
Charles's thumb brushed gently against Arthur's jawline as he continued. "You are more than an enforcer, you're a father, and a gang leader. You have people who depend on you, who care about you, who need you, you're..." and without finishing, Charles leaned in and captured Arthur's lips with his own.
The kiss was gentle, warm and cautious at first. Charles plump lips massaging little gasps out of Arthur as the kiss gradually grew longer and Charles became bolder. Arthur felt a warm tongue press against the seam of his lips, asking for access. Without thinking, Arthur relaxed his jaw and coaxed the foreign tip to enter.
With a gasp of his own, Charles slipped his tongue in and surged forward, knocking Arthur flat against the earth with a grunt that morphed into a moan as warm hands trailed up Arthur's chest and got lost in his hair.
Charles pulled away and Arthur tried to chase after him but the hands that played with his hair held him back. Charles's eyes were dark with hunger as he panted above him. "How many times do I need to tell you?" Charles's voice was low and velvety smooth and as he spoke. Slowly, maintaining eye contact, Charles leaned down and pressed himself against the full length of Arthurs's body. Effectively pinning him to the dusty ground.
Arthur was helpless as Charles peppered his face and neck with teasing kisses. "You" kiss "are" kiss "wanted" kiss "needed" Charles gave a slow suck at the perfect juncture between his jaw and neck. The exposed and vulnerable pulse point was abused deliciously and Arthur leaned his head back and trembled against the onslaught lavished upon his neck. "you are loved." he whispered into his ear.
"Charles." Arthur groaned mindlessly under the fervent ministrations of the man above him.
"You never seem to understand how precious you are to others," Charles whispered, low and sad. He leaned back and allowed Arthur some space to catch his breath.
He gave Arthur one last lingering kiss and let his deft fingers tangle in the short hairs at Arthurs's neck before he pulled away completely. Leaving Arthur cold and desperate.
Arthur lay panting for several moments as his brain processed all that had just happened. "You, you love me?" Arthur said breathlessly, turning his head, trying to catch Charles eye.
"Yes." Charles said, looking down as he let out a humorless chuckle.
Arthur rolled over. His hand reaching up to tentatively cup along Charles's jaw and turned the man to fully face him. "I certainly am a fool."
Arthurs's fond smile dropped as he saw a tear slid from the corner of Charles's eyes. Arthur caught it with his thumb as it rolled down his cheek. "Charles." Arthur breathed the name and shook his head as he leaned towards the other man.
Their eyes locked and Arthur sat up straight and pulled Charles so he rested against him. Charles went willingly. Days of stress, exhaustion and worry taking their toll as Charles began to relax at Arthur's side. Arthur gently ran his hand up and down Charles back, soothing and caressing.
"Charles. I'm so sorry." a kiss brushed Charles's cheeks before Arthur continued. "I can be incredibly dense at times. Stupid when it comes to anything that really matters. I, I didn't even realize I was hurting you." Arthur softened his words with another kiss. "I just wanted to keep you safe."
"And I just wanted to do the same." Charles said, his dark eyes twinkling as he looked at Arthur.
Arthur smiled and shook his head. "I always knew I was a fool, I just didn't know how big of one until now."
"You're not a fool, Arthur, not really." Charles disagreed, leaning forward to kiss his cowboy once more. An action that was fast becoming addicting. This time the kiss was chaste and relatively quick. "Arthur, I know the life of an outlaw is short and dangerous but if you can't keep yourself safe for yourself, then do it for me and for Isaac. If you can't believe in yourself, then believe us. You are worth it, Arthur Morgan."
Arthur found himself nodding along to the imploring puppy dog eyes Charles was giving him. "I haven't said it Charles but I really care for you. Love you, actually." Arthur admitted, soft and serious. The words 'I know I ain't worth your tears' were on the tip of his tongue but Arthur caught himself. He needed to quit with the self-deprecating internal dialogue if he was ever going to become the person Charles and Isaac needed him to be. So instead he settled for saying "It may take time but if you'll have me..." but Arthur lost his confidence and trailed off mid-sentence tho Charles just smiled knowingly.
"Oh, Arthur," Charles said when Arthur didn't continue. Charles's warm hand reached up to gently brush a few stray hairs out of Arthur's eyes. "Someday you will learn just how much you are loved."
Without missing a beat, Arthur gave him a quick peck on the lips. "And someday, I will do the same for you."