SIMBA

20 minutes had gone by and we both had not said a single word to one another. Geeze, I thought this would be easy, especially with me agreeing to go frist to break the ice. How foolish was I in thinking that? we've been sitting out here for how long, just staring at each other. "...right." I began, coaching myself to start saying something...anything to get the ball rolling. ugh, why the hell was this so difficult?

am just talking to a friend... it shouldn't be this hard. And it's not like I have something I hide. I don't have anything to be ashamed of. Even if... the last words we spoke to one another, left a sour feeling in my gut. I cleared my throat. "We don't have to do this." Nala voiced out of nowhere.

"Sure we do, we'd said we'd talk about everything."

"Everything..."

"Yes, it's what we agreed on, and besides this animosity that's going on between us... I want to fix it."

"Yes but, this seems to...I don't know, forced. Don't you think?" I cocked my head to the side looking at her, I could see she was visibly nervous...even more so than me.

"It doesn't have to be. Just think of it as two friends catching up." I could see my words start to reassure her, but something still seemed off. like she wasn't too sure about something. " I promise I'll act like I have some sense... I'm sorry if I let my emotions get to me... I'm trying to work on that." Nala nodded her head.

"Promise?"

"I'll do my best..." I voiced, looking between Nala and the tall tree that surrounded us.

"That's not a promise."

"...I know..." I saw the flash of disappointment run across her face. What, I couldn't lie to her. we both remember the last two conversations, they both went to hell. I know for a fact we didn't want it to go that way, but it was something that was out of our control. Or maybe that just felt that way to me. It's easier to blow up in the face of uncertainty than it is to stay clam.

"Then we'll use a safeword."

"A what?"

" A safeword, if we're talking and one of us gets too heated in the conversation we'll say a word to pause everything. we can't make progress if we're roaring down each other's throats."

"I guess you're right. Hey, I've got a word, well it's more like a phrase."

"Phrase?"

"Yea, it's Hakuna Matata."

"Ha-what?" Ha, I knew she's say something like that. That's everyone's frist response whenever I tell them this. Seriously has no one ever heard of this before?

"It's something I was told a while ago, by some buddies I met before I came here. They used that phrase all the time. It means no worries."

"...fitting."

"If You learn to live by it, it makes life a little easier."

"I'm sure." I watched her eyes dart around for a second, well it was now or never Simba. again I found myself taking a breath and clearing my throat. within the last 5 seconds, it had become extremely dry. I know, not to let my nerves get to me, but shit. I guess Nala could sense I was having some trouble starting the conversation, so she helped me start by asking me the frist question. " you ran away to here, after the takeover, right?"

"..yeah yeah, I did."

"...wow, this is pretty far."

"I just told myself to keep running." I could feel my heart rate slowly start to slow down again. I began to feel more like myself if you can say that. Still, some part of me was...apprehensive, to still tell her. What if she judges me? "But there wasn't a moment I didn't think- I don't think about going back. I've had those thoughts countless times..."

"...So what made you not come back."

"...The nightmares." I stated, looking from her to the surrounding area. I could not get myself to look into her eyes, so I just gazed at the soft silhouettes around her face from the setting sun. The colors on and around her were relaxing to look at. " I never had a great life living with my uncle but...it was nothing compared to what I dealt with living out there. It was like once I left the border of pride rock I couldn't escape it..."

"...the nightmares?"

"Yea... they haunted me, night and day. Telling me to go back, and face everything...but I'd rather die than do that. I know that sounds crazy and beyond cowardly, I know I've not only disappointed one parent but two..." a cold shiver ran down my spine, like a jolt of lighting. It made me freeze up. But the time paused only made things worse when I started to see images of my mother's face. The look of disappointment and betrayal when I didn't support her "... I should have support her...i should have been there for her-"I could feel myself start to sweat. as jitters ran across throughout my body. "i...i-"

I froze when I felt her paw tough mine. I hadn't even realized she had walked over to me.

"Simba? it's okay." no...no it's not, I pulled away from the kind comfort I know she wanted to give me. I didn't deserve her kindness or her pitty. I'm a fake. "...sim-"

"No it's not, and we both can't pretend like it is... I failed her and everyone... and what pisses me off is that I wasn't strong enough to even fucking stop myself!" I could feel the rage of sadness want to take over me. " do you know what the said thing my mother said to me, after everything I had put her through?...no matter what decision I made, she still loved me...tell me, Nala how could you love someone like me? after everything I did...and didn't do! I deserve to be miserable..."

"No Simba, she wouldn't want that-"

"How do you know?"

"Because she loved you. It wouldn't have mattered of what you did or didn't do.."

"Don't say that..." and even if Nala was right, even if I know my mother still loved. Even if I fucked her over, I still feel I didn't deserve that love. "and in the end, it doesn't matter, what I say or do won't bring that moment back...it won't bring her back." for the frist time I looked to Nala in her eyes, to read her response. A part of me, always knew deep down what the answer to my mother's fate was. It was carved in stone, a fate the was bound to happen to her. yet still, seeing that confirmation in her watering eyes...killed me. I could always run from what I thought-push that to the back of my mind... but seeing it on her face.

I couldn't hide from that reality. So I finally gave in to the pressure of it and cracked. Seeing the water from my eyes hit the ground felt surreal. Like I was looking beyond myself. the little shivers that ran down my spine soon turned into strong overpowering trembles. I fought to keep myself together. I fought to not see her face. I fought to not picture what her last moments would have been like. but...fighting myself was so. "...i...i'm so sorry... I'm so sorry."

It would be a battle that is ould continue you lose. My head dropped to the ground, as I felt my shoulder cave in. The wheezing in my chest set my lungs on fire, as the tears from my eyes washed out everything around me. "...it's okay Simba..." I could barely hear her soft words, from the headache pounding of my inner ears. All I could do was feel her touch at that moment, as I fully embraced needed comfort.

The sounds of her soft voice were like a calming spell to my inner destructive storm. I could equally hear the same pain in her voice, and that...that made me feel understood. Like I wasn't the only one out here lost and hopeless. given nothing but tragedy after tragedy, this shitty thing we call life. There was something about the scent of her fur, as she nuzzled me under my chin that eased me.

It felt like I had known this feeling-this smell all my life. And it was the only that that could remind me out here of home... but I had been running from it. never allowing myself to sit and rest, and even here in this home, I built for myself now. I still lived with the uneasiness daily. just because the nightmare doesn't always haunt me at night, doesn't mean I live free of them. I just lived started to live an...inbetween existence.

My feelings, my being... floating between the two worlds I'm forced to live in my past and present. Knowing one day I would have to choose one...

"Thanks... you didn't have to..."

"No it's alright, and besides... you looked like you needed it." yeah as if my tear-stained face isn't proof enough.

"... I guess I did." I finally felt stable enough to pull away. looking at her now and smiling, didn't feel so hard. " well..." I cleared my throat " That's really my story. Nala a part of me always wanted to go back, but-"

"The other part was telling you to stay away, I get it. You were just trying to protect yourself and at the end of the day, that's all anyone needs to do... I would have done the same thing. look you were able to rebuild yourself given everything... I can only commend you for that. You didn't sit and just wallow away..."

"But...you stayed, Just doing that you're 10 times better than me."

"No, I just...wasn't strong enough to leave like you.." I looked at her, wondering what she meant by that. "...sometimes, I think being the coward is brave."

"... coward and brave? I didn't think you could use the two in the same sentence and still...make that make complete sense."

"...yea. but I can promise you...you leaving saved you a whole hell of a lot of heartaches, even if you don't think you. and im sorry, for not being there for you when you needed me... I had no idea what Scar was doing to you."

"No one did...better that way. I didn't want that pitty added onto me ethier...it was already hard enough."

"Pitty or not...still you shouldn't have had to go through something like that alone. It breaks you... and sometimes those pieces take longer be fixed- if they can even get fixed at all...it's just easier with family there."

"Sounds like it..." I paused, gathering myself and then taking a moment to read her. "You have a lot of your chest too." she nodded slowly as a single tear ran down her cheek. her breathing was calmer than mine, but my eyes could catch the small jitter that ran down her spine too. the swift of uneasiness between paw to paw. I had shared my story, now it was time for her to tell hers. "Well, the floors all yours..."

"I know...it just a lot easier being the one listening to someone else story rather then you being the one telling yours... it's vulnerable"

" I'm here for you when you do." I voiced, this time being the comfort she needed. leaning into her so she would have the same shoulder to cry on if needed. "remember Hakuna Matata?"

"...Hakuna Matata..."

*Part two of this conversation will be up tomorrow. I felt it needed his side her side type of thing. Man, I felt so good allowing Simba to let all that shit go ( of course this little moment won't fix everything but it's a start), and guess who was right by his side, my girl Nala. The plotting is thick!

+KawaiiCutie12, if being an emoji was a lion lol!

+RyanSquad, I know! but this will conclude this year because I have some other work cooking lol

+ExGeneration35, he's literally everyone's most hated loved character lol.