A/N- So this is the concluding part of what happens when Effy get's released from prison. Hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think. :)
My hands are starting to twitch as I leave the bowels of the prison, as I get closer and closer to the outside, to freedom. I mean we were allowed outside to exercise and our 'free' time, but is it really outside if it's in the centre of the prison and encased by concrete and the sky is obscured by wire fencing? Like fuck is it. My heart is going wild; I keep expecting to be told it's all a mistake, that they've looked at my file again and decided to keep me inside. I have no idea what I'm going to do when I do get out, I have no plan, no home, but I don't care because at least I'll be free.
We move through a number of heavy metal doors until, finally, we reach a small room with a single chair and a door at the other side. My heart leaps at the sight of the door, it's an actual door as well, not a heavy metal one I've used to, an actual door. The normalcy of the door lifts me up more and I find a smile creeping its way onto my face. "Sit down and stay put." The guard orders and I quickly comply, anything to speed the process along. The guard looks at me for a moment before grunting. "Someone will be with you shortly." With that the guard turns on his heel and leaves the room, the metal door slamming shut behind him. Ihear the heavy sounds of it locking and I realise that I'm trapped in this little room. I look round the room in interest, at the bland pale walls, the hard laminated flooring and at the one window, through which I can hear the outside world. I close my eyes and, for a split second, I can imagine that I'm not in prison, that I'm somewhere mundane like a Doctor's waiting room. I chuckle to myself at the thought of enjoying the mundane, that was never me. I didn't do mundane when I was younger, I hated it. I needed for things to be exciting, to be action packed. Then I really encountered that way of life, and here I am wishing for the mundane. I stand up and move over to the window, desperate to tease myself with a glimpse of the outside. That small glimpse is like sex when I see it; I can't help but gasp a little at the sight of cars going by, of people going about their business without a care in the world. My face drops a little as I remember the last time I got to go outside, and all the pain and suffering that stemmed it.
As I stepped into the room where they were holding Naomi's wake I was, as I had been ever since I stepped out of the car, aware of two things. Firstly, of the guard shadowing my every step but still keeping a respectful distance, and, secondly, of the ankle bracelet on my left leg which was constantly keeping the prison aware of my location. An invasion of….well fucking something I'm sure but it meant that I could say goodbye to Naomi and for that I would have slit my wrists. I don't know who it was that got the prison to agree to let me come to the funeral and I don't know if I'll be able to find the words to thank them…if I ever even find out who it was. I looked back at the guard behind me and she shot me a warning glare. "No funny ideas Stonem," she stated "I don't get paid extra for chasing you down, it'll just piss me off." For a brief moment I considered a sarcastic response, one worthy of Naomi herself, but consented for just a simple nod of acknowledgement. I looked round the room at the sea of people, there were people from our time in London and I thought I spied the familiar curly mop of JJ in the far corner but I couldn't see Gina or Emily. I let out the breath I didn't know I'd been holding in but the fear was still there. I could still remember the slap that Emily had delivered to me when I met her at the airport, I didn't want to repeat it.
"Effy!" I heard a voice call out before a blonde blur collided with me and pulled me into a hug. I smiled a little as I recognised her, "Hi Panda." I greeted Pandora softly, extracting the blonde whirlwind from me and shooting a slightly worried look at the guard behind me, but she just looked bored. "It's whizzer that you're here Eff, I know Naomi would of wanted you here. Are you allowed a drink? I didn't see you at the church?" Panda's questions washed over me like a tidal wave, it had been years since I'd had to deal with a hyperactive Panda, it seemed like the stress of the day and being around so many old classmates had bought it back out of her. "No drinks." I stated simply, shrugging in indifference. "Only allowed to the wake." I explained, it had hurt though. To be told that they were letting me out for the wake but not the actual service. I would of preferred the service over this, less chance of confrontation."What are you doing here!" A husky, all too familiar, voice bellowed from across of the room, instantly Panda's face fell. "Oh crumbs" she muttered as I spied a shock of red hair come barrelling towards me. Then there she was, the girlfriend of my best friend, the woman who I hadn't told about Naomi's cancer till it was nearly the end. I could see the hate and the loathing and the pain in her eyes and I understood it, I felt the same way about myself. What I had done was selfish and stupid, but I knew telling her that wouldn't help the situation. So I just stood there, still as a statue, face impassive, as Emily glared at me. "How-How dare you show your face here, after everything you did how dare you stand there."Emily cried out and, like at the airport, I never saw the slap coming. It was stronger then the airport one, they both had anger behind them, but this one had pain, loss, suffering and a broken heart behind it. I raised a hand to forestall the guard behind me, Emily needed to do this, she needed to get it out. I understood that. "Well! Aren't you going to fucking answer me? Why are you here?! Why did they let you out?!" Emily spat out, tears falling down her face, her hands clenched into fists and trembling. A figure slipped out of the crowd, coming in behind Emily. With a start I realised it was Katie, I quickly searched her face to try and work out why I hadn't recognised her. Then I saw it, her eyes held none of the anger and hatred of her youth. In those brown eyes I saw only sadness, compassion and pity.
"Because I insisted on it." A calm voice rang out, and then Gina was there. A smile threatened to spill onto my face, of course it had been Gina who had insisted I be allowed here. Gina, the ever forgiving woman, a better person than any of us could've ever hoped to be. Seeing her there though made my heart break again, she was another person who I should of reached out to about Naomi's cancer and I hadn't. I hated myself. "Wha?! Gina, what Effy did!? She kept Naomi from me! From us!" Emily managed to get out before letting out a sob and burying herself in her sister's arms, Gina nodded in understanding. "You're right Emily. What Effy did was stupid and irresponsible, and now she's paying for it. But she was Naomi's best friend, you know that. She deserves to say goodbye." I blinked away the tears at Gina's words and shook my head, this had been a mistake. All I'd done was cause more pain to my old friends, I moved over to Gina and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you Gina, but this…this was a mistake. Thank you for letting me say goodbye." I looked towards Emily, "Emily, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. If it's any consolation, I hate myself too." I took a breath and headed towards the door, past the guard. I stopped briefly at the picture of Naomi that was placed on the table by the entrance. I kissed my index forefinger and pressed them against the photo. "Goodbye Naomi. I'm sorry." I whispered softly before walking out the room.
I come back to reality to find tears falling from my face, I had caused so much pain and suffering. Not just when I'd been in London but just generally in my life. The path of my journey through life was strewn with pain and suffering, I couldn't carry on like that, I had to be better once I was out. The ordinary door opens and a woman enters the room, she's tall,a bit thin with long blonde hair. "Elizabeth Stonem? Come on; let's get you out of here." The woman states, a smile on her face, I nod and stood up quickly. I'm eager to get out, I don't know what I'm going to do when I do get out, where I'm going to stay, where I'm going to work but I'm not too worried, I'll work it all that out later. I just want to be free. I follow the woman out the room and down a corridor to a large reception room. There's a number of desk dotted around the place and, with a jolt, I realise that I've been here before. This is where I'd first come into the prison, out of the two other doors in the room one would lead me back into the prison and one would take me to the outside world. I try and control my breathing as I feel my heart rate quicken as I locked onto the door leading to the outside."Come on, nearly there. Just a few things left to do then you can go." The woman explains and leads the way to a desk; I follow and took a seat. The woman sits down opposite and starts tapping away at a computer. "Okay then Elizabeth, so you understand you're being released early because of good behaviour?" I nod, "Good, errr let's see. You've got to let your probation worker know where you're going to be living within 24 hours, and they'll arrange a time for you to come in and have a meeting with them. Now usually you'll be carrying out your probation in London, however after consideration it's been decided you shall carry it out in Bristol instead. It means that you can't leave Bristol for 6 months and if you do have need to you must okay it with your probation worker." The woman explains and I nod again, eager to get out, I don't understand why I'm being consigned to Bristol and not London and I have no idea yet know how I can make it over there but I'll manage somehow, I always do. I'm Effy. The woman smiles and produces a little rucksack. "Good, right in this bag are the belongings you had with you when you came in, your probation officer's contact details and £50. I know it's not much, sorry." I shrug and take the bag, I can make £50 go along way. The woman stands up and I quickly follow suit, she smiles kindly and gestures to the exit. "Okay then, that's it. We're done, good luck." I nod jerkily and turn my back to her,moving towards the exit door. This is it, I'm finally getting out. Reaching the door I lay my hand on the door-handle, take a deep breath and open it.
The sunlight is blinding, and oh so real. I smile and close my eyes, spreading out my arms and just breathing in the fresh air, the freedom, the sounds of everyday life, the mundane.I'm free, free to live my life, yes I'm going to be stuck in Bristol for 6 months but it is so very worth it. "Oi bitch, stop being away with the fairies and hurry up. I haven't got all day ya know." An impatient, all too familiar voice interrupts my private moment and my eyes slam open. It can't be, she can't be, she has no reason to be. But there she is, leaning casually against a swish looking car; Katie fucking Fitch. She's changed, matured, gone is the brown and purple hair now it's a short dark brown, almost black, haircut that ends just below the ear. She looks smart and sophisticated, something I never thought I would associate with Katie, and she looks happy. Like at the wake there's no anger or hatred in her eyes, only compassion. "K-Katie?" I manage to splutter out in shock, I'm struggling work out what she's doing here. Katie rolls her eyes and starts towards me, "well I'm certainly not my sister am I?" I let out a little chuckle, definitely Katie, even down to the slight lisp in her voice. "What are you doing here?" I ask as Katie reaches me and actually pulls me into a hug. "I'm here to collect you, Gina's been keeping tabs on you, when she found out you were getting out she sent me to pick you up." Katie explained as she lets me go and I look at her in confusion."Gina's been keeping tabs on me?" I ask, it must be the whole being free thing messing with my mind because I'm struggling to understand, does she hold me responsible for Naomi?Does she want a final revenge on me? Katie again just rolls her eyes and nods, "yes you dozey cow, she kept tabs on you. She wanted to make sure you were okay, you still have friends. Now come on, long drive ahead of us." With that, she turns on her heels and heads to her car. Her words had frozen me, had shook me to my core, I still had friends? After everything I've done, I still have people who care for me? That couldn't be right, I should be hated. I shake my head slightly and head after Katie, sliding into the passenger seat next to her. The car's very slick, all the bells and whistles you'd imagine for an expensive car. "Who's is this?" I ask softly and Katie chuckles a little as she starts the engine, the car roaring to life. "It's mine Eff, a lots changed." Katie explains and I just nod dumbly, a lot has changed. "Look we've got a long drive so why don't you close your eyes and catch some sleep, can't imagine it's been too restive in that shit hole." Katie offers kindly and small smile tugs insistently at my lips, definitely Katie. I nod and close my eyes, letting oblivion take me.
"Effy, we're here wake up" a voice rudely intrudes on my sleep and I feel the crushing weight of a hand on my shoulder. Instantly I'm awake, my breath coming out in short bursts. "Hey it's okay Eff, it's okay." Katie states, concern in her voice. I draw a shuddering breath and fight to control myself; it looks like it's going to take a while to getting used to being free. I look at Katie and nod, "memories." I state softly and Katie's face shows understanding."Yeah sure, anyway, here we are." She steps out the car and I follow suit, we're in an underground car park, the smell of cars and petrol almost overpowering. "Ignore the smell yeah? It's better when we get upstairs." I don't say anything and just follow her to the lifts,we get in one and ride it up. I have to take a deep breath as the lift ascends, fighting to ignore the panicking feeling as I feel the compactness of the lift pressing against me. The lift eventually arrives at the floor and I step out quickly, Katie shooting me a look and leading me to a front door, taking out a key and unlocking it. "Well here we are." She explains and opens the door for me, letting me go in first. The apartment is big, expensive looking and very Katie. Even now, with her being grown up there are somethings that just don't change."I've got a spare room, bed's made up for you. You can stay long as you like Ef." Katie explains, motioning towards a door and I can feel a range of emotions threatening to spill out. I let a small smile grace my lips and give Katie a brief hug. "Thanks." I whisper and Katie nods, "no problem, well I'm starving and can't be arsed to cook so takeaway it is, pizza okay?" She ask and I nod. "Gonna have a lie down." I explain and head towards the room that Katie had indicated, I push the door open and smile broadly, the room is big and it's all mine. I collapse on the bed and my last thought before I find myself falling into the oblivion of sleep once more is that maybe everything will be okay. Maybe, with Katie and Gina, I can rebuild my life and be happy. With that last thought in my mind I smile and let oblivion take me once more.