Bad news

The past few days I felt myself grow more and more impatient. I still had not been able to conjure up even the tiniest breath of a patronus. Ginny at least had been able to produce some silvery smoke. Just a few days ago we had lost the quidditch game against Gryffindor, at least Greg had been overly happy the last few days as Hagrid and Buckbeak had gotten off with only a warning. See? He'd told me. Good things happen. Sometimes you just got to stand behind what you believe in even if the odds are not in your favor, mister glass's-half-empty. Greg's mood had been infectious and my mood lifted a bit. Then McGonagall had announced that final exams would soon start. I had been spending a lot of my time in the library. I had been studying a lot. Not only for the exams, but trying to learn the patronus charm was taking up more time and energy than I had expected. I felt tired and pressured.

I sigh as I push my transfiguration's book away. Would I do well enough? What would father say if Granger would beat me in class again? Would he not mind this time or would he be ashamed? I massage the back of my head with my hands. Maybe I could get a better grade then Granger, I muse, whenever I saw her she always seemed to sport bags under her eyes. Maybe she took too many classes.

Then Pansy drops her books on the opposite side of the table. I look up surprised. "What're you thinking 'bout?" Pansy then asks me with a hesitant, tired smile.

I hesitantly smile back at her, not sure how I am supposed to act. "Not much." I shrug.

Pansy pulls her knees against her body and folds her arms around them. She lets her chin lean softly on her left knee. She swallows. "Survived the exam from arithmancy? I heard even Granger thought it was horrendous." I did not react. "At least we're almost through," she then adds half-heartedly.

I shrug. "I guess so."

"I've really missed you," Pansy then whispers. "I was really upset after you broke up, but it's fine." She did not sound entirely fine with it, whatever fine meant. "I did not see it then, but I got really insecure and you're right. Seriously though- it hurt me you could not tell me what you were brooding about. I wanted to help you, you know? I still do, we are still friends, at least I hope so.." She looks down and makes fists of her hands, which colour yellow from the force of the contraction of her hand muscles. "And you know, it gave me the feeling you just did not like me so much. I mean, when something happens- good, bad or funny, first thing on my mind is telling you. I want you to be happy with me when good stuff happens. I want you to cheer me up if things suck and I want you to laugh with me, because without you- honestly things just aren't so hilarious."

My head snaps up and I meet her eyes.

Pansy sighs and she looks incredibly frustrated. "I don't- we always made such good friends. It meant a lot to me. We should go back to that- no, whatever. It's fine." Again it did not feel fine. Pansy widely gestures with her hands, something that is quite rare for her. "I just.. say something to me, dude! We used to talk."

"Dude?" I snort.

Pansy gives me a soft shove. "Oh shut up, you can't blame me for not knowing what to say."

"It's just- You never say dude." I shake my head at her. Then my owl interrupts us as it strikes down at our table. I take the letter and absent-mindedly stroke her feathers. I immediately recognise my father's writing.

Dear Draco,

I was horrified to hear from Sam McLaggen that his son was brutally attacked by a hippogriff during a lesson from that 'teacher'. I am glad you chose to pursue other classes and that you were not hurt or exposed to such danger. I hope your classes are taught by more adequate teachers and that you are doing well. I was writing as I wanted to let you know Sam asked my assistance as the Committee for Disposal of Dangerous Creatures was planning to let Hagrid and the beast off with only a warning. A warning I tell you! Of course I could not let that happen and me and Sam had a good talk with these members of the committee and showed them some sense. I hope you will feel yourself safer in a Hogwarts without the hippogriff and that the now teaching oaf will be more sensitive to what is appropriate to teach to Hogwarts students. Tell McLaggen I hope he will soon feel better.

On another note your mother wishes you would write more often. I am sure you have been terribly busy, but we both miss you. However we are both very happy your school year is almost over and that you will come home soon for the summer holiday. I know you must be studying very hard and I am sure you will do more than fine on your final exams. Good luck.

Love, from father and mother.

Pansy smiles a bit forced. "Something wrong? What do your parents say?"

"You saw Greg right?" I say, feeling a bit horrified.

"Sure," Pansy says. "You know, when McLaggen was attacked I had felt horrified. If that hippogriff would be beheaded that would be more than fine by me. I also feel glad though, have you seen how happy Greg has been ever since they let Hagrid and Buckbeak off?"

I nod and I feel terrible.

Pansy continues, not noticing the look on my face. "I wanted Hagrid to be sacked too, you know?" Pansy shrugs at me. "A few weeks ago Hagrid showed us unicorns. I wish you were there too, Draco."

I think back to my first detention and how scared I was to have to search through the forbidden forest to find an attacked unicorn. I had felt so embarrassed I was afraid and that I asked for assurance I would not run into a werewolf, while it was not even during a full moon. I feel a bit sheepish as I recall myself giving Longbottom a fright to feel less insecure and to put a spotlight on how big of a scared kitten he was, so no one would notice how panicked I had felt.

"I have never seen such beautiful creatures. I just felt so at peace and happy that they allowed me to touch them," Pansy shyly says.

"Read," I blurt out, as I hand her the letter.

"Oh," Pansy says sounding a bit saddened. "You know what the weird thing is? Now that it really is going to happen, now that the hippogriff will probably die for attacking Macmillan, I do not wish for it to die and I feel sad. Hagrid really is not that bad as a teacher. Unicorns normally get fidgety under a male's touch, but they did not even blink as Hagrid did, they leaned into his touch. I just never expected someone so large to be so gentle. I hope he will not get into too much trouble. And poor Greg, he has always had a big heart for magical creatures, remember that gnome that kept calling him foul names and tended to bite him a lot while he kept trying to befriend it by giving it worms? Any other eight-year-old would have started disliking that thing." Pansy laughs softly. "Greg is such a patient, sweet guy, I was kinda rooting for him the last few days. I missed you all, you know. You, Greg, Vin, we used to be closer. Greg seems really happy though and Granger too, they must have been a great help to Hagrid while he was preparing his case."

"I have not seen Greg much either," I admit. "He has been studying a lot with Granger. I really don't want him to find out, though. He was all about standing up for the right thing and stuff after Hagrid won the case, what if he'll blame me?"

I feel Pansy's hand press softly on my shoulder. "I'm sure he will not think it is your fault.