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This note is definitely not here to distract you from the chapter title, that's just silly. What-could-go-wrong?

Chapter Six: Kyoshi (or: "Zhao's Island BBQ")

The Water Tribe peasant was squawking about how fireballs aren't the answer, but there weren't any ear-bleed-inducing puns involved, and that was stupid advice anyway, so Zuko ignored him. He crossed his arms and stood up straight and met his fated foe's gaze.

"Avatar. I will accept your surrender, now."

Behind him were sounds of war fans, crashes, and disarming chuckles. "Kind ladies," Uncle said. "You have been such gracious hosts. It would be quite unfortunate if you should make an old man fight seriously inside a flammable structure with most of your village assembled, would it not? Perhaps you should hear my nephew out."

"Kyoshi island is neutral!" the leader of the fan warriors shouted, like someone had just fireballed her owl-cat.

"And it would be a shame if reports to the contrary reached the Fire Lord. Reports of, say, aiding the Fire Nation's greatest enemy? A simple mistake, I am sure. Now that we have informed you that he is not merely an airbender, but the Avatar himself, I am sure you will allow for his peaceful and voluntary extradition. I have a new ginseng blend you simply must try, Avatar Aang."

"I do like ginseng…"

"Aang." The Water Tribe boy facepalmed. "Aang, no."

"But Sokka, these people believe in the Avatar. I need to protect them. Besides, it's really easy to escape from Zuko's ship."

"Hey! We cleaned out the brig, now!"

"And put in new sheets," Uncle confirmed, which Zuko did not think helped the point.

"And if you don't surrender, we'll burn this village to the ground," Zuko continued, in an attempt to get things back on track. "Our ship is meeting us here with orders. If you're not on the dock with us and ready to leave when they arrive, my men will bring a whole squad of komodo-rhinos out and trample everything."

"But I get tea before I get put in the brig, right?"

"You can have tea in the brig!" Even as he shouted it, Zuko was sure that negotiations always went somehow wrong when the Avatar was involved.

"Well all right, then! I surrender. (It's okay, I'm not really surrendering.) I'm surrendering, and coming with you to the Fire Nation to await my tragic fate. (No really, Suki, I'll be fine.) Oh, woe is me. (Sokka, can you wait an hour before you bring Appa? It's really good tea.)"

Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose. "I can hear you when you whisper."

"(Guys, I think he can hear—)"

"Even when you whisper behind your hand. Uggh." Zuko grabbed the Avatar's arm, and dragged him outside. He tried to ignore all the waving and smiling the airbender did on their way out.

They bumped into another fan warrior in the doorway. "Suki, come quick—it's the Fire Nation! They're attacking!"

For the second time since Zuko had met him, the Avatar stopped smiling. Then an airblast sent Zuko out the door, and down the street, and tumbling into the wall of a building.

"You promised. You said you wouldn't attack if I surrendered!"

And there were a lot of things Zuko could have replied to that with, like Well the last time you made a promise to me you ran away the second you could and You were JUST whispering about how you weren't really surrendering, but for some reason he felt the urge to defend himself. "There has to be a mistake! They're too early, and they weren't supposed to really attack unless we gave the signal, and—" He dodged a second airblast. Whoever had said airbenders were pacifists hadn't made one mad.

Uncle placed himself back-to-back with Zuko, taking up a defensive stance as a ring of warriors surrounded them. The makeup didn't look half as stupid when the faces behind it were angry. And the war fans suddenly looked very, very sharp.

Houses were already burning at the waterfront. There was a Fire Nation ship in the harbor, a big one, way bigger than the Wani.

"Zhao," Uncle said, which cleared up most of Zuko's questions. Zhao might be one of his family's most loyal supporters, but he could get a little overeager. How had he even known to be here, though?

It wasn't that Commander Zhao liked watching the world burn. No, he didn't like burning down the occasional town anymore than he liked vandalizing libraries or planning fish fries. He did not do these things for fun. They just happened to be fun. Zhao had found that the world rewarded men who enjoyed their jobs.

"Isn't Kyoshi neutral? Sir."

"Your objection has been noted, Lieutenant," and oh, how very noted it was. "But may I remind you of one simple fact."

"Sir?"

"There are few places more neutral than smoldering rocks."

And what a tragedy if Prince Zuko happened to be on that rock. Why, only yesterday Zhao himself had advised the Prince to turn his search far north; how could the Commander possibly have predicted the presence of royalty here? Why, no one could. In fact, Zhao was quite certain no one would ever know what had truly happened to the Fire Nation's lost Prince. Probably killed by the Avatar. How tragic. How good for the country to rally around. The Fire Lord always appreciated little touches like that.

"Get my rhino saddle, Lieutenant. This town needs a personal touch."

And it would be better if his men didn't see exactly who they were burning.

"Kind ladies—" Uncle's negotiating skills had broken down sometime between the fires starting and the calls of rhinos being set loose in the streets. Probably the only reason they weren't being finely-sliced into sashimi for the unagi was because most of the girls had left to deal with the town's actual attackers. Which he and Uncle weren't. But that was really hard to explain when no one was listening to them anymore. Zuko wasn't even sure where the Avatar had gone, except he had a sinking feeling it involved using air to attack people in a town that was very-on-fire and he wasn't sure if anyone had ever taught the airbender the phrase 'fanning flames'. Zuko looked from one hostile white-painted face to another, and finally settled on—

"Water Tribe!"

The peasant's fan drooped a little. "Did you really spend all afternoon fighting next to me without learning my name?"

"I— Well— Do you know mine?"

"Zuko. It's Zuko. But you were going by Li earlier. Little. Buddy."

"...Okay, but clearly I'm more important than you anyway, of course you would know my name! But that's not the point. I need to—"

"Excuse me?"

"I need to get to Commander Zhao so—"

"Back up to the 'you're more important' bit."

"—get to Commander Zhao so I can order him to stop would you shut up and get me there!"

The idiot stuck a finger in his ear, and twirled it. "Okay, now back up to the part where I take orders from you."

The town was really on fire now. So this is what it would have looked like, if he'd gone with his original plan. If Uncle hadn't talked him out of it. Zuko smelled smoke and burning wood and, and—

"Okay, all right! Sokka, can you please get these morons to stop pointing sharp things at us long enough to save their worthless town without firebending them out of the way for their own safety?"

Sokka slapped a hand against his forehead, and dragged it down. He had a lot of questions about this situation, like If you knew my name why were you trying so hard not to say it and Is it possible for you to get any ruder and What is this, some kind of Rage Altruism?

"You're not going anywhere," one of the Kyoshi warriors said—not Suki, Suki had gone to kick some firebender butt. Umm. Other firebender butt. "The people who lied to us all day are not suddenly trying to help, Sokka. They're just trying to escape to their ship."

"That's… actually a reasonable concern," Sokka acknowledged.

"That's actually not a bad idea," the old guy mumbled.

"But on the other hand," Sokka said, "I'm pretty sure if the old guy really wanted to escape, he'd just fireball us."

"This is also true," the old guy helpfully acknowledged.

"But he's playing nice. So. Maybe they're serious about calling this off? I mean, their plan to catch Aang was working, why light things on fire now? So how about I escort them in case of villainous backstabbing, and you run off to do the fan thing to some firebender faces. You know you want to."

They really, really did. The remaining Kyoshi warriors looked at eachother. Then they nodded to him. And left him alone, with the two firebenders who'd been lying to them all day. One of whom was the Fire Nation's Prince. Son of You-Know-Who. And the other one… Sokka was not really clear on who the old guy was, actually.

"So when he calls you 'uncle', that's on his mother's side, right?"

The old guy smiled benevolently. Somehow, this was one of the most terrifying things Sokka had ever seen in his life.

Fortunately, about two minutes later, a fireball almost took his head off. So that definitely helped him reassess his priorities. Especially when the taking-off-his-head thing was only incidental, because he was pretty sure it had been aimed at—

The Banished Prince scowled, and finished shaking fire off his sleeves. "Zhao! Watch where you're aiming!"

"Ah, Prince Zuko. I didn't see you there." Zhao did not bother getting off his rhino. He rather liked feeling like a volcano-god looking down on mortal earth-dwellers.

"Sure you didn't," some especially scrawny Kyoshi warrior had the audacity to back-talk. The girl took up position right next to one of the prince's shoulders, her fan held at the ready. Interesting.

"An honest mistake, I am sure," General Iroh said, taking position on the boy's other side, his stance no less ready. And somehow, everyone present knew exactly what they were talking about except the person they were talking about.

The ignorant prince crossed his arms. "Commander Zhao, I order you to stop this attack. Remove your men from this island immediately. You are hindering my plans."

General Iroh's fingertips crackled with the light of his other option.

"...Of course, my Prince. Since you appear to have concern for these…" he eyed the Kyoshi warrior, her fan, and her three chin hairs. "...Peasants, shall I have my men put out their fires before they go?"

There was such a fine line between helping and controlled demolition, after all.

The General laid a hand on the prince's shoulder. "That will not be necessary. My nephew requires more practice in extinguishing fires he has started."

"But I didn't—"

"And besides, I would not wish to keep you from your ship. Nor you to keep us from ours." Iroh's smile was wide. "The Wani is quite small, but so is that dock! You really must be gone before our crew arrives. Your ship really is quite a large target."

"Of course, General."

"Retired." Wide, and toothy as any dragon standing over its hatchling.

The prince was tilting his head. "How did you even know to be here? Didn't you think the Avatar was in that Earth Kingdom port?"

"Ah, but then we heard a new report. I rushed to assist you, my Prince. I thought only to keep the Avatar occupied until you had a chance to arrive. But your superior hunting instincts prevailed, and you were already here. Imagine my surprise."

"Well that's not suspicious," the warrior deadpanned. "At all."

Zhao smirked. "Sky bison must fly at truly astonishing rates."

This seemed to more than satisfy the little prince. It never really mattered what the other two thought; the Kyoshi girl didn't matter to begin with, and the General had already formed his own assumptions. Correct ones, no doubt. But he couldn't be with the boy every moment, and they both knew which of them was in the Fire Lord's favor.

Zhao bowed low, to hide the wide curve of his smile. "By your leave, my Prince."

Sokka let his fan drop to his side as Skeezy Sideburns rode away, and really wished he'd had more than basic I can bluff a starting stance weapons training so he could have done something. If something had needed doing. Or even that he was carrying boomerang right now, because the man's open back and stunning lack of helmet were just asking for some target practice.

"You know, I'm pretty sure that guy is trying to kill you."

His little buddy puffed out his chest. "Commander Zhao is one of my father's most loyal supporters."

"Uh-huh. Does your father not like you, or something?"

Which was about the point the prince fireballed him. Or, okay, fireballed his fire-resistant combat skirts. But still. Totally uncalled for. Also all the yelling, and threats of second-or-third-degree violence. Sheesh. Sokka could take a hint. Friendship revoked.

Zuko knew that putting out the stupid fires that Zhao's stupid men had stupid started wasn't something he should have ever agreed to. It wasn't his fault, and Zhao had offered to have his men do it for them, and everyone in town was glaring at them and yelling at them to hurry up there's more over here at least try to be useful you ashmakers and they didn't even seem to realize how hard it was to put out fires to begin with, much less bright warm town-sized raging fires that just wanted to chew their way from support beams to ceiling and wave to the sky with Agni's own cheer. They were so happy and Zuko was killing them and some of these houses weren't even salvageable anyway, the Kyoshi peasants were just being stingy. And it was really exhausting and he'd already been tuck—he'd already been conserving his strength and he didn't know much more he had and then

and then.

And then the Avatar dumped unagi vomit on everything.

Zuko stood in the middle of a steaming town. Holding his arms out to the side. Dripping, and noting, in the part of his mind that wasn't screaming, that the town was cheering for vomit even though they'd only had curses for advanced firebending. And there was probably a lesson about international relations in there, but Zuko was going to have to take a shower and burn these clothes before he could deal with politics.

"Well," Uncle said. "That is certainly one way, to… ah…" Words failed him. Zuko completely understood. "Oh look, our ship. We should probably stop them before they unload the rhinos."

"Probably," Zuko said, as he watching the Avatar do some kind of mid-air somersault over the bay and land on his sky bison and fly away. Not covered in unagi vomit.

Uncled squeezed his shoulder and went to yell at Lieutenant Jee. Zuko continued standing. And dripping. Until suddenly the leader of the warriors was in front of him, staring down at him like he was exactly as disgusting as he currently felt.

"Leave," she said.

Zuko lowered his damp arms back to his sides, and tried not to process the squelch sound his armpits made. "We have burn medicines on board for my, ah. We could—"

"Just leave."

"This isn't what I wanted to happen," he felt some bizzare desire to explain. "That's why only Uncle and I came, so we wouldn't have to fight, and—"

She was very silent. And everything was dripping and awful, and smelled like salt and smoke, and he didn't even have the Avatar, and something in this felt like the thing Uncle had said about fires he had started and now he had to put out.

Zuko bowed. Hand over fist, forty-five degrees, the lowest bow permitted to royalty for a formal apology to a rank inferior (but she was a military commander, so he realized he could deepen it to sixty-five on a technicality). Then he went to go yell at Lieutenant Jee, too.

"So you really didn't recognize him?" Katara asked. Again.

"Yes! No. Eventually! Did you?" Sokka could have really used an unagi-shower. This makeup was not coming off.

"Of course!" She sounded all indignant about it, but that was a big load of she only recognized him because he was throwing fireballs. If she'd met him earlier in the day when he'd been all pint-sized and prickly, Katara probably would have snuck him into their saddlebags when he wasn't watching. "...Sokka, did you steal a sword?"

"No!"

"Did you at least steal it off the Fire Nation?"

"I did not steal a sword at all! I was gifted a sword, thank you. And a fan." Suki had found him on their way out of town. Alone. And, umm. Well there had definitely been a sword scabbard shoved into his chest and then a hand in his wolf tail and then she'd kissed him and slipped a fan down the back of his belt and he wasn't sure which, but one of those was definitely the sexiest thing that had ever happened to him.

"...Sokka? Are you okay? You look like you're starting to get a fever."

"I am completely fine, little sister!" Sokka coughed his cracking voice back under submission and dodged the hand she was trying to put against his probably-very-red-if-she-could-tell-through-the-paint-smears forehead. "But I think we should focus on the important thing, here."

And they both turned to the airbender in their midst, who smiled, and ducked his head between his shoulders in the best turtle-seal impression this side of the equator.

"Aang, you have got to stop surrendering every time Little Prince Anger Problems threatens a village. That is setting the kind of precedent I don't think we should encourage."

"But—"

"I don't care how delicious the tea is!"