They say hate's just about the best thing to keep a man going. Just about. There's one thing that tops it.
I try not to think about it. Because when I do, the pain gets in.
I think of her when I can. I can't help but remember, even if it's getting dimmer the further away it becomes. The more I block it out the harder it is to remember, but I have to set it aside.
She had blue eyes. Fair hair. A grip that turned between soft and gentle depending on her need.
I have to keep going. And no matter how great a motivator it might be, it's not the fuel I need.
When I feel doubt creeping in, I think about Ozpin. And I keep going.
"Did she know? Did she know the risk of being a Huntress?"
She was only a child! She wasn't ready!
"She made a choice! A choice to put others before herself! So do I!"
A moment's pause. I draw back and stop to think of her.
In that moment, it creeps through.
I can't let it. Can't stop and think. Have to keep going.
Have to block it out.
Then you've chosen death.
I think of Ozpin. The rest is easy.
A child flings herself into the fray to defend him. Not the first to put herself between me and Ozpin. Not the last.
Not the strongest, either. Lightning surges through my hand into her small frame.
How many more children must die for you?!
Her hands reach up to grasp my wrist. Both her hands are smaller than my palm, but she's got a firm grip... and she's getting stronger with every surge of electricity.
Strong enough to fling me right off her.
Brave. Powerful - more powerful than I thought. And quite a Semblance.
But between me and Ozpin, just like the last one.
Only one way that ends.
I think of the last one. She was brave. She seemed a good woman.
For a moment then, I hesitated. For a moment now, I think of the life she could've had were she not between me and my goal.
My sister was brave too. The thought brings the wounds to mind... I can feel a sway in my step. Can't let it continue. Can't let it accumulate.
I think of Ozpin. The rest is easy.
I charge. She swings her hammer.
"Hazel... what are you doing?" the silver-haired boy asks as I hand him his unconscious partner. I never bothered to learn either of their names.
More misguided children caught up in this war. Just as deluded as those following Ozpin, but with a different master holding their leash. Without Cinder's voice supporting them, Salem may well see them as simple pawns to be discarded now.
But that isn't what I'm thinking about. Running back to Salem empty-handed terrifies them... but it isn't where my head's at.
The orange-haired girl who stood between me and Ozpin. Brave as my sister.
The silver-eyed girl who gave Cinder pause. Looked just like her mother.
When I think of that, when the past comes back...
I don't have anything to say to these two Cinder brought along. They've never been important to me.
But these ones who fought alongside Ozpin...
Something about them...
She's the only one with the energy left to fight, so it makes sense she'd be standing guard. Still holding the hammer aloft, in case I get any ideas.
"I didn't come to fight," I try to assure her.
Hate's keeping the pain out, but it's getting harder to focus.
"You said that at Haven too," she reminds me. "Didn't seem to stop you."
She's got me there. "I just wanted to understand something."
She's understandably confused. "Understand... what?"
Still a child. Barely older than-
There it is. Thinking again. This time the pain makes its way through. I fall to a knee.
There's so much of it, held back by hate. So many wounds added up and forcing their way back.
She had blue eyes too.
And despite the fact she knows the pain I can deal -even to those she cares about or Ozpin told her to care about- they don't entirely hide their compassion.
That only makes it worse. Only makes it harder to keep the hate in place.
Have to speak my piece at least.
"I just... wanted... to remember..."
I think of her. It all comes back.
I faintly hear the girl call inside. For reinforcements? For an assassin?
For Ozpin to bring my hate back into focus and keep me going?
No. For her partner, the boy in green. I hurt him quite a bit.
And she's asking him to help me. Strong as she is, she has a gentle grip when her hand hoists me up.
So much pain. Pain everywhere but in the soft grip pulling me inside.
It's the last thought I have... of a short girl putting her strength aside and taking me in.
Of blue eyes that remind me...