Katsuki knew he had fucked up the moment his friends looked at him as if he was possessed by something demonic, fiendish, but also with something he recognised as pity. And Katsuki hated to be pitied, especially by his friends. But what disturbed Katsuki the most was the way Deku looked at him. The way fear, confusion, panic and dread plastered on Deku's face turning the soft lineaments of his features sharp and stiff. Katsuki didn't like that look on his face. He made him painfully aware of his past self, the one which presented itself unannounced and mocked him relentlessly in spite of Katsuki's hard efforts to push it away. After all, the last time he had had one of his outbursts was back when he was a teenager, when he was young and inexperienced, not able to curb his anger and directing it to whatever or whomever tried to stand on his way. But Katsuki had learnt through the years to control his emotions, and he cherished the thought that he had changed, that he was not the same impulsive brat he was back in U.A. His carrier as a pro hero, together with Deku, had help him grow, shaping him into the adult he was now. Yet, all of it had turned to be ineffective as soon as Katsuki had seen someone else touch Deku. Katsuki knew he was literally contradicting himself. Deku had had his own past experiences with other people, Katsuki was utterly aware of that. And even though the stark thought of Deku having being touched and violated by someone else's hands had always sent Katsuki into a state of anger, he had always been able to channel it and rebuff it. But that was only because Katsuki had never experienced it first hand. Witnessing such exchange between Deku and Todoroki was altogether different, foreign and torturous. It made him flare with a feeling of overwhelming possession Katsuki didn't know he couldn't control. And the feeling of jealousy only rises when he sees a concerned, distraught Deku run to Todoroki's side to aid him.
"Are you alright, Todoroki kun?" Izuku says, panic evident in his small voice.
Shouto winces, squinting at Midoriya before glaring coldly towards, unfortunately, his second attacker.
"Pathetic." Shouto hisses, mouth slightly parted in a tight line, disdain flitting through his usually cool features as he boggles up on his feet with Midoriya's help.
When Todoroki speaks Katsuki's eyes are still trained on the hand Deku uses to help him out, but flicks to Todoroki's face instantly when he hears the insult.
"Haah?" Katsuki roars, feeling a bitter coil twisting deep in his gut. He was ready to slash out at him at any moment, and he would have done just that if Deku hadn't interposed himself between him and Todoroki.
"Stop it Kacchan!" Izuku has to wrench his voice out of his throat to manage to get Katsuki's attention back to him. It works briefly. Izuku sees those raging red eyes on him before they turn to Todoroki again.
"The fuck did you do to him?" Katsuki questions with a constrained roar of vexation behind his gritted teeth.
Izuku gasps. Green eyes large and angry. He flicks a glance at Todoroki behind him who gives him a look of reluctance, and Izuku swallows a bitter lump down his throat as his eyes meet Kacchan's again.
"Why did you hit him? Todoroki kun didn't do anything wrong."
"Anything wrong? You were fucking teary eyed, Deku!" Katsuki rolls his eyes in frustration as he yanks Deku by the shoulders and pulls him closer to himself. It was an act of instinctiveness, but Katsuki was glad he had put more distance between them. "H-his hand was on you, and you had this look on your face and-" Katsuki stops, brain racking in search of the right words as he heaves a sigh through his lash of serious mouth.
"That was not what it looked like Kacchan!" Eyes blown in sudden awareness, Izuku's hands wail fast and erratically in front of him. "Todoroki kun was comforting me. I punched him earlier because I thought he rejected you. But then he explained everything and... and I don't know what happened. I just felt so guilty for it, but then you came out of nowhere and punched him too and-"
Katsuki has to restrain a growl of surprise at Deku's endless and errating explanation. His brain coming to a halt when he hears him say he had punched Todoroki.
"You?" Katsuki blinks, eyes widening at the information as his hands on Deku's shoulders tighten, blood rushing fast towards his bony fingers. "You punched half an half?" Katsuki's voice is a delirium of wonder, his face a multicolour of molten astonishment. "Why?" The question spills from his mouth announced, and the coil in his gut acquiesces immediately, replaced by sizzling torpor.
Izuku freezes. Katsuki's hands on his shoulders are searing hotly through his flesh, and Izuku's brain swims in a vast ocean of infinitive possibilities of why he had done that. Izuku shakes his head, dragging a hand through his hair in defeat.
"I-" Izuku stops when he realises that what he wants to say is not easy to put into words.
He was shocked? Mortified? Jealous? Izuku's heart throbs, shrinking into a tiny sphere.
It was a feeling Izuku didn't want to acknowledge. A futile, scary feeling that he had always pushed down inside his consciousness, not giving it any chance of emerging. Because it was dangerous, risky, treacherous. A lifetime of friendship with Kacchan told him so.
"I was angry." Izuku says instead, his voice wrecked and his eyes wavering. "I saw you struggling, making a miserable face, and I just couldn't stand still and do nothing. I know I was wrong but I-"
"Deku." Katsuki doesn't know when his right hand leisurely moves from Deku's shoulder and up to his face. The contact is delicate, soft, but it's enough for Izuku to look upward instantly. And when he does, he's met with such fondness and calmness Izuku had never seen in Kacchan's face before.
"Kacchan!" Izuku breaths out throaty and low. He knows his face as well as his body are in flame, and the sensation of hot fire burning his skin expands when Kacchan's hand lingers oozy and light on his cheek, sending Izuku into a nameless bliss.
Katsuki bowls over. Sweltering heat courses through his trembling limbs as he sees Deku lean gently into his touch, face as red as his. He feels like his soul, together with Deku's, is catapulted into a world of their own. Of green forest lakes and pine trees. Peaceful and quite. A world made by him and Deku only.
In that span of time, Katsuki can sense his surroundings no longer. And all he can see is Deku's languid stare on him giving him a sense of beatitude and calm Katsuki wished it'd last forever. But then Katsuki's face scrunches in realisation, his awareness skyrockets as he's forcibly pulled out of his imaginary world and into the current, and suddenly he remembers that they aren't alone.
"This is obscenely ridiculous." Shouto taunts from behind them. Their moment cut short roughly.
Todoroki's voice pulls Izuku out of his stupor, and he immediately takes a step back, confused but aware of what had just happened, causing Katsuki's hand to quickly fall back at his side.
The atmosphere in the room plummets from tense straight down into the pits of utter embarrassment. Few people gathers around giving the group stupefied looks, some brave ones were even taking pictures of them recognising it was a scuffle between pro heroes, stopping only when Iida and Kirishima deem it adequate to intervene to scatter the nosy intruders.
"There's nothing to see here." Kirishima hollers standing before the crowd, toiling to block the view of the room from them.
"Midoriya kun! Bakugou kun! This is no place for having a conversation." Iida says, his voice reprimanding but his face a mask of concern. "If you guys want to talk you better do it somewhere more private."
"You need medical aid, Todoroki san!" Yaoyorozu runs to Todoroki's side for the umpteenth time, her face etched in utter worry.
"I'm fine." Shouto says, bravely enduring the pain as he stares at Bakugou pointedly. He was angry and disappointed, but he wanted to make it a priority to clarify the situation and maybe avoiding getting punched in the future because of another misunderstanding.
"I need to talk to you, Bakugou." Shouto says curtly. Katsuki meets his eyes dead on but says nothing, which is the cue for Shouto to continue. "In private." Shouto adds, demanding and sharp.
Still shaken by his previous dazzling daydreaming, Katsuki doesn't find it on him to come back with a witty remark, so his only reaction is to give a nod and a roll of his eyes.
"Let's go, Deku kun!" Uraraka walks up to Izuku, her hands poise on his shoulders softly and gingerly, noticing as Deku still looks dazzled. "It's better if you guys continue your conversation elsewhere, 'kay?" She says gently, to which Izuku agrees absentmindedly.
Izuku doesn't share another glance with Kacchan though. He was too conscious and aware of his own heartbeat. And It turns out to be the best choice, because Kacchan, too, avoids meeting his eyes.
"C'mon Bakugou." Kirishima's voice approaches from behind before Katsuki feels his hand prod him slightly on his arm. "We've done enough here. Lets go!" Kirishima says, tone hushed and careful.
Katsuki can only follow in complete surrender.
When they all leave the room in utter silence, they also leave behind them an hoard of people's stares piercing straight through their backs.
Kaminari though, who's the last one in queue, is still disappointed for not being able to get his coffee.
Given the conference was bound to start in 20 minutes, they decide to go to the venue. Lucky for them, and especially for Todoroki, who was punched by both Bakugou and Midoriya in a short period of time, they meet Recovery Girl, who is still a pro hero-nurse at U.A and apparently also one of the committees in the conference.
After the initial greetings, the woman gives the group a suspicious look before her eyes land on Todoroki's cheek and gives him a look of mild confusion.
Without any explanation she leads the ex-U.A students to the infirmary which is situated in one of the upper floors isolated from the overcrowded, huge ground floor.
"You kids haven't changed at all!" Recovery Girl smiles fondly, reminiscing her old days with them at U.A. as she opens the door and lets the group in the room, signaling Todoroki to sit on the bed.
The room itself was spacious but plain, only two beds and a large medical cabinet next to a double glazed window.
"I hope you troublemakers haven't gotten yourselves into something shady." Recovery Girl says as she inspects Todoroki's injury, "But whatever this is... I'm sure you gonna get it all figured out." She briefly kisses Todoroki on his left cheek using her healing quirks. "There you go. It's still a bit swollen but at least the bruise has disappeared. You wouldn't want anyone to question how'd you get that, right?"
Shouto doesn't reply but bows his head in thanks. Glad the pain had subsided.
"We're so sorry!" Izuku speaks for everyone. Eyes to the floor in utter shame.
Recovery Girl pads towards him with a look of understanding, putting her hand on his shoulder in reassurance. "I'm sure you all are." She says with a gentle smile, flicking a quick look at the others too. "Try to not get into trouble again and come to the main hall when you're ready. All Might will be so happy to see you all."
"Yes ma'am!" They all answer in unison, except Katsuki who acknowledges her advice by giving a small grunt to signify his agreement.
With another genuine smile, Recovery Girl walks to the door, stopping in front of it before opening it. "If you guys ever need anything you know where to find me so do not hesitate to contact me." With that she leaves, finally letting the group to heave a sigh of relief.
"I'm surprised she didn't question us." Kirishima gawks, staring at the door from which she had just left.
"She's smarter than what we give her credit for." Iida opinions, pushing his specs up the bridge of his nose.
"That was nerve wracking." Kaminari interjects, palming the back of his neck. "Even more nerve wracking than not being able to have coffee." The piercing glares he receives from the group make Kaminari bite down on his tongue.
"We should get going if we don't want to be late." Yaoyorozu says, turning the attention away from Kaminari's stupid comment. She gives Todoroki another worrisome look. "Are you feeling alright now, Todoroki san?"
"Never better." Shouto says succinct. He looks at Bakugou sternly and the two engage in a stare lock, statue still, until Izuku breaks it with his mumbling.
"I-I r-really am sorry T-Todoroki kun. If there's anything I can do f-for you. I-"
"There is." Todoroki's reply is instant, and he doesn't miss the way Bakugou's entire frame twitch with his answer. The way his eyes turn into slits with the most murderous intent. After all, who would want their loved ones to be doing things for someone else. Shouto smiles to himself, his features relaxing as he turns to Midoriya again. "If you all could leave me and Bakugou alone I'd appreciate that." From the corner of his eyes Shouto sees how Bakugou relaxes with his explanation. "I need to talk to him." Shouto says with seriousness in his voice.
"You guys aren't thinking of fighting again, right?" Izuku reacts immediately, the prospect of them getting into another fight assaulting his nerves. "You heard what recovery Girl said!"
"Deku." Izuku's panicking gets stopped by Katsuki's hand resting gently on his shoulder. He utters his name softly and Izuku melts under the touch as he meets his tender eyes once again.
"We won't fight. I promise." Katsuki says with a truthful, frank expression.
He rethinks about the raptured moment of ecstasy in which he and Deku were engulfed in earlier. When a simple touch had sent both of them astray with bliss. Although Katsuki didn't know if Deku had experienced the same feeling as he did, he liked to believe that, even if only for a moment, there was a connection. Deeper than friendship.
"I just wanna talk to him, Midoriya." Shouto intrudes in their moment yet again, voice steady but sincere. "As Bakugou said... we won't fight."
Izuku stills for a moment, pondering. Anxiety souring his skin like citric acid. "Ok," he says as he wills his muscles to relax before looking at Katsuki with a look of utter trust. "I believe you."
Katsuki's shoulders sag in relief, oxygen filling his lungs again. "I'll meet you in the hall, Deku!" The soft tone in Katsuki's voice is enough to make Izuku's heart glitter with rainbow colours.
The others prepare to leave the room without further ado.
Defeated, Izuku follows them suit, stumbling to the door as well. He gives a look of consent to Todoroki and one last meaningful look to Kacchan before the door closes shut behind him.
As soon as Izuku's steps fade down the corridor, silence spans in the room heavy and thick, like an iceberg ready to shatter.
"So," Todoroki's voice cuts first through the silence sharp as a knife, making Katsuki's already tensed limbs vibrating with booming agitation. Uncertainty clutching at him like a vicious claw.
"There's something you've been dying to ask me. Isn't there?" Todoroki's question catches Katsuki's off guard, his skin prickles uncomfortably and his hands grow sweaty at whatever hidden meaning Todoroki's words have. But Katsuki stands his ground, holding his head up high in an attempt to look stable in front of him.
"Want me to be a fucking fortune teller or something?" Katsuki quips with low, quiet menace. His smile like a scythe.
Shouto's glare lingers, perusing Bakugou's face as in search of minimal changes, and when he finds none, Shouto lets his staring fall away with a frustrating sigh.
"Ashido." Shouto says dully as he watches Bakugou's features morph into more confusion.
"Racoon eyes?" Katsuki says with snap wonder, a perfectly poised brow raised. "The fuck does she have to do with anything?" He asks, remembering that it was only a couple of hours since he last saw her. Surely Ashido hadn't got into some mess in a bat of one eye, unless she had Katsuki's luck. Although knowing her volcanic personality it wouldn't have been entirely impossible. "Isn't she supposed to be here?"
"I'm sure she is." Shouto briefly jams his eyes shut as he stands up and walks himself away from the bed and closer to Bakugou. "That's not what I meant."
Katsuki's patience grows unbearably thin.
"The fuck did you mean then? I'm not a fucking oracle." Katsuki says with barely contained indignation.
"Ashido happened to send me a text today," Shouto says as if his words were supposed to give Katsuki any clue about what that was about. "And if that can help she was really apologetic."
Katsuki had forgotten that Ashido and Todoroki worked for the same agency, still he had no idea what Todoroki was talking about or why Ashido had to be sorry for anything.
If Shouto didn't know better that subtle hints never got through Bakugou's unimaginable thick skull after 10 years of being acquainted with him he'd be fooling himself.
"Back then I trusted Ashido and Kirishima." Shouto says curtly and quickly. "I made them promise not to say anything to anyone and I guess they kept the promise until today happened." Shouto's hand flicks upward, pointing at the faded bruise on his face to underline the meaning of his words. "They were the only ones who knew I had a crush on Midoriya back then."
As if hit by a bullet, Katsuki's brain relapses before becoming fully cognizant. His vision darkens, feeling although he's looking through a dark black shaded glass, wintry and colourless. Even though Kirishima and Ashido had told him about it, hearing that confession from Todoroki himself was like a square punch in the gut. Katsuki felt like he wanted to puke, like the tremor in his body would have quieted down once he hit Todoroki again and again but he chooses not to. He lets himself calm down instead, inhaling deeply through his flared nostrils when he sees Todoroki regarding him with the most infuriatingly impassive face Katsuki has ever seen. It almost made him want to change his mind and punch Todoroki again. He hated that expression that couldn't be analysed even through a microscope.
"Isn't that why you hit me?" Shouto rasps out cutting Katsuki's intentions right in the middle. "Really when it comes to Midoriya you're so easy to read. Do you realise that this happened 9 years ago, right?"
Katsuki's flames of umbrage flourish.
What did time had to do with anything? Katsuki had been desperately and pathetically in love with Deku for 10 years. And if Todoroki was still in love with him, he couldn't blame him. Could he?
"Are you..." Katsuki hesitates, unsure, grimacing at himself when the question leaves his lips unannounced, "Do you still have a-"
"A crush on Midoriya?" Shouto finishes his sentence, reading Bakugou like an open book. His lips quirk upwards in haughtiness at the question. "Unlike other people I'm not pathetic enough to pine for someone for that long."
Katsuki's nerves relent with the answer but nonetheless he bares his teeth at the implication, he chocks back the insults, however.
"The fuck why you didn't try confessing to him again then?" Katsuki asks tentatively and careful of what his question or even the answer to it could elicit.
Shouto's lips purse tight together, his eyes dropping to the floor fleetingly before he finds Bakugou's gaze again. "I knew you were dying to ask me this." He says humourless and detached.
"When Midoriya didn't get it the first time I thought I tried again... so I went with him shopping that day." Shouto revives the moment like it's still vivid in his mind, fragments of imprinted memories in his head. "And I wanted to... you know... tell him... I liked him, but then something happened and kept my feelings for myself." His eyes glaze over as he speaks, thin glass. "Do you know why I didn't tell him, Bakugou?"
Katsuki swallows hard, nausea clamping and kneading in his guts as he waits for Todoroki's next words.
"I felt so utterly pathetic that day." Shouto says, expression stony, molten ash. Ant it further fuels Shouto's indignation that at the time he hadn't realized it.
"While I was choosing outfits for myself, whenever I asked Midoriya for an advice on what to choose all he thought about was how this and that would fit you. In that moment I realized how stupid I was because Midoriya had always had eyes only for you, Bakugou!"
Shouto's glare is intense, steady. A look that has Katsuki reeling, his brain suddenly awakening with Todoroki's discerned words.
"That means shit." Katsuki manages to yank his voice out of his throat with a cranky rasp. His expression hard rock. "The nerd had always bought me and the others stupid gifts throughout the years and-"
"You don't see it, do you?" Shouto cuts him short, his eyes sharp, his tone heavy. "Don't you see what you're doing to Midoriya?"
"Ain't doing shit to him." Katsuki's expression drops to something Shouto can't decipher, his voice sounds faint and imperceptible to his own ears. "This is not what you think of... Deku wouldn't... He isnt-" Broken syllables gargle out from Katsuki's mouth as his veneer of resolution crack with Todoroki's avowal. He had known Todoroki since high school and he knew that the man usually spoke the truth without preambles or any gain of sort. But what Katsuki was supposed to think after all this time? After lacerating his brain thinking about if Deku felt the same? Katsuki had no idea what to do. With Deku. With himself.
"You're welcome to waste other 10 years, Bakugou." Shouto says exasperated, already tired of this bullshit. "But I would appreciate it if you didn't involve me anymore in your pathetic love affairs. I just wanted to make this clear." With a wave of dismissal Shouto walks past him and to the door, stopping in front of it and turning to Bakugou again. "Also, since I know you're physically incapable of saying sorry to me I'll let you off the hook by offering you the chance of buying me a three months coupon worth of free soba noodle."
"Haah?" Even in his state of stupefaction, Katsuki finds his voice to retort but Shouto doesn't give him a chance to continue the tirade. "Is either that or I'll tell Midoriya."
Katsuki's mouth falls shut with the threat, eyes bulging. "You wouldn't."
"Try me." Shouto challenges.
"Fucking fine!" Katsuki lets out a growl of acceptance, acquiescing to Shouto's petty request. He couldn't risk having someone else telling Deku how he felt. Especially not now. Not when Katsuki's feelings splayed across an icy lake made of brittle ice.
Shouto only hums in delight as he exits the room, satisfied with the way their conversation had turned.
"Midoriya punched me because of you, Bakugou. Do your math." Shouto gives him another meaningful look before shutting the door behind him.
Katsuki is left there alone with a whole new level of enlightenment and understanding. And if Todoroki's words were truthful, if they had no other interpretation but Todoroki's own, then Deku... Deku was...
Moments later, with his mind made of foggy clouds but with a new resolution in his heart, Katsuki finds himself strolling in the huge corridor connected to the main hall. He passes through several corinthian stile arches which sustained a well lit ceiling with fancy vintage chandeliers.
The white pearl and elephantine walls were decorated with paintings and portraits of very well known heroes. Katsuki wasn't baffled to recognise most of the heroes in the paintings. There were also various pictures of him and his ex-classmates depicting them in their hero costumes, but Katsuki's attention is stolen away from Deku's figure looming over one of Katsuki's own paintings in the distance.
With feline steps, heart in his throat, Katsuki approaches quiet and quick, halting just beside him.
He sees Deku standing still with his hand softly poised over the canvas, a calloused thumb feeling the texture of the painting.
When Katsuki stands next to him, although Izuku is aware of his presence, he doesn't turn around to greet him.
"This painting doesn't make you justice, Kacchan!" Izuku says, eyes still intent on Katsuki's painting depicted in his hero costume. His voice is coated with an eerie, abstruse murmur, almost like a secret whisper.
Katsuki's pupils enlarge as he stares in awe at Deku's honest, sober profile. His words makes Katsuki's every bone radiates with harmonious release, and the corners of his mouth curl instinctively against the bubbly sensation in his chest.
"They don't know how amazing you are!" Izuku speaks again, his voice drawn and esoteric.
The tone of admiration in his voice gives Katsuki a sense of extreme inebriation, drenching his bones in the wake of its force.
"You sentimental all of a sudden, Deku?" Katsuki mocks him, an attempt to mask the disarray of emotions disembowelling his own sanity.
"It's the truth!" Almost outraged by Katsuki's words, Izuku turns around and stares at him with the most honest expression and gentle smile Katsuki ever deserved.
Floored, heartbeat plunging in his eardrums, Katsuki's eyes flick away briefly before setting on Deku again.
"Why are you here, anyway?" Katsuki asks, his voice hushed but content.
"Todoroki kun told me you were on your way so I decided to wait for you. Everyone's already inside." Izuku answers easily, darting a glance behind him at the massive ebony closed door. "Kacchan?" Izuku's eyes narrow with significant seriousness, his cheeks incense with a faded red. "What did you talk about with Todoroki kun?"
Although the question holds an unconfutable meaning, a chance for Katsuki to finally explain himself, he can't help the nervousness kneading in his guts, the edginess seizing his mind. But Katsuki was not about to let those bleak, obstructive emotions hinder him any longer.
Because it was not about him being hurt by a rejection, of him being heartbroken, and it wasn't about their friendship either. It was just because Katsuki didn't want to lie anymore. Deku deserved to know the whole truth. And even if that meant he had to sacrifice himself, for once, Katsuki could well damned swallow his fears and his stupid ego.
"Todoroki kun wouldn't tell me anything about it so that's why I'm here and-"
"I, shit... Deku, this is..." Katsuki's heart crushes beneath the weight of his lies, his deep guttural voice springs up from somewhere down his throat. With his hand pressed hard against his face, Katsuki groans, carding his fingers through his blonde spiky hair before letting his hand fall back down again. "I know that what I'm gonna say to you might sound pretentious and egotistical but..." Katsuki pauses, taking another long breath, nerves attempting to destroy the articulation in his voice. "Would you listen to me?"
Eyes large and heart jamming loudly in his eardrums, Izuku's voice comes out in a low, mellifluous murmur, a soft line of semi muted notes.
"I'm here Kacchan..., always been..., always listened."
"There's really something I need to tell you." Katsuki says with urgency, his eyes almost imploring.
Izuku's eyes waver, hands nervously clutching together on the hem of his suit jacket. His words are measured, careful when he speaks.
"If it's about the person you love... you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, Kacchan. I understand. I mean, I don't really... but if it makes you feel uncomfortable then..." Izuku fumbles with his declaration, but the words are spoken from the bottom of his heart.
Something forged from pure and sheer essence of fire meanders through Katsuki's veins, his gaze instantly travelling from Izuku's face to where his hands clasp tightly on his jacket. And instinctively, Katsuki's hands move with a fast response, taking Izuku's hands on his own.
"Please, Deku! Just listen to me!" Katsuki says low and soft, his voice is like a sweet melody crashing into Izuku's soul with the force of a cyclone.
"K-Kacchan! W-what's wrong?"
Izuku's skin prickles at the contact, hot burns of fire, Kacchan-shaped. Kacchan who rarely said please. Kacchan who had showed him very rare expressions in the lapse of a few hours.
"Deku!" Katsuki whispers, his whole body pulsating at the notion of the imminent truth about to be spilled from his heart. Finally freed and unclouded from his mind, from his mouth, from his lips. Liberated from his everything after 10 long years of pining.
"The truth is that I-"
"Midoriya?"
Dawning horror shakes Katsuki's mind entirely upon recognising that high-pitched, spiteful voice. All of his bones start aching beneath his flesh as Katsuki turns around and he's met with a pair of hateful, dark brown eyes belonging to a person Katsuki hoped he'd never see again in his life.
It happens like a dramatic scene film in slow motion, and it all shreds Katsuki's balance and rationality slowly and painfully.
Shindou fucking You. That hypocritical, conniving two faced bastard and unforgiving asshole. Nonetheless Deku's ex boyfriend. A fact Katsuki had never accepted and would rather forget.
"Is that you?" The astounded tone in Shindou's voice makes Katsuki silently snarl at him on instinct, but Izuku's face says otherwise.
Katsuki watches as Deku's features twist in dismay, as he is overwhelmed by motley trepidation. He can feel Deku's hands begin to shake under his hold before Deku dismantle them free from his in a swift, shambolic move that perforates Katsuki's heart with arrant disappointment.
"S-Shindou kun?" Izuku's sandpaper voice barely manages to get out of his dry throat, his tongue darting up quick in undoubted apprehension.
"I've missed you!" Shindou says, his lullaby like voice cutting through the still air, making the hair in Katsuki's arms stand on end in disgust before he sees Shindou marching over to Deku, unceremoniously pushing Katsuki aside and taking those hands that were previously wrapped in Katsuki's in his.
"How have you been? It's been a while." Shindou flashes Izuku a toothy smile that Katsuki wished he could have punched off of his fucking face.
Completely floored, Izuku can only blink, palpitations invading his body with a feeling of anxiety mixed with excitement. "Indeed it has," Izuku says low and quite after regaining some of his composure. "It's good to see you, Shindou kun!"
"You haven't changed at all." Shindou's smile is all teeth, dangerous and inviting.
"Uh," Izuku flicks his eyes aside in recollection, remembering that the last time he had seen Shindou was 3 months ago right after their break up. A time Izuku was not particularly fond of reminiscing. And in 3 months many things had happened to him. "I have... actually." Izuku murmurs sheepish as his eyes sink on their entwined hands and his face dusts with a slight pink colour.
"Oi." Katsuki grumbles, interrupting their idyllic exchange. Wave of displeasure inundate Katsuki's body at the sight before him.
"Oh if it isn't Bakugou! Didn't notice you there." Shindou regards Bakugou with one of his trademark smirks. His venomous, sarcastic tone makes Katsuki's vessel of calmness break with a crack.
"Must be because you ain't rolled your eyes enough. Could well damn find your eyesight and your brain if you try again." Katsuki says acrimoniously, spitting sarcasm back straight at Shindou's face.
"You ain't changed at all, I see." Shindou scorns, releasing Izuku's hands and facing Bakugou head on.
Appalled by their not so courteous exchange, Izuku's brain rises into high alert at the sight of his best friend and his ex-boyfriend staring each other down with intents that were far off from friendly.
"G-guys! I don't really think this is the right place to be having an argument." Izuku reasons, already exhausted with the previous shenanigans.
"Fuck You!" Katsuki hollers inches from Shindou's face, completely disregarding Deku's attempt at peace. His teeth are bared, and his fist hitch to hit that face.
"Seems like not even your fool language has improved." Shindou jeers at him utterly unaffected.
"It's a special language. Only for you."
Katsuki spits, grinding down on his molars in splenetic choler when he sees the asshole looking him up and down.
"Nice outfit by the way." Shindou says with mordant, pungent humour. "Are you trying to distinguish yourself from the other extras who are wearing fancy tuxedos? Because this is what you call us, right? Extras."
Katsuki's gaze briefly falls on his ragged jeans and t-shirt, and then back to Shindou's fancy white and blue suit. Those were his daily clothes after a long shift at work spent patrolling, those same clothes he hadn't bothered to change when he had ran to Deku after receiving Kirishima's text.
Shindou was teasing him for it, but Katsuki knew his crabbed words were intended to hit him straight in his pride with an underlined meaning different from the intended.
"You're a special extra if that can make you feel any better." Katsuki's words are bitter and hostile, matching on par with Shindou's. "The first I would blast out of my fucking way."
Shindou's facial features fall into dark, eyebrows lowering together in an unamused expression.
"Well, coming from you that wouldn't be surprising at all," Shindou continues sardonic, pretending to ignore Bakugou's insult. "Are you trying to steal the spotlight from All Might and monopolise everyone's attention?
Shindou pauses, licking his bottom lip before his malignant words leave his mouth with a lascivious smirk. "Just like back in U.A."
With flames of wrath behind his eyes, Katsuki stalls in frustration at Shindou's trenchant, caustic words exposing his past self. The man's unabated, virulent speech is unforgiving. It hits Katsuki like a punch straight to the stomach, and Katsuki feels like his voice is stuck in his gullet as the bastard carries on with his teasing.
"You were a sight back then. Throwing a tantrum during the sport festival just because of your self-proclaimed undeserved victory. I wonder just how big your high-rise ego gimmick is if you thought-"
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Izuku retorts before Katsuki has a chance to, his eyes rigid and stony, his face a tribulation. "You have said too much, Shindou kun."
Shindou falters with Midoriya's reprimanding tone and he acquiesces immediately.
"Ah right right!" Shindou purrs as he wraps an arm around Midoriya and turns the tables in his favour again with another devious smirk of his. Anger still boiling, Izuku gapes at the gesture.
"I admit I went a little overboard there, Bakugou. I apologise for that." Shindou says, his tone remote from being apologetic.
"C'mon Midoriya, let's go! The conference has already started. We wouldn't want to miss it, right?" Shindou's feline eyes pierce Bakugou like smothering fire, invisible darts shoot between them.
Still incapable of wrenching out a sound, Katsuki can only stare in agony as Shindou drags a very reluctant Midoriya together with him.
"W-wait!" Izuku's wails turning to Kacchan as he's being shoved through the door by Shindou's strong arms.
The door clicks shut behind them soon after, and Katsuki is left there alone staring at it hollowly.
Taken by a surging feeling of consternation and disquietude, Katsuki backtracks.
Perhaps if he had taken notice of Deku's pleading eyes before disappearing behind the door with Shindou, if Shindou hadn't blown Katsuki's insecurities open again, perhaps, he would have followed through that door.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, Katsuki convinces himself that his attire, just as Shindou had mockingly made him notice, was not appropriate for attending the conference. On a level, Katsuki knew that it was only an excuse to mask a much bigger truth.
"Coward." Katsuki says to himself, hands in his pockets and head down as he turns around and towards the exit.
"I'm a coward." Katsuki repeats through gritted teeth, a dreadful sensation twirling in his stomach as he thinks of Deku and Shindou together. As he finds himself unable to do anything.
Todoroki was right, after all.
He was utterly and extremely pathetic.